A rather strange fanfic about Schuldig's kids. o.o' Completely non-linear, and of course humorous....

Heredity

Prologue (Or, Knocking Up The Irish Mafia)

Once upon a time, there was a group of psychic assassins called Schwarz. This team had four members, three of which are irrelevant to our story. The fourth, however, was a German telepath by the pseudonym of Schuldig. Now, Schuldig was many things, and 'slut' was the least of them. So it was not so strange to find him in a club one early summer night, decked out in skintight leather and having a night on the town.

Of course, there were three activities required to make such a night worthwhile. The first was getting drunk. Not necessarily falling down drunk, but a nice buzz at least. The second was to fuck with someone. Being a telepath, Schuldig was well able to mess with people's heads; being a sadistic asshole, he took gleeful joy in doing so. Occasionally, 'fucking with someone' would even include murder. Schuldig never minded a little more blood on his hands. 'Schuldig' means guilty, after all.

The third of his party-time requirements was to get laid. Man, woman, raver, stoner, goth, junkie, he didn't care. Sex was sex, and it was something simpler, more -real- than the constant babble of thoughts lurking around the edges of his mind. So it was no wonder that that hot summer night, at that club, that he met up with a cute Irish girl just this side of anorexic and fucked her brains out.

Had he been asked the next day, he couldn't have told you her name; in fact he'd never learned it in the first place. He forgot about her, and she forgot about him. The assassin went on to kill a bunch of people, fuck with some florists, and ruin some black corporation's plans for power. Never again in his life did he think of that girl, not even in passing.

Unfortunately for her, forgetting him completely wasn't as simple. About a month after Maureen Sinclair had slept with that hot, foreign redhead at the bar, she came to a horrible, world-shattering conclusion.

She was pregnant.

Of course, this was wholly her fault, for having failed to use any means of contraceptive whatsoever. Despite what getting knocked up might have said about her, she was not, all things considered, a stupid girl, and she realized that ending up pregnant was as much on her as the man. Though she cursed that redheaded foreigner many times in the next eight months, she accepted the responsibility of a child with remarkable grace. At twenty-one, she was about half done with college; a biochemistry degree took a while to achieve, even with her parents' mob money backing her (because after all, the Irish mafia was a force to be reckoned with). At least she'd be able to feed the child. Of course, there was never any question that she would keep the child, because while she may not have been stupid, she was religious, which can often substitute for stupid, and does, occasionally proving worse than mere stupidity ever could. So she would keep the child, and despite the changes this would mean in her life, she took it with remarkable grace. Though her parents were quite upset when she told them, they were grudgingly impressed with her determination, and pledged to support her.

She stayed in school as long as she could, attending classes until she was almost eight months along. When the baby came, it was early, at the end of winter, and she got an absolutely huge surprise to be informed that she was pregnant with twins. That, she wasn't expecting, as she'd refused an ultrasound, not wanting to know her baby's sex. Possibly having had one might have saved her, for no matter what sort of plans Maureen might have had for her life with her children, they didn't matter. She died giving birth; apparently 'this side of anorexic' doesn't imply healthy-baby producing soil. Devastated by their loss, her parents accepted the newborn twins into their care anyway, to raise as they'd raised their own children, all of whom were now grown.

And so it was that Schuldig of Schwarz spawned himself a pair of children, and the children grew up happy, and well cared for, neither half of that coincidental little family ever knowing of the existence of the other and perfectly happy that way.

Thus begins our story.