In cold blood

Written by Becca

Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognise and most things you don't.

Summary: From the word go, Harry's summer goes downhill and he sinks into a deep despair. With no hope and the resurrection of Lord Voldemort, Harry does what any normal teenager would do in those circumstances; he tries to take his life. When he awakes he finds himself in a family who seem to welcome him openly. He has changed, he is no longer human and yet he still has to defeat the darkest lord of the centuryâ€will he stand alone or will he find, in this family, what he had always desired? Love and affection

Chapter Five

Harry sat out by the lake and stared up at the stars. Feeling a sense of dejavu washing over him as he sighed. Snape had confused him and had, if admitted, scared him too. What was all that about? Why did he touch him there and like that? And more importantly why did he react so much to that simple touch? Maybe the man was just feeling his scars and got err...sidetracked?

Yeah, that would do

So here he was, back at Hogwarts. Bored out of his mind. His headmaster had annoyed the hell out of him with questions, Remus always seemed to be sniffing around him and Snape was touching him up. What a welcome back party. Apparently Sirius and Remus had spent the whole of Harry's fifth year tracking down Pettigrew and he was caught in the attack on Hogsmeade when Seamus had died. Now Sirius was free but couldn't even seem to look Harry in the eye. Not only that but his secret was already out the bag and was in danger of being released by the one person he had always thought to hate him.

He couldn't cope with the world knowing what he was yet, not because he was ashamed but because he would like to get used to the idea himself first and then he would prefer to tell his friends what he was before they read it in the Daily Prophet, he was sure they would already be bitching because he didn't tell them about the Dursleys or owl them when he disappeared.

He looked down at his wrists and took off the small charm he had placed on it the day before and then ran a finger down the thick, horribly marred flesh. He couldn't help but think that maybe he had had the right idea then but then sighed and shook his head, he had responsibilities, evil dark wizards to kill, friends and...and family to help, that sort of thing and on top of that he had this new thing with Snape to sort out.

Why did he yearn for the mans touch again? Why did he grow hard at just the sound of that mans voice near him? Why was he willing to do anything to feel those lips against his? Harry smiled slightly and shook his head, his every thought turned to that man now but tomorrow his family would arrive and he would once again be amongst them. Maybe he would feel better then, maybe he wouldn't keep hearing his own words echo through his mind.

He traced the scars with his finger again before sighing and lying back on the ground. Sleep had once again eluded him and he had begun to forget what it felt like to wake up from a peaceful nights rest. Maybe he could manage to get a dreamless sleep from somewhere. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily and then nearly jumped out of his mind when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"What are you doing here?" he asked in surprise when he saw his entire family stood before him. Celeste grinned sheepishly before shifting on her feet awkwardly whilst the others sat down around him

"You needed us, we weren't able to be here for you when Dumbledore questioned you like that but we are here now and we are only too sorry that already you have had second thoughts about our love for you" she said, her voice getting firmer as she sat right next to him and looked into his eyes, Harry looked away guiltily before sighing

"I- I wasn't really. I mean, when I was in Chantelle's house and Dumbledore was making me... I did then but I realized I was just being stupid. He caught me off guard, I wasn't expecting it and I- well I wasn't ready for that and I just wanted to come home but then when he asked me where my home was I just... I don't know" he said shaking his head. Celeste pulled him onto her knees and wrapped her arms around his waist before kissing his head

"Shh, its ok Olwë, we are not mad at you. It is only to be expected. You are my baby boy and you always will be, my darlin Rúmil, so young you are, so naïve, so beautiful and so intelligent. Come, I want you to tell us what was said between you and this Snape person. Do not miss anything out my child," she said sternly. Harry bit his lip and sighed

"Well, he, he started me. I thought everyone had left and so I took my shirt back off but then I felt a hand on my back. He came closer and he wrapped his arms around my waist whilst asking me why I didn't tell Dumbledore that my heart no longer beats and that I need blood to survive" he said and then shivered at the thought

"I denied it of course, pretended not to know what he was talking about and then he moved his hand lower to my stomach and was well, stroking it, as he proceeded to tell me that I was beautiful and should believe everything Dumbledore said" Harry said and then blushed "he said he would keep my secret for now because he is curious as to why I would lie to Dumbledore, he...err, he was stroking my thigh then" he blushed again, not noticing the anger of those around him

"He told me to come to him in a week and answer his questions whilst helping him with a few potions. Then he pulled back and I turned around but he was close still and then he touched me...err...there and then left" he said and cringed "mum?" he asked looking up and then noticed her absolutely livid features and froze "Did I do something wrong?" he asked but Celeste shook her head and smiled at him

"You didn't my child, he did. He should not have touched you so intimately. I will chop off his hands for that" she said seriously and Harry blinked

"No! You cant do that! I- I liked it" he said and then mumbled the last bit and lowered his head. Celeste tipped his chin up and locked eyes with him, waiting for him to elaborate and Harry blushed furiously "Why do I yearn for his touch? Why do I wish for his lips to take mine? He, he makes me ache so as I have never before with just his voice...I- I don't understand" he said quietly and then Celeste laughed, her voice was musical and followed by the others

"My dear son, you really are the most innocent of creatures are you not?" she asked and then laughed again "You are attracted to him my dear. Your body craves his touch and your soul craves his love. Tell me, do you wish to...feel him inside you? Do you itch to please him in any way possible? Do you wish to make love with him?" she asked and Harry stared at her blankly

"Can two men even do that?"

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Harry walked into the Great Hall the next morning with his five family members behind him much to the shock of the other teachers. Harry nervously took his seat next to Snape whilst (thankfully) his mother sat the other side and the others introduced themselves and sat in whatever other spare seat they could find

"Ah Harry, I see you have met our newest teachers? Care to tell me how?" Albus asked when he saw him and Celeste chatting as if they knew each other well. Harry smiled weakly and looked down at his hands, still not able to look the man in the eye whilst his mother answered

"We arrived early this morning headmaster. Quite early actually and we found young Harry here sat outside on the grounds and so we decided to join him. He looked lonely and as every one else was asleep up at the castle, we saw no problem in doing so. I hope you do not mind?" she asked politely and Albus smiled at her before shaking his head

"Not at all Madame De Constrella, by all means, I was just curious" he replied and Harry breathed a sigh of relief, he jumped visibly when he felt a hand on his knee and stared down at his plate hard as he realized who it belong too. Out of the corner of his eye he saw his mother stifling her laugh along with his brothers and he blushed furiously as that hand moved up and pushed his legs apart slightly.

When he dared to look, Snape was watching him with a gleam in his eye and he blushed again whilst trying to think of discouraging thoughts like Lucius Malfoy and Voldemort in bikini's but even that didn't help as those talented fingers stroked his inner thigh expertly

"Harry? Harry?" someone asked and Harry looked up to see Dumbledore watching him concerned "Are you all right my boy?" he asked worriedly and Harry nodded, forcing a smile and not trusting his voice in the least

"Harry, do you want to come flying with me this afternoon?" Sirius asked and Harry groaned inwardly, how was he suppost to fly with someone who he couldn't bear to look at and who couldn't bear to look at him

"I'd rather not, I- err...potions- hands-err..." he stuttered and then winced. Snape took pity and stopped for a minute and Harry found he could breath again "I mean I- I have potions homework and my hands...will in...um no I mean I promised to help Professor De Constrella with her lesson plans" he said and breathed a sigh of relief when he finally finished, glaring at his brothers and sister discreetly. That hand squeezed his hardened flesh and then patted it gently before pulling away.

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Later that day Harry was sat with his family in their quarters whilst thinking of lesson plans. Or well, trying too but he couldn't get his mind off how strange his Potions Master was acting. Perhaps he was under the Imperius curse or something. He shook his head and sighed "Well, Dueling and Sparring you'll have to start from basics for everybody and perhaps test them to see what level they are at..." he said and Armand nodded and jotted something down on parchment before staring at it again as if expecting it to tell him what he needed to do.

"For Physical Education you should put them all into groups and then start them off lightly before getting harder for each level. Perhaps you could set running for homework or something" he said shrugging and then looked at Celeste "For Magical Dueling though we've only had that one class in my second year so I think it would be better to test us and split us into levels or something" he added.

He listed off the things they had actually done in great detail, trying to leave out the stuff he had read about himself. He found it rather funny that in all the years his family had lived, not one of them had even considered teaching anything and here they were confused about what to teach a bunch of human children. He sat back and watched them for a while with a smile on his face, the two days he had been away from them had been unbearable. He was surprised to have missed them so much already but now they were here and doing this all for him.

That's what its like to be loved.

He grinned at the thought. He had family, he had a home but he did feel slightly guilty about keeping all of this from Dumbledore. All the man had ever tried to do was help him and he was sure the old man would keep it a secret, that's if he didn't already know. Knowing Dumbledore he was probably well aware of everything that had happened but was waiting for Harry to tell him. Damn

Whilst Celeste and Armand continued with their lesson plans, Harry, Raven, Marius and Anéthiel wandered around the castle. Harry showed them all the secret passageways and how to get them into the kitchen before they went out to the Quidditch pitch where Harry showed his family how to fly on brooms. They had all heard and even watched a game of Quidditch before but had never known how to fly like that.

Again he found himself laughing with his brothers and sister and forgetting about most of his troubles, rather like he had when they were back at the mansion. One thing he had learnt though, something he had found himself too busy to worry about, was that he had in fact turned sixteen on one of the last days in which he was at the Dursleys. Not that it really meant anything to him anyway, why worry about little things like birthdays when you have a family who make you happy every day?

Harry got the Marauders Map out and showed it to his brothers, watching their almost identical smirks widen with glee and then the three of them started planning. One thing was for sure; Hogwarts was going to be a barrel of laughs this year, so much so that not many people would realize the Weasleys twins had graduated. Hopefully some would wonder if the Marauders themselves had returned.

Harry snickered at the thought, he and his brothers intended to put the poor Hogwarts students through a lot of pranks throughout the year and they would perhaps even place a few on the teachers themselves, everyone except their parents, not one of them fancied taking up a prank war with the masters.

Besides it would be unfair, Celeste and Armand had had many more years worth of practice than any of them. In five days the students would return and in two days Harry was to go to professor Snape but he was more nervous about that than he had been of anything before.

Remus and Sirius had both been hired to teach Defence and so soon it would be nearly impossible to avoid them any longer. He felt guilty for pushing them away but he had seen Sirius's reaction to him and knew he couldn't meet his eye and if he allowed himself to get too close to Remus, then the werewolf might discover something before he was ready for his secret to be revealed.

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Harry ran through the forest with his senses opened to the full, he knew they weren't far behind him and he bit his lip, wondering which way to go. He listened carefully and heard a twig snap somewhere to his left and then another one behind him, he smirked, it seemed the others had managed to catch up. Quickly he turned to the right and silently fled away, careful to watch his step. He heard another twig snap and then just ahead, a leaf floated down from a tree, he turned sharply and picked up speed.

He saw a deer just up ahead and ran towards it, looking over his shoulder. He stopped dead though when a black clocked figure stepped out and sank its teeth into the neck of the animal. Whoever it was, was watching Harry's every move and then something else dove out at him from the right and tackled him to the ground. Harry laughed and pushed his brother off him, when he looked again, the man and the deer had completely vanished from sight. He stopped and just stared at the spot for a minute, wondering what the hell had happened but before he could worry about it too much, the others arrived laughing.

"Not bad bro, better than the first time anyway" Raven said grinning as he climbed back to his feet and dusted off his clothes. Harry grinned and shook his head; it must have been his imagination. It seemed the family didn't just like to hunt for food when they went out but liked to hunt each other too. The two times Harry had been with them, he had been found pretty easily but then again, the youngest of the family besides him was nearly a hundred years older so at least he had that for an excuse.

"Come now. I'm hungry and I'm sure our Olwë is too" Celeste said, patting his back and Harry nodded without hesitation. He hadn't eaten for a good few days now and he was beginning to feel it. He followed his mother whilst the others split up and then he found a wolf, thankfully it wasn't a full moon and so Harry shot forward and tore into its neck. He wouldn't kill it though; it was too beautiful for that. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Celeste find her own meal before he closed his eyes and allowed himself to feel.

It wasn't until times like this that Harry realized just how much he missed the warmth of blood and the beating of his heart. It was amazing how alive one could feel by feeding, every sense of you very being awakened and warmed instantly. It sent a sensation through his body that Harry had only become too aware of as of late when he was somewhere near Severus Snape, he wondered whether it aroused others too but he dare not ask for fear of embarrassment.

He pulled back from the wolf just before he did any real damage and then laid it down carefully as to not hurt the creature. He heard a chuckle and looked up to see his mother watching him carefully. "Never before have I met one quite like you Olwë, you truly are the definition of innocence. Come, let us walk together, you and I," she said offered him her hand, Harry took it and frowned slightly but did not voice his questions.

They walked in silence deeper into the Forbidden forest until they must have been at the very heart. There were sounds of nothing but animals around them and of the trees groaning in the gentle breeze, it seemed the rest of the family had either turned back or were further away than his hearing could pick up. He wracked his brain for a minute, trying to think if he had done anything wrong but could come up with nothing.

"How do you feel my child?" Celeste asked eventually as she looked up at the stars and Harry frowned at her and waited for her to elaborate "Tell me Olwë, how do you feel now that you know what is set as your future. How do you feel about being one of the family? About becoming a vampire?" she asked again and Harry frowned slightly before looking down at his feet as he mulled over his answer

"You know all I have ever desired is to have a family who loves me for who I am. You have offered me that openly and yet I feel in my heart that I will never be able to repay you. You have welcomed me without hesitation to your family and have made me feel loved; I never thought that would be possible. Not now, I thought it was too late but, you proved me wrong" he said quietly and then smiled slightly.

"I admit, I have my fears and my doubts but those are easily pushed aside. No future is set in stone and yet a future with you I would more than willingly pursue. My becoming a vampire I see though as both a gift and a curse, a punishment to my own stupidity and yet a gift as it has shown me how to feel. My heart may no longer pump my blood, but it still feels, it still aches and it can still break but my turning has shown me the things I once took for granted, the things I overlooked so thoroughly when I tried to kill myself are now the things I miss dearly, the warmth of blood, the pounding of my heart... I do not regret the day things turned so severely, I do not regret what I did because whilst in a way I have lost my life, I have also been shown how to live" he finished, his brow burrowed in thought. Celeste looked at him proudly

"It took me thirty years to figure that out and yet it takes you less than a month. You are a wise man for such a young age my son. Tell me, what are you fears and your doubts?" she asked and Harry sighed, even if he wanted to lie (which he didn't) then there was no point because she could simply delve into his mind. Part of him wanted to get it off his chest whilst another part of him was scared that if voiced said fears then they would come true. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed again

"Sometimes I think that if I hadn't tried to kill myself, then neither you or the others would have considered turning me. I fear that you did what you did because you felt you had to and then I wonder if you only invite me into the family because I was turned, because you feel it is your duty to look after me now I have become one like you" he said and then paused for a minute "I fear that you will see Harry Potter for what he truly is and you will cast me aside and I fear that when things come clean, I will be taken from you...even though by the laws of the vampire council, if I am willing then I am yours" he paused again and noticed his mother watching him carefully as they walked and he sighed again

"I fear that when the truth is known, my best friends Ron and Hermione will hate me, will allow their prejudices to blind them and I fear that my godfather, bastard as he is now, will decide that I am not worth the trouble. I fear that I will be cast from the school and that Dumbledore will give up all hope in me and will leave me alone. I fear rejection and loneliness" he finished feebly and smiled weakly when Celeste took his hand.

"I will be blunt with you here now Olwë, yes we only turned you because we had to. Actually Marius reacted without thought and before any of us could stop him, it was too late. It is true that we only brought you in to our family because you were turned but that does now make our love for you any less real. The Wizarding world did a poor job of looking after you and I did not even feel the need to scold Marius for such a rash decision. I decided that if they couldn't take care of you then we would."

"Know that you will never be cast aside from our family. For only weeks we have known you and yet you own a place in all of our hearts, we love you Olwë, I love you. You are as much a son to me as Raven and Marius, as much as Ané is my daughter. No one will ever be able to take you from us unless it is your true wish. I – as do the others – already see the true Harry Potter, we see our Olwë and we love him. It is you who needs to see who you really are, you need not fear rejection from us," she said firmly

"If you friends are overcome by their prejudice then they are not true to you. Your real friends will stick by you through everything my son; they would never abandon you for something like this. As for Sirius Black, well, it is clear to us all that he loves you dearly, to him you are a son and something like this, whilst at first may scare him, will not stop him from loving you. Dumbledore is an open-minded man, he will be sorrowful that this has happened to you, sad that he did not see how down and abused you were sooner but he will never hate you. Never again, never will you be alone if you do not wish to be" she finished and then cupped his cheek softly and smiled

"You are a beautiful young man Olwë and one day you will see that. You are intelligent and wise beyond your years, you will always know what you want and what your heart desires and you will always be you. Never pretend to be someone different just to please others, friends come and go but family will be there forever." She chuckled again and shook her head "I wonder sometimes, you are but sixteen years old and yet you appear to have a much older soul. You seem to have grown up much quicker then Raven and Marius did but after all you have been through..." she trailed off and sighed

"Come, it is late and we should return before someone notices our absence. Mainly yours" she said with a chuckle and then her eyes gleamed "I'll give you a ten second head start" before the last word had even left her lips, Harry had took off into the trees quickly and quietly, leaving his mother laughing behind him.