Trunks' Briefs Guide To Scoring A Date
TABLE OF CONTENTS
1.............................................................List of Pick-ups 2.......................................................Getting her number 3..........................................................The BIG question
4...........................................................................Fight?
5.............................................................Going out again 6.............................................Catering to her every whim
1...........................LIST OF PICK-UP LINES - Often used by Goten, and Contributed by Goten.
1. Your dad must have been a hunter, cause I sure caught a fox.
2. I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away.
3. I lost my phone number, can I have yours?
4. I'm new in town, can I have the adress to your apartment?
5. hand her a key This is the key to my heart, your welcome anytime you like.
6. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
7. Do you have a map? Because I just keep getting lost in your eyes 8. Every rose needs its thorns thats why I should be with you.
9. Girl your parents must be bricklayers because you have a nice foundation!
10. I'd pour milk on you and make you part of my complete Breakfast!
12. Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
13. Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?
14. I think I have you written in my date-book. Say...7:00?
15. Ask a woman for the time. "(Time)? So today is (incert date), at (Incert Time), thanks I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met you"
16. Do you have room in your life for another friend?
17. I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. Then it said to look for Hot.
18. I have a tattoo on my ass, wanna see it?
...And the worse one ever.
19. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on top of you, I would be comming too. (Had to spell it wrong,
dad's reading)
2...........................GETTING HER NUMBER. - How to score a date with her.
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"As you can see, from the list above, they are frequently used pick-up lines. The last and 18 are not suggested to be used. I'm stating this from experience, really, I am." Said Trunks.
"There is a girl on the other side of this room, see her? The black haired one? I'm going to use pick-up line number 15 on her. If she says yes -and I know she will- we can move on." He walks over to the girl and sits next to her uninvited, pulling out a pen and paper.
"What time is it?"
"2:19, why?"
"2:19? So today is January 22, 2005, at 2:19PM, thanks I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met you."
The woman smiles and pours ice down his shirt. "So what's your name?"
"Pan," she said rolling her eyes. "And I'm warning you, no more pick-up lines."
Trunks noded and looked at her. "So...can I get your number?"
"You have my number Trunks...Why did I agree to this? Where's my 20 bucks for this?" He looks at the camera telling Goten to cut it, but he doesn't. "STOP THE FREAKISH GESTURES!!"
"Forget you saw that, this is a common reaction amung women." Trunks gets decked, but shoots his hand up with a slip of paper that read 777-9898. "SUCCESS IS MINE!!!"
Trunks nods and looks into the camera. "As you can see i've scored her number. How long should I wait to call her? Well, let's move on." The camera goes blank a moment.
3...........................THE BIG QUESTION - What to do!
The Camera starts again in his room aimed at a wall with a door.
Pan walks up to Trunks and stands infront of him in a long beautiful gown. "Hey people, Trunks again. Sorry about the long wait, I had to clear a few things up with my producers. Anyway, this is part three of "Scoring a Date". Lets assume you've been dating a while. After you've been living together a while, she brings up the question "Does this make me look fat?". I'm here to tell you how NOT to and how TO respond, and still keep your manly-hood."
"Does this dress make my ass look big, Trunks?" asks Pan.
"Well, see, Pan, Baby Doll, No matter how it makes you look you still look beautiful to me." He answer casually.
She smiles in satisfactory and walks away.
"See folks, no matter what you say, you either get slapped, or a smile. Now let's go over the list of things to say to NOT get hurt."
1. No matter what you do, you still look perfect to me.
2. Hun, (incert color), really isn't your color. Try blue.
3. Will it matter? In a few moments it won't be on anymore.(This depends on the girl)
4. What do YOU think?
5. Is there a right answer to that?
6. I think it looks great.
"Any one of these may get you in the clear, but it depends on the girl, really, it does. " he answers wrapping his arm in hers and walking her out the door turning the camera off on the way through.
4..............................FIGHTS - Have YOU had a fight?
The camera starts up and pans in on a desk, then Trunks fixes it to show him. "Ok, so I haven't worked on this project in almost 2 years, but I AM updating it. My Son had lost the tape on me, so I had to go find it. Anyway, I had to talk my wife, Pan, into letting me keep this project. She wasn't very pleased, but it's ok, she got over it. So where were we, Fights?" He looked at the checklist. "Fights, ok. Let us begin!"
"Usualy after a fight a break up follows, so here's a simple guide -even my 3 year old Son Jake could follow- on what to do."
"A woman expects you to cater her, so here's what to do. Try Chocolate, Roses, appologies, Pick-up's, gifts...or a personal fave, A card to her fave. shop held by a teddy." He smiles. "Chicks dig teddy's."
"If not then let it go a bit. A girl needs to cool. It can take 1 month-to-3 years. If she rips the head off the teddy you've offered her, it's not an insult, she just wants you to stop stalking her. Anyway, if you've broken up, then leave 3 messages on her machine. The first one should say 'It's (incert name) and I just wanted to leave a message, but it'll take 3 other's to state if fully. Call ya back.' The second should say: 'Hey, me again, (incert 2 paragraph poem on your undying affection)', and the last should be a conclusion of that poem, and your number."
"It just so happens that Pan and I have had a fight, so let us try one of these tecniques." He leaves the room taking the camera with him. When he's in her room, he pats her shoulder and hands her a teddy with chocolates. She tears the head off and throws it at him. He looks into the camera. "This may not happen to you, but my luck is just that bad!" he yells running out of the room with Pan following. The camera falls to the ground sideways, and goes fuzzy.
5..........................GOING OUT - After the storm.
The camera turns on and pans in on a little boy. An adult, Trunks, walks over, picks the kid up, sit's down and puts the kid in his lap, and continues. "I see were on 'Going Out Again'."
"This I have no experience in at all, so I got a contibution from Goten who asked me to dictate this essay that's 11 pages long."
After 4 hours he concludes with: "Don't try it, chances are she won't let you. If she DOES let you then congratulations. and Cater to her Every whim."
"Cater to her every whim is next, so don't worry about it"
5.....................CATERING TO HER EVERY WHIM - Being perfect.
1. Do what she asks.
2. Be civilized.
3. Confess you love her every so often 4. Flatter her 5. Buy her things 6. GET ENGAGED (Long term project)
7. Don't stare at others, no matter how tempting.
8. Buy her things 9. Go shopping with her 12. Listen to her 13. Confort her 14. Give her a kiss now and then 15. Don't force her to watch sports.
16. ...unless she wants to.
17. Buy her things 18. Agree with her 19. Don't lie. be Upfront 20. Try and be perfect 21. Don't insist she's wrong 22. Be nice to her sister/brother/dad/mom no matter how bad they are.
23. Get along with the cat! 24. Beg her for things every so often 25. Leave anonymous roses here and there 26. Don't force her to anylyze the relationship 27. Be nice to her friends 28. Marry her.
29. ...Give her a kid.
30. And be perfect. o.o
The camera cuts out and stays blank.
WHAT MADE ME DO THIS?
A friend had asked my opinion on this matter so I decided to do it. It seems funny. This was supposed to be funny and sarcastic, but I decided to make it more romantic. It's more sweeter that way. The others will be funny, though. I promise.
WHO HELPED
My brother contributed his favorite pick up lines, and 1, 4, 5, 14, and 18 were mine, and 19 was a kid from school. I don't suggest you try anything I've mentioned up above, you may get hurt in the process. Or mortally wounded.
PANS THOUGHTS
The camera comes to life and you see Pan infront of it smiling.
"Hiya, Pan Son-Briefs here. My husband of 3 years had been working on this when I met him, but gave up a while back. Things changed though, and i Had talked him into starting again -for Goten's sake- Jake, though, may use it in his near future too. Anyway, that was actually how we got hooked up, but the only sad thing was -Bra dared him to- it was sad and great. We got engaged a year after we were hooked up. The great thing behind these is we reach people. It's really fun, too."
UP COMMING PROJECTS IN KADENCE WITH THIS
Trunks Breifs Guide To Taking Care OF A Female Saiyan
Trunks Briefs Guide To Surviving At A Boring Job
Trunks Briefs Guide to Beating Goten at A Game(oneshot)
Trunks Briefs Guide to Gloating at Beating Goten at a Game (oneshot)
Trunks Briefs Guide to Raising a Son
Trunks Briefs Guide to Shopping For A Girl
Trunks Breifs Guide to Flattery
Trunks Briefs Guide to Living With vegeta (Special Commentary from Bulma and Bra)
Trunks Briefs Guide to Not Being A Drunk Idiot (Pan too)
and lastly:
Trunks Briefs Guide to Being a Good Boyfriend (Very sincere too)
AUTHORESS NOTES
This didn't turn out as well as I wanted it too, but it's better then I tried to do. I'm really going to work hard to finish the next few. This will be a good series, and the next will also be humorous. THESE ARE NOT CHAPTERS, THEY ARE ALL ONE-SHOTS. Before I finish another I want to finish "Welcome to Boot Camp" please Read and review. If you have any ideas for the next few, then let me know.