I know I haven't been productive as of late, so I'm doing this to try and compensate. I guess in a way it's an apology for many things.
First and foremost, it took my two years to realize why I didn't get the response I had hoped for, and I know it's my fault. Cocky as it might sound, I'm confident that my writing is more than adequate. Be that as it may, this particular story started off in a way that I know must have turned many off to my style of writing.
... Hm, I'm not sure how to say this, since I'm not good at these types of things, but here goes.
I'm not doing this out of desperation. To anyone I may have angered, I'd just like to show that I have matured, and improved. But while I could have changed many things, I chose not to, so I can look back and see just how far I've come.
In other words, I think I can prove that one can take a hated, cliched idea and make it work with a lot of thought put into it.
... Aww, don't look at me like that! Gimme a break, kids, I'm at the last (?) boss battle in Minish Cap and stopped to do this.
Sheesh, first and last time I pause in a beloved Zelda game to do something like this.
So, um, yeah... No apologies for my erratic writing, and no romancing. Just what I do in its rawest form.
(Huh? Apology and no apologies? I oughta choke on my words while I'm at it.)
Disclaimer: It's obvious, folks.
Just disappear.
Maybe, just maybe, if she just stayed here, not noticing everyone and everything around her, trying not to acknowledge herself, she could be invisible. Just fade away from everything, disappear.... Invisible to the world already, she felt no need to be here any longer.
She was nothing.
The cold fact hit her again as she tried to curl into an even smaller ball, hugging her knees to her chest and burying her face into her arms. She absolutely hated thinking about these kind of things. How cruel this world was, this life that no one had a choice to be part of. Forced to live, to supposedly learn through pain, yet in the end only death would sweep down and reclaim that life, leaving one alone as in the beginning. No hope for eternal salvation, a meaningless future.
If it would all end someday, then would the feelings of now matter? No, they wouldn't. There would be nothing to feel, yes, but there would also be no pain. She tried to reassure herself with this and find release from this pitiful condition. Instead, it only hurt worse; it was painful to think she would even consider thoughts like these.
Maybe she was just blowing everything a bit out of proportion. This shouldn't be that big of a deal, and she was in her native country again. But be it America or Japan, it still was quite impacting. She barely remembered life here, and had no friends to return to. She had never adjusted to her American school, and had no one to keep contact with over the vast distance.
Having no one who looked forward to seeing you every day was a lot more painful than she could have imagined. If there had been someone maybe it could have helped...with...
It seemed life had dealt her yet another harsh blow, leaving her weak, with barely a pulse.
But apparently enough blood was left in her to allow life, in all its painful glory.
She didn't want to have to deal with this anymore, but was far too cowardly to end her life in a drastic way.
...She was a coward.
That had always been the problem, hadn't it? She had been too afraid to let herself be known, only to be forgotten. And at the same time, afraid of anyone just not acknowledging her at all. Which would be - or would have been - better, to be noticed or not at all?
If physically she could do nothing more than sit here in her own depression, then perhaps the ancient belief of 'mind over matter' would work. She couldn't say she believed in it, as there was nothing to believe in these days. But she was a child, and had simply let herself drown in this childish aspiration.
She wondered how long it would take to leave this world... if she wasn't already gone.
"Well? Are you just gonna sit there?"
That voice... The words seemed like they should have been demanding, but they were oddly soft, as if the speaker was struggling. Slowly, she came out of her thoughts, confused, and remembering her surroundings. An elementary school yard. Dreading whomever it was that chose to disturb her, she reluctantly lifted her head the barest amount, revealing the darkened emeralds obscured by a veil of ebony.
It was strange, for him anyway. Why he had even bothered or cared in the first place.
He had just happened to notice her, sitting over there, Ms. Dark and Tortured. Immediately he had felt intruded on. This just happened to be the private place he went to spend his lunch period, or any other time he just wasn't up to going to class. On the opposite side of the building where his lessons were held, he had figured he would find some solace here. But there she was, invading his solitude.
And just what did she hope to accomplish here anyway? Did she really think that some warm-hearted soul would come along and take this child into their arms, ensuring her that everything would be all right? Did she really believe that someone would be so kind as to fix her shattered dream? Revive her crushed heart?
People like that just didn't exist.
What an idiot. Didn't she realize that she would stay...just...like...that...
...forever...?
Suddenly, he had become angry. With whom he wasn't sure, but what he was sure of was that there had to be no need for that.
No need for another lost soul.
His hands had clenched into fists, and before he knew it, he had walked over to her. He looked down at her, his wild, blonde bangs partially falling over one of his crystal blue eyes, and had demanded,
"Well? Are you just gonna sit there?"
They looked at each other. Not quite as two children, but for one brief moment as kindred spirits. Both wondered what exactly was to come; a brief escape of comfort, or only more pain or frustration? However shadowed their minds were, raw feelings were clear to them.
Lonliness, storming out of a merciless blizzard.
Sadness, peering out of a despondent forest.
The girl was the first to give up after a short battle. What need was there to seek in a lose-lose situation? What use was there for comfort when she could offer none in return? She turned her gaze down.
The boy said nothing, but closed his eyes briefly. Rather than try to get his emotions in check, he just let them flow.
This was familiar. A child, sitting alone, in spite of the compassion he desperately wanted, needed, but dared not to seek. A person whom, whether or not the child asked for it or not, could have offered that compassion but instead chose not to bother.
He knew he was different from those people in more ways than he cared for. Now to prove another way. He kneeled down and tenderly placed a hand on the girl's shoulder.
She flinched just the tiniest bit, her body reacting in direct contrast to how she screamed inside. This simple gesture infuriated her. Pity. She wasn't looking for pity! She wasn't looking for anything! Why couldn't he have just walked off? He shouldn't have even noticed! People never did... well, adults did, but they chose to nevermind and not give it another thought. Children their age should not have even taken a second glance. If someone was alone, that meant they wanted it that way.That was a child's philosophy. So who did he think he was? A nice guy?
There was no such person.
She snapped her head up, and the look of despair was replaced with rage. Then, suddenly with shame.
No...no... Why did he have to look like that? Those eyes, that had been so intense before, now softer. Those lips parted as if to say something, though the words would not come. Those brows furrowed as if in real concern.
She was the one suffering. So why did he look like he had just lost his family in a brutal massacre that happened before his own eyes?
...Why did he have to understand?
It wasn't pity, just...empathy.
So society wasn't really a raging bitch intent on making lives even more miserable than her own. Rather than biting claws, she only felt a soothing calm that silenced the demons of before.
"....I'm sorry." Her voice was smaller than intended, but after the pressure of the previous minutes' stress had lifted, she was left unexpectantly weak. Her voice sounded more sincere than she has thought possible. She hadn't meant to be so obvious, and hadn't meant to trouble this boy.
However, she found she couldn't look away from him, and soon she was glad she hadn't when a serene smile formed on his face. "You don't have to apologize. I just... well... Nobody...." He looked away briefly as an unreadable expression came across his face. "There's no need to suffer when it can be avoided. There's always some pain, but it will pass by."
He looked back towards her. "Sometimes you just have to be willing to accept and face it, you know?"
They stared at each other again. The girl looked at the boy with something akin to wonder in her wide, almond-shaped eyes. It was apparent that whatever he had been through, it made her situation look petty. So much so that she didn't even want to be curious about whatever could have happened to make this boy age beyond his years.
He was more than a child.
And yet, he had come forward...just to ease her pain.
She didn't question why. She was just grateful for him being there.
With a smile that felt foreign on her, she said, "Thank you. May I... ask your name?"
It didn't show, but he was a little aback at how open this girl suddenly was. His grin and eyes brightened slightly. "... Ishida Yamato. You're.... Kamichi Mitori, ne?"
She nodded, and crossed her arms in a show of comfort. "How do you know?"
"Our classes are close together, and I heard some of the other kids mention you. It can be written with the kanji for 'wise god' and 'watching bird', if I'm not mistaken?"
"You're right.Your name is nice, too."
"I really don't think it fits.... Hm, speaking of class..." The boy glanced behind him briefly, having to avert his gaze for a moment. It was quite overwhelming how comfortable she suddenly was, with him of all people. She seemed almost happy.
He looked back to her. "Lunch is about over. Are you okay now to go back?"
"Yeah," she sighed, though still smiling. Her head tilted a bit to the right, her eyes also going in that direction. "I sometimes kinda go off like that, and it's not really a side of me that I like people to see, but..." She looked to him, straightening her head. "I'm better now."
"Good." He noticed that during this whole time he had still been touching her, his hand gently lying on her arm, and respectfully took it away. Composing himself, he stood up and offered his hand to her. "Shall we go?"
"Uh, sure...." She hadn't noticed until then how bright the sun had been shining, even though they had been under the shade of a tree, and one of the beams of radiance happened to slip through the foliage and shine upon him as he held out his hand to her. She briefly thought of the interpretation of angels she saw frequently while in America. He really had no idea how gallant he looked.
She wondered, what sort of power could be lying behind that gentle expression?
She took his hand and he helped her to her to her feet. Not that she needed any assistance getting to her feet, but it was a kind gesture nonetheless.
He watched as she stretched her arms up, giving her body relief from the cramped position it had been in. It was... nice to see her free from whatever dark thoughts had been plaguing her mind. She showed no trace of sadness whatsoever, and she really reminded him more of a bird awakening from a dark night's sleep as she shook her head lightly, causing her raven colored hair to shimmer with highlights.
Had this really been the same girl who had been curled up in a shell of despair only minutes ago?
"Well," she said at length, "I guess we should head back now." She turned around....
"Oh! Watch out!"
...and promptly walked into the tree.
"Owie...." She stumbled backwards a bit, and placed both of her hands on a rapidly bruising part of her forehead, unknowingly into the boy's alarmed arms.
"You okay?" This was quite unexpected; if she was the type of person he had suspected, he never thought she would be a clutz in addition.
"Uh-huh...." the girl said, swirly-eyed before she shook her head again and groaned with embarrassment, "There goes my stupid problem again.... Thanks for catching me."
"You're welcome," he replied, setting her up straight, then asked, "Why do you say that's a problem you have?"
"Because, well, you see.... I have a habit of not looking where I'm going, most of the time because I never think about what lies ahead of me, and I end up running into stuff. Geez, I didn't think about the fact that I had been sitting against a tree."
The boy chuckled softly, smirking as he placed a hand on his hip and stood akimbo. "You're one interesting person, Tori-chan." She gave him a questioning glance, and he corrected himself. "I mean, Kamichi-san."
"No, it's okay." She offered him a grin. "You can call me Tori."
"Only if you call me Matt."
"Fine, but no '-chan'. I don't appreciate being called 'birdy'." She gave him a playful frown, which he returned with a quirk of a blonde eyebrow.
"A cute little birdy suits you. Though I must admit, you were more like a karasu a few minutes ago."
"A 'raven'?"
"A little black bird that screams angst, you know?" He laughed. "The name matches your hair, too."
She pouted. "It's not nice to call me names. We've just met."
"Okay, okay." He waved his hand, a casual gesture that also seemed alien, and began walking off. "We should head back to class...."
"Um, yeah." She walked up beside him and they kept pace together, though when the boy looked over at her out of the corner of his eyes, he noticed she was looking down at the ground sheepishly.
"What's wrong? Wait, let me guess, you forgot where the classroom was?" She nodded in reply, and he laughed and threw an arm around her shoulders. "Don't worry, I'll lead you. Oh..." He began to remove his arm, silently reprimanding himself for such a motion. "If you don't mind..."
"It's okay." She stopped him from removing his arm by touching her hand to it. "I don't mind."
He nodded. "Just stay by me."
There had been no shyness, no discomfort at the closeness of the two. Though such behavior was new to both, neither shied away from it. There was no one else looking, but there was the other. Somehow, they each had found a little courage to grasp what could be ahead of them.
As they say, it seemed like the start of a beautiful friendship....