"So, refresh my memory: Why are we going to the Farplane again?"

Paine rolled her eyes and turned to her traveling partner.

"We've been hired to check out what the villains are doing."

"And, just why exactly do we care what they're doing?"

"Cloud's paying us a thousand gil an hour."

"Oh. So, we're gonna go be idiots with dead people and get paid for it?"

Paine nodded.

"If we live."

Vincent froze.

"What do you mean by that?"

Paine unsheathed her sword.

"The fiends on the Farplane are tough. They could kill you without even thinking about it."

Vincent gulped.

"Oh, shit."

"'Oh, shit,' is right. The demon ones are particularly nasty. They are invulnerable to physical attacks."

Vincent grinned, showing off his fangs. He tugged on his gloves1.

"Then we'll just have to fight fire with fire. Chaos has been craving blood for some time now."

Later…

Vincent flopped down into the field of flowers, laughing.

"Man, that was fun!"

"Maybe for you, you masochist."

Vincent smiled up at Paine.

"I'm not a masochist; I'm a sociopath! I like anyone's pain!"

"You haven't changed a bit, Valentine."

Vincent struggled to see the owner of the voice, twisting his neck in all sorts of painful directions. He finally sat up when he realized it wasn't working. His eyes glinted when he saw who it was.

"Hojo."

"Vincent."

The two men glared at each other intensely. Suddenly, Vincent cracked a smile and hugged the other man tightly.

"Hojo!2"

Hojo sweatdropped, patting Vincent on the shoulder.

"Hello, Vincent. I missed you too."

Paine's jaw hit the ground.

"But, aren't you two supposed to hate each other?"

Hojo and Vincent looked at each other and began to laugh. Hojo took off his glasses and wiped away the tears.

"Wherever did you get that idea?"

"Yeah, we've always been friends."

Paine looked the pair over. They made quite a nice picture: Vincent draping his arm around Hojo's shoulders, and Hojo with one arm around Vincent's waist.

Whoa, back up. Arm around waist? Error. Does not compute. Vincent is with Cid. Did Vincent and Hojo have a thing back in the day?

"You two are acting awfully friendly. I wonder what Cid would say if I told him his boyfriend is fooling around with a dead guy?"

Paine grinned evilly as she watched the color drain out of Vincent's face.

"You wouldn't."

"Wanna bet?"

Vincent sighed, stepping away from Hojo.

"Sorry. I'm in another relationship now."

Hojo nodded.

"So I've seen. You and Highwind make the most interesting couple, especially when it's a boring Friday night and nothing else worth watching is on the commsphere."

"You've been watching us?"

Hojo nodded once again. Vincent swatted at him.

"Voyeur."

"Boredom."

Vincent sighed.

"So, do you know where the villains are?"

"Sure. They're in the next field over."

Paine and Vincent began walking in the direction Hojo had pointed out. As Vincent passed, Hojo grabbed him, kissing him full on the lips. After a few seconds, he pulled away, smiling. He ruffled Vincent's hair.

"Take care of yourself, love."

Vincent blushed, leaning in to kiss Hojo softly.

"Only if you promise not to watch Cid and I ever again."

Hojo smiled, releasing Vincent3. Vincent walked over to Paine, who had been waiting at the edge of the floating island that held the field of flowers. She raised one eyebrow. Vincent only blushed and kept walking.

"…and then they found him, with a hole through his heart. Nothing was officially determined, but there were those sakura petals everywhere4…"

Vincent cringed.

"I know that voice…"

The two adventurers steeped into the field of flowers, and immediately wished that they hadn't.

"Oi5, who's there?"

"Oh! It's Vinny! Ohayo6, Vinny!"

"Hello—keep in mind that I'm using the next term loosely—gentlemen."

They were truly a sight to behold. Sephiroth was eated across a table from Seymour, who was seated adjacent to Auron. Kuja was hanging onto Sephiroth's left arm, and Zack was sitting in his lap. Sephiroth had his arm around Rufus's waist. The most interesting part of this was that Sephiroth had a stick of chocolate pocky sticking out of the side of his mouth. He looked very much like Ban from Get Backers in this environment7.

"Yo, Vin, my man! How you doin'?"

"Cut the crap, Seph. We're here to check on you. Cloud says hi."

Sephiroth rolled his eyes.

"That kid is stuck on me, isn't he?"

"No, actually, he's found someone else."

Sephiroth twitched.

"Two someones, actually."

Sephiroth twitched again.

"That little slut."

"Actually, I think he's quite content with them. You probably know them, so I won't tell you who they are."

Sephiroth's eye began to twitch uncontrollably.

"I'm gonna kill him."

"Be my guest, but let him pay us first. After all, checking on you was our mission."

"Fine."

Later, on Besaid beach…

Cloud fidgeted.

"Why do I get the feeling that some evil prescence is drawing nearer?"

"Hey! Vincent and Paine are back!"

Cloud sighed.

"And they brought a friend!"

Cloud froze, turning slowly in the direction the voice came from.

Uh oh. Cloud knew that hair. Damn, Sephiroth was back to kill him! Must scream like a little girl and beg for mercy if he decides it's stabby time8!

"Oh, Cloud…"

Shit! Run, you little sissy boy! Run as if your life depended on it, which it probably does!

"Hi, Sephy."

Sephiroth grabbed Cloud's arm, dragging him towards the Highwind.

"I have a bone to pick with you."

"Will this discussion involve pain?"

"Plentiful amounts of it."

"Well, just don't break any of my bones, okay? I'll let you do anything you want to me, as long as you don't break any of my bones."

Paine and Vincent grinned evilly as the two men disappeared.

"Well, Cloud's gonna be hurting for a while."

"Do you think Seph can stay mad at him?"

"Nope. The first time he screams, Seph'll be apoligising and kissing whatever he hurt."

"That could end up looking very awkward.9"

"You have no idea."

Okay! Author's notes:

1 Reference to Get Backers. Before Ginji shocks people, he tugs his gloves on a little tighter.

2 Vincent drawing out Hojo's name.

3 Notice Hojo never said yes.

4 Inspired by a line from the fic "An Unlikely Partnership" in the Get Backers section of

5 Hey

6 Good morning

7 So sue me, I always saw Seph as a sort of gay pimp. This only reinforces it.

8 He doesn't get mad, he gets stabby.

9 I'll say.