Chapter 4: The Last Debate
It wasn't long before everyone arrived. The original eleven members of the Fellowship greeted their Order (of the Movies) members and introduced them to other Fellowship members. What surprised the Order members was that Rick, a very uptight employee for Best Buys, was there.
"I'm only here because it's my lunch break and my co-workers threatened me," Rick mumbled. The co-workers merely grinned.
"Alright troops!" called Aragorn. "Since I was named after a King, I will be leader of this army."
"Hell no!" yelled Gandalf. "I am the Wizard, therefore I shall be leader."
"No way!" yelled Best-Buy-Worker Rachel. "I've loved the Lord of the Rings books since I was four! Therefore I am leader!"
"I'm the oldest one here!" Zainy-Brainy-Worker Brian said loudly. "Therefore, I shall lead!"
As everyone argued about whether or not they should be the rightful leader, Pippin sighed, grabbed a big cow bell (where they got it, the world may never know), and shook it. The cow bell rang so loudly that everyone stopped talking and looked at Pippin.
"I am creator of both the Fellowship of the Movies and the Order of the Movies. Therefore, I am the rightful leader." Everyone stared at Pippin for a minute, trying to think of a way to fight back her logic (or non- logic, whatever you want to call it). Eventually they gave in. "Thank you. Anyway! I have just seen the fangirl leader approach Headquarters, should we let her in and see what she wants?" Everyone shrugged. Pippin took that as a 'yes' and let the fangirl leader in.
As the author, I will now switch to Mary-Sue form and describe every little detail of the Fangirl.
Then I'll edit it all out in post production.
"My name is Tina," announced the Fangirl, "and I've come."
"Why?" asked Cho.
"Oh...um...well...I've, just come."
"Right," Pippin said slowly, "what do you want?"
Tina regained her grace and looked at Pippin. "I've come to speak with you leader on behalf of the Lusters."
"You're looking at her."
"Ah...I see..."
"Would you stop with the goofy way of speaking!" Sam groaned. "It's really annoying."
"Oh, um, alright then. Well, anyway, like, why'd you take away our Leggie doll?" The entirety of Headquarters twitched at the word 'Leggie,' but Legolas herself answered anyway.
"You were torturing the poor doll!" she yelled. "Trying to take its clothes off!"
"Well, like, we wanted to, like, see if it was anatomically correct!" Once again, Headquarters twitched.
"We here do not take kindly to fangirls and Sue Authors," growled Aragorn. Sauron snapped a twig, as if to show what exactly they all wanted to do to the fangirls right now.
"My character is, like, not a Sue!" Tina wailed.
"Right, we're sure she isn't," Faramir snapped.
Tina glared at the group collectively and regained her grace once more. "I see that we have reached a disagreement."
"Indeed we have," said Pippin, "we are True fans of the works of Tolkien, Rowling, Pratchett, and others while you are only in it for the guys."
Tina huffed. "This means war."
"Then let it be known that this was The Last Debate, and we are now at war," Boromir said.
Tina turned towards Pippin. "Whoever loses may never write fanfiction ever again."
"Agreed," Pippin said and held out her hand. Tina and Pippin shook on the deal. "The side who wins also gains power of this town and the next."
"Agreed."
As soon as Tina left, everyone started talking.
"How are we going to win?" asked Zainy-Brainy-Worker Laura. "We don't have nearly as many people as we should!"
"None of the True Fans are here yet except for your Fellowship and Order!" yelled Best-Buys-Worker Todd.
"I told you this was pointless," muttered Rick.
"Shut up!" everyone yelled.
"What are we going to do, Harry?" Wormtail asked Pippin. And for your general confusment, the Fellowship will be called by their Order names by other members of the Order. (And if you didn't understand that, don't worry because neither did I.)
"We're still far from matching the fangirls in numbers!" Eowyn said.
Pippin sat there for a moment, biting her nails. "More will come."
It wasn't long before everyone arrived. The original eleven members of the Fellowship greeted their Order (of the Movies) members and introduced them to other Fellowship members. What surprised the Order members was that Rick, a very uptight employee for Best Buys, was there.
"I'm only here because it's my lunch break and my co-workers threatened me," Rick mumbled. The co-workers merely grinned.
"Alright troops!" called Aragorn. "Since I was named after a King, I will be leader of this army."
"Hell no!" yelled Gandalf. "I am the Wizard, therefore I shall be leader."
"No way!" yelled Best-Buy-Worker Rachel. "I've loved the Lord of the Rings books since I was four! Therefore I am leader!"
"I'm the oldest one here!" Zainy-Brainy-Worker Brian said loudly. "Therefore, I shall lead!"
As everyone argued about whether or not they should be the rightful leader, Pippin sighed, grabbed a big cow bell (where they got it, the world may never know), and shook it. The cow bell rang so loudly that everyone stopped talking and looked at Pippin.
"I am creator of both the Fellowship of the Movies and the Order of the Movies. Therefore, I am the rightful leader." Everyone stared at Pippin for a minute, trying to think of a way to fight back her logic (or non- logic, whatever you want to call it). Eventually they gave in. "Thank you. Anyway! I have just seen the fangirl leader approach Headquarters, should we let her in and see what she wants?" Everyone shrugged. Pippin took that as a 'yes' and let the fangirl leader in.
As the author, I will now switch to Mary-Sue form and describe every little detail of the Fangirl.
Then I'll edit it all out in post production.
"My name is Tina," announced the Fangirl, "and I've come."
"Why?" asked Cho.
"Oh...um...well...I've, just come."
"Right," Pippin said slowly, "what do you want?"
Tina regained her grace and looked at Pippin. "I've come to speak with you leader on behalf of the Lusters."
"You're looking at her."
"Ah...I see..."
"Would you stop with the goofy way of speaking!" Sam groaned. "It's really annoying."
"Oh, um, alright then. Well, anyway, like, why'd you take away our Leggie doll?" The entirety of Headquarters twitched at the word 'Leggie,' but Legolas herself answered anyway.
"You were torturing the poor doll!" she yelled. "Trying to take its clothes off!"
"Well, like, we wanted to, like, see if it was anatomically correct!" Once again, Headquarters twitched.
"We here do not take kindly to fangirls and Sue Authors," growled Aragorn. Sauron snapped a twig, as if to show what exactly they all wanted to do to the fangirls right now.
"My character is, like, not a Sue!" Tina wailed.
"Right, we're sure she isn't," Faramir snapped.
Tina glared at the group collectively and regained her grace once more. "I see that we have reached a disagreement."
"Indeed we have," said Pippin, "we are True fans of the works of Tolkien, Rowling, Pratchett, and others while you are only in it for the guys."
Tina huffed. "This means war."
"Then let it be known that this was The Last Debate, and we are now at war," Boromir said.
Tina turned towards Pippin. "Whoever loses may never write fanfiction ever again."
"Agreed," Pippin said and held out her hand. Tina and Pippin shook on the deal. "The side who wins also gains power of this town and the next."
"Agreed."
As soon as Tina left, everyone started talking.
"How are we going to win?" asked Zainy-Brainy-Worker Laura. "We don't have nearly as many people as we should!"
"None of the True Fans are here yet except for your Fellowship and Order!" yelled Best-Buys-Worker Todd.
"I told you this was pointless," muttered Rick.
"Shut up!" everyone yelled.
"What are we going to do, Harry?" Wormtail asked Pippin. And for your general confusment, the Fellowship will be called by their Order names by other members of the Order. (And if you didn't understand that, don't worry because neither did I.)
"We're still far from matching the fangirls in numbers!" Eowyn said.
Pippin sat there for a moment, biting her nails. "More will come."