The Hardy Boys
There once were two boys, Frank and Joe Hardy. One day Frank and Joe had a fight.
"My shadow's bigger than yours!" cried Joe.
"No, my shadow's bigger," said Frank, who turned at an angle so his shadow became longer than Joe's. Joe, being an immature little brat, started to cry.
"Haha. What a pathetic little munchkin," said Frank. Joe started to throw rocks at Frank's shadow.
Frank started to cry. Before Frank could hit him, Joe ran away.
†∞†
"Where's Joe?" asked Aunt Gertrude. She was striking a sponge on the sink to get the water out of it.
"I dunno," said Frank, suddenly remembering his brother.
"Well, your father called. Seems like there's a new case to work on. He told me to tell you boys to meet him at the police station." Aunt Gertrude gave the sponge a particularly hard bang, and water sprayed out and hit Frank.
"Arrgh!" shouted Frank when the water hit him. "Well I better go change into another shirt before I go. This wet shirt will probably have soaked up all of the cologne." Frank had recently developed a crush on a policewoman who supposedly had a thing for cologne.
"Well, if you see Joe, then tell him what your father said," said Aunt Gertrude before banging the sponge on the sink again.
†∞†
The measly little brat is probably already at the police station, thought Frank. That would mean that he was probably already flirting with that cute policewoman. Frank muttered some expletives under his breath and sped towards the police station.
†∞†
"Frank!" cried Mr. Hardy when he saw Frank. "Where's Joe?"
"I couldn't care less," muttered Frank.
"Well, let's get started with the case." Mr. Hardy explained to Frank how they had intercepted abox that afternoon that they suspected might have a bomb in it.
"It's probably those terrorists from Australia again," cursed Mr. Hardy.
"Can't we open the box to see what's inside?" asked Frank.
"Well, no, because if there was a bomb in there, it might explode," Mr. Hardy explained.
"Are there any markings on the outside of the box?" asked Frank.
"Not really. It's an express mail box addressed to Australia. No return address."
"Hmmm," said Frank. "Let me see the box."
The box was brought in by four police workers.
"It's such a heavy box," grumbled one of the workers.
"I'm going to take a chance," said Frank. "Everybody go outside. I'm going to open the box."
"What if it explodes?" asked Mr. Hardy.
"Then I'll stuff it back in and seal it tight with tape," Frank held up a roll of tape.
Everybody except for Frank went outside. Frank opened the box, crossed his fingers and tore the cardboard to see what wasinside.
It was Joe Hardy.
"What are you doing here?" shouted Frank.
"Hey bro!" shouted Joe.
After much cussing, Frank expressed to Joe how he was so surprised Joe was here, and questioned Joe as why he was in the box.
"Because you hate me," sniffed Joe. "And you made me cry."
"But why did you mail yourself to Australia?" asked Frank.
"Because I thought you didn't care about me. I thought I could get one of those big kangaroos to protect me in Australia so you wouldn't come after me." Joe was whining now.
Frank started to cry, and then Joe started to cry and then Mr. Hardy came in and gave both boys a big spank on the bottom.
"You naughty naughty boys!!! You played this big bad prank on me! Rawr!!! You wait til we get home! You'll be as dead as a box of, a box of, a box of-" shouted Mr. Hardy. His face was turning red.
"We didn't do this on purpose," sniveled Frank and Joe.
"See," sniveled Frank. "I had this video camera attached to my head the whole entire time that taped the whole thing. See…" Frank took the video camera off his head.
"I'll review this," said Mr. Hardy. The whole family then went home and watched the tape.
†∞†
Although the video camera caught the things that Frank wanted people to see, it also caught some things that Frank didn't want people to see. The video camera caught Frank putting cologne on, and the video camera also caught Frank crying. But what really ticked Mr. Hardy off was Frank cussing. Instead of getting two swats on the bottom, Frank got five swats on the bottom.
And so Frank went sniveling off to bed without any dinner.