Final Fantasy VIII Humor Fic
Chapter 1: Galbadia Soldier's problems
'This isn't fair! How the hell am I supposed to present myself to my girlfriend now? Ugh…' He thought. It had been two months since the escort of President Delling and he's been hiding underground ever since.
"Damn that president!" He cursed loudly, "It's good that he's dead, gooooood riddance!"
"NEGATIVE"
"WHA?!" The Galbadia Soldier said shockingly, "W-who's there?"
"FUJIN"
"Commander Fujin of the Galbadia Army?" The Galbadia soldier asked.
"AFFIRMATIVE" Fujin appeared in a big puff of smoke.
"What the hell are you doing here?" He asked, glaring at his former commander. That's right, he's an ex Galbadia Soldier.
"LANGUAGE"
"Sorry…why are you here? I got fired from the army ages ago since I lost two pay cheques! Can you believe that?! I did nothing!" He shouted feeling frustrated about the whole scenario.
Flashback
'What am I going to do? My wife is going to kill me…how can I propose to her now?' The nervous Galbadia Soldier asked as his commanding officer was handing out pay cheques.
"And for you…nothing" He said, coming to the Galbadia Soldier in blue (They are all in blue, LOL)
"Why don't I get one?" The Galbadia Soldier asked.
"Because you disturbed the president on two occasions when he didn't want to speak to you"
"But he's dead!"
"That doesn't make a difference!"
"Can I at least get a cash advance?"
"No"
"Why not?!"
"Because you're blue"
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! We are ALL blue!"
"Sniff don't yell at me!" The officer whined.
"I'm sorry sir…please, I need money. I was going to buy my wife a wedding ring and marry her!" The Galbadia Soldier pleaded, "Please I'll do anything"
"What happened to the magical night we spent together?" The officer asked.
A flashback within a flashback
"It's nice out here…under the stars. Don't you agree sir?"
"Yes I do"
End of second flashback
"It wasn't all that magical…we just sat there," The Galbadia Soldier stated.
"You don't even CARE about me!!" The officer cried, running into the arms of Lieutenant Biggs.
"What's the matter Officer Bob?" Biggs asked. (Try to picture Biggs with a feminine touch voice LOL)
"My partner…(gay) sniffs used me and threw me away" Officer bob cried.
"WHAT?!" The Galbadia Soldier asked shockingly.
"How dare you use poor Officer Bob like that! Gays have feelings too you know…gasps you are a cold-blooded gay aren't you?! AREN'T YOU?! Just like Squall!" Biggs shouted angrily.
"But isn't Squall straight? He is in love with that Rinoa chick…" The Galbadia soldier asked, as Biggs snapped.
"Lies ALL OF IT!" Biggs shouted.
"BESIDES! I am not gay! I have a girlfriend! I wanted to-" The Galbadia Soldier was cut off by Officer Bob's loud crying.
"Just for that…you are FIRED! Don't show your gay face around here again!" Biggs yelled.
" BUT I'M NOT GAY!!!"
End of Flashback…finally
"LIES" Fujin stated.
"But it's true! They all thought I was gay but I do have a girlfriend," The Ex Galbadia Soldier stated.
"ANNOYED." Fujin stated.
"Why do you talk like that anyway?" The Ex Galbadia Soldier asked.
"BECAUSE. I. FEEL. LIKE. IT!" Fujin yelled loudly.
"O.O jumps sorry…" The Ex Galbadia Soldier apologized.
"HELP" Fujin said.
"You're here to help me?" He asked.
"That's what the woman said," Raijin stated, appearing in a poof of red smoke.
"How do you do that?" The Ex Galbadia Soldier asked.
"LIGHTNING" Fujin answered.
"Huh?" The Ex Galbadia Soldier asked.
"Never mind that we are here to help get your wife back!" Raijin stated.
"Really? Truly? Seriously?" The Ex Galbadia Soldier kept asking.
"SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE" Fujin shouted.
"Did she just say more then one word without a period?" The Ex Galbadia Soldier asked.
"Shifts eyes uh no…now then where does your wife live?" Raijin asked.
"In Esthar" The Ex Galbadia Soldier answered.
"What?! Way the hell over there?" Raijin asked.
"FLY" Fujin stated.
"Oh yeah we will fly there!" Raijin said.
"With that cool puff of smoke trick?" The Ex Galbadia Soldier asked excitedly.
"Don't be stupid, you can't fly with that!" Raijin said.
"RAGNAROK" Fujin said.
"You stole Ragnarok from Squall?" The Ex Galbadia Soldier asked.
"YES" Raijin said.
"Hey you sounded like Fujin…" The Ex Galbadia Soldier laughed.
"GO" Fujin said and with a puff of white smoke they appeared inside the Ragnarok.
"Hi ho silver, AWAY!" The Ex Galbadia Soldier said.
"RED" Fujin said.
"Oh, hi ho Red, AWAY!" The Ex Galbadia Soldier said and they took off towards Esthar.
Too be continued…
Yes well this is why boredom and Final Fantasy VII don't mix…please don't ask where I got this idea from. R&R! No flames!