Disclaimer: Exactly.

Pairing: SyusukexYuuta, TezukaFuji?

Endless Dream

Part Two

by: yukuro

Fuji Syusuke was always thought to be a strange person. He was a little different from others, despite how he fit in so easily. He had things to hide, and while he wanted to hide them, he also did not wantpeople to treat him differently because of it. It was difficult to find such people.

Throughout his younger years, Fuji was still as popular as ever. Everyone wanted to be near him because he was so smart, so cute, or so great at tennis. He had friends, and quite a few of them, but he was unsure of how many of them were truly loyal. Even while he had friends, he distanced himself from them while still smiling as if nothing were wrong.

Yuuta was also a different child from others. He had many friends himself, and yet even still, he was constantly following his older brother around. Yuuta seemed to be the only one who loved his older brother unconditionally. They had their occasional fights and spats as they grew older, but in the end, they always faced each other with a smile. Everyone always knew that Fuji Syusuke loved his brother, they only did not know exactly how much.

Fuji had always liked to tease his younger brother. His most recent teasing had to do with dating. He found it amusing the way Yuuta would turn red and yell at him, completely embarrassed. Something about Yuuta's flustered face made Fuji feel content.

It was only recently when Fuji noticed how dangerous his feelings were. He had begun to notice small signs that Yuuta may like him in the same way. He had always known that the feelings he had for his younger brother were abnormal and very wrong, but he had never thought of suppressing them before. He only recently began to wonder what his parents and sister would say if they ever found out.

It hardly mattered to Fuji if the world hated him or not, but he had the constant crushing feeling that Yuuta would never be able to stand it. Recently, while thinking these thoughts, fearing his younger brother's destruction, Fuji decided to hide his feelings away to prevent hurting Yuuta. In fact, it was best to forget about his feelings all together. Of course, the task would hardly be easy.

"I'm in love with my brother," Fuji said with a smile one day to Tezuka Kunimitsu after tennis practice in the emptied clubroom. He was unsure of why he chose Tezuka to ask for help, but he would do so anyway. "Do you hate me?"

Tezuka studied the shorter boy's expression for a moment before closing his eyes and pushing his glasses back up. "No," he responded, turning back around to put his racquet into his bag. "I wouldn't judge you for that. I don't know the conditions, so they don't matter to me. No matter what, you're still the same Fuji I know, so I can only judge you by that."

"Don't you think it's disgusting? Should I be condemned to hell? Shouldn't you hate me, Tezuka?" Fuji asked again, his smile still in place.

"It only matters what you think," Tezuka replied stonily, "and I don't hate you."

"Thank you," Fuji said again, quieter this time. His head lowered slightly, his despaired blue eyes opened to contradict his usual smile. "Somehow I knew you would say those things. Even so, I'm still too grateful."

Just like that, Fuji Syusuke had told his darkest secret to someone for the first time. The person that knew his secret now, was not exactly his best friend or the person closest to him, but Fuji felt that he could trust Tezuka. He felt a little better, but that would not completely help him rid himself of his sinful feelings.

Two days later, Fuji asked Tezuka to help him study for the upcoming world history test. Tezuka asked no questions about why he in particular was asked and even if he did, Fuji had prepared an answer. World history was Tezuka's favorite subject, after all.

That Saturday they were studying together in the kitchen, Yuuta happened to come home and spotted them. Fuji did not exactly feel good about it, but he hoped for the best. He greeted his younger brother warmly as if nothing were out of the ordinary, but then went back to the kitchen to study with Tezuka rather than going upstairs to bother Yuuta.

"What are you up to?" Tezuka asked quietly once Yuuta stomped up the stairs.

"I shouldn't have these feelings," Fuji responded easily, continuing to write on a piece of paper. "They'll only hurt Yuuta and that's the only thing I fear."

"So I'm supposed to be a replacement to distract you from your brother?" Tezuka questioned with little emotion in his voice.

"Yes," Fuji admitted rather guiltily. "Cruel of me, isn't it?"

"I don't mind," Tezuka stated, much to the other boy's surprise. "To be desperate enough to search for another person to redirect your emotions to, I'd say you're a little afraid of hurting yourself as well."

The pencil froze on the paper for a moment. A bitter smile curved on Fuji's lips. "I guess you can say that."

They worked together for a little longer before Tezuka stood up and began to put his things away. By the time his last book was put into his tennis bag, Fuji had stopped working. Pulling his bag onto his shoulder, Tezuka turned to leave the kitchen. Just before stepping out of the room, he paused.

"If there's anything else you need," Tezuka began in his usual emotionless voice before it softened slightly, "call me."

The boy at the table looked up to smile at Tezuka's back with grateful eyes. "Aa. Thanks, Tezuka."

Fuji spent several moments sitting at the table, staring down at his world history notes with an unreadable expression. His mind repeatedly showed Yuuta's expression when he first came home. Not being to interact with his younger brother was eating at him like torture.

This is the last time, he reassured himself before rising from the table. After today, I'll definitely make these feelings disappear.

It was completely unbearable to appear before Yuuta with his usual smile, pretending nothing was bothering him. Tennis was a way to redirect his cruel emotions, and it was working for Fuji until the rain started. Though he was unsure how, Fuji ended up leaning gently against the younger boy's shoulder until the rain had calmed. It was such an awkward feeling to have such peace between them, even so, neither one complained.

It was the middle of the night when Fuji called Tezuka. It was a horrible hour for a call and most people in their right mind would not have even bothered. In Fuji Syusuke's case, he was calmly in a crisis.

"I'm sorry to bother you this late at night, Tezuka," the blue-eyed boy apologized immediately, a smile on his face out of force of habit.

"Don't worry about that," Tezuka replied in his stony voice, barely sounding tired at all. "What's wrong, Fuji?"

"I've messed up horribly," Fuji said calmly, his smile as stiff as his body had become. "I need to get away from here for a while. Do you mind if I come over right now?"

"No," came the easy response. "Just be careful on your way over. Even if it's you, it's still the dead of the night."

"Thank you, Tezuka."

It took little to no time for Fuji to arrive at Tezuka's house. A single light was on in the traditional Japanese house. Fuji instantly identified the room with the source of light as Tezuka's bedroom. He had barely stood outside for a minute before Tezuka appeared to let him in. If Fuji had been his normal self, he would have felt terrible for causing so much trouble to his captain. In his current state, he was too lightheaded to think about anything.

"I'll get you some tea to calm you down," Tezuka said simply once he escorted Fuji to his room. His expression remained as neutral as always, not even showing a sign of weariness from being up so late. Fuji sometimes wondered how he could manage to always be so perfect all the time.

Just as Tezuka slid the door open, Fuji spoke up suddenly, "Aren't you even going to ask? Don't you want to know why I've suddenly barged in on you in the middle of the night."

"It's your choice to make whether or not you want to tell me," Tezuka replied before stepping out of the room. "I have no reason to ask you about your personal affairs."

Fuji's distressful smile reappeared once the door was slid shut again and Tezuka's silhouetted shadow slowly moved away. Tezuka constantly surprised him. Perhaps that was the reason Fuji had decided to tell Tezuka his secret.

When Tezuka returned with the tea, Fuji was sitting on his bed, gazing absent-mindedly out the window. Silently setting the tray with a steaming teacup on the nightstand, Tezuka moved to lay a futon out on the ground. He worked in silence and waited patiently for Fuji to speak first.

"Everyone says it's wrong," Fuji suddenly said quietly, his expression hardly changing. "Society, friends, family, even kami-sama himself. Am I just a pitiful soul that is departed from them all?"

Tezuka was silent as Fuji spoke, his gaze resting upon the other boy gently, which was slightly unusual for his usually cold behavior. "Do you think it's wrong, Fuji?"

The blue-eyed boy's smile spread across his face as his hair shaded his eyes from view. "What I think doesn't really matter at all. Just because I think it's right, won't make it so. In fact, there's nothing I want more than to kiss my younger brother, make love to him, whatever way to taint him just to keep other people from getting too close."

Fuji let out a bitter-sounding chuckle. "I would do those things to my own flesh and blood. I truly am the most vile of all human beings."

"You can't control what you feel, it only depends on how you choose to act about it," Tezuka stated calmly, rising to his feet. "It's bad for your health to be up so late. You can sleep in my bed. I'll sleep on the ground."

"Tezuka," Fuji called out quietly, rising to his feet to meet the other boy. With his eyes still hidden from view, he rose up on his toes to place his lips over the taller boy's for a chaste kiss.

Tezuka stood rigidly the entire time, his eyes open and unwavering. Only when Fuji pulled away did he lift his hand to correct his glasses, closing his eyes for a moment. "It won't always do you good to have a replacement all the time."

"Actually, that time I wanted to kiss just you," Fuji stated truthfully with a sheepish grin. His blue eyes opened to revealed crushed emotions. "But you see through everything, don't you?"

"That kiss wasn't real."

"Maybe not to you," Fuji said, too cheerfully to possibly be pained. "But… If there's ever a day when these sinful emotions finally die away, I hope to be able to really kiss you, or at least someone like you."

"The worst part of all this," Fuji said softly, retreating to the bed to face the wall, pulling the covers up to his chin, "is that I always come to you because I know you'll always respond with kind words, telling me everything will be fine even though it won't."

Silently, Tezuka flicked the lights off.

--- ---

Fuji was awoken by the vibrating of his cell phone. He glanced around the room, noticing that Tezuka had already woken up and disappeared from the room. Checking the name on the screen, Fuji answered the phone with a slight smile. "Ohayou, Saeki. Isn't it a bit early for a friendly chat?"

A faint chuckle was heard from the other end. "I'm sorry for calling so suddenly, but it's really not quite so early, Fuji. I figure you've been staying up late again? Anyway, this call is a little more out of concern than just an ordinary friendly chat."

"Tactful as always," Fuji said with a grin before asking seriously, "What's the special reason then?"

"I just received a call from a twin of a certain teammate of mine who happens to attend St. Rudolf…"

Fuji stiffened awkwardly. "And so?"

"Apparently Yuuta's been in quite a fix of complicated problems over the weekend," Saeki stated vaguely in an almost teasing way. "Atsushi's rather concerned about dear Yuuta and his emotional distress from personal experience. I was wondering if you happened to know anything about this matter."

"I didn't see any reason for Yuuta to be stressed over the weekend," Fuji stated stiffly yet honestly, trying not to sound too awkward. He was the one that was stressed. There was no reason for Yuuta to feel that way. "Ever stop to think you may be overreacting just a little?"

"Come on, Fuji," Saeki said. Fuji could just imagine a frown forming at his lips. "You know I care too much about you two to purposely make a big deal about something small. You don't have to tell me what's going on. I just don't want to see you two drift apart again. I've seen siblings drift, and I'll tell you it's definitely not pretty."

A sigh came through the line. "In all seriousness, take care of yourself, Fuji. Whatever you decide to do, don't hurt yourself too much. There are others who care about you too."

"Aa," Fuji responded sincerely. He paused for a moment. "Saeki, do you know about…?"

"I know about nothing!" Saeki claimed goofily with a slight chuckle. "It doesn't matter to me, Fuji. You know I'll keep your secret."

"Thanks, Saeki. You're a true friend," Fuji said, a small smile spreading across his face.

The moment the line disconnected, Tezuka stepped into the room. Averting his eyes, he stated off-handedly, "That friend of yours on the phone seems like a pretty reliable person."

"It's unlike you to eavesdrop, Tezuka," Fuji replied pleasantly.

Tezuka's expression hardly even twitched, his eyes just as passive as always. For a moment it looked as if he wanted to say something in response but then decided against it and silently moved about his room. "Sorry," he said simply, "it wasn't my place."

A small smile of sincerity crossed Fuji's face before his mask was set in place again. Somehow simply being in Tezuka's presence made trying to purge himself of his sinful desires for his brother seem just a bit easier. It was hard to meet someone who was always so kind and forgiving, and Fuji thought himself lucky to have Tezuka as a friend. He only wished the rest of the world was like Tezuka. Still, even if that were so, it would still be no easy task to openly state his true feelings.

Fuji moved through the morning as mindlessly as a ghost. There was no taste in the breakfast he forcefully put into his mouth little by little and the more tea he drank, the dryer his throat felt. Even Tezuka's soothing presence had no effect on his turmoil. The way he felt was difficult to explain. While it was just a day like any other, Fuji somehow sensed something painful foreshadowing. The feeling was so strong he barely had the will to step out the house when Tezuka offered to walk him home.

His arm shook violently as he reached for the door. Even though his smile was plastered on his face like a mask, his fright was clearly visible. The more he reached for the door, the further away it seemed. For once, Fuji Syusuke did not feel as fearless as everyone had always said he was.

Noticing the way Fuji's shoulders shook in silent fear, Tezuka closed his eyes for a moment before reaching past him and sliding the door open. "Just standing here isn't going to resolve anything," he stated simply, snapping the blue-eyed boy out of his trance. "The only thing you can do is move forward."

Somehow, Fuji had found the will to walk again though exactly when had hardly phased him. He had been walking silently next to Tezuka for a long time before the sound of quick-paced footsteps and a familiar voice made him look up.

"Aniki!"

For a moment, he froze and in the next second, he was falsely beaming at his younger brother in a way that made everything seem normal. "What are you doing here, Yuuta? Shouldn't you be back at school already?"

Yuuta panted from running while staring up at his brother with a look of defiance. Finally noticing Tezuka's presence beside his smiling brother, a slight look of embarrassment crossed his face. "I…I did, but I…had to come back…"

"Oh, did you forget something?" Fuji asked cheerfully, his smile slightly strained. He walked past his brother with a light tap on his shoulder. "You had better hurry home and get it so you can get back to school."

"Su…ki…"

It was a quiet whisper, but it made Fuji freeze in his tracks. His hand trembled lightly on Yuuta's shoulder before he pulled it away. Suddenly, the world crashed down on him and pieces of the sky fell and crashed on his shoulders. "Yuuta…"

"Aniki! No," Yuuta's face changed, looking crushed and pained, "I don't want to call you that anymore. I…I had to think about this for a long time, but I wanted to tell you—"

"That's enough."

The words lashed out of Fuji Syusuke so harshly it shocked both Yuuta and Tezuka. There was ice and acid in his words, so sharp and hard, Yuuta was speechless.

"What are you saying, Yuuta?" Fuji asked with a bitter smile, not daring to turn around to face his younger brother. His tone was still hard and dangerous. "You know that I always joke about dating and other nonsense, but I can't believe that you would actually take it seriously. We're brothers, no matter how anyone sees it."

Slowly, a look of realization crossed Yuuta's face. "A-ah…that's right, isn't it?" A slow, heartless laugh escaped his lips and fed his bewildered eyes. As his laughter died away, his head bowed slowly to hide his pained eyes. "Sorry, aniki. I don't know what came over me. Just forget this ever happened."

"Aa," came the quiet response of fake cheerfulness. "After all…that's the way it should be."

A long silence fell across them and slowly, the dark, cloudy skies opened up again. Even as the cold rain fell, no one moved.

"Oh, it's raining again," Fuji noted in a detached voice. Bangs shielding his eyes, he turned to greet his younger brother with an empty smile. "You had better hurry to the train station and get back, Yuuta. I don't want you to catch a cold."

When Yuuta lifted his head again, his eyes were shadowed, but a similar empty smile was forcefully spread across his lips. "You too, aniki. I'm sorry to keep you and Tezuka-san out… I'll leave now."

With the gentle patter of retreating strides along with the gentle falling rain, Yuuta turned the corner and disappeared from sight.

Fuji remained motionless. His eyes were still hidden from sight and that horrible, lying smile still remained on his lips. A quiet, small bitter laugh escaped when Tezuka stepped behind him.

"Are you sure this is how you want things?" Tezuka asked quietly.

"Yes," Fuji stated, lifting his face up to meet the cold rain. "It's better to come to reality and correct your path rather than to live on in an endless dream of delusions. It's easier to heal this way."

"If that's so," Tezuka spoke again quietly, examining his friend's face, "why are you crying?"

Fuji brought his head down to wipe the water out of his eyes. Meeting Tezuka's glance with his best smiling face, he stated, "Baka. That's just the rain."

Besides healing, there's also the painful chance of a dream being a nightmare after all.

Owari.

--- ---

A/N: Ok, so who else thinks that was a terrible ending? Some way to write this pairing, eh? Urgh… sometimes I wonder why I love angst so much. My eye is twitching. XD Anyway, this was…fun and yet somewhat painful… Hmm… Ah, well, it was a try.

Thanks very much for reading!