Chapter 13

"I'm scared shitless. And I look horrible! He won't marry me if I look like this!"

"Jen, you're beautiful and it's alright to be scared. But you told me you talked everything out. You told me you solved your problems… so, see? There's no need to worry so much."

"Jo, you don't get it, I'm gonna have to go out there and prommise to cherish him my whole life!!! I mean, the love part, I got that covered. But me being the bitch that I am I can't prommise I'll never shout at him and that I'll never hurt him anymore and that I'll never feel like leaving again…"

"Jen. Calm down. The bitchy part is part of you too. And Jack loves you, bitchy or not."

"What if I mess up again? I can't mess up again! He won't take me back a second time! God, Joey!"

Joey sighed in exasperation: "Shut up, Jen. You're not going to mess up. You are on your way to marry the love your life and so you shall if I have to drag you there, you hear me?!"

Jen breathed in and out. "Ok… Distract me"

"Distract you?"

"Distract me. Tell me about you. We haven't talked much about you this week"

"That's because you're the one getting married, Jen."

"How are things with Dawson?"

"Weird." Joey sat next to Jen. "Really weird. I draw all the time and he's watching movies."

"Jo…"

"I don't know what to do, Jen. Our marriage is on the rocks and I don't know if I wanna do something, that's the scary part…"

"Do you ever think of… the other guy?"

"All the time. I think of him all the time." Joey sighed.

"Have you seen him this week?"

"No. But I will see him…" Joey stopped short in her tracks. "I'll see him soon. We still have some projects together…"

"And how do you feel about that?"

"I don't know. I mean, we ended it in good terms and it should be Ok… but…"

"But you ended it on good terms because he thought you were in it just for the sex"

"Basically, yes"

"So… how about talking to him?"

"I can't do that, Jen"

"Why not? Maybe he didn't want just sex either. I mean… you said he listened to you… guys don't do that unless they care, Jo…"

"Maybe. But he's in love with someone else…"

"That can change" Jen grinned.

"Jen, even if that were true, how can I ask him to fall for me when I'm married to Dawson and not planning on changing that?"

"You just said you don't know if you wanna fix things with Dawson. Didn't you?"

"Yes, I did… I did… but that doesn't mean me and Dawson will get a divorce… I mean this could all be just a phase!"

"Jo, this is me, Jen. I know you. You don't have phases of attraction towards people. You want this guy. Now, whether or not he wants you back is another conversation, but you have got to realize that things between you and Dawson are never gonna be the same again. Even if this guy is not the one for you, you've gotta realize that this thing has just proved you that Dawson isn't either!"

"You're just saying that because you don't like Dawson. But every couple has its problems, Jen. Even you and Jack had more than two years apart and then drifted back to each other."

"I never stopped being in love with Jack. I was away from him for more than two years and yet I loved him. I tried dating other guys but all I could think of was Jack. And two years of not seeing someone is a very long time. And yet my love stood the test of time. You weren't even away from Dawson and yet you stopped loving him…"

"Who says I stopped loving him?!"

"Jo, you just said you don't know if you wanna fix things! You wouldn't think that if you still loved him! If you still loved him you'd fight like hell and cling to him!"

"I… I was never the clingy type."

"That's because you had no-one to cling to, Jo. That's where your problem is. If you asked me you never loved Dawson. You saw something in him that you liked, you saw his dreamy way, you thought he's a nice guy, the kind you'd wanna be around, and just went from there. But a person who doesn't think love has anything to do with attraction is a person who never felt love and a person that does not fight to save her decaying relationship is not a person who wants that relationship to go on."

"Jen… you didn't fight for your relationship either and yet you loved Jack…"

"That was different and you know it. That didn't happen because I didn't feel anything, that happened because I felt too much. And, trust me, it's pretty obvious, you don't feel too much for Dawson! You feel friendship, you feel closeness, but I'm sure you realize now that that's not love… I mean, now that you've had some sort of feeling for a change"

Joey looked at her reflection in the mirror. She felt so small and helpless. What was the point of this? Pacey loved Jen anyway. No-one would pick her over Jen.

"Joey, look at me." Joey turned to her. "Tell me how you felt about the other guy"

"I… Whenever I was around him, I was in heaven… the way he smiled, the way he looked at me… the way he called me names like 'Potter' and 'Josephine' and make them sound good although I hate them coming from anyone else… the way he took care of me when I was down… it was a short time… two weeks… two weeks of going every day at his house… and yet I felt like he knew me better than anyone and that he was the only one who actually knew what I needed… He even gave me inspiration for my drawings…"

"Did you ever feel like that for Dawson?"

"No…"

"What did you feel for Dawson at the best of times?"

"Closeness… familiarity… safety…" Joey mumbled.

"There's your answer Jo. This guy is not even important. What happens between you and him is not important. He might not be the one for you, he might just be the one making you realize that staying married to Dawson is not a good decision. If not for anything, because Dawson needs to move on too… and by staying married to him you're not allowing him that, you're just indulging his fantasy of a marriage. So grow a spine and end this."

-------------------------------------------------

"Lindley have I told you how beautiful you look today?" A tipsy Drue put his arms around Jen.

"McPhee"

"Sorry?"

"It's McPhee now. Get used to it"

"Sorry, girl, you'll always be Lindley to me" Drue chuckled.

"Valentine, you're drunk" A tipsy Pacey put his arms around Drue.

"Witter, you're drunk too."

"I know, isn't it funny?" They both giggled.

"Guys will you stop leaning on me, please? You're kinda heavy"

"The lady wants us to stop leaning on her" Drue turned to Pacey.

"Lindley, we can't stop leaning on you. You're the mature one, the anchor…"

"It's McPhee now…"

"McPhee?"

"Yeah, I'm a married woman and you can start calling me McPhee as of an hour ago"

"No way, you're not keeping your name? I mean, an independent gal like you is accepting this sexist tradition?" Pacey chuckled.

"I'm, uh… compromising" Jen smiled proudly to Pacey. "That's what marriage is all about. Compromise"

"Didn't know you had that word in your vocabulary, Jennifer." Drue and Pacey both laughed.

"Ugh, you guys are annoying and you are STILL leaning on me. Now if you don't mind I prommised to be with Jack for better and for worse and I might as well start now."

"She's leaving us" Pacey said to Drue with a bummed face.

"Yeah. My husband comes first"

"Oooh, that hurts"

Jen stuck her tongue out and just left.

"Witter, you're leaning on me. Stop that. I can hardly lean on myself"

Audrey showed up and put an arm around Drue:

"Honey, dear… I wanna have sex in the bathroom. Wanna join me?"

"Oh, ok" Drue looked apologetically to Pacey: "She wants to have sex in the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"Hey! Don't go! Don't…" Pacey sighed and turned to Joey and Dawson who had watched the whole thing. "Hi" he giggled. "What is it with people and sex in the bathroom anyway?" He winked and for a second there Joey thought she was going to have a heart attack.

Jen came back.

"I can't find Jack. Does anyone have any idea where he went?"

"Hopefully not to the bathroom" Pacey chuckled.

Jen threw him a confused look.

"Are you guys feeling well?" she asked Joey and Dawson.

"We're ok, Jen, don't worry about us" Joey answered. "We're having lots of fun"

"Good. I'd hate to know you didn't have fun at my wedding" Jen said and threw her an I-know-better-than-this kind of look.

"Don't worry, Lindley, Potter here knows how to have fun, you go find your husb..and" Pacey stopped in his tracks noticing everyone throwing him strange looks. "What? You do know how to have fun, don't you, Potter?"

"She's not a Potter. She's a Leery. She hasn't been a Potter for five years now" Dawson said in an angry tone. Joey felt like she was hit in the head and threw a helpless look at Jen who stared at her in disbelief. Pacey swallowed hard and suddenly he didn't seem so drunk anymore.