Not Mine. Don't Sue. Please Review.

Story: Stargate Atlantis

Genre: Rodney Angst

Author: Orka

Rated: PG

Warnings: Just some dark thoughts from the mind of Atlantis's resident genius

AND NOW THE STORY BEGINS

The question was imposed in my mind when I was up late one night and wanted to take a break from the latest animal-like piece of technology. So I turned on an Ancient eavesdropping device, and, and found myself privy to a conversation between a newly promoted Lt. Colonel Sheppard and Dr. Beckett. The topic: moi, the evidently bi-polar/split personality McKay.

I won't bore whoever is unfortunate enough to be reading this with all the wonderful little details, because the only really important part was that it got me thinking.

Who exactly am I?

I suppose by writing this I'll be able to figure it out. And if I don't, that's what I get for dating Kate. She's always telling me that I should keep a journal, and that getting down my feelings on paper is a good self-healing method. Maybe she's right. Maybe I'm just spending to much time with her. Maybe I should actually write down something worthwhile.

When I was six, I learned that what is now termed 'snark' keeps people away from me. At the time, I equated that to good. The only people who associated with me were my parents, who loathed me, my sister, who was way to overbearing, and the kids at school, who were all basically bullies. I learned that if I maintained a certain distance from people they wouldn't hurt me, and I couldn't run the risk of hurting them.

But at the same time, I've always been a problem solver. I live to help people with their problems. This probably is what Sheppard mistakes for part of a 'hero complex'.

Me with a hero complex. That's like Kavanagh with a buzz cut. If I have anything even vaguely resembling a 'hero complex', I've never seen it before. I mean, yeah, I'd give up my life for Atlantis, but anyone would really. It's just logic I suppose. If you die, then they all live. I'm quiet sure Grodin or Zalenka or Simpson could fill my place between the three of them. I mean if was a hero, Kolya would have never gotten me to spill the beans about the grounding stations. Gaul would still be alive, and we'd have a nice little pile of ZedPMs to power the city with.

Yep, I'm really not a hero.

So why exactly am I writing this?