Chapter Eleven: And Did I Kiss Him Back?
Serena's jaw dropped. "You…you kissed...and then…"
Teyla's face showed no disapproval or disgust, only puzzlement. "This is – a bad thing among your people?"
"Well, it's not generally accepted. Especially not in the military. But I'm not – I don't – I'm not attracted to guys, Teyla. I like girls – women. I don't know why I kissed him. He's my friend – " He stopped abruptly, then continued slowly, miserably, "he was my friend. I'm afraid I've lost that. All because of a moment of weakness."
"As for the why…is that not obvious? The attraction is there, whether you will it or not. I believe that it was, until recently, mutual. And I think, John, that it was the threat of violence that damaged your friendship, not the kiss."
"Mutual? No, I'm sure he doesn't…he's not interested in me that way. And – doesn't he know I'd never hurt him? I was just upset, I didn't mean it."
Serena finally got over her shock. "Rodney would take your threat seriously. He's not good at telling when people say things they don't really mean. And he is interested in you that way, you idiot. Not only is he bisexual, I know he likes and admires you."
Sheppard gave her a 'deer in the headlights' look, and Serena groaned. "You didn't know he's bisexual, did you? And I don't think he wanted you to know I'm his ex. I've let a lot of cats out of the bag today, haven't I?"
"Look, I – I care for Rodney, I really do, but I don't know if I can handle this. I don't have a problem with him being bisexual, but I think I have some problems with me being…well, being with a man."
Teyla looked thoughtful. "Among my people, while pairings between opposite sexes are encouraged, we accept pairings between two people of the same gender. Such couples often adopt children who have lost their parents to the Wraith, so that those who have children of their own are not overburdened."
Sheppard sighed. "I've seen what can happen to gays – to men who have relations with other men - if they're found out. A lot of people really hate the concept of same-sex relationships. They get violent about it. I've seen it happen before. People I considered friends got hurt – badly."
For a moment she seemed lost in thought, then said, "You are very far from home, John Sheppard. I think you may find that the people you came to Atlantis with may be more accepting than those you left behind."
TBC