Disclaimer:Same old stuff. None of this,except the plot line ,belongs to
me.Star Trek:Voyager and all its characters belong to Paramount.
Kathryn stared at the stars from her quarter's window, unaware that she was smiling. They would never lose their majesty or their ability to captivate her. She was constantly daydreaming.about the wedding, their life together, and children. She remembered how Tom and B'elanna's ceremony had gone and she decided that she wanted hers to be on the holodeck. She wanted to wear a traditional white wedding dress. She wanted the whole thing perfect, Chakotay in a tuxedo, bridesmaids and a flower girl. This was their special day and nothing would ruin it for her.
Kathryn asked B'elanna to help design her dress. The replicator was in for quite a task.
"Captain, I really think you should wear an off the shoulder dress."
B'elanna had very specific views on what the dress should look like, on what the whole wedding should look like for that matter.
"Remember I'm still the captain on this ship B'elanna. I don't want anything to showy or extravagant."
Kathryn had always wanted a simple white dress with a small ceremony in the countryside. She was getting the dress but the small ceremony was now her entire crew in the middle of the Delta quadrant. One thing that was the same from her dreams was that she was marrying a man she loved and always would. A man she would love to bring children into the world with. A man who made 70 years in space worth living.
"That one, that's the one!" Kathryn said pointing to a dress in the replicator's database.
It was a strapless floor length dress with a train that went on for days. The embroidery was simple and complimented the style of the dress. The back was lined with small white fabric buttons that connected to loops on the opposite side. Kathryn picked out a matching veil that connected to an up-style hair do.
"Oh B'elanna it's perfect."
"It is quite the dress. Do you want to modify any of it?"
"Not a thing."
"When do you want to replicate it?"
"As soon as I save the replicator rations."
Kathryn slightly turned her neck as to gawk over her dress and let her mind picture the joyous scene. B'elanna was awed by the expression Kathryn wore.
*Please make her happy *
That had been B'elanna's silent prayer since the Captain had
announced her engagement to Chakotay. Though she would never admit it,
she cared very deeply for the captain. She very much wanted her
happiness, no to mention thatof Chakotay, one of her greatest
confidants. He deserved whatever it was that would make him happy. The
Captain would be that for him.
"B'elanna" Kathryn said startling her out of her thoughts.
"Yes, Captain"
"I have a request.would you be my Maid of Honor?"
"I uh.I would love to but wouldn't you rather have Seven be your Maid of
Honor."
"Seven will be a bridesmaid but you have saved the crews life so many
times. You have saved my life so many times over the years that it would
be an honor for you to be my Maid of Honor."
"I am very flattered .I need to get back to engineering though."
B'elanna stood up from the sofa and headed out the door.She gave Kathryn
a look of gratitude and exited the room. Before she was out of ear range,
Kathryn shouted "You can get together with Seven and Samantha later and
decide on the dresses you would like to wear."
* * *
* *
"Chakotay, it's a month until the wedding we really need to tell Neelix what kind of cake we want."
Time had come and gone and the wedding date was approaching. They were sitting on the sofa in her quarters. Her legs were draped over his and light jazz music was playing in the background. Kathryn was as excited as ever and running on little or no sleep. Not that that was an odd occurrence for her. Chakotay however had been second-guessing himself.
"Chakotay, Chakotay!"
"What? .I mean yes"
"What's gotten into you? You're heads always in the clouds when I see you."
"Sorry, I've just got a lot on my mind"
When he first began to feel anxiety he went to Tuvok. Tuvok was married and Chakotay figured he was the best one to go to for advice. All Tuvok said was that he probably had a case of cold feet and that the feeling would pass with time. That had been almost three months ago and he still had the feeling in the pit of his stomach. He couldn't tell if it was regret or fear or something else. He was the one that wanted to be with Kathryn and for them to have a life together but now he was the one questioning the relationship. Did he feel guilty for forcing her into a relationship with him and then pushing her to propose? Was this what he really wanted?
Maybe things were just moving to fast. Chakotay listened intently as Kathryn read off a list of what the couple still had to accomplish before the month ended.
* * *
* *
The sound of bells range through the crisp air of Ireland. The landscape was greener than anywhere she had ever seen. The church was located on a large ridge that looked over the ocean. It was simple but breath taking. When one first entered the chapel, they were greeted by a fragrant smells of floral. The building was made of a beautiful marble that bespoke of pure elegance. The most magnificent attribute was the clear glass that replaced the wall behind the podium. Through the glass three islands broke the horizon and brought life to the calm seas.
Kathryn and her bridesmaids were dressing in a side room of the church. B'elanna, Seven, and Samantha wore light blue dresses that belled towards the floor with a ribbon of the same color tied just below the chest. The dress's straps were thin and crossed to form an 'X' on their backs.
Her reflection gave little comfort. Her hair was in a French twist and her make-up done to perfection. But she was unable to detach herself from the image that stared back at her. The ceremony was about to begin. She didn't care. Her thoughts had consumed her.
*Kathryn you can't do this to him. Don't break his heart again not today. You love him. This would crush him..but what about Starfleet and my crew and protocol. Above all I need to get them home. I have to get them home...Would being his wife jeopardize that?*
She had been arguing with herself for hours and had gotten nowhere. It's not that she didn't want to be with Chakotay, she did. She was afraid. Afraid that being his wife would affect her command decisions and blur her perspective of situations. But most of all she was afraid she would lose him and maybe if she never knew what she was missing then she wouldn't be hurt if something ever happened.
* No my pride isn't going to get in the way, not this time *
Kathryn attached the veil to her hair and was about to make her way to the entrance of the church,where Tuvok was waiting to give her away,when she felt a hand grasp hers. * * *
* *
"Tom, I don't think I can do this." Chakotays's suppressed fears had resurfaced when he saw the chapel.
"Can't do what", Tom answered naively.
"Marry Kathryn. I just couldn't do that to her. I tricked her into this whole thing. I wouldn't feel right if I let her do something that I know she doesn't want."
"Chakotay, listen to yourself! Where did you get these delusions? She wants to marry you more that anything. She's finally at peace . Even when I will younger and knew her she was never as happy as she is now. Not to mention she has never smiled as much in her whole life as she has in these past few months."
"Tom I just.I don't expect you to understand but this just feels wrong. I have to talk to Kathryn."
Chakotay stormed out of the room before Tom could interven. He made his way to where Kathryn was preparing for the ceremony.
*What am I going to tell her that her feelings are unfounded and she has been deceived, that I tricked her into loving me? Am I saving her from a mistake or destroying her last chance at happiness? Do I even love her anymore? Is that were this fear is lingering from? Have my feelings dissolved over the years of rejection and pursuit of protocol? Even when I tried to hate her for not giving us a chance, I couldn't bring myself to feel anything for her that wasn't the deepest of love and respect. Even now I try to push her image aside but it continues to creep into my dreams. In the middle of the night when the slightest remembrance of her makes its way into my thoughts, I can't help but wonder what the future would have held if she had just let me love her from the beginning. *
He loved her. God knew he loved her and nothing could ever shake that feeling. He was afraid that he wasn't good enough for her, that her feelings weren't mutual and he was trapping her in a relationship that served his interests and not hers. He arrived at the door that held Kathryn behind it. B'elanna and Seven wouldn't let him see her before the wedding.. He would have to sneak her out. The door creaked slightly has he made his way to the vanity where Kathryn was sitting. He lightly took her hand in his and made a gesture with his index finger that signaled for Kathryn to remain silent. He led her out to the Irish countryside.
"Chakotay, what are you doing? The ceremony is about to start."
"I had to talk to you immediately. There might not be a ceremony."
"I uh I don't know what to.why?!"
"I love you and want you to be my wife but I need to know that you feel the same way and that this is what you really want."
"I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't want this." Her voice betrayed slight anger. She hated when he questioned her motives.
"Kathryn I couldn't live with myself if you weren't happy and if not being with me is what makes you happy then I'm willing to suffer just to know that you are truly happy.I don't want you to marry me just because you know I care about you."
Kathryn took his hand and stroked the back of it with her thumb. "Chakotay I have something to tell you before anything else happens today, before we decide to walk down that aisle or decide that we were never really destined to be more than friends."
Kathryn stared at the stars from her quarter's window, unaware that she was smiling. They would never lose their majesty or their ability to captivate her. She was constantly daydreaming.about the wedding, their life together, and children. She remembered how Tom and B'elanna's ceremony had gone and she decided that she wanted hers to be on the holodeck. She wanted to wear a traditional white wedding dress. She wanted the whole thing perfect, Chakotay in a tuxedo, bridesmaids and a flower girl. This was their special day and nothing would ruin it for her.
Kathryn asked B'elanna to help design her dress. The replicator was in for quite a task.
"Captain, I really think you should wear an off the shoulder dress."
B'elanna had very specific views on what the dress should look like, on what the whole wedding should look like for that matter.
"Remember I'm still the captain on this ship B'elanna. I don't want anything to showy or extravagant."
Kathryn had always wanted a simple white dress with a small ceremony in the countryside. She was getting the dress but the small ceremony was now her entire crew in the middle of the Delta quadrant. One thing that was the same from her dreams was that she was marrying a man she loved and always would. A man she would love to bring children into the world with. A man who made 70 years in space worth living.
"That one, that's the one!" Kathryn said pointing to a dress in the replicator's database.
It was a strapless floor length dress with a train that went on for days. The embroidery was simple and complimented the style of the dress. The back was lined with small white fabric buttons that connected to loops on the opposite side. Kathryn picked out a matching veil that connected to an up-style hair do.
"Oh B'elanna it's perfect."
"It is quite the dress. Do you want to modify any of it?"
"Not a thing."
"When do you want to replicate it?"
"As soon as I save the replicator rations."
Kathryn slightly turned her neck as to gawk over her dress and let her mind picture the joyous scene. B'elanna was awed by the expression Kathryn wore.
*Please make her happy *
That had been B'elanna's silent prayer since the Captain had
announced her engagement to Chakotay. Though she would never admit it,
she cared very deeply for the captain. She very much wanted her
happiness, no to mention thatof Chakotay, one of her greatest
confidants. He deserved whatever it was that would make him happy. The
Captain would be that for him.
"B'elanna" Kathryn said startling her out of her thoughts.
"Yes, Captain"
"I have a request.would you be my Maid of Honor?"
"I uh.I would love to but wouldn't you rather have Seven be your Maid of
Honor."
"Seven will be a bridesmaid but you have saved the crews life so many
times. You have saved my life so many times over the years that it would
be an honor for you to be my Maid of Honor."
"I am very flattered .I need to get back to engineering though."
B'elanna stood up from the sofa and headed out the door.She gave Kathryn
a look of gratitude and exited the room. Before she was out of ear range,
Kathryn shouted "You can get together with Seven and Samantha later and
decide on the dresses you would like to wear."
* * *
* *
"Chakotay, it's a month until the wedding we really need to tell Neelix what kind of cake we want."
Time had come and gone and the wedding date was approaching. They were sitting on the sofa in her quarters. Her legs were draped over his and light jazz music was playing in the background. Kathryn was as excited as ever and running on little or no sleep. Not that that was an odd occurrence for her. Chakotay however had been second-guessing himself.
"Chakotay, Chakotay!"
"What? .I mean yes"
"What's gotten into you? You're heads always in the clouds when I see you."
"Sorry, I've just got a lot on my mind"
When he first began to feel anxiety he went to Tuvok. Tuvok was married and Chakotay figured he was the best one to go to for advice. All Tuvok said was that he probably had a case of cold feet and that the feeling would pass with time. That had been almost three months ago and he still had the feeling in the pit of his stomach. He couldn't tell if it was regret or fear or something else. He was the one that wanted to be with Kathryn and for them to have a life together but now he was the one questioning the relationship. Did he feel guilty for forcing her into a relationship with him and then pushing her to propose? Was this what he really wanted?
Maybe things were just moving to fast. Chakotay listened intently as Kathryn read off a list of what the couple still had to accomplish before the month ended.
* * *
* *
The sound of bells range through the crisp air of Ireland. The landscape was greener than anywhere she had ever seen. The church was located on a large ridge that looked over the ocean. It was simple but breath taking. When one first entered the chapel, they were greeted by a fragrant smells of floral. The building was made of a beautiful marble that bespoke of pure elegance. The most magnificent attribute was the clear glass that replaced the wall behind the podium. Through the glass three islands broke the horizon and brought life to the calm seas.
Kathryn and her bridesmaids were dressing in a side room of the church. B'elanna, Seven, and Samantha wore light blue dresses that belled towards the floor with a ribbon of the same color tied just below the chest. The dress's straps were thin and crossed to form an 'X' on their backs.
Her reflection gave little comfort. Her hair was in a French twist and her make-up done to perfection. But she was unable to detach herself from the image that stared back at her. The ceremony was about to begin. She didn't care. Her thoughts had consumed her.
*Kathryn you can't do this to him. Don't break his heart again not today. You love him. This would crush him..but what about Starfleet and my crew and protocol. Above all I need to get them home. I have to get them home...Would being his wife jeopardize that?*
She had been arguing with herself for hours and had gotten nowhere. It's not that she didn't want to be with Chakotay, she did. She was afraid. Afraid that being his wife would affect her command decisions and blur her perspective of situations. But most of all she was afraid she would lose him and maybe if she never knew what she was missing then she wouldn't be hurt if something ever happened.
* No my pride isn't going to get in the way, not this time *
Kathryn attached the veil to her hair and was about to make her way to the entrance of the church,where Tuvok was waiting to give her away,when she felt a hand grasp hers. * * *
* *
"Tom, I don't think I can do this." Chakotays's suppressed fears had resurfaced when he saw the chapel.
"Can't do what", Tom answered naively.
"Marry Kathryn. I just couldn't do that to her. I tricked her into this whole thing. I wouldn't feel right if I let her do something that I know she doesn't want."
"Chakotay, listen to yourself! Where did you get these delusions? She wants to marry you more that anything. She's finally at peace . Even when I will younger and knew her she was never as happy as she is now. Not to mention she has never smiled as much in her whole life as she has in these past few months."
"Tom I just.I don't expect you to understand but this just feels wrong. I have to talk to Kathryn."
Chakotay stormed out of the room before Tom could interven. He made his way to where Kathryn was preparing for the ceremony.
*What am I going to tell her that her feelings are unfounded and she has been deceived, that I tricked her into loving me? Am I saving her from a mistake or destroying her last chance at happiness? Do I even love her anymore? Is that were this fear is lingering from? Have my feelings dissolved over the years of rejection and pursuit of protocol? Even when I tried to hate her for not giving us a chance, I couldn't bring myself to feel anything for her that wasn't the deepest of love and respect. Even now I try to push her image aside but it continues to creep into my dreams. In the middle of the night when the slightest remembrance of her makes its way into my thoughts, I can't help but wonder what the future would have held if she had just let me love her from the beginning. *
He loved her. God knew he loved her and nothing could ever shake that feeling. He was afraid that he wasn't good enough for her, that her feelings weren't mutual and he was trapping her in a relationship that served his interests and not hers. He arrived at the door that held Kathryn behind it. B'elanna and Seven wouldn't let him see her before the wedding.. He would have to sneak her out. The door creaked slightly has he made his way to the vanity where Kathryn was sitting. He lightly took her hand in his and made a gesture with his index finger that signaled for Kathryn to remain silent. He led her out to the Irish countryside.
"Chakotay, what are you doing? The ceremony is about to start."
"I had to talk to you immediately. There might not be a ceremony."
"I uh I don't know what to.why?!"
"I love you and want you to be my wife but I need to know that you feel the same way and that this is what you really want."
"I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't want this." Her voice betrayed slight anger. She hated when he questioned her motives.
"Kathryn I couldn't live with myself if you weren't happy and if not being with me is what makes you happy then I'm willing to suffer just to know that you are truly happy.I don't want you to marry me just because you know I care about you."
Kathryn took his hand and stroked the back of it with her thumb. "Chakotay I have something to tell you before anything else happens today, before we decide to walk down that aisle or decide that we were never really destined to be more than friends."