Of Heart or Hope
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, not even the concept.
Notes: Sorry for the vague summary, this is just one of those stories where I want the reader to figure out what's going on as they read it. As well, I apologise in advance to anyone who's offended by my characterisation of Noah—it just fit with where I was going.
This originally was going to only be one part, but I've decided to split it into two. It has more dramatic value that way. ;) Enjoy Part I!
These eyes, tho' clear
To outward view of blemish or of spot,
Bereft of light, their seeing have forgot,
Nor to their idle orbs doth sight appear
Of sun, or moon, or star, throughout the year,
Or man, or woman.
Yet I argue not
Against Heaven's hand or will, not bate a jot
Of heart or hope; but still bear up and steer
Right onward.
Sonnet XXII, John Milton
Ivy Walker twirled until she was dizzy.
The colours of the landscape all blurred together to create one phenomenal unified sight. Her arms outstretched and reaching towards the sky, her untied shoes slipping on and off with the motion of her feet, her hair whipping around her face as she went around and around and around...
Exhausted, she collapsed into the soft grass and lay there, staring up at the feathery white clouds in the azure sky. She pretended she could see shapes in them, dragons and pearly castles, like in the stories her father once read to her. Sighing happily, she crossed her arms over her chest and closed her eyes. It was a gorgeous day, and she was able to enjoy it from a different perspective this way, smelling and hearing the environment instead of seeing it. Spring was by far her favourite season, a time of blooming and birth and growth.
There had been an enormous downpour the night before, and the air still smelt slightly of the moisture suspended with it. She could feel the dampness of the grass slowly seeping into the back of her dress, but she did not care because it was beautiful and fantastic and she decided that this is what life should smell like all the time.
A rustling beside her drew her attention away from her thoughts. Her brow furrowed slightly as she turned her head in the direction of the noise, but she still did not open her eyes for she knew there were never any immediate threats in her village. A suppressed giggle confirmed her suspicions of who it was and she allowed to her features to relax.
She could hear Noah Percy coming closer until he loomed over her, his lanky figure blocking the sun. She knew this game well, and decided to indulge him, even though she had been quite content to lie in the grass and be at peace.
"Ah, it is such a beautiful day," she commented aloud, saying her words with an exaggerated cheerfulness. "It is so beautiful that I need not open my eyes, for I can enjoy it simply like this. With my eyes closed. Seeing nothing that may be beside me." She heard him giggle again, this time hardly able to hold it within him as he moved closer to her still.
"Mmm," she continued, eyes still closed. "I think I may even stretch!" With that, she spread her arms out wide, her right side coming into immediate contact with Noah and she playfully shoved him back. "Oh my!" she gasped out, opening her eyes and locking them on her friend. "Why, it is Noah Percy, and I believe that I have just made him it!"
Noah squealed in delight and immediately jumped up and readied himself to pounce on her, when suddenly she looked behind him and gasped.
"Dear God, Noah, what is that? How disgusting!" she cried out, aghast, as she pointed to a space beyond his shoulder.
He whipped around, excited at the prospect of seeing something potentially repulsive, and Ivy was off. It took him a moment to register what had just occurred, even though it was an old trick she constantly played on him, and he let out a squeak of indignation before setting off to race after her.
Ivy, despite being inhibited by her dress and the fact that she was a girl (a problem only the other boys her age seemed to find with her), was the fastest runner in fifth year and she had a fair lead ahead of Noah. She looked behind her to see his progress and make sure he was not lagging too far behind, and before she could turn back around, she crashed bodily into another person. Both parties let out a shout of surprise before tumbling in opposite directions.
"I am terribly sorry," Ivy cried out, still sprawled on the ground and struggling to get up. She made it to her knees before she saw who she had bumped into and then ended up sitting right back down.
Lucius Hunt rubbed his head and eyed her curiously, staying seated on the ground. After a beat, he hoisted himself back up on his feet and picked up the hammer he had dropped. "You are lucky this did not strike you," he murmured, motioning to it as he hesitantly offered a hand to help her up.
She accepted his offer, saying nothing as he lifted her to her feet, shy suddenly and embarrassed at what she had just caused. It was bad enough Lucius already thought she was a silly little tomboy—she did not have to go proving him right by barrelling into him, all muddy and wet. She hazarded a glance behind her to see where Noah was, but he had already become distracted by a monarch butterfly, flitting through the grasses. She sighed, for sometimes it pained her that such a boy as he was her dearest friend, instead of the girls her age who thought she was too rough and the other boys who thought she was too girly. She looked back at Lucius, and he had not moved; instead, he regarded her with his stormy eyes, his sable hair tumbling over them quite fetchingly. He always had the ability to send a little tremor of something up her spine and cause her stomach to leap within her belly whenever he looked at her thusly.
"I am sorry, Lucius," she apologised again, gaining her voice back and smiling at him. "I was simply playing with Noah and lost track of where I was going."
"Never mind," he said softly, a quizzical half-smile on his lips.
"I shall be more careful next time," she added, noticing Noah had looked away from the butterfly and was now observing the two of them cautiously.
"Hopefully there will not be a next time." Ivy just barely heard his muttered remark, but it was enough. She looked away quickly, lest he see the overwhelming hurt in her eyes, and mumbled another apology before darting away again. Noah's spindly legs trotted over to where she stood and he looked at Lucius.
There was something within the depths of his fool's eyes that Lucius could not discern, but made him want to turn away all the same. He did not give in to the impulse however, and gazed back at Noah with the same intensity. Suddenly, the boy broke into a goofy grin and then took off after Ivy once more. Lucius admonished himself for thinking there was anything ill-intentioned in Noah's heart. He knew the real source of his discomfiture was the guilt he felt after seeing the distress in Ivy's eyes at his remark. Ironically, he had meant it as a joke, but knew the second it left his mouth that it had not come across thusly. He shook his head, berating himself as he made his way back to the shop.
Ivy ran until her lungs burned. She could hear Noah chasing after her, laughing gaily, but she could not bring herself to slow down for his sake. She just wanted to run. Until her knees wobbled, until her breath came out in gasps or not at all. But the village was smaller than Ivy's ambitions and soon she had to reduce speed for fear of entering the forest. Even so, she quickly stumbled into the outskirts and the looming woods stood almost directly before her, a deep slope disappearing into the depths.
"Ivy... Ivy," a breathless Noah approached, still giggling helplessly. "Shh, bad," he added, pointing the forest although he showed no fear.
Ivy panted, supporting her hands on her thighs. "Yes," she finally gasped out. "Yes, Noah. Bad. We should probably... head back." She expelled a large sigh as she finally caught her breath and straightened.
Noah continued to giggle. "Ivy, Ivy is It!" He punctuated this remark with a tap on Ivy's arm.
"Noah, now is not the time for games any longer," Ivy admonished. "We must be getting back. Do you see? The sun is already beginning to lower in the sky. Where has the afternoon gone?" she pondered the last part mainly to herself as she regarded the hazy sky. The sun shone brighter as it neared the horizon, and she had to shield her eyes against its brilliance. Then she lost her balance, just barely catching herself from falling for Noah had tapped her again, harder this time.
"It!" he cried happily, clapping his hands together.
"Noah! I said no!" Her voice was sharper than she intended, but she was already on edge from her confrontation was Lucius and his shove had startled her mightily.
Noah looked taken aback and already she felt guilty. It was not his fault that he was like that, and she should do her best to make him happy for so little went well in his life.
"Noah, I—" She began to apologise but the look in his eyes stopped her. "Noah?"
"Ivy must be It," he said quietly, looking at the ground in apparent submission. A chill shivered down her spine at the dangerous tone of his voice and sharp focus his eyes held even as they looked down. He then looked at her and she visibly flinched. His gaze was as cold as ice. "Rules must be followed. Rules must be followed!" He ended the last in a roar, and Ivy knew he was only repeating the mantra his parents had instilled in him countless times in the past, whenever they needed to justify locking him up in the Quiet Room or inflicting a beating. His tone startled her, but his eyes... his eyes terrified her.
"Yes, Noah," she agreed quietly, hoping to placate him with her soft smile. "Rules should be followed, when it is possible. Why do we not head back to the village and play there? It is safer there, and—and..." She broke off as his expression showed no sign of changing. Her friend had thrown tantrums in the past, that was nothing new, but the steely gaze he fixed her with then unnerved her. Suddenly, as swiftly as it had appeared it vanished and in its place was the happily naïve haze that always covered the dusty brown irises. Ivy was hard pressed not to breathe a sigh of relief.
"There, now," she said, as though something had ended even though she didn't really know what had begun, "we can head back." She started to push past him, but he grabbed her arms with alarming force and thrust her back where she was standing before. Then he closed his eyes and moved closer to her. "Noah, what—?"
"I am enjoying the day with my eyes closed!" he said loudly, attempting to repeat the words she had used earlier when playing with him.
"Noah, it is nearly evening," Ivy said, laughing nervously as she regarded the ever-sinking sun.
"My eyes, they are still closed!" he continued, as though he had not heard her. "I think I will now stretch!" And with that, he shot his arms out. Due to the close proximity of Ivy and the force with which he thrust out his arms, he ended up giving her a hearty shove.
With a startled cry, Ivy stumbled backwards and, hitting a root, completely lost her balance. She tumbled head over heels over the rocky knoll, disappearing further and further into the forest. At first Noah heard her cry out at every rock, root, or stone that scratched at her, but soon she was altogether silent. A soft, echoing thud could be heard with her eventual settling.
Noah laughed merrily, clapping his hands again a time or two. "Ivy, now come!" he cried out after a beat. But she did not answer him. "Ivy! Ivy is It! Come chase Noah!" He even ran a little ways, as a form of encouragement. She did not follow. "Ivy... Ivy must come." He giggled, although his furrowed brow and anxious gaze belied this seemingly happy reaction. "Ivy!" He began to wring his hands together. "Ivy!" The final shout was more of a wail, echoing off the trees and causing the birds nesting there to up and fly away.
Lucius had looked up from his work to regard the setting sun. He would be able to retire soon, and looked forward to the supper waiting for him at home. As he gazed at the horizon, he saw a section of the forest empty itself of birds. Curious, he put down his hammer. Something unsettling made his heart drop, but he did not think it had to do with Those We Do Not Speak Of. Something else worried him, caused anxiety to gnaw at his stomach. Without a second though, he exited the blacksmith shop and strode out. He knew where his feet were taking him, and he was powerless to stop it. Just as he was powerless to stop his fist from raising and knocking forcefully on the Walkers' door.
Kitty answered.
"Lucius," she breathed, leaning against the door frame and batting her lashes. "What a pleasant surprise."
Before Lucius could say anything, Mr. Walker appeared from behind his daughter. "Lucius. What can I do for you, son?"
"I realise this is odd, sir," Lucius began, swallowing heavily past the lump in his throat. He could feel his face flush. "But, is Ivy here?"
Mr. Walker looked surprised, and rightfully so. There he was, a seventeen-year-old young man, enquiring after this man's ten-year-old daughter. Kitty, meanwhile, had walked off in a huff.
"Um..." Mr. Walker still regarded him quizzically, but said nothing about it. "No, Lucius, she is not. I believe she is out with Noah. At least, that is where she was this afternoon." He looked at the sky then. "Although, it is getting darker now and Ivy knows the rules. She should be home shortly."
Lucius nodded, even more unappeased than before. "I know, sir, I saw them together earlier. And you are probably right. I merely needed to...uh, ask her something. About school. One of her friends...at school. Not—" Before Lucius could blunder his words further, he was interrupted.
"Ivy."
Both Lucius and Mr. Walker looked up at the sound of Noah, several yards away, walking in circles and mumbling to himself. The gnawing in Lucius' stomach grew into full-fledged bites.
"She is supposed to be with Noah," Lucius said, more to himself than Mr. Walker. Even so, Ivy's father nodded.
"Yes..." They both continued to look at Noah, dumbfounded, until Mr. Walker finally found his voice.
"Noah!"
Noah jerked as though he had been hit and looked up at the two men in the doorway. "Ivy," he blubbered, tears collecting in his eyes. "Ivy, Ivy is It. Is It!"
"Where is Ivy, Noah?" It was Lucius that spoke this time, his fear growing with each passing second.
"Ivy is It, It, It-It-It-It-It!" He giggled madly, even as tears streamed down his cheeks.
Mr. Walker stepped out of the house and closed the door behind him. Lucius had already leapt off the porch and bounded towards Noah.
"Where is she, Noah? Where is Ivy? You must tell us!" Panicked now, Lucius tried to find some semblance of understanding or recognition in the daft boy's gaze. Noah raised his large eyes and regarded Lucius seriously.
"Bad," was all he said. "Ivy is in bad. Rules must be followed! Ivy, Ivy, rules."
"In bad? Rules?" Lucius looked helplessly at Mr. Walker, whose face had lost all colour as he stared at Noah. "He is not making any sense."
"Bad. Rules being followed. Where are we not allowed to go, Lucius? What is bad? What is against the rules?" Mr. Walker turned to Lucius then, the sheer panic evident in his eyes.
Lucius understood in a heartbeat. "The forest." The words were barely out of his mouth before he was sprinting out to the woods.
Mr. Walker was right behind him. "The forest is enormous, Lucius, how do we know where to look?" he cried as he tried to keep up.
"The birds," was all Lucius said as he continued to run. Mr. Walker did not respond to his cryptic remark; instead, he ran faster.
Soon, both men skidded to a stop at the edge of the woods. Lucius looked down into the dark slope in front of them. His heart stopped at the thought of little Ivy somewhere in there, with the sky darkening by the minute and Those We Do Not Speak Of lurking nearby. Without a second deliberation, he propelled himself into the thicket and began to slowly stumble down.
"Lucius, be careful!" Mr. Walker warned, even as he followed behind him.
"Ivy!" Lucius called out, willing his eyes to adjust to the dim light. "Ivy Walker, answer me!"
"Ivy!" Mr. Walker joined in the calls. "Ivy, this is your father! You answer us this minute, Ivy Elisabeth Walker!"
Both men continued to shout Ivy's name, and both were met with echoes and then silence.
"She is so small, so little," Mr. Walker murmured despairingly as his searching grew more desperate.
"What of Those We Do Not Speak Of?" Lucius murmured in return, standing stock still with his fear for Ivy.
"Do not worry about them," Mr. Walker replied distractedly as he continued to search. "We are safe."
"I was not worried for us," Lucius said quietly, staggering a bit further down the hill. Mr. Walker simply stood and watched him, before calling out his daughter's name once more.
A few more endless moments passed as they rustled in the now-darkness, silent except for intermittent shouts of her name. Suddenly, Lucius let out a loud cry of shock.
"What?" Mr. Walker raced over to where he stood. "What is it, what have you found?"
Lucius had bent over and was now straightening with his back to Mr. Walker who could see that he carried something. Someone.
"Ivy?" her father whispered, as Lucius turned and presented his comatose daughter to him. "Oh, dear God."
Alarm rang in Lucius' intense hazel eyes as he regarded Mr. Walker. "She is not moving," he said, hoarsely. "She is hardly breathing."
Mr. Walker looked at Ivy gravely for a moment more. Then he met Lucius' eyes. "Come. We must bring her back to the village."