Title: Happy Ending
Author: Phoenixnessa
Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine. The story is, more than you know, it is my story, and hers.
Warnings: Shoujo-ai, Yuri, Self-Destruction, Suicide, and Sever Angst... there's probably more, but I don't remember. All the fun stuff. Based on actual events, the realistic stuff actually happened. I am still alive, so obviously, the ending didn't really happen.
AN: Review, Flame, I don't really care. Just read it if you don't mind.
Do you know what its like to know that the one person you have ever been in love with doesn't even want to touch you anymore? The one person you thought would love you forever… the one person that walked out on you. No, I didn't think you knew that feeling, it's hard to express it, I mean, how do you express something so painful you can feel nothing else?
I remember the day I started to look at her differently. I don't know what made me feel like that, but there was just something about her smile that made me fly. By that time, she had become my best friend, the one that knew everything-and when I say everything, I do mean everything. I told her about my crush on this girl I met and how much I thought it was love- how naive I was. I told her about the way I thought of myself, how I thought I was pathetic and unworthy of such a friendship. Even about every time I… every time I… I cut myself.
I remember the day I told her my feelings. She was spending the night at my house and we were talking about the feelings I had for a few of my friends. I told her of three people I kind of liked, but I wouldn't tell her the fourth. That just gave it away, even though she didn't say anything. That was before school started. On the train on the way to school, she was asking me all these questions about how I knew I was bi- and yes, I am, and no, I'm not going into it. Me, being me, I just didn't connect the dots. I still remember the exact time it was too, 11:22 p.m. That time will always mean something to me. Then, she told me it was mutual, even if it took her a week or two to 'come out' with it.
I remember the day I knew I loved her. We were sitting in the common room reading the same book and I poked her side like I always do, she grabbed my hand and she wouldn't let go. Neither would I. We held hands and played with each other's fingers, I traced hearts all over her hand- what can I say; I'm a hopeless romantic. The bad part was that we were kind of cheating on our boyfriends; mine was Harry and her's was my brother. I wasn't close to Harry anymore, it had been about ten months and he hadn't kissed me yet, so lets face it, I didn't want to be with him anymore, but I didn't know how to break it to him. Well, while we were reading that book, and holding hands, I don't even remember most of what we read because I would look at the book, then her, then our hands, then back again. I whispered in her ear, "I don't know if I should let go." She said she didn't either. The next day we were talking about what had happened.
"Why wouldn't you look at me?" I whispered to her.
"Because I was afraid of what I'd do if I did look at you. Afraid I'd kiss you." She smiled at me.
"Hm, well, the feeling's mutual. All I wanted to do was whisper in your ear that I love you and then kiss you." She blushed. Gods I love her.
I remember the day we finally got together. It was November 14th, and we were at school.
"Well, do you want to give it a shot?" She said to me, smiling.
"Yeah, lets give it a shot." I smiled to match her own.
I was so happy. I had loved her so much longer than I think you can understand. I always said, "There's no way we're going to get together. I want it so much, so its never going to happen." We were just walking down the corridor and it hit me: I had a girlfriend. I had some one that loved me. I had some one that wanted me! Was I dreaming? I truly wasn't because if I was then, I am now because there is no way this pain is a figment of my imagination.
I remember the day we had our first kiss. It was about a week or so after we got together. We had long since forsaken the Great Hall for lunch and always disappeared to a lavatory or the dorms. We were sitting on the floor and I kissed her cheek, then I moved closer to her lips and whispered, "C'm'ere." And she did. And we kissed. It was soft and sweet, being both our first. To say the least, we both loved it.
But do remember, this story doesn't have a happy ending. That was just the beginning. We were in love, don't mistake that. However, that didn't make the hiding part any easier. A young soul can only take so much. Not to mention, a relationship cannot last on love alone.
I remember our first Valentines Day. It was a Saturday, so I gave her her gifts. There is this muggle book I have called "10,000 Ways To Say I Love You." Its rather interesting and I'm rather fond of it. In it, it contained in sixty different languages those three beautiful words, "I love you." I wrote them out on golden parchment with a red quill. The wonderful thing about Valentine's Day was that it was also our anniversary. I also gave her a chocolate rose and a necklace with a gold heart hanging from it that had the word "LOVE" engraved on the back of it with a diamond in the "O". She really liked her gifts. That was also our third month. Keep that in the forefront of your mind because it is important.
I remember the most passionate time we spent together. I had crawled into her bed, and being a Prefect, she got her own room. She had bewitched the bed to feel like a 'water bed', whatever that was, muggles and their weird words! Well, to say the least, I had her on her back for about seven hours. Don't worry, it was a Saturday. I made her shiver and quake, gasp and pant. She dug her teeth and nails into me, it was euphoric. This particular episode happened between February 20th and 21st. No, we didn't have sex. We never did that.
Now, it seems kind of expected that we lived happily ever after. I mean, with all those hours and confessions of love, that would seem the case. But, I do recall saying "this story doesn't have a happy ending".
I also remember the day she broke up with me. It was March 1st. She just said that things had gotten hard and that we were falling a apart. In which case, we were and things had gotten hard. She thought it was a mutual decision. How could that even remotely be possible? I lived and breathed for her.
See, like I said not a happy ending. I left out a few things and people, but the main things are there just the same. She thought for the longest time that I didn't love her anymore, how wrong she was. I loved her then, I love her now, and I will always love her. Whether in this realm or another.
So, as I am holding my razor to my wrist, I'm thinking of her. How her beautiful eyes will spill with tears when she finds me, and this. I know she can't live without me at least partially in her life, I wish we could both have what we want, but that just doesn't seem possible. As I slowly start to tug the razor slowly, slowly mind you, over my pulse and back again and again, I'm thinking of her. Her, not Ron. Her, not Harry. Her, not Mum or Dad. Her, not Fred or George. Her, not Percy or Charlie or Bill. Her. Always her. Forever her. I feel the crimson tide erupt from my skin. (Pardon the handwriting, I am committing suicide here, so it is a little difficult to write all the details. And the blood keeps getting in the way.) The only picture of her in my mind is of her at the Yule Ball, in her gorgeous gown, 'wow' is really the only thing I can think of to say. I think of her golden locks, her perfect skin, her captivating smile. Just, everything about her. And I know that I only want her to be happy, but I can't be happy not being with her, so, I'm taking me out of the picture. I drink the blood, for the thrill of it against my lips, how I so enjoy that taste. I drink myself to an immediate death, how ironic.
So, what happened to my happy ending? I don't know, ask Hermione Granger. Ask her.
See, I told you this story wasn't going to have a happy ending.
Oh, and do me a favor will you?
Tell her I love her.
Thanks.
Virginia 'Ginny' Weasley