Into the Woods

Chapter Fifteen: Happy Ever After?

Rodney stirred and slowly opened his eyes. He regarded the ceiling dully, then slid his gaze over to meet John's.

After a moment he said weakly, "Again?"

"Yes, you're in the infirmary again," Sheppard replied quietly, then exploded, "Damnit, Rodney, what were you thinking? Of all the stupid, idiotic stunts – "

The scientist flinched, then sat halfway up and snapped, "Don't yell at me!" before falling back, white-faced and gasping.

Alarmed, John ran to the door and yelled for Beckett, who took one look at Rodney and placed an oxygen mask over his face.

"Out," Beckett ordered over his shoulder.

Sheppard backed away reluctantly, lingering in the doorway. What the hell was wrong with him? He hadn't intended to yell at Rodney, it was just – he had been so scared. The entire mission had been a fiasco, and if not for Rodney they would all be food for either the Wraith or Rodney's Komodo wolves. He didn't know what he felt, or what he wanted…all he knew for sure was that he had been more frightened than ever before in his life, and he didn't think he could handle it if Rodney had died. And fear turned so naturally into anger…anger was manageable, it was familiar and comforting, because if he could be angry at Rodney then he didn't have to admit to feeling anything else.

Rodney stared at Carson with panic-stricken eyes as he struggled to draw in air, then looked past him at John. He reached out a trembling hand toward Sheppard, who was back beside the bed in an instant, ignoring Beckett's cry of protest. He clutched Rodney's hand in both of his own, whispering, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," over and over again.

John sighed deeply and turned away from his position at Rodney's side, where the scientist was finally sleeping peacefully. He was unsurprised to find Beckett in the doorway watching him. He gave the doctor a weary smile, which was returned with equal weariness.

"You and Rodney have become quite close, haven't you?" the Scotsman asked quietly.

Hadn't he had a similar conversation with Serena and Teyla just days before? "Yeah. At least, I'd like to think so." He gave Beckett a searching look, but without apprehension. The doctor had been witness to a number of tender scenes in the infirmary, both this time and the previous, and had been extremely discreet and nonjudgmental as soon as he was sure that Rodney was amenable to Sheppard's almost constant presence.

"Did you get the whole story out of him? I mean, about what happened back there on P4X…whatever it was called?" Carson asked as they headed for his office.

"He was a little fuzzy on the details, but…it turns out that device he found allows the user to communicate with the 'Komodo wolves' – you know, I really hate that name but I guess we're stuck with it now. The light that shocked him and burned Serena was intended to change a person's scent so that the wolves wouldn't attack them. It worked, but it was intended to be used on the Ancients, and I guess we aren't quite compatible with that piece of technology.

"At any rate, it seems the wolves are immune to the Wraith, so they don't normally pay much attention to them. They went after us because we smelled like food to them. Rodney was able to instruct them to attack the Wraith, and believe me, they were very effective. But there were two Wraith at the Ancient outpost, and he thinks they had some kind of explosive that they used to blast the door open. He managed to call a couple more wolves to kill them off before they got to him."

Carson looked alarmed. "I hope you're not thinking of bringing those creatures back here to use on the Wraith."

"No," he firmly, "the device was broken when the ceiling fell in on Rodney. And I'm not too fond of them either." He rubbed at the bandage covering the bite on his arm.

"So, Major, what are you going to do about Rodney?"

John looked up, startled. "What do you mean?"

"Don't play the fool with me. It's obvious enough. And Rodney's my friend. He may be arrogant, opinionated and rude, but he's still my friend. I'd like to know what your intentions are. I'd rather not see him get hurt." The usually mild-mannered physician glared at him.

"You're not the first person to say that to me." He rubbed a hand over his face. "I don't want to hurt him, Carson. I'm just having trouble with the – the concept. With me being…gay."

Beckett looked thoughtful. "Why don't you just tell Rodney how you feel? Tell him what's bothering you. At least then you'd have put your cards on the table. What happens after that…is up to you. Both of you."

Beckett left to check on his other patients, and John sat in his office for a while, lost in thought.

Could it actually be that simple? Just tell Rodney…what he felt? Well, not really that simple, because he wasn't completely sure what he felt…just that he liked Rodney. Liked his company, liked spending time with him. That when Rodney was hurt or in danger, it felt like he was falling apart. And he couldn't work that way, it was crippling his command. Maybe if he got it out in the open, if he wasn't tiptoeing around the subject and confusing both Rodney and himself, it wouldn't be so hard. He'd be able to think, to make the tough decisions, if he wasn't so busy agonizing over his emotions.

It would be hard. Talking to Rodney like that would be very hard. And it would be a relief, too. He already felt better now that he had made the decision.

He had made the decision. He would tell Rodney how he felt. He had no idea what he was going to say, but he'd figure it out when the time came.

Finis

A/N: Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed this. It really encouraged me to keep going.