Three's the Very Best Number.

"So, bleach-boy, you gonna tell me what the hell that was about?" Xander said as he grabbed a can of soda out of the fridge. "I mean, that was... Angel. And we were all over him. And now I'm sulking because we got interrupted and I want him to come back so we can be all over him again. When did this happen?"

"Breathe, pet," Spike told him with a little grin. "What exactly are you worried about, anyway? I mean, I wasn't the only one messing around with the nonce, so there's no reason for you to be jealous or anything."

Xander smacked him on the back of the head and settled back with the can of soda in his hand. "Yeah, you weren't the only one messing around. It's just... it's weird. It's not like we've ever talked about him or anything, and then we were just lying there watching tv and then all of a sudden we're both playing with him and he's getting into it and it was just... weird, okay? Weird that we were playing with someone like that, weird that we were doing it so smoothly we should get paid for it-" Little snicker from Spike at that one. "-And it was weird that it was Angel, of all people, and it was weird because I don't know how far we would have taken it if we hadn't been interrupted, and it was weird because I want to find him and start it all over again, and it's all even weirder because I shouldn't want to start over again when I've got you. And a bit weird because I feel a little jealous anyway." He paused and took a huge gulp of air, and then looked at Spike. "Um, was any of that English?"

"I think I got it fairly well, luv. You want me to answer them, or are you just complaining?"

"Answers would be nice," Xander offered, and Spike sighed before settling back against the counter next to him, his hip nudging against the boy's.

"Was afraid you were gonna say that," he sighed, but gave his answers anyway. "Take 'em in order, yeah?" When Xander nodded, he continued. "Right. Well, I don't see how actually talking about it makes any difference to wantin' the pouf, because everyone does even though it'd take hot pokers to get most of them to admit it. It's not that weird to play with someone who's as gorgeous as my Sire is, not that I'll ever repeat that within hearing range of the wanker. That sort of cooperation... that's a bit different, but it's just a bit of what it's like when we're shaggin', readin' each other's minds or near enough, so that really shouldn't be that much of a surprise. Angel's a bit... different from most people, pet, you should know that, and we've both had some history with 'im, so it bein' Angel isn't quite as weird as you think. Workin' up to the end of your little speech, no point in feeling guilty because you liked it, or have you forgotten the lesson I gave you on that after the first time we shagged?"

Xander flushed a little, because he remembered it very well, and gave Spike a half-angry, half-laughing look at the reminder, and waved his soda can for Spike to go on.

"Right, so nothing's wrong with your memory. Anyway, the last bit, 'bout bein' jealous... you don't have to be. You don't ever have to be jealous of me. I was hopin' you'd learned that bit already, but since you haven't, I'm sayin' it now. Just because I might want someone else, or even play with someone else while you're playin' too... It doesn't mean a soddin' thing. I'm yours. For as long as you want me."

Xander was rendered almost completely speechless, which anyone could tell you was almost unheard of, and in absence of words he pulled Spike into an almost painfully tight embrace. Spike wrapped himself around Xander's body and purred a little, low in his throat, resting his head against Xander's shoulder as they stood in silence.

Xander untangled one arm to set the soda can down on the counter, then wrapped it around Spike's back again. "Sometimes," he said, very slowly, "sometimes I wonder that I'm going to go completely insane one day. That everything I've experienced, everything I've done and all the things I've learned about my life that I'd just as soon not know will just... crush me like a load of bricks and I'll lose my mind and nothing will ever bring me back."

Silence hung heavily in the air again, and then Xander dipped his head just a little bit to press a kiss into the stiffly gelled curls at the top of Spike's head. "And then I remember that you're here, and I know that I have nothing to fear."

Spike made a wordless, needy noise at the back of his throat and kissed Xander with rough desperation. Xander kissed him back just as hard, and then finally eased back a bit, breathing hard.

"So," he said casually, then smacked Spike when the vampire broke down into a fit of laughter. "You didn't even hear what I was gonna say!"

"Don't need to," Spike said, still snorting. "Anything that begins in 'So' after a scene like that is bound to end badly."

"That's what you think," Xander retorted. "What I was gonna say was, "So, what do you think about playing with Angel some more?"

Spike blinked at him, then started grinning like a maniac. "Definitely keepin' you, pet. We'll have so much fun."

"I know," Xander said. "And just think of all the mayhem we can get into now that I can actually fight."

One Week Later

Various noises were sounding from somewhere just below his ear, and he wondered in an abstract way what the hell they were. Then he managed to force himself into something more closely resembling consciousness, and he realized that the noises were actually voices from the sewer line that ran directly under the warehouse.

"I can't find the bleeding opening."

"Somehow, I find myself not at all surprised by this. Spike, you're a moron."

"Not my fault I never went underground when I was here! I was in a bloody wheelchair, mate! Not exactly easy to find a damn doorway when you've never gone through it!"

"Yeah, yeah. Shut up for a minute, will ya? I'm trying to focus here."

There was silence for a moment, and then Xander said triumphantly, "I got it. Right there," which was probably accompanied by Xander pointing at the doorway.

"You bloody well smelled the damn doorway? That's just not normal. Are you sure that's it?"

"No, Spike, it's not normal. I was never meant to channel my inner hyena, but I am and since I've been through this before, I know what I can do. Go over there and open the damn door, Spike."

Angel heard the door opening somewhere a few feet to his left, and then a few seconds later booted feet were thudding on the floor, coming his direction. He opened his eyes, hoping against hope that it was all a hallucination, but as it turned out, no such luck. Spike was looming over him, grinning cheerfully, looking far too wide-awake, considering that this was Spike. Spike never got up this early. For Christ's sake, it was only a couple hours past dawn, and knowing those two they'd been up till way past midnight, combing the graveyards and then going back to their apartment to have sex.

He'd heard the rumors on the few occasions he'd ventured out of the warehouse in the last week and went to some of the demon bars in Sunnydale. Spike was up to his old tricks again, killing his own kind and everything, but now he had a sidekick that was stronger than any vampire. A few of them thought that he looked a lot like one of the former Slayer's humans, but the idea was quickly dismissed because the Slayer's groupies were all human, and had certainly never fought like this.

"What the hell are you doing up?" he demanded, which probably shouldn't have been his first question but he was tired, damn it, having only gotten a couple hours of sleep. Spike just grinned at him some more and leaned against the hearth.

"I made him get up," Xander said as he closed the door again. "And I have to admit I'm curious as to why you're asleep on the couch when there is a perfectly good bed about ten feet away, through that doorway."

"Too tired," Angel muttered. "Why are you here?"

"Have something I have to prove," Xander said cheerfully. "But you're not gonna have the energy to play, apparently. Got a present for you."

Angel blinked at the apparent change of topic, and said, very slowly, "And what would that be?"

"This," Xander said, and took out a knife. Angel's eyes widened, and his muscles tensed to roll away, but Xander brought the knife down on his own arm and sliced a shallow cut open neatly on his inner arm.

"Drink," he said.

Angel started to shake his head, but then the smell of blood hit him like a physical assault. Warm, fresh blood. Human blood, only it wasn't quite human- there was a smell of magic in it, of magic and demon and vampire, and he wanted to say no but couldn't... quite... resist....

Angel drank.

Not a lot. He was worried about weakening the boy, though he suspected that it would take a lot more than a little blood loss to slow down the particular Powers-created fighting machine. But still, he didn't take much, if only because it was already coursing through his own bloodstream and he was afraid that if he took too much he was going to be drunk, drugged on Xander Harris's blood. So he stopped, already looking around for a bandage.

"Don't bother," Xander said, guessing his intent, and gestured to his arm, which was already closing up. Angel watched, fascinated, as the shallow cut literally disappeared from sight.

"Even a vampire doesn't heal that fast," Angel said slowly, and Spike came over to stare with interest at Xander's arm. Xander grinned at them both.

"A vampire does if he was turned by the Master and shares blood with another vampire," Xander said with a grin. Angel looked at Spike, who looked at the ceiling. "And my flesh is part human, which wants to heal faster, for some reason."

"Your vampire self was turned by the Master?" Angel asked, and Xander nodded. Something in his eyes was making Angel's skin crawl, though, and he couldn't quite understand why. It had been bothering him since Xander had first entered the room, and he was beginning to guess that it had something to do with Xander-the-vampire.

"There's something else," Xander said slowly. "The vampire me, in the alternate dimension? He, well..." He paused, struggling for words. Spike looked just as curious as Angel, so apparently Xander hadn't told his other half everything.

"He was with Willow, I guess you know that much. And vampire-Willow was more than a little psychotic, which I think you also know. She liked to play. With a puppy."

Angel was starting to think that he really didn't want to hear this.

"The 'puppy' was you, Angel. That's why your skin is pouring off fear right now, because some part of you remembers the vampire me, and you're terrified."

Angel nodded slowly- this made sense. This made a bit too much sense, if you asked him, which no one did because since when did anyone ask his opinion any more and actually care about the answer? Which was not the point. His brain had gotten off track yet again.

"So, it's like this. We've been killing lots of things, and it's fun and all, but it occurred to me recently that I should probably learn slightly higher-class fighting skills than Spike's particular brand of street fighting mixed with poking things with sharp metal poles. And you're the only one we've got to learn from, at the moment. So here we are."

Oh, bad idea.

"Xander, I don't think-"

"That's it's a good idea?" Spike finished for him. "Well, I'm not all that fond of the idea either, mostly because you're gonna try to teach 'im Tai Chi or some foofy shit, but you're going to do it anyway."

"Why's that?" Angel wanted to know. He wasn't exactly convinced that this was the best idea, but Spike was starting to make sense. Which was just weird. Especially considering that Spike wasn't making any effort to convince him at all, and was essentially telling him what to do. But then, he still felt a little out of it from Xander's blood, so he was going to use that as an excuse for actually considering doing something Spike told him to do.

"Because Xander's right, and there's no one else. He's a blend of vampire, and hyena, and soldier, and a gormless carpenter geek."

"I heard that," Xander said.

"Giles used to be a decent fighter," Spike said, ignoring him, "but we all know what he's turned into now. 'Sides, I know you used to spar with the Slayer, before you skipped town."

"Buffy was something different," Angel protested. "She wasn't like any other fighter, ever."

"Well, neither is Xander," Spike growled back. "What part of vampire-hyena-soldier did not sink into your soddin' thick skull?"

"Spike, shut up," Xander suggested pleasantly. "We have bigger problems right now, like a Hellmouth to deal with, and I can't deal with it unless I have some better training, which we're going to start now. And you don't really have any sort of excuse to get out of this, Angel, because you're more than awake. Bet your skin is buzzing right now, isn't it?"

Angel nodded, puzzled. "How did you-"

"Can smell it, can't I?" Xander said irritably. "Now, can we get started now?"

"Yeah." Angel stood and stretched. "Yeah, I think we can do that."

"Ow."

"Spike, stop whining. I barely tapped you. I've hit you harder before got all magicked up."

"Ow, ow, damn it all to sodding hell, Xander, you were supposed to have my right side, not my left. Ow."

"No, I was supposed to take your left, since Angel was supposed to be on my left, because we're fighting with me in the center, remember? Stop whining, you big vampire baby. It's your own fault for forgetting which side you were supposed to be on, not mine."

Angel watched this all with a great deal of bemusement. Xander was... beautiful to watch in motion. He and Spike had started out sparring, leaving Angel to watch for a while before he joined in. The two had clearly fought together before, because every move they made was a perfectly choreographed improvisation of fists and booted feet and swiftly moving bodies. They'd finally let him in, and it had taken him a few minutes to adjust to their pattern, but once he found it the three of them had settled into the movements as if they were born to them. When Spike could remember which side he was supposed to be on, anyway.

"Dinner break," Xander announced, as he turned and made his way back into the kitchen. "You too dig into the nummy O positive I left in the fridge; I'm ordering pizza."

"Don't get it with bloody pineapple!" Spike howled as Xander started dialing. "I can't stand the stuff."

"Hello, I'd like an extra large Hawaiian and a medium Meat Lover's. Yep, thanks," and there was a long pause. Xander sighed and rattled off an address, too fast for Angel to hear, before hanging up. Spike was giving him a sulky look, his lower lip looking like it was ready to slide into a pout any moment. Xander sighed.

"What did I do this time?"

If anything, Spike's sulky lip quivered just a little bit more. "I don't get an extra large?"

"You're drinking blood, Spike," Xander said patiently. "You don't need the pizza, and I know for a fact that you only eat it because it grosses me out to see you dunk it in blood. So no, you don't get an extra large. Live with it. Or unlive. Or whatever."

Quiver... twitch... BAM there went the pout. Angel felt himself melt a little on the inside- never could resist Spike's pout- but Xander just laughed, right into Spike's face. Apparently Xander was a little more immune, living with the vampire as he was.

The boy glanced out the window, and saw that the sun had gone down. Angel watched as his muscles grew considerably more tense, and he moved casually to the front of the building, where he could see anyone coming up the road. Or anything. He carried on a bantering conversation with Spike, but his eyes never stopped roaming restlessly about the grounds.

Spike evidently noticed that Xander's heart wasn't in their argument, and demanded to know what was wrong. Xander shrugged a little and said, "You know how Willow once cast a spell so that her will would be done?"

"Bloody hell, couldn't forget being engaged to her Buffyness," Spike said with rancor. Xander shot him a little half-glance out of the corner of his eye before fixing his gaze back onto the road.

"Yeah, well, it made me into a demon magnet. Don't want to be caught napping, is all."

Oh, so that's what it was. "Xander," Angel said gently, "this building is warded. You don't have to be on your guard here."

Xander relaxed a little, though not all the way, and gave him a relieved grin. "Good to know. Don't supposed you could give me something like that for my apartment building?"

"Sure, I can do it. May have to call Wesley for some expert advice, but yeah, I can do it. I can actually call Wes and get him to see if there's some sort of shielding spell for the demon magnet affect- there may be something that you could turn on and off at will, so that you could go to work or even go out at night without worrying about being attacked all the time."

"That would be bloody perfect," Spike said with a groan, and settled into an overstuffed armchair with an air of a man who doesn't feel like moving another step. "Took out three demons and two vampire on the way here, and I'm not looking forward to the trip back, either. Least it'll be through the graveyard, rather than stuff in the sewers. Not exactly a hell of a lot of room to swing, is there?"

"Yeah!" Xander agreed emphatically. "You chipped my best sword, damn it!"

"Not my fault!" Spike growled at him. "Not a whole hell of a lot of choice, there, pet. It was pretty much me or the edge of the blade, alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Xander muttered. "You always say that. Well, room to swing or not, I'm still not looking forward to the trip home."

"You don't have all your fighting moves down yet or anything," Spike chimed in, and that was the first inkling that Angel got that there was a plot afoot, because Spike never agreed with Xander unless it had something to do with sex. The two of them seemed to enjoy their constant battles, almost like it was another form of foreplay, and oh shit moving his brain away from there. He didn't need to think about warm tongue and lips and cool hands and teeth worrying his nipple... No, not thinking about it. Bad Angel.

Either way, he should have paid better attention to his instincts when they screamed at him that this had to be a setup of some sort, but they were all dead- figuratively- after the exhausting day of fighting. Xander, who'd had the least experience of all of them, should by all rights be the most tired, but instead he seemed to be almost overflowing with energy. It was unnatural.

"I'll walk back with you," Angel offered, and then realized that he'd been manipulated by a couple of masters, and he was now stuck going back with them to their apartment, which he had planned to avoid at all costs. They both gave him identical wide, guileless grins, and Angel let his head drop with a thunk onto the coffee table in front of him. Right, don't damage the brain cells, Angel, you're gonna need them to think your way out of this mess....

"Which is a good thing," Xander said cheerfully, "because the pizza guys won't deliver out here. Too many of them have gotten eaten, what with the history you two have with this place. We need to head back just about now to get there before the delivery man."

Oh shit... It was even worse than he thought. Not only had Spike and Xander managed to get him back to their apartment, but they were gonna do it before he had a chance to think a way out of it, too. There was no other way of looking at it- he was fucked.

Which was exactly what he was afraid of.