A Karaoke Party From Hell

by darkest demon child

Seamus is throwing a random karaoke party in the Room of Requirement, and all of Hogwarts is going. Yes, including Snape. Secret crushes, horrible singing, pervertedness, and mahem commences! Warnings: Will contain slash, an

6. You Can't Touch This

Disclaimer: Wahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Kuri: Shut up

Ddc: MAKE ME!!!!!!!!!!!

Kuri: Ok. ::throws a brick at ddc::

Ddc: Gah ::passes out:: xX

Kuri: She owns nothing except her own twisted, perverted ideas.

Ddc: ::wakes up:: Oh yeah you know it!!!!!!!!! mmm candy canes

Kuri: -.-;;; you're hopeless

Ddc: Thank you.

A/n: Oh my GOD!!! ::gets hit with lightening for using god's name in vain:: HEY! That wasn't very nice! Anyway, before I was so RUDELY interrupted ::glares at sky:: You Guys Rock My Non-existent Socks off!!!!!!! No really you do. 11 reviews for one chapter!!! I'm serious, every time I went to my yahoo homepage I saw the little "New Mail" thingy showing up and whenever I clicked on it it was another review for this fic! Ok maybe not EVERY TIME, but it sure felt like it! You guys rock my socks!!! Especially RadcliffeRox24 and Killyjoy for reviewing 2 and 3 times. I'll answer all of your reviews too so feel special and loved like I did when I got your reviews :-D Anyway, 3 more days until Christmas so this is part of my special little Christmas present to all my fav people in the world, my readers. My friends at school already got enough stuff from me tehe.

Kit: Muhahaha of course it was too funny! I made it!! Tehe jk jk. Ok ok you're right, the "eat me beat me treat me like your favorite backdoor whore" is the best line in Electric Cucumber. CANDY CANES!!!!!!!!!!!! Pez dispensers tehehe. Snape Jr. goes bark bark!! Tehehe I'm hyper again.

D&G: Tehehehehe I'm glad you think the Snape torturing is cool, means I don't have to beg for forgiveness which is good cus that really hurts my knees. Tehehe. So glad that you liked my last couple of chappies DG, I've missed ya. Talk to ya later crazy girl!

Killyjoy: Tehehe I gotta listen to that song, I've never heard it before. Sounds funny though :-D thanks so much for all 3 of your reviews, I'm answering all of them by the way tehe.

KillyJoy II: Oh my god I love you! In a non-lesbian way of course tehe. That is so frickin' hilarious!!! I feel pretty, oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and something!! ::rolling around laughing hysterically:: You rock my socks, you really do.

Lain-Iris: Tehehehe I told you don't give up on me yet. ALL my harry potter fics are gonna end up having dracoxharry in them, they just look so cute together!!! :-D I'm sorry it took so long, but don't worry. I'll make it up to you by putting in a ton of make out and groping scenes in the next few chappies. :-D

RadcliffeRox24: Sorry the first chapter was kinda dull, they always are in my fics. I just can never get the first one funny enough! But things usually end up picking up by the second or third, so I hope that you like the rest of them too. Thanks for the double reviews!

RadcliffeRox24 II: I take it that the rest of the fic isn't quite as boring as the first chapter then? :-D thanks, I really think that the fic title matches the fic itself. I mean, every comedy I end up writing is complete chaos. :-D thanks again for the reviews!

Raging Pheonix: PHEONIX!!! Omg you're reviewing a non-yyh fic of mine!! ::gasps dramatically then glomps you:: YAY!!! Tehehe. Oh, that's funny. The lyrics I was using for Holding Out For A Hero and my mp3 of the song are the way I put them into this fic. Hmmm...maybe the movie version of the song is different? ::is confused:: Oh thanks Pheonix, I love ya too. "got bored, decided to read" tehehe. You're so crazy

Killyjoy III: Tehehe don't worry, run around and spaz as much as you want. It's good for you, it really is. Random reviews rock my socks, just like the idea of Voldie singing I Feel Pretty. Gotta check up on your other suggestion though. Oh yeah, and I'll use the I Feel Pretty one soon, but first I gotta do 3 other song suggestions that just fic the non-existent plot and my own twisted form of humor. Tehe. But don't worry, that idea is too funny not to use.

Draco Rox Mai Sox: Oooo I love your new pen name. Draco rocks my socks too :-D I'm continuing, I'm continuing. Merry Christmas and thanks for the review! You and Draco and many other things rock my socks.

Shadow Fox I: Tehe you should feel special Shadow, because you are special. Yes!! I'm so happy I finally cracked and got to the yummy slashness of this fic and of course the making out. I mean, nothing is better than slash and making out in a fic, right?

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Hermione: CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ron: WHERE?!?!??!?!?!

Blaise: O.o where did THAT come from?

Fred: They really like

George: Cheese

Harry: ::sitting on Draco's lap:: Except don't even TRY to give them lollipops.

Blaise: Why not?

Harry: Because Hermione starts licking it all seductively then Ron jumps her and it's really not a very pretty sight if you ask me.

Draco: Ooo if I give you a lollipop will you do that for me?

Harry: Only if you're a good little Blondie.

Voldemort: ::still being pushed into fireplace by Remus:: GGAYYY MIIINNIOONNNSS!!!!

Lucius: ::pokes head out of bathroom door:: Yes your royal Queerness?

Ron: Does he make up a new name for Voldie every time he sees him?

Draco: Yup. He's kinda running low on ideas though, seeing as he's been doing this for...umm...twenty years?

Hermione: Wow Draco, your dad is really creative.

Draco: O.o you are NOT drooling...

Hermione: ::drooling::

Draco: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! ::hides face in Harry's neck::

Harry: Oh stop over reacting Blondie. She just saw some cheesenips over by the bathroom.

Ron: Where? I don't see any.

Hermione: ::runs and jumps on Lucius:: I llooovveee creative men! O.O

Ron, Harry, Draco, and Lucius: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lucius: EEKK!!! GET HER OFF!!! GET HER OFF!!!!!

Hermione: RAWR! ::drags Lucius off into distant door in the back::

Lucius: ::sobbing:: SOMEBODY SSAAAVVVEEEE ME!!!!!!!!!!

Snape: ::pokes head out door with his hair in curlers:: Oh dear. I'M COMING BLONDIE SR!!!!!!

Oliver: ::drooling:: Oh no you're not ::jumps Snape and drags him off into the other distant door in the back::

Snape: AAAHHHH!!!!!!! Wait, no. This is a muscular, Scottish Quidditch player. What am I doing?!?! TAKE ME I'M YOURS!!!!!

Oliver: ::cackles then does the victory dance before closing door::

Everyone: O.o

Harry: I'm officially scared

Draco: Me too

Ron: You know what usually gets me from being unscared?

Seamus: What?

Ron: A nice make out session. Pucker up Harry!

Harry: Oh HELL NO! ::jumps off Draco's lap and hides behind him, using him as a human shield:: You are NOT making out with me just because your girlfriend is currently raping Blondie Sr.

Ron: Fine. Be that way. Pucker up Draco!!!!

Draco: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! ::jumps into Harry's arms:: Don't let him touch me!!!! He'll give me rabies!!!!

Ron: Fine then. THREESOME!!!!!! Pucker up you two!!!

Harry and Draco: AAAHHHHHH!!! ::run to other side of the room::

Draco: Quick! Before he can steal us from each other so we have to act out a dramatic, tragic love scene again! Kiss me!!!

Harry: Thought you'd never ask ::makes out with Draco::

Ron: Awwwwwww no fair. But that's ok. Oh Seeeaaammmuuussss!!!

Seamus: O.o ::backing up against a wall:: Somebody do something!!

Blaise: ::walks by whistling and casually knocks Ron out with a baseball bat:: Does that count as something?

Seamus: THANK YOU!!!! ::hugs Blaise::

Blaise: Yes yes yes I know, I rock your socks off. Now are you gonna just hug me or do something about it. ::smirks::

Seamus: ::raises eyebrow:: Define something.

Blaise: Oh it's nothing really, just giving me the best make out session I've ever had.

Seamus: Fine, but only cus you saved me from the scary red one. ::makes out with Blaise::

::2 random girls come in::

Random girl #1: Wow...

Random girl #2: Everyone's making out!

Harry: ::stops making out with Draco:: Woah who are you?

Random girl #1: I'm DDC!

Random girl #2: And I'm Kit

Ddc: We're part of the Chaos Girls!

Kit: But the others were too busy sleeping and stuff to come this time.

Draco: Others?

Ddc: Yeah there are seven of us, including me and Kit.

Kit: We always show up at these karaoke parties and do really weird things when the parties start getting boring.

Ddc: But I guess we aren't needed right now ::sobs::

Kit: ::rolls eyes:: Stop being a drama queen, you KNOW you like that everyone's making out

Ddc: Yeah I guess so. But still, it's kinda boring. We need to do something!

Seamus: Go away! We're having fun here!

Voldemort: ::still being pushed into fireplace:: I'M NOT!! SSSAAAVVVEEE MEEEE!!!!!!!

Remus: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This'll teach you to be a stupid villain!!! ::cackling::

Sirius: ::watching from couch sipping a margarita:: This is pure entertainment right here.

Ddc: ::rolls eyes:: Well besides Voldie may be having fun but it's STILL boring. Kit! Bust our your dance moves!

Kit: O.o no way!

Ddc: Awww not even the funky chicken dance? Or the monkey?

Kit: -.- remind me again why I put up with you?

Ddc: Because you llloooovvveeee me and we're eloping to Hawaii once we get more boy problems.

Kit: GAH!

Ddc: Tehehe that gets her every time.

Pansy: Ooo so you guys are like a lesbian couple?

Ddc and Kit: O.o

Ddc: NOOOOO!!!!!

Kit: She just says that whenever I complain about not having a boyfriend. Look what you've done baka! You've got them thinking I'm a lezzy! NOW I'LL NEVER GET A BOYFRIEND!!! ::Sobs::

Ddc: ::rolls eyes:: And you call me a drama queen. -.-;;; And don't baka me!

Kit: Baka!

Ddc: Baka baka baka vaka baka baka baka

Kit: Vaka?

Ddc: What? It means cow in spanish.

Kit: ::falls over:: Here we are calling each other idiots in Japanese and YOU call me a cow in Spanish.

Ddc: Yup. Tehe I win.

Kit: Oh you are so dead ::drags Ddc away:: Bye you guys! Oh yeah, and Dobby should be showing up in about 2 seconds::

Dobby: ::appears:: Hello?

Harry: O.o Draco I'm scared

Draco: Me too

Harry: Make the scary girls go away

Dobby: Masters Harry and Draco? Is you being scared? Dobby will defend masters!!! ::starts waving around a wooden spoon:: DIE PEOPLES WHO SCARES MASTERS!!!!

Neville: You know, he sounds like someone familiar.

Dean: What are you talking about? He sounds like Gollum! Looks like him too

Neville: Gollum?

Dean: Yeah you know. Myyyyyy pprrreeeccciiiooousssss!! RRAAWWWRRR!!!!!

Neville: O.o meep!! Scary Dean!!! ::runs away::

Dean: -.- it was just an impersonation.

Seamus: ::finally pulls away from Blaise after 6 minutes:: Ok you guys, my turn for a song idea.

Draco: Wow you can sure hold your breath for a long time

Harry: Didn't you know? He's half fish

Draco: Ooooo really? I WANNA SEE THE GILLS!!!! ::jumps up and down::

Seamus: What the hell? Whatever. ::ignores the bouncing Draco:: Anyway, since the fierce warrior armed with a kitchen spoon is here, I say Dobby sings U Can't Touch This.

Dobby: ::stops swinging spoon:: Dobby gets to sing?

Seamus: Yup.

Dobby: ::runs up and hugs Seamus:: Oh thank you thank you thank you kind master!! You bes too nice for poor Dobby! How can Dobby ever repay you?

Seamus: By singing the song and by not squeezing me to death.

Dobby: Oh. Ok!

Draco: ::still bouncing:: I wanna see the gills I wanna see the gills I wanna see the gills

Harry: Draco? By any chance are you part bunny?

Draco: No, but I do have the cutest bunny rabbit for a pet! (a/n: READ DRAGON TAMER! This idea was partially stolen from that fic, it's hilarious!)

Harry: -.- why am I not surprised

Draco: I donno. GILLS! GILLS! GILLS!!

Seamus: I DONT HAVE BLOODY GILLS DRAGGY JR! NOW SHUT UP!

Draco: ::Sniffs:: Hawwy? Fishy man is mean. Wwwhhhaaaaaaa ::sobs::

Harry: Awww poor baby come here. ::hugs Draco to chest::

Seamus: -.-;;;;;;;

Harry: Seamus! How could you be so mean to poor Blondie? He only wanted to see your gills!

Seamus: I DONT HAVE FING' GILLS!!!!!

Harry: Ah I see how it is. Denial.

Seamus: WHAT THE FRICK?!?!?!

Harry: Nothing, nothing. If you can't accept that you're half fish then I'm not the one who should be telling you otherwise.

Seamus: ::growls::

Dobby: ::boucing:: Can Dobby sing now? Can he?

Seamus: Yes ::glares at Harry who's petting Draco::

::Music starts::

Dobby: ::has been dressed up in rapper clothes:: You can't touch this

You can't touch this

You can't touch this

You can't touch this

My, my my my

You can't touch this

Music hits me so hard

Makes me say "Oh my lord thank you for blessing me

With a mind to rhyme and two hyped feet"

It feels so good

When you know you're sown

A superdope homeboy from Oaktown

And I'm known as such

And this is a beat-uh!

You can't touch this

Hermione: ::skips out of back room #1:: Well that was fun!

Lucius: ::crawls out sobbing:: My lord Queen, I've been violated T.T

Voldemort: ::still being pushed in:: Oh dear, I'm so sorry Lucius. I promise to get you some Drag Eater raped by teenage girl therapy as soon as this BLOODY WEREWOLF STOPS TRYING TO STUFF ME INTO A FIRE PLACE!!!

Remus: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Harry: Hermione, tell me you didn't lose your decency to Blondie Sr.

Hermione: I did! And guess what! I'M PREGNANT!

Draco and Harry: O.o ::faint::

Hermione: Tehe works every time.

Dobby: I told you homeboy

You can't touch this

Yeah, that's how we livin' and you know

You can't touch this

Look in my eyes, man

You can't touch this

Yo, let me bust the funky lyrics

You can't touch this

Fresh new kicks and pants

You got it like that now you know you wanna dance

So move out of your seat

And get a fly girl and catch this beat

While it's rolling

Hold on

Pump a little bit and let 'em know it's going on

Like that

Like that

Cold on a mission so fall on back

Let 'em know that you're too much

And this is a beat

They can't touch

Ron: ::wakes up:: Yay! 'Mione's back!

Hermione: Yup!

Ron: And Dobby's rapping!

Hermione: Yup!

Ron: Wait...O.o you raped Lucius

Hermione: Yup! And I'm pregnant with his transexual twins!

Ron: O.o ::faints::

Hermoine: ::cackles:: What'd I tell you? It really does work every time.

Dobby: Yo! I told you

You can't touch this

Why you standing there, man?

You can't touch this

Yo, sound the bells, school is in, sucker

You can't touch this

Give me a song or rhythm

Making 'em sweat

That's what I'm giving 'em

Now they know

You talk about Hammer, you're talking about a show

That's hyped and tight

Singers are sweating so pass them a wipe

Or a tape to learn

What it is going to take in the '90s

To burn the charts

Legit either work hard or you might was well quit

Seamus: ::grumbling about stupid heroes and their boyfriends saying he has gills::

Blaise: Aww don't worry, even if you are half fish I still love you.

Seamus: I AM NOT HALF FISH!!!

Blaise: Then what are those? ::points to gills on neck::

Seamus: Those are birth marks.

Blaise: Birth marks that move?

Seamus: I was a special child.

Blaise: I see...

Dobby: That's the word, because you know

You can't touch this

You can't touch this

Break it down

Stop...Hammer time

Go with the flow

It is said

That if you can't groove to this

Then you're probably are dead

So wave your hands in the air

Bust a few moves, run your fingers through your hair

This is it for a winter

Dance to this an' you're gonna get thinner

Move slide your rump

Just a minute, let's all do the bump

Bump bump bump

Yeah, you can't touch this

Look man, you can't touch this

You better get hyped

Boy 'cause you know ya can't

You can't touch this

Ring the bell, school's back in

Break it down

Stop. Hammer time

Fred: How come everyone either has a boyfriend or is fainted on the floor?

George: Because that's just how the world works.

Fred: Oh. Gotcha. Wanna make out?

George: Sure ::makes out with Fred::

Ron: ::wakes up and sees them:: OH DEAR GOD!!!! ::faints again::

Fred: Hehe you knew that was gonna happen, didn't you.

George: Yup. I'm psychic like that.

Fred: Awesome man.

George: Isn't it?

Fred: It is.

Dobby: You can't touch this

You can't touch this

You can't touch this

You can't touch this

Break it down

Stop. Hammer time

Every time you see me

The Hammer's just so hyped

I'm dope on the floor

And I'm magic on the mike

Now why would I ever

Stop doing this?

When others making records

That just don't hit

I've toured around the world

From London to the Bay

It's Hammer, go Hammer, M.C. Hammer, Yo Hammer

And the rest can go and play

Can't touch this

You can't touch this

You can't touch this

You can't touch this

Yeah, you can't touch this

I told you, you can't touch this

Too hype, can't touch this

Yo, we outta here, can't touch this

::Music ends::

Seamus: That was awesome Dobby, thanks!

Dobby: ::bouncing:: Dobby is so very happy!!!!

Seamus: ::smirks:: Dobby, could you bring us some Fire Whiskey and Butter beer while you're so happy?

Dobby: Well, Dobby does not know. Dobby was told by Dumbledore never to give students Fire Whiskey

Seamus: Awww but Dobby, we wanna be happy just like you! And see, we wizards sometimes need a little Fire Whiskey in order to be happy, house elves are just special like that and don't need it to be happy.

Dobby: Ooo! Dobby understands Master Seamus! Dobby will be back soon! ::disappears with a crack::

Blaise: Ooo Seamus you are one bad, bad Gryffindor

Seamus: ::smirks:: What can I say? We Irish need our booze and we know how to get it.

Draco: ::wakes up:: Booze?

Harry: ::wakes up:: Where?

Seamus: ::smirks:: It's coming.

Harry: YAY!!

Draco: WE GET BOOZE!!!

Harry and Draco: ::do the happy dance::

Oliver: ::strolls out of back room #2:: That was SO much fun. I'm in such a good mood, I'm gonna suggest a song.

Seamus: Go right ahead.

Oliver: ::cackles:: Muhahahahahahahaha

Remus: HEY! NO STEALING MY EVIL LAUGH!!! ::grabs him and tries to push him into the fire place::

Voldemort: FINALLY! Freedom!!! ::runs into bathroom::

Oliver: HEY!!! NO BURNING THE CUTE QUIDDITCH PLAYING SONG SUGGESTOR!!!!

Remus: Burn burn burn burn BURN BUURRRRRNNNN!!!!!

Sirius: Tehehe this is so fun to watch.

Harry: ::rolls eyes:: Oliver just tell us the song suggestion from over there.

Oliver: T.T SSAAVVEEE MEEEEEE!!!!!!

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Ddc: :-D that was fun. Not the funniest chapter yet, seeing as I wasn't bouncing off the walls while writing it, but it was still fun to write. Anyway, I'm not gonna take up too much at the end note, so I'll just say this. MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! And also, pretty please review. I got so many reviews last time, so could you guys do it again this time? It'll make me a very happy authoress :-D ok enough bribing you readers. Merry Christmas, hope you liked this chappie, and I'm off to go wrap more Christmas presents for my family. Bubbi!