The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution or GI Joe characters has taken off somewhere. Yup I even stole…I mean I was inspired by this idea I saw on TV. I get a lot of my ideas that way. For all of you looking for meaningful character development or serious angst, you might want to go read another fic. But if you're in the mood for a little Logan torture and things going wrong for a laugh, you're in the right place.
Insanity With A Side of Seagulls
"Forge what are you doing now?" Logan snapped at Forge and Sam.
Forge was working on something in the Danger Room. "It's my latest invention! This will help keep us healthy."
"Well that will be a change," Logan muttered. "It's not how your inventions usually work."
"But this time Forge has really come up with something," Sam told him.
"This protein enhancer ray should be able to instantly transmit essential vitamins and minerals to the human body," Forge explained. "Making our bodies stronger and in top shape."
"And with any luck we'd never have to eat Kitty's cooking ever again," Sam said. "Or at the very least fix us up if we ever did eat her cooking again."
"I know my healing factor will never be the same after her Broccoli Surprise," Logan moaned.
"The real surprise is that it made me hate broccoli even more," Sam said. "I didn't think that was possible!"
"Actually I thought the marshmallow fluff was a bit of a shocker," Forge said. "You know it wouldn't have been that bad if she just hadn't added the soy sauce and grape jelly."
"Well from now on whenever Kitty even steps near a stove somebody's gonna be watching her," Logan said. "Look we have outside training today. And to be honest I'm not that comfortable with you guys working on this outside of the lab. Actually I'm not that comfortable with you guys working on this period!"
"Aw just a few more adjustments," Forge asked. "I've almost got all the bugs out."
"No, now!" Logan said impatiently.
"All right, all right," Sam sighed. "Should we put the enhancer back in the lab?"
"Just leave it in here!" Logan snapped. "With your inventions Forge the Danger Room is the perfect place for it."
Three hours later…
"I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!" Scott screamed.
"Okay Scott I admit that this is a little weird…" Kitty looked at the situation from the control room. Twenty seagulls were flying around the Danger Room and squawking like crazy.
"A little weird? This isn't a little weird! This is nuts! What are all these seagulls doing in here?" Scott shouted at the four miscreants responsible for the mess.
"Well Toad, Nightcrawler, Bobby and I kind of had a bet…" Arcade gulped.
"A bet? At what? How fast you guys can get grounded?" Scott snapped.
"No, we were talking about TV and there was this show we saw," Todd said. "And I was saying how cool this one show was and they had this kid on it. And this kid he got a flock of seagulls into his uncle's bedroom and I said how funny that would be if it happened here. But then Elf Boy and the Ice Cube said it couldn't happen in real life and I said yes way it could happen but they kept saying it wasn't possible and I said it was so we should ask Arcade cause he was smart and he would know and…"
"Long story short," Kurt interrupted. "Toad and Arcade claimed they could lure a flock of seagulls into any room we picked in the Mansion."
"And of course you geniuses picked the Danger Room!" Scott moaned. "You realize Logan is going to kill you right?"
"Well he might understand," Bobby said weakly. "A bet's a bet."
"You can tell him yourself," Scott pointed behind him.
"Uh oh…" Todd gulped as Logan walked into the room with Forge behind him. He was not happy.
"All right," Logan glared at them. "Just what is going on?"
"Well uh…" Bobby gulped.
"I uh, think some birds got in yo," Todd said.
"I CAN SEE THAT YOU MORON!" Logan roared. "Now why did you fill up the Danger Room with seagulls and there'd better be a good reason! And I am not accepting any kind of betting situation here."
"Man we're in trouble," Kurt groaned.
"Technically though we did have permission to do this," Arcade said quickly.
"Permission?" Logan glared at him. "And where would you get permission to do such a stupid, irresponsible thing like this?"
"Okay kids I got my fifty bucks," Shipwreck walked up to them. He looked at all the others assembled there. "Is there a problem here?"
"Yeah, I gotta learn not to overlook the obvious," Logan said. "Shipwreck remind me to kill you later."
"How are we gonna get all these birds out of the Danger Room?" Kitty asked.
"Well, Arcade and I could…" Todd offered.
"NO!" Scott snapped. "You two have done enough damage!"
"Look, it can't be that hard for a group of mutants to wrangle some birds," Shipwreck said. "I'll just get a bag and the rest of you…"
"SQUWAAAAAKKKKK!"
"What the heck was that?" Shipwreck blinked. "And why are all those birds glowing down there?"
"My protein enhancer ray!" Forge shouted. "One of the birds must have turned it on accidentally. Probably bumped into it or something."
"No, I thought it decided to play around with it while studying for it's Masters Degree," Logan said sarcastically.
"Is it me or are those things getting bigger?" Bobby asked.
"Yeah a lot bigger," Kitty said. "Forge what's happening to them."
"That was one of the bugs I was working on," Forge admitted. "They're having a nutrient overload which their systems can't handle regularly. So their metabolism is being adjusted to handle it."
"In English?" Kurt asked.
"The seagulls have been slightly mutated," Forge told them.
"Slightly mutated?" Scott shouted. "SLIGHTLY MUTATED? THOSE THINGS ARE BIGGER THAN BLOB!"
"Did one of them just breathe fire?" Kitty blinked. "I could swear I saw smoke coming out from one of their beaks."
"SWAAAAKKKK!"
BOOM!
"That's not smoke," Kurt shouted. "That's an energy blast!"
"And that is a really big dent in the wall," Arcade observed.
"It's probably only temporary!" Forge told them. "I think…"
"YOU THINK?" Scott shouted.
"Oh man we gotta get those oversized turkeys out of the Danger Room before they really mess up the place," Todd said.
"It's a bit late for that Toad…" Bobby wrinkled his nose as the sight below. "Oh man is it late for that."
"We can't let them out now!" Kitty said. "They'd trash the whole town if they did!"
"Not to mention every garbage dump in the county," Todd remarked.
"They're right," Shipwreck said. "We can't let Polly's insane evil giant cousins get loose. Keeping them inside the Danger Room is the best option until we find a way to get them back to normal."
"And then how do we get them out afterwards?" Kurt asked.
"That is a bit of a problem," Forge gulped.
"That's nothing compared to the problems you jokers are gonna have if you don't fix this!" Logan roared.
Two hours later…
"Well, I called the local animal control officer for some tips," Hank put down the phone. "I'm going to refrain from some of the comments he made. And I will omit some of the comments I made."
"Did you get any advice for getting rid of those stupid birds?" Logan asked. "I mean once we cure them?"
"Well after he stopped laughing he advised that we simply stop feeding them and they would eventually fly away," Hank told him. "Then I pointed out that the room in question has no window and there was a slight accident involving a piece of machinery that mutated them slightly. When he asked what I meant by slightly I fear I told him exactly what happened. And then he said some rather unhelpful and physically impossible advice and hung up on me!"
"Well that was a big waste of time!" Logan snapped. "Has Forge finished making that antidote yet?"
"Still working on it last I heard," Kurt sighed. "I hope he hurries up. It's not pretty in there. And not only for the obvious reasons."
"SWQUAAAAAKKKKKKKKKK!" The mansion reverberated.
"Charles picked a great time to go to New York City and meet with the Mayor…" Logan groaned.
"All right! I have the antidote!" Forge walked in holding several cake like objects.
"What are these?" Hank looked at them. "Are those my Twinkies?"
"Yeah, but they're filled with the antidote," Forge said. "All we gotta do is feed 'em these and…"
"Over my cold, dead, furry body!" Hank tried to grab the Twinkies away from Forge. "No way are you gonna use my personal Twinkie stash!"
"It's too late Beast! They're already filled with the antidote!" Forge protested.
"I DON'T CARE!" Hank shouted.
"McCoy get a grip!" Logan ordered. "Come on, its feeding time!"
"But they're my Twinkies," Hank pouted. "It's not fair. It's just not fair…"
"Come on Beast," Scott patted him on the back as they went down to the Danger Room again. "We'll buy you some more Twinkies when this is all over."
"All right," Logan said when they got back to the Danger Room control center. "How do we get them to eat these?"
"Simple, we teleport them inside and they'll eat 'em," Forge told them.
"And how do we do that?" Kurt asked. Everyone looked at him. "You gotta be kidding me? Why can't we use one of the Misfits' teleporter watches instead?"
"And take a chance one of the birds will hit it just right and transport outside the Danger Room?" Arcade said.
"Oh come on what are the odds that will happen?" Kurt pleaded. "What am I saying? Of course it will happen!"
"Ha! Sorry Elf boy!" Todd grinned. "Looks like you gotta go in there."
"You're going in too Toad!" Logan handed Todd several Twinkies. "You have a teleportation watch too!"
"WHAT?" Todd yelled. "You know these things probably eat toads right?"
"And Nightcrawlers!" Kurt shouted.
"You two are partially responsible for all this in the first place!" Logan shouted.
"Look just jump in and jump out," Forge said. "You two should be fast enough."
"Easy for you to say," Todd groaned.
"Go on! Do it!" Logan ordered. Both reluctantly complied.
"SQWAAAAKKK!"
"YIKES!"
"OW! THAT'S HOT!"
"Ooh! That's gotta hurt!" Bobby winced.
Kurt teleported back first then Todd. Both looked slightly singed and were covered with feathers. "In and out huh?" Todd snapped before spitting out a feather.
"They're eating them!" Arcade said.
"They almost ate us!" Kurt brushed himself off.
"Look! Something's happening," Kitty pointed to the birds.
"See," Forge pointed. "The antidote combined with the additives in Twinkies should break down the extra proteins and nutrients in their bodies."
"Is that why they're glowing again?" Todd asked.
"It's part of the process," Forge explained. "Now their bodies are burning the all the extra muscle mass and calories. Within an hour the process will return the birds to normal."
"SQUAAAKAAAKKKKK!"
KABOOOM!
SPLAT!
"Or…It could roast them from the inside and blow them to bits…" Forge blinked.
"Well…" Shipwreck blinked. "That's one way to solve the problem."
"Oh gross…" Kitty winced. "It was a mess before with the feathers and the bird poop but now…Ewww. My third worse nightmare, wall to wall red meat…"
"Well processed meat," Arcade remarked. "You know this stuff looks a lot like what they used to serve us in the cafeteria on Meatloaf Monday."
"You know what this means now?" Logan asked.
"We now have a clue to where school cafeterias get lunch meat?" Todd asked.
"No," Logan told him.
"More angry letters from the Audubon Society?" Arcade asked.
"No…" Logan said.
"That this mess smells more appetizing than anything Kitty's ever cooked up?" Kurt asked.
"No," Logan shook his head.
"That maybe I should cut down on the Twinkies?" Hank asked.
"No."
"That we know a new way to cook a turkey next Thanksgiving?" Shipwreck offered.
"No."
"That we may never get the smell out of the Danger Room?" Forge asked.
"Actually you might if you put enough elbow grease in it," Logan glared. "Everyone responsible for this…stupidity is going down there and clean the Danger Room up."
"Well you kids better get to work now," Shipwreck turned to leave.
Logan grabbed him by the collar. "When I said everyone, I meant everyone! That means you, Forge, the gamblers here, everyone!"
"Including the idiot who said Forge could leave his equipment in the Danger Room?" Todd asked innocently.
"Especially the idiot who…" Logan began then stopped himself. "Just hand me some gloves and a bucket okay?"