Chapter 3 Dealing with Tonks
Harry sighed, "Here goes nothing."
He went in the House of number 4 and went up to his room.
The moment he entered his room, he was roughly pulled in, the door was locked with a charm, and a privacy charm followed.
Tonks looked now like her usual disguised self, except for the fact, the she was angry beyond reason.
"Tonks, I am sorry, you know." Harry started but was immediately silenced by a charm.
"Now you will listen to me, boy!" she bellowed.
Harry frowned. He hated it to be called 'BOY', firstly it reminded him of his treating by the Dursleys and secondly he wasn't a boy anymore.
"DON'T TAKE THAT LOOK WITH ME! You want to be treated like an adult? Fine, if you will ever become one, I will think about it." she yelled.
Harry became slightly angry himself.
"What were you thinking, sneaking out like that?" she yelled at him.
"I know you are sorry about Sirius."
That hit hard in his guts.
"I know you think, you are responsible for it. Well, here is the news. While it was incredible stupid to go to the ministry, the same level, as you did now, you were NOT responsible for Sirius actions, because he should have stayed in his damn fucking house. The world doesn't spin around you alone, Harry! I don't want to bear it any longer to see you grieving and rotting away. You were once such a nice boy. And you are not the only one. Remus is nothing but a hollow shell anymore, barely talking. Even, Ron, Hermione, Ginny and the twins are grieving for him. Damn, he was my friend too. I can't stand it anymore!"
Now she broke down and sobbed heavily and he felt a sting in his heart.
"And then.. then you go who knows where and put a sleeping spell on me. I awoke after a HALF day and now I waited for four hours not knowing, where you went, if you were abducted, killed or whatever. I was scared to death Harry."
He couldn't bear it any longer. He had hurt her heavily and done her and every other person Sirius was dear to wrong.
He went over to her and took her in a heartfelt hug.
He felt something snap in him, as he tried to talk and her silencing spell was broken.
He stroked her gently over her back, as she sobbed on his shirt.
"It is alright. No, it is not I know. But let me tell you something. I wasn't hurt or abducted. I went to London and had some things to do. I couldn't wait longer to get this done. It was important... for me and the war. Please trust me! I had no intention to hurt you. Please believe me." he said in a soothing voice.
"Harry, I couldn't bear to loose you too." she sobbed.
"I am sorry. Please forgive me." he said sincerely.
She nodded and dried her tears away.
She looked him in his deep green eyes.
"What did you mean, you couldn't loose me too?" Harry asked curiously.
"Well I... HARRY! What did you do?" she yelled as she looked at him with wide eyes.
"What do you mean?" he asked in his most innocent voice.
"You look... absolutely stunning." both blushed at this statement.
"Well, I went do a hairdresser and got this haircut and these tattoos." he stated the obvious.
She looked at his arm, then her eyes widened even further: "How can you talk?"
"Why? Shouldn't I?" he asked grinning.
"You were under a spell! How did you break through?"
He grinned some more, "Well what can I say? It's magic."
"Don't joke with me, boy! How did you do it?"
He shrugged, "I wanted to tell you, that I am sorry and that I did. Nothing more, nothing less."
She could see, that he told the truth. She was weary and sat heavily down on his bed.
He sensed her mood swing and sat down beside her.
He laid his arm around her and pulled her to his side.
"You should know, that I am no longer a little boy." he said seriously.
She started to say something but he stopped her.
"No, I mean it. While you were right, that I hurt you as I tricked you, I can assure you, I was safe all the time. I didn't run blindly away, that time of my life I left behind me. You were right, with what you said about me. I did grieve about Sirius and I still do it. But I didn't acknowledge that you lot were hurting too and for that I am sorry. I will write to Remus and try to help him. Thanks that you reminded me of that fact. I owe you a big one for that. But please, stop treating me like a child, because I am no one anymore. I did, what I had to do and I am sorry, that you were suffering for it. But it was a must."
"Harry, where were you and why?" she asked seriously.
"I can't tell you. I can tell you, that it is important for the war, that it will help us and that it is nothing illegal. On the contrary it is highly official but top secret too. Not even Dumbledore knows about it and it will stay so."
"I am sorry, but that is nothing what helps me to trust you." she said disappointed.
"Well, if I would tell you some things, would you keep it for yourself or would you run to Dumbledore and spill my secrets? By the way, does anyone knows about my absence?"
"No, not yet."
"Fine, then I could obliviate you and we both would be fine." Harry said evilly grinning.
"YOU WOULDN'T DARE!" she yelled.
"Yes I would!" Harry said now with a steely voice, "Because my life could depend on it."
She looked shocked.
But then he smiled, "But I think, what I will tell you is interesting enough for you to keep quiet about it."
"Tell me, please!" she begged now like a kid and made puppy dog eyes
"Well, I made some tests today and I found out, that I could use your help."
"What? With what?" she was totally beside herself now.
"Well you know, I am partially a metamorphmagus and I kind of hoped, you would help me to train."
"YOU ARE WHAT?"
"Exactly what I said." Harry chuckled.
"You are joking, right?"
"Nope. Will you believe me, if I tell you, that I only went to a hairdresser once in my life? My aunt let him cut down my hair nearly completely. The next day it was back as it was before. And I never got a haircut afterwards. My hair stayed as it was... before today at least." he added grinning.
"Well, that is a sign. Okay I will keep quiet about it and help you if you spill another of your naughty secrets." she agreed with a devious smile.
"That is blackmailing and a crime, you know. ... Oh well. Here, take a look at that." he said and tossed her his ID.
She stared with wide eyes on this magical card.
"You... you were declared of age?"
"Nice isn't it? But it has to kept secret."
"I promised. Any other ones?"
He looked sad for a moment and sighed.
"Enough for a lifetime."
She felt suddenly sorry for him. She knew how he felt about such things which only seemed to happen to him.
"I will not ask further, Harry. You will tell me, when you are ready. I know how you feel. I stood in the spotlight myself during school. Never cared one about my true self."
Sad memories welled up in her.
"Tell me." he asked sincerely, sensing, that she was about to relive bad memories. His gift seemed to kick in.
"I dated some guys at school. At first all was right, but then they demanded, that I change into someone other. Blond hair, big tits... all such things. I didn't met one who saw me for myself." Tears started do roll down her cheeks again.
Harry felt that she was right. She made some of his experiences of her own.
Harry embraced her softly and kissed her on her cheek.
"Do me a favor please!" he pleaded in a serious tone.
"What?" she asked sadly, thinking he wanted also someone other.
"Show me your true self!"
Her eyes lit up like a match.
"Are... are you sure?"
"Yes!"
She changed back to her form she had this morning.
"As I thought!" he said gently smiling.
"What?" she asked eagerly.
"Well, as I putted you under that sleeping spell in the morning, I saw you like this."
"And? Do you like it?" she asked unsure.
"That I do. Believe me, when I say, that you are a very nice girl, Tonks. Every guy who demands that you change in another form has to be blind. In addition he doesn't deserve such a caring, clever and nice girl like you."
She hugged him hard.
"Thanks. You don't know, what that means to me."
"I think I do."
"Harry... do... do you have a girlfriend?" she asked hesitating.
"No, but you know that."
"Yeah, I meant is there someone you like?"
He looked pensive and shook his head.
"Who would want to go with me? Except for the fame, I mean. Where I go, is danger lurking. Voldemort is after me and will be after everyone who is dear to me, a girlfriend on top of that list. I don't want to put anyone in that danger."
"Harry! You have to let people make their own decisions about such things as long as you are sure, they see them. Your friends would never abandon you, even if you kick them now in the ass. You can't make decisions for them. That is part of it what I meant with you have to grow up." she said with ferocity.
"I know. ... I know you are right." he sighed sadly.
"And... I... I ... "she sighed and his empathy gift kicked in again. He felt what she wanted to say. She liked him... more than just as friends. And his heart started to beat faster with that thought.
"Tonks, how old are you, if I may ask?"
"Twenty two, why?"
"Well, you wanted to say, that you like me, didn't you?"
She looked shocked and flushed.
She wanted to stand up and flee, but he caught her arm and pulled her down on the bed.
"Tell me, am I right?"
She nodded without looking him in the eye.
"And the age difference?"
"Harry, that means nothing to me. What I see, is a boy who is matured far beyond his age in most things. You stand up for your ideals and for your friends. You fight for what is right even if the burden threatens to crush you. Well, in some other ways I thought you were just a kid, but I begin to believe you that you are past this point. I truly feel something for you. Much more then friendship. I like you, maybe I am in love with you. I am sorry, that I yelled at you, but I think you understand my reasons better now. I care for you and I was afraid to loose you. And... you are nice looking. Till today you were just cute and now you are stunning. Your new look suits you very much." she added smiling.
She looked full of hope but in his eyes but was also dreading his answer and Harry could feel it all.
Harry looked pensive again. He weighed the pros an cons carefully. He did like her that he was sure of now.
"Does anybody know about your feelings?" he asked.
"Well, I did talk with Remus about it. He is like a brother to me since... since Sirius is gone."
The hope left her slowly and she felt sorrow. He didn't seem to like her in this way.
"You know, I did mean what I said earlier. All of it. And the thought, that someone is there, who does really love me, the real me, is giving me hope. But it is also new for me. I never experienced love. Never did someone care about me and now I am at a loss. I do like you Tonks, that I know for sure."
"You do?" she asked carefully, not wanting to ruin that moment.
"Yes I do. But I also meant what I said about the danger. I know you are already in danger as auror and as member of the order, but that will place you on number one of Snakeface's hitlist. He will try to get you even before me if only to cause me pain and to break me. And that it would. It would tear me apart if something would happen to you. Now what should I do? I can follow my heart and give us a chance. I like you and I know now, that you are the first person ever, that sees me as that what I really am, just Harry. Not even my friends do that to the last bit. And I know what you feel too, that it is sincere. But that would also mean to put you in danger because someone will find out about us, that's for sure. On the other hand, I could my live life as I did before. You wouldn't be in more danger because of me. But I would also live a life without love, without a meaning... without you." he added quietly.
Tears were falling freely now from her eyes. That was so sad and worse he was absolutely right. Alone that he did take into consideration to sacrifice his chance of love only to keep her safe showed her how deeply he already cared for her.
She embraced him and sobbed again in his shirt. And again he soothed her while gently stroking her back.
"I don't want to be without you anymore Harry. Please let me in your heart. I know, that you're right about the danger. But that alone shows me how you care for me and that makes me only love you more. Please give us a chance."
He sighed. There went his choice away. Now he didn't truly have one anymore.
He lifted her chin and looked deeply in her caring and sad eyes. They were blue and gray with a trace of green. They were fascinating and pulled him under their spell. She felt he same about his eyes and he smiled.
His lips lowered to hers and he felt, how her heartbeat went faster the same as his.
They touched her lips and they shared a tender kiss but full of affection and care if not love.
As they separated, both were smiling happily and their eyes shined brightly.
"Thank you, Harry. I'll promise you here and now, that I will always be careful."
He sighed, "You know, I can't promise you the same, Tonks. I will have to face him some day. Not in the near future, but someday I will."
"But why you? It is Dumbledore he fears the most."
"Because it was predicted. That is my fate. That is in the prophecy he went after in the Ministry."
"Oh Harry." she said and hugged him fiercely.
"I'll promise you one thing. I will be ready then and another thing. From now on, I will let you make your own decisions. I will not try, to convince you or my friends, to leave me."
"That means a lot to me. I promise you also something. I won't spill any secrets you reveal only to me. And I will help you however I can. I am an auror, you know." she said determined.
"Thanks. That means a lot to me. To have someone, who I can really trust."
"By the way, you spoke about tattoos. Where are the other ones?" she asked now with a seductive voice.
"Nothing special." he putted it off.
"Show me... please." she begged and kissed him again.
"What? First blackmailing and now bribery?" he asked chuckling after the kiss. "Okay."
He stood up and pulled his shirt off. Then he showed her is back. The tiger was stretching at the moment and the eagle flying around his shoulders.
"They are amazing, Harry. And they must have cost you a fortune."
"Well, it isn't as I have to worry about money. You caught yourself a millionaire, you know."
he said smiling, knowing it wouldn't change her feelings towards him.
"You're kidding me?"
"Nope. There is a reason, that I am of age now and Dumbledore is not the wiser. I hope to keep it that way for some time though."
"Wow."
"By the way, you got also money from Sirius, right?"
"Yes. You... sound content with the loss?"
"I have made my peace with him." he sighed, "What you said to me about guilt... I realized that already. I also know, that Sirius didn't want us to mope around. What is left is to prepare and that I will do. I will avenge him and my parents."
"But..."
"I know. I do not intend to fall in rage or something. He is avenged when my destiny is fulfilled. I will not go blindly on a snakehunt. I promise."
"You amaze me, Harry. You seem exactly to know what I feel and what to say."
"Well I grew up a little. Beside, I do know how you feel, at least at the moment."
"You mean, you believe to know, how I feel?"
"No, I know." he replied with twinkling eyes.
"How?"
"Well that is another secret. I am also partially empathic. That gift kicked in, as you were trying to say me what you feel for me."
"Wow."
"Yeah. Wow." he sighed, "You know, I don't like it to call you by your last name. I do understand why you don't want do be called by your first name. What do we do about it? I would like to call you honey or love. But if it becomes a habit, I will slip someday and spill our relationship and I do want to keep it secret as long as possible. You can tell it Remus though. I only don't want Snakeface to find out neither Dumbledore, because if he does he will not let you come here again."
She nodded sadly.
"Keep calling me Tonks. I am happy to know that you would like it otherwise. And I have to go now. My replacement will be here in ten minutes."
"Who?"
"Dung."
"When will you be here again?"
"In three days I think. I will come to you then and not keep standing out there."
"I would like it. I will send a letter to Moony and ask him to meet me. Maybe I can help him a little."
"I think, you could. I take back, what I said about your maturity. You are grown up."
She leaned down to his ear and whispered, "And I would like to test another field of maturity someday in the near future."
He blushed fiercely and she laughed.
But then she looked sadly, "I have to go now Harry. I don't want to, but I have to."
"I know. You know, I have something for you." he said, hugged her and kissed her passionately.
"What is it?" she asked.
He grabbed in his backpack and took out a small beautiful case. He opened it and presented it to her.
Inside was the silver necklace.
"I didn't know, that we would become a couple or I had bought something more nice. I bought it, to make up a little for your suffering through my sleeping spell. But the first reason is more appealing to me." he said smiling and putted the necklace around her neck.
She stared at him with wide eyes. Then she smiled and hugged him fiercely and kissed him again.
"You are so sweet, Harry. The perfect gentleman. I ... I love you."
"I love you too, Tonks. I will think about you every minute. Now go!"
She disapparated with a crack but not before stumbling over her own feet and throwing over the chair before his desk. Luckily the privacy charm was still in place.
"I didn't know apparition was possible here. Well that is certainly helping." he muttered to himself laughing about the incident. He had a week to learn it and sneaking out would be unnecessary.
He went to work. He reorganized his room and expanded it to a volume four times of the original. Then he transfigured the wall and enlarged his new equipment in the new space.
Then he sat on his bed and began to read about the theory of apparition.
He got it down the same evening. It was amazing how fast he could learn if he putted his mind into it. Maybe the removement of his block added to that.
He decided to give it a go in the morning. Now he cleared his mind, that meant he tried to. But the nice image of Tonks face came floating in his thoughts over and over again and with this image he fell in another peaceful and undisturbed sleep.
He awoke at 5.30 and started with a light workout. He began with 20 minutes on the cycle to warm his muscles. After that he did some weight lifting where he started with a set of 50 pounds. He wondered if that dark block had affected his body as well.
He made four sets and raised the weights to 80 pounds where he achieved only 4 repeats. Well, it was a beginning. He worked other muscles too.
He went to the shower at 7.15 and as he left it he heard his aunt screaming: "Get down here, boy!"
He muttered "I am no longer a boy!"
But he putted on some of his old clothing and went down.
"Yes, aunt?"
"Prepare the breakfast!"
"Yes."
After the breakfast his uncle spoke to him: "Boy you are now here for weeks and got nothing done. You will clean the kitchen and the living room today. Is that clear?"
His eyes lit up in a mischievous fire, "Yes."
"Good."
Then Harry left for his room. As Vernon and the rest was out of the house, he went down and performed a cleaning spell in both rooms. Then he went back to his studies smiling.
"That wasn't so hard, was it? And it took... 5 minutes. I think, that is bearable." he spoke to himself grinning.
The next step for today was apparition. He closed his eyes and concentrated hard of an image of the other side of his room. As he had it right, he wished himself over there.
He wanted to mutter the spell, as he felt a pulling sensation and as he opened his eyes, he stood over there, perfectly healthy.
"I did it!" he called, then he muttered: "Do I wonder about the spell?... No, I think not. As long as I can do it."
He tried it ten more times and he got it with every time faster. He didn't need the spell or his wand once.
It was nice to be a mage, as long as he was the only one who knew it, that is.
He remembered his thoughts of Tonks before sleeping.
"Now that is something I don't want to share with Snape, Dumbledore or Riddle. Lets work on Occlumency."
He pulled out the books he got from the Unspeakables and started to work again.
The basic idea of it wasn't alone clearing his mind. Before that, it was organizing it, so that you could tell where in his mind an intruder was and control what to show him or lead him to false directions before throwing him out. Clearing his mind was another part and the most interesting part was building a mental wall to block intruders. How should he had blocked Snape without this little fact? He asked himself angered.
His right arm lit up in a blue flame.
He let the book fall down an stared fascinated on the flame. It wasn't hurting him, but he could tell it was hot though, more than a normal flame too.
He calmed his mind and it disappeared.
"Nice one." he said and picked up the book again.
For the next four hours he tried to organize his memories and thoughts in a set of layers.
Deep down he buried all thoughts of Tonks. Only after that he came to his worst memories.
Then came the ones of the Dursleys and so on. The outer layer were his all day occurrences with no importance. Then he started to build the wall. He imagined a wall built from countless bricks. Before that he thought of an inch thick wall of steel plates and on that he put long menacing spikes. And lastly on that he put the mental image of a sign: "Keep OUT!"
Satisfied he looked on his watch and got a shock. It was already 8 in the evening. He shrugged about the time. He felt confident now about his mental defenses, he knew somehow that they were adequate.
He decided to write to his friends especially Remus.
Dear Moony,
I am sorry that I was so rude to you. I was in a kind of stupor the last days and weeks as I was grieving about Sirius. I am sorry, that I did not acknowledge the fact, that I am not the only one who is missing him and that you as his best friend have more reason to miss him than me. Maybe you want to come over here and talk to me about it. Maybe we can work through this better together. If you like it, give it a try. It is not as I can go anywhere.
How are you feeling about this?
Give greetings to Buckbeak from me and Kreacher a kick in his ass!
Your friend
Harry.
He then wrote a letter to his friends together. As Tonks said it, they seemed to be together at Grimmauld Place.
Hi Hermione, Ron and Ginny
How are you?
My dear relatives are treating me better after the threat from Moody and the others. I only have to do simple chores and I don't mind it. I also can eat now as much as I want. So I have no problems here.
I did my homework already and are working now through the exercises of Occlumency. What happened last year will not happen again!
Your friend
Harry
He stroked gently over Hedwig's feathers.
"Will you take it to Grimmauld Place for me, girl?"
She hooted in agreement and hold her leg out so that he could attach the letters. Then she took of and flew out of the window.
AN: What shall I say? I am floored. So many reviews in such a short time! That is simply great! Thank you all!!! I hope you liked the reaction of Tonks ;-) I also hope the short time they needed to get together is not too unreal or ooc for you. His empathy should explain it a bit, at least I hope so. And for all who wondered, I am from Germany.
nostaw: The development of his powers is something difficult. While he is going to take his time for that, I do not intend to give a full report on the training itself. The story will become long enough as it is. I also think, that it would be boring to read that he learns this spell and this move on day one and this technique and that secret at day two and so on. I am going to give a short overview about what he is going to learn and how they do it. I hope that is ok for you. If not... convince me ;-) If I get more demands for that, I will rethink it. But I believe the story will be ok as I planned it for now.
rainman70: Ich habe schon genug deutsche Stories geschrieben und ich schreibe noch ;-) Das entstand mehr aus einer fixen Idee und dem Wunsch, mein Englisch zu testen und zu verbessern. Und nein, diese Story wird es nicht auf deutsch geben!
opiem: Thanks for your assessment. I can imagine, that my English would be formal because I only learned it at school and after that I learned English for business correspondence. So, no wonder here -grinning- Well, where can I learn informal English?You are right. Next time I write in English, I will look for a beta reader. For now, I will let it be, because that would hinder the posting of the chaps and I think you wouldn't like that, would you?