Disclaimer: We all wish so, but no…

Pairing: SyusukexYuuta, TezukaFuji?

Endless Dream

Part One

by: yukuro

How easy it would be to live in a dream world; never having to face harsh reality and cruel people with their rigid thoughts. As wonderful as it sounded, it was impossible, as Fuji Yuuta found out rather quickly. In the world where tainted creatures like people roam, there would be no space for a dream world.

Yuuta fell back on his bed in his St. Rudolf dorm, staring up at the ceiling. He had just hung up the phone after a long conversation with his older brother. Fuji Syusuke was always teasing him, making unnecessary comments, and embarrassing him, but Yuuta could always feel his brother's love in his words. Love. This was what made him feel strange inside.

His brother had always teased him about dating him and saying provocative things. Yuuta found them embarrassing in public, but it was impossible to hate his brother. Even while blushing and angrily exclaiming at his brother not to make such comments, sometimes Yuuta wondered what it would be like to actually go on a date with him.

Blushing, Yuuta rolled over and buried his face in his pillow. How very wrong of him, he already knew. His brother had always been the person most important to him and Yuuta loved him more than anyone else, even if it was not exactly noticeable. It was difficult to understand what exactly he was feeling, but whatever it was, he blamed it on his growing body.

Groaning, Yuuta rolled off his bed and prepared for a shower. It was the last school night of the week and he did promise he would go home the next day. He needed a shower anyway. After tennis practice and extra training, he was sweaty and tired. Besides, he needed to wash out all the weird feelings he was carrying and clear his confused, aching head.

He could drown out his thoughts with a shower and forget them for a while, but they always came back in his dreams. Yuuta began to dislike his dreams ever since his brother's smiling face began to plague them. It kept reminding him what a horrible person he was for feeling so strangely about someone with blood ties to him and a boy nonetheless. For Yuuta, there were not even dreams to escape to.

In the morning, Yuuta woke up, had breakfast at school, and got ready to go home for the weekend. He was stuffing things into his tennis bag when Yanagisawa burst into the room with Kisarazu behind him.

"You're going home this weekend da ne?" Yanagisawa asked with disappointment. "Too bad da ne… I wanted us to play today!"

Rolling his eyes, Kisarazu stepped on Yanagisawa's foot to get him to keep quiet before saying, "Ignore him, Yuuta. We just came to see you off for today. Have fun at home with your brother."

Yuuta forced a polite smile. How ironic was it that right when he was trying to forget the fact that he would have to struggle at home with his brother, Kisarazu had to bring that little point up.

"Yeah, I think Mizuki has a crush on him da ne!" Yanagisawa exclaimed, receiving another sharp stomp on the foot from Kisarazu.

Raising an eyebrow, Yuuta frowned slightly at the thought, suddenly disliking Mizuki for a moment. His frown quickly disappeared and he laughed when Kisarazu grabbed Yanagisawa by the ear and ushered him out the door.

"We'll see you when you get back," Kisarazu said calmly, dragging a wailing Yanagisawa out the door.

Sighing, Yuuta stuffed the last few things he needed into his bag before stepping out the door. The last thing he needed was reminded of his strange feelings towards his older brother. It was already troublesome enough to be home for the weekend.

It was a quiet train ride back home for Yuuta. One of the reasons he had first gone to St. Rudolf was to get away from his constantly smiling brother. He did start going home more often, but that was when he had thought that he had better control of his awkward feelings. Apparently, it was on progressively getting worse.

"Tadaima."

Slipping his shoes off, Yuuta put on some house slippers before walking into the house. From the lack of voices calling out to greet him, he assumed his parents were not home. Shrugging it off, he headed towards the kitchen for a glass of water.

"What about this question here?" Fuji Syusuke was saying with a smile to Tezuka Kunimitsu while they were seated next to each other at the kitchen table, crouched over a pile of paper and books.

Freezing, Yuuta stared for a moment at his brother sitting so closely to someone else. Silently, he turned and tried to sneak back out without being noticed.

"Yuuta!"

Freezing again with one foot out the door, Yuuta turned back with a fake smile plastered on his face. "Aniki… Sorry to interrupt your study session."

"That's alright," the blue-eyed boy said cheerfully, beaming at his younger brother. "Tezuka was just helping me review for Monday's world history exam. I'm glad you're home though. Let's play tennis later, alright?"

"S-Sure," Yuuta said, his smile twitching. Without another word, he turned around the corner.

"Aren't you going to spend some time with your brother, Fuji? He stays at St. Rudolf, doesn't he?"

"Yes, but… I still need some help studying."

Squeezing his eyes shut, Yuuta stomped up the stairs, feeling angry. He really had no reason to feel angry, but he went up to his room and slammed the door quietly anyway. Dropping his bag on the ground, Yuuta fell face-first onto his bed, staring at the wall with empty eyes.

"Why do I have to have these kind of feelings?" Yuuta mumbled into his pillow, feeling annoyed. Sitting up, he punched the pillow. "Kuso! What's wrong with me? It's just Tezuka-san… He's friends with aniki…"

After beating on his pillow for a while, Yuuta fell back onto his bed and fell asleep. Two hours passed when there was a soft knock on the door, waking him up. Sitting up, he mumbled, "Come in."

"Did I wake you?" Fuji Syusuke asked, trademark smile in place as he stepped into his younger brother's room. "Sorry, but I wanted to see your cute face."

"Aniki!" Yuuta exclaimed with a frown, throwing his pillow at the smiling boy's face. "Don't say such weird things!"

"But it's fun to tease you, Yuuta," the older boy replied with an easy smile, tossing the pillow back at the younger boy. "How about a date before dinner? We haven't played tennis together in a while."

"If you wanted to play tennis, you should just say so from the beginning," Yuuta muttered, his face slightly red. "Who wants to go on a date with you anyway?"

"You always seem to be eager to accept," the older boy replied with a cheerful smile. "Ne, Yuuta?"

"Shouldn't you be with Tezuka-san?" Yuuta asked dryly. The moment he said it, he wished he had just kept his mouth shut. He did not want it to make it like he wanted his brother to be with someone else. That was the last thing he wanted.

Much to Yuuta's relief, Syusuke laughed. "Come on, Yuuta. Lets go play a game of tennis."

They ended up on the street tennis courts, rallying easily while discussing things at school and what was happening in their tennis clubs until rain began to fall from the already gray sky. Stuffing their racquets in their bags, the boys ran to the back of the bleachers where the rain was blocked.

"Ah, right when we were having fun," the older boy said with his usual smile. His blue eyes opened as he stared out into the falling rain. "It isn't often when Yuuta can be so open with me."

Averting his gaze from his brother's wistful face, Yuuta stared out into the rain as well. "You say that like I hate you."

"It would be easier that way, even if it hurt," the blue-eyed boy whispered to himself, his smile becoming painful. He apparently did not notice Yuuta had heard and was looking at him with an equally painful expression.

Turning his eyes away again, Yuuta stared back into the rain, listening to the water drops fall from the sky and splash onto the ground and bleachers. No one else was around, only the rain was there to witness.

Squeezing his eyes shut abruptly, Yuuta slid over until he crashed into his older brother. Flushing slightly, he put an arm around the shocked boy's shoulders and pulled him close.

"Baka aniki," he muttered roughly, keeping his eyes closed to avoid his brother's blue eyes. "I could never hate you."

Head resting on his younger brother's shoulder, Syusuke directed his confused gaze out towards the rain again. Eyes closing, a small smile appeared on his face. "That's right, isn't it?"

Around them, the rain continued to fall.

--- ---

The remaining weekend Yuuta spent at home was quiet between the brothers. Fuji Syusuke remained constantly smiling at home but his teasing had grown less. Yuuta could only watch out of the corner of his eye as his brother vacantly moved about he finished dinner with a quiet, "Gochisousama deshita."

"Syusuke seems to be worried about something," Yumiko said musingly as she washed the dishes, watching her blue-eyed younger brother move about mindlessly across the other side of the kitchen. The three children had gathered together after dinner again to clean up. "Know anything about this, Yuuta?"

Picking up another plate from the table, Yuuta merely glanced at his brother. Sighing quietly, he turned back to the table and muttered to his sister, "Not really, nee-san."

Yumiko smiled at her youngest brother before starting on more dishes. She had only asked because she knew. Giggling quietly, she whispered to herself, "What complicated love problems Yuuta and Syusuke have."

"What was that, nee-san?"

"Nothing."

Syusuke had already disappeared from the house when Yuuta left for school again. His sister and parents bid him goodbye, and he left with a smile plastered onto his face, but the moment he was on the train again, his smile disappeared.

Sighing, Yuuta stared out the window, silently watching trees and building zip by. He might have been imagining it, but it felt as if his brother was avoiding him. Yuuta knew "tensai Fuji Syusuke" was always busy with his famous tennis club, but that had never stopped him from saying goodbye to him before he went back to school on weekends. No matter what kind of fights they had before, Syusuke would always wave goodbye to his brother with a smile on his face.

Once back at school, Yuuta retreated to his dorm, where he found himself face down on his bed again. He only had a few seconds of silence before the door burst open again.

"Yuuta! You're back da ne!"

"Oof!"

Yuuta groaned when his senpai dived onto him. "Yanagisawa-san! Please get off of me!"

Rolling his eyes, Kisarazu pulled his friend off of the younger boy out of sympathy. "Calm down, Yanagisawa. Yuuta doesn't look like he's feeling very well right now. How about giving him some space?"

"What's wrong, Yuuta?" Yanagisawa asked out of curiosity, poking the boy's shoulder. "Did you eat something funny da ne?"

"No," Yuuta mumbled into his pillow.

"Trouble at home?" Kisarazu guessed.

"Kind of," the younger boy answered vaguely, his eyes void of emotion. "I guess… My brother was kind of distant when I came home…"

"Does Yuuta have a brother complex da ne?" Yanagisawa asked, chuckling to himself. "Just like Atsushi!"

Lifting his face off the pillow, Yuuta sat up to look at Kisarazu for a moment. The black haired boy studied him in return with a serious expression. There was an awkward moment of silence in the room before Kisarazu spoke again, "Yanagisawa, I'd like to talk to Yuuta alone for a minute. Would you mind?"

Blinking a few times, Yanagisawa shrugged. Ruffling Yuuta's hair, he left the room obediently. "You owe me, Atsushi da ne!"

The silence seemed to stretch endlessly. Yuuta began to feel nervous with the way Kisarazu's concerned eyes watched him. Breaking the connection of their gazes, Yuuta turned to stare at the wall. "Yes, Kisarazu-san?"

"Yuuta," Kisarazu began quietly, studying the boy's nervous expression. "Do you like your brother?"

"Of course!" Yuuta muttered, his face turning slightly red. "I mean, sure I always complain about being related to him and things like that, but it doesn't I don't like him or anything…"

"That's not what I meant," the older boy said bluntly, making Yuuta stiffen. "I recognize the expression on your face when you talk about him. Such painful eyes can't only be over a little silence at home."

"How would you know?" Yuuta asked quietly, still staring at the wall. "I don't… I mean, I can't. Aniki is…"

Kisarazu's eyebrows knitted together in silent, growing concern. "Yuuta," he interrupted gently, "do you know why I came to St. Rudolf so easily? Usually, it would be a difficult decision to come all the way to another city for school and be so far away from family. Do you know why I came with such little persuasion?"

"Fight a lot with your brother like me?" the younger boy sighed, closing his eyes. "Kisarazu-senpai, did you not get along with your brother very well?"

"Not exactly," Kisarazu said with a hint of a smile before his expression turned serious again. "Actually, it was because I loved him too much. I left to spare him the pain. Our parents were desperate to separate us anyway."

Eyes snapping open, Yuuta turned to stare at the older boy with furrowed brows and a flushed face. It made him stiffen to hear those words. He opened his mouth to say something, but the words would not come out.

"I'm not saying that kind of love is necessarily a good thing," Kisarazu said slowly, turning to direct his gaze at a blank wall. "But…when you love someone, there's nothing you can do about it. The only thing you can do is accept it and then move on. I don't want to see you hurt, Yuuta."

"That's not the problem," the younger boy muttered quietly, his hands moving to his forehead. "Maybe I do love my brother, but aniki…what is he feeling? He always jokes about us going on dates with a smile, but I can never tell if joking or not. I know it's wrong of me, but I can't stop, even when I command myself not to."

"Emotions can't be so easily rid of," Kisarazu replied, eyes closing. "Actually, I don't know what I can say to make you feel better, but I just don't want you to hurt the way I still do. Yuuta, don't hurt yourself."

Turmoil clouded Yuuta's mind when the door quietly clicked shut again. His situation seemed to have grown worse with time. On the road he stood upon now, he stumbled blindly in the dark, completely unaware of the thorns that grew just along the edges. No matter which direction he turned, he would surely be hurt either way.

They say reality is like a dream; if this were so, then the reality he was living in was surely a nightmare.

Tsuzuku.

--- ---

A/N: Gawd. I have super soft spot for brothers. Be it Fuji-kyoudai or Kisarazu-futago, they're just… XD that's just me, anyway. W00t. Well, this has two parts, so please look forward to the second!

Holy crap. I'm too cheerful at the moment for someone who just wrote such deformed angst. Lol.

Thanks again for reading!