I'm Not So Bad
Written proudly by The-Mighty-Floyd
Disclaimer: Mutter mutter mutter... Alright, none of the frickin' characters are mine...
BEGIN
"I'm not so bad.
"Oh, sure, I may kill a few people here or there, but really, next time you're in traffic, just think to yourself: 'There could be even more cars here.'
"So I like to leave surprises here and there. Everybody likes a surprise, right? You never heard anyone say, 'Wow! I sure do hate surprises!' Just because MY prizes tend to explode doesn't mean that they're any less legitimate!
"And come on! I mean, most people walking down the street don't have to look up for a big black cape, do they? What's so special about me?
"Really, I like to have fun, just like you. Does it make my fun any less legitimate than yours that it involves mayhem and destruction?
"Honestly, it's getting so I can't even show my face around here any more. Every time I do, HE shows up and spoils everything! It's hard!
"I'm sorry. It's not all about HIM.
"Back to my original point, though, I'm a pretty nice person, once you get to know me. Oh sure, I have my little foibles, but who doesn't? Do you honestly think you wouldn't do the same in my place?
"And I'm brilliant, too. Did I mention that? I could have been big. But because no-one likes someone like me, I've been kept away from all the really big opportunities!
"Honestly! I don't really like crime. It's just... We're forced into it, you know? Once convicted, always convicted. No-one wants to hire me, just because I killed someone once! Okay, so it was a lot of people, on many different occasions.
"But that's not my point! My point is, we almost have to return to crime. We can't live if we don't steal!
"Can't you understand? Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you?
"I'm not so bad."
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