Chapter 3

At Sara's apartment, Nick closed Sara's bedroom door. She was in a fitful sleep. He took a pillow and blanket from her hall closet and settled himself on the couch.

He was taking off his shoes when he heard the knock. Frowning he went to the door and looked out.

Grissom.

Nick opened the door. He kept his voice low. "She's asleep. Actually, she cried herself to sleep."

"Nicky I didn't come to argue with you. I came to see Sara."

"No"

"What!" Their voices were rising.

"I said no Grissom. Someone has got to protect Sara from you because she doesn't have enough sense to protect herself."

"From me...I'm not the one that's taking advantage of Sara. You seem to have made yourself at home."

"This might be hard for you to understand Grissom, but Sara and I are friends. That means we are there for each other. We care about one another. Unlike you, I don't feel the need to jump into bed with every CSI or suspect that strikes my fancy. The rules and standards don't seem to apply to you big guy. Why is that?"

Nick's voice was well within yelling range.

Sara's door opened and she stood on the threshold wearing nothing but panties and a t-shirt that came to her knees. Grissom was surprised to see that it was a T-shirt she had borrowed from him at a crime scene the first year she worked for him.

Her face held little surprise. This is what Grissom did. He pushed her away and pulled her back.

"Sara"

"Yes Grissom"

"I need to talk to you."

There were deep circles under her eyes and her alabaster face was pale even for her. She didn't move from the door.

"Talk"

"Can we have some privacy please?" He glared over Nick's shoulder.

Sara gave a half hearted wave. "It's okay Nick. I promise if I need anything. I'll call."

"Sara" Nick's voice was weaved with worry and concern.

She moved past Grissom and took Nick's hand. "Scouts honor."

After Nick left, Sara and Grissom regarded one another. "I won't ask you to sit down because I doubt it will take you that long to read from the script that we have both memorized."

Grissom's heart sank. It was finally too late. She was done with him. What had he thought, that he could reject her forever and pick up the pieces when it suited him? Yes. He had thought that her love for him knew no limits.

"Sara...I don't know what to say to you."

"That makes sense. I don't think there is anything left to be said."

Sara leaned against the wall mimicking his stance from earlier that night.

"I assume you were not out to dinner by yourself. Sofia?"

He looked at her guiltily. "You know Grissom you have made it clear as crystal that you are not interested in me so I am not sure why you find it necessary to keep me like a dog on a leash. I am tired Gil Grissom; tired of your double standards; tired of you lying by omission; just tired Grissom."

His blue eyes were dark and guilty. "Sara..."

Sara looked past him. "You know I got dressed up tonight to have a nice dinner with one of my dearest friends. You see he wanted to cheer me up because he found me crying in the locker room. I put on this dress I have been saving. You know women do that? We buy clothes and we put them at the back to the closet waiting for that special guy to ask us out."

She pulled at the hem of the t-shirt.

"I thought I looked, well, good, but you showed up and suddenly I felt like a whore."

She turned back to look at him. "But then maybe that was a compliment because you like whores don't you?"

The sting hit Grissom at his core. How had he let things get this far? Like a drowning man he reached for safety.

"Sara..."

Her hands hit his face and torso. He let her. Eventually his hand found her waist and he pulled her close to him. The blows stopped and she wrenched her body away from him.

Grissom touched his lip. He wasn't surprised to see blood on his hand.

"You're bleeding."

"I deserve it."

"That's no excuse for violence."

She didn't know where the giggle came from. He was relieved to see the gap between her teeth.

She emerged from the kitchen with antiseptic and a frozen pack of peas. She pointed to the couch.

After cleaning the two cuts on his lips she directed him to hold the frozen package to his mouth. He spoke out of the side of his mouth.

"You looked wonderful tonight."

"Grissom we don't have to rehash all of this."

"Gil"

"What?"

"That's my name Sara. That's what my mom calls me. That's what my two best friends call me. That's what my Aunt Maria calls me. Gil."

Her eyes softened around the edges. "You have an Aunt Maria?"

"It's required. We're Italian."

She peeled the bag from his fingers. "It looks better."

They stared at each other for a time. His hand grazed her glossy hair.

"Sara."

A tear slipped from his eye. "I should go. I had no right to come here."

It wasn't until he stood that he realized that she was holding his hand. "Gil...you know you fight for everything else. You fight to make sure that criminals go to jail. You fight to protect your team. Why won't you fight for me? "

He pulled her against him. He didn't say anything for a long time.

When he finally spoke it was with the resolve of a man that had nothing to lose.

"I had absolutely no right to come here tonight. I had no right to interrupt your evening with Nick. I don't deserve you. You deserve much better than me. I told you once that you should have a life. I want you to have life. I don't want you to make the same mistakes I have made. I don't want you to be consumed by your work and look back and find that half a century has gone."

"You make it sound like you're dead."

"In some ways I am."

His eyes flitted across her chest. Her nipples were dark with arousal and strained through the material of her t-shirt. Her eyes followed his gaze.

"I forgot that you still had my shirt."

She smiled.

Suddenly Grissom was aware of his own arousal. Sara saw herself mirrored in his eyes.

She leaned into him. Her breast touched his chest. She kissed the side of his mouth then his lips. She took his hand, stood up and pulled him along behind her.

He stood at the end of her bed. He was bare-chested. His hand was working on his pants. She started to rise and help him.

"Don't move." His eyes went over her. Her skin was a heavy peach luster on a pale canvas.

His eyes found the pink between her legs. She parted them a bit more. He moved her thighs apart to see all of her. He felt her resistance. He moved to lie beside her.

"Sara look at me" She turned her face to his. "I want to see all of you, every inch. I want to taste you; smell you; feel you against me."

He ran a thumb under the chin. He stroked her hair. "Tell me what's wrong"

"I know that I am not as sexual as some women." He knew she meant Catherine and sorely hoped that she hadn't bought into the old gossip about the nature of their relationship

"Sara, what did I do to make you uncomfortable?"

She ran her hand across his bare chest.

"I have only been with three men in my life."

"I know."

He played with her fingers as she laughed. "How do you know that?"

"Well I figured what's his face in Boston."

"His name was Robert."

Grissom pursed his lips. "And I figured Hank. The "baby" thing got back to me pretty fast. I knew that if you slipped and called someone an endearment then he must be well, dear to you."

She shook her head a little. "He wasn't. I started going out with him, hoping that I could force your hand."

"Then" Grissom prompted

"Then I thought well he is a nice guy. He liked me and then there was the Lady Heather thing"

"You knew about that." His gaze faltered

"Everyone knew about that and everyone enjoyed telling me over and over again."

His hand went to his temples. She kissed his hand. "I don't want you not to tell me something because you think it will hurt me."

"I have hurt you enough, more than enough. And I don't want you to feel less desirable because of the stupid shit I've done."

How was he going to tell her the other stuff? How would he explain it all.

"You are still as beautiful to me as the day I met you in Boston."

She gave a light snort. "Yeah face up in the snow. That was attractive, and you didn't even try to help me up."

"I was breathless. I couldn't move."

She felt her chest expand and contract. "You were?"

"Yes." His hand palmed her naked hip. "I still am."

The kiss was urgent and searching. His hands caressed the soft flesh of her breast. His mouth left hers and closed on to a nipple. Her thin fingers stroked the soft nape of his neck.

He rained kisses down her belly and the tangle of curls below. This time when he pressed her thighs open she yielded. His warm breath moved against her.

"I remembered that you were beautiful, but not this beautiful." She felt her body go warm as his played across her most intimate place. His thumbs worked the tender flesh.

His tongue left her mouth and flicked her hot center. He was rewarded with a soft moan. He pressed his tongue into her. She tasted tangy and sweet. His tongue moved in and out of her walls.

He replaced his tongue with one finger then two. His tongue found her swollen nub and licked furiously across its hardness.

"Arrrrrrr! Gil! I am...going to come...."

"Come for me Sara!"

He felt her body tighten around his fingers and hot liquid poured around them. He watched her body twist and writhe. When she was nearly done, his mouth sucked the hard nub between her legs hungrily.

She opened her eyes. He was lying next her smiling. She looked dreamy.

"I think I passed out."

He kissed and nuzzled at her cheek. "Good?"

"Dr. Grissom you are a man of many talents."

She tasted herself on his mouth. She stroked his erection and he buried his face into the base of her neck. She slithered down his body. She started to take him in her mouth, but Gil pulled her up.

Sara looked into his eyes. "I want to make you feel as good as you made me feel."

"You will."

He pressed her into the sheets. He covered her with his body and moved into her. He closed his eyes and kissed her hair. "You feel better than the first time. How is that possible?"

She wrapped her legs around his waist. He thrust deeply into her. Their mouths assaulted one another. Sara felt him grow inside of her. She knew he was close to the edge.

She opened her eyes when he stopped moving. "Gil what's wrong?"

He shook his head slightly. "I'm trying not to come."

He peered down at her. She smiled up at him. She wriggled her bottom a bit. "Sara!"

She kissed his neck. He let out a guttural groan.

He closed eyes and started to move again. Her hands raked his back. He didn't feel it.