Fear not, faithful readers! I be still alive!

Jude: Well, it is about TIME!

Ewan: Yeah, jeez, Forkie. Where the hell were you?

Don't ask questions. But you know what I always say: Blame Canada.

Ewan: Thanks a LOT, Canada!

Jude: Yeah, nice going!

Ewan: Oh, they might not understand us. What language do they speak there?

Jude: Uh, duh! Canadian?!

Ewan: Don't they speak French?

Jude: No, Ewan, that would be France.

Ewan: Oh yeah.

As most of you may already have noticed, the name GollumRox has officially been terminated and you shall, until further notice, refer to me as The Spastic Forkie. I mean, come on, people. You were all thinking it. GollumRox was probably the dumbest name ever.

Jude: You got that right!

Ewan: Haha! GollumRox! What a dopey name! I mean…GollumRox!

Jude: It's like "Ooo, I'm so hip and cool because instead of "rocks" I used "rox" because that's so awesome!"

Ewan: "And Gollum is just such a hottie! He not only 'rox' my world, if you know what I mean!" What a LOSER!

Jude: Yeah, I mean, it's like some Pokémon code name!

Ewan: Totally. Whoever came up with that moronic name has to have a brain the size of a peanut. A very small peanut.

Jude: Yeah, what a DUMBASS! Who was it who came up with that by the way?

Ewan: Yeah, we need to know so we can give him a well-deserved wedgie and stuff him in the toilet as a reward for wasting everyone's time with that stupid name.

That was me.

Ewan and Jude: ………………………………Oh.

Yeah.

Jude: …Wow, Forkie! Look who's dumb now!

Ewan: Yeah, you'd always complain about how stupid we were but it looks like the tables have turned! It's YOUR turn to be mocked for your lack of intelligence! Mahaha!

…

Ewan: …Now what?

I'll just sit here and enjoy your titles. Right now I'm at a higher rank than you two and so far I'm enjoying it.

Jude: Mmm…I don't like you being better than me! Me wanna be dumb! (runs into the closet and emerges with a bra over his face) Look at me, I can't see! (Blindly stumbles out of the room and trips and falls down the stairs)

Ewan: Well, I enjoy being the smart one for a change and I'm not going to do anything to mess up my moment.

What if I said you were being stupid for not acting stupid?

Ewan: …Duhhhh…

…

Ewan: …My brain hurts! (licks the electrical socket, gets zapped and falls backwards) There…

Jude: (Busts through the door) COOOOOOL!

Thanks for that. Except now you won't be able to taste anything for a few years.

Papa Smurf: (pops up) Don't try this at home.

Jude: What the f—

Canadian announcer: The Spastic Forkie apologizes for her lack of responsibilities for frequently updating and also apologizes for the graphic display within this rather pointless chapter and requests that you not review for it and to quickly move on to the next chapter she so skillfully put together for your fancy. And that's aboot it.

And don't forget the professional grade engineering!

Canadian announcer: …The world sucks.