The Emerald Price Chapter 33
By Ash Darklighter
Disclaimer:- The characters and situations used in this story are the property of George Lucas and Lucasfilm Ltd. I am only using them for some entertainment and will not even make one Republican credit from this endeavour. This is set around eight to ten years after Luke and Mara met each other for the first time. This one is for all the girls on the AA list and of course for Mona – what would I do without you? My thanks also to Niqella and Rhea for their encouragement and invaluable suggestions.
Mara awoke with the first rays of the sun. Despite having been up during the middle of the night with Luke, she had found sleep difficult to achieve once she'd returned to her lonely bed. Over and over Mara relived the sweetness and burning desire of his kiss. He had wanted her – she had felt his need against her belly. Luke was finally seeing her as a woman and not his 'get-him-out-of-a-crisis-friend'. He had almost been ready to drop his creed of never letting a woman close to him. She remembered the way that her hands had smoothed over his naked chest until she'd linked them behind his head. His skin had been hot and smooth and…
Mara clenched her hands into tight fists and closed her eyes, her breathing loud in the silent confines of her tiny bedchamber. She certainly had her work cut out for her. She would have to get him so caught up in the moment, so unable to think that his brain would only catch up to what they had done…after they had made love. Her face flamed at the thought of seducing him. The galaxy had this image of her as a wanton scarlet woman but it was all a sham. She'd had the occasional fleeting relationship but it had been many years since she'd indulged. Casual relationships had proved to be unsatisfactory. Her partners had always ended up wanting more than Mara could provide emotionally. For many years she had thought herself incapable of true commitment until her friendship with the Jedi Master had deepened into something else on her part – proving that it wasn't her inability to commit that was the problem but not having the right person to commit to. Mara had, as she'd grown closer to Luke, not wanted another man.
But Force, how she wanted this one.
She had thought that becoming a Jedi knight and following the way of the Force might have made him look differently at her. Shavit, the whole of the Jedi community could see what could be between them but Luke remained stubborn to the last. Mara realised that Luke saw her in the same way that he always had. He was the one man who truly loved what she was inside as well as out and had foreseen what she could become. Sadly, he wouldn't act upon the feelings he had for her. She was going to have to drag him kicking into a relationship with her. Her lips firmed. It was time she claimed him as her own and made him see that they were meant to be together. Perhaps she should not hide the way she felt about him in front of the others. It was not her way to be so open about her personal feelings but she was beginning to run out of ideas.
Luke did not think that she could commit to him. He was a modest man and did not speak often of his heroic achievements, nor did he think that women wanted him for the farmboy as well as the Jedi Master. Mara could see how females of many species had lusted after his handsome face and well-toned form when he appeared at official state banquets. Would they want him after a training run through the Yavin jungle when he was hot and tired, his well-muscled chest covered in sweat… Mara stopped her train of thought right there. One of the amazing things about the Jedi was his ignorance of his appeal. He did not consider himself handsome. His priorities did not give him the luxury of dancing attendance on a well-groomed Coruscant socialite. He was not free in the way that other men were. His life might contain elements of danger, hardship and excitement but there were few women able to deal with all three. He did not expect a romantic relationship to be successful under such conditions and his previous affairs hadn't survived the test of time. Was that what her problem was? Luke didn't think that any woman could endure what Luke Skywalker did. She scowled. How dare he assume such a thing about her.
Mara wanted both the Master and the ordinary man – she wanted the suave commanding officer, the dignified Jedi and the simple farmboy. She wanted all of him. She loved all of him.
She nibbled worriedly at her lip. Luke never reacted to things in the way she expected him to. How would he feel about last night's kiss now he'd had time to sleep on it? Had he slept? Mara had found it nearly impossible to achieve respite in slumber and had slept fitfully; tossing and turning as the passionate images she'd pushed away returned to haunt her. She'd lain in the darkness burning with frustration born of her need for her body's urges to be satisfied. The only consolation was that she knew Luke was suffering just as much behind his closed bedchamber door.
She sat numbly in her own tiny bedchamber. Being so close to him was killing her and yet, being apart from him would be worse than hell. Had she blown her chance with the elusive Jedi by her forwardness? Mara wasn't sure but part of her applauded her own honesty. Something in the shifting patterns of the Force told her that it was meant to be. She had to break down the barriers between them and she had to do it soon. Luke, in typical fashion, was holding out through stubbornness and remembered pain. She was going to have to become more forthright still to get what her heart yearned for. If he wanted stubborn she would give it back to him a hundred fold.
Mara dragged herself upright and began to get ready for her day and the saber fight with the feeling that much more was at stake than a mere exercise routine.
Staring at herself in her reflecting glass as she tightly braided her red-gold curls, she wondered at how her emotions were spiralling out of her control. She'd never been prone to outbursts of weeping or rage but now found herself frequently subject to both. This was how much Luke Skywalker affected her; this was how much she loved him. She was behaving like a woman in love with all the determination and vulnerability her condition caused. There was only one solution for her malady and it was beginning to look like Luke was not going to give her the cure.
She trailed wearily into her bedchamber and watched the door slide closed, the angry tears still wet upon her cheeks. That…man had gone through today as if the previous evening's fiery kiss and all of today's events had never happened. He had a heart. She knew that he was kind, generous and caring but when it came to romance, had Luke Skywalker switched on a computer inside of him?
They had breakfasted together in the dining room surrounded by all the other Jedi and not by one word or look had he shown himself affected by what had happened and she'd watched his every move closely. He'd sat next to Kam and Tionne and had chatted in a desultory fashion about some new texts he had discovered on healing techniques which he would give to Dilys Van Osten when she left Yavin to visit Mon Calamari. Instead of listening, Mara had found herself watching his mouth, imagining how it would feel as it kissed every part of her instead of opening to shovel down whatever he'd decided to eat for breakfast. Once he'd finished eating, he had smiled his gentle smile and asked if she was ready for their daily workout. Not once had he given her any indication that between them such a fiery passion had occurred.
Mara wanted to give him another sort of workout - one that involved him and her in the large bed back in their quarters. She suspected that he had attempted to put last night behind him and had, to all intents and purposes, succeeded. Mara wasn't about to let him forget any time soon. But she had nodded meekly, collected her things and followed him to the sparring arena – a small spark of rebellion clawing at her breast.
Luke kept his shields firmly in place. Not since he'd faced Palpatine on Endor had he used his barriers to this degree. Mara had sat opposite him and had watched him carefully. He'd felt her stretching out towards him with the Force, her sense a little bewildered at his apparent composure. If only she really knew the truth about the churning, agitated state that his mind was in and how he had brought himself to fulfilment moaning her name.
"Luke?" Kam asked softly. "Something wrong?"
"No," he said. "Just thinking."
"I see."
"You ready for our saber workout, Jade?" Luke asked.
"Of course," she replied evenly but the expression in her green eyes gave away her tension.
When it came to lightsaber duels, Mara and Luke were more evenly matched than most. Luke was still the superior swordsman and always would be but Mara usually managed to keep up with him for a lengthy period of time. They spun, slashed, parried, somersaulted and twisted. Mara had fought more aggressively than usual. It had been a long time since she had let herself be so careless, so driven by her emotions and, as a result, she had lost easily. Luke hadn't uttered one word of censure at her imprudence, fuelling the steady growth of her ire. She wanted him to shout, to upbraid her for her lack of caution and judgement but he did not. She didn't want him to quote 'there is no emotion, there is peace' at her. Instead, with of flick of his wrist, he had disarmed her, sending her saber spinning away from her hand to land noiselessly on the mat, the blue blade fizzing impotently before cutting out.
"You must keep your focus," Luke instructed, shutting down his own saber and hooking it onto the belt at his waist.
"Yeah," Mara muttered, glaring vibroshivs at her weapon. "Focus."
"I shall see you at dinner," Luke said quietly. "I have a full teaching commitment today since Kirana Ti is returning to Elrood to be at the next round of talks." Mara missed the strange light shining in his blue eyes which gave away the fact that he was not as composed as his distracted opponent thought. "What are you going to do today?"
Mara scowled. It was like a Coruscant drinks party. "What am I going to do today?" she echoed incredulously. "You know, Farmboy, you make it sound as if I do nothing around here."
Luke studied Mara carefully. He'd suspected that their workout might have its problems after last night's kiss but apart from Mara's slight lack of focus he'd hoped that perhaps things might have calmed down. It had been a vain hope and now he realised that fact. He'd found it almost impossible to keep his Jedi mask in place when she'd looked at him with the flames of desire and anger barely banked in the depths of her green eyes. Mara was right; this wasn't over – not by a long way. "I would never suggest such a thing. I was just interested."
"Really?" she snapped.
"You know that I'm interested in anything that happens here on Yavin IV."
"And in what I do?"
"Of course," he said, keeping his composure. Of course he was interested in what she did. He was too interested.
Mara rolled her eyes, holding onto her temper with difficulty. She was making polite, small-talk with the man she loved when instead she wanted to scream, sob and shout at him like a child – wanted to pull him to her and kiss him until he made love to her without mercy. But instead she restrained her rage and in a cool voice announced, "Tionne has placed me on the teaching rota. I am taking a junior fitness class once a day, to start off with and then an intermediate saber workout. I thought she and Kam would have discussed that with you?"
Luke beamed, slightly relieved at the mention of Academy business instead of their more personal affairs. "You must tell me how you get on. Not that I have any worries and I'm sure Kam and Tionne haven't either, otherwise you wouldn't have been asked. There are a couple of children with real talent in some of those classes. I'm glad you have agreed to teach some of these classes. The students will benefit greatly from your skill and experience. You will really stretch their ability. They haven't discussed it with me because I am not head of the school any more. They may mention it at tonight's meeting." He stretched out his hand as if he was going to clap her on the shoulder and then for some reason only known to him, he instead picked up his tunic and his towel and made his way towards the showers leaving Mara still fuming.
'Just keep going, Skywalker,' Luke thought to himself. He could feel Mara's frustration buffeting at his shields. If he'd touched her he would have… Luke clamped down on the erotic image that sprung into his mind. He wasn't ready to think like that. 'Sure, Skywalker,' his inner voice taunted. 'Where Mara Jade is concerned you have always been ready. You just told yourself you were a better man and didn't give in to your baser instincts. Strange the lies we use to deceive ourselves.' Luke knew that if he touched her again, he would never be able to let her go.
After she'd returned to Yavin, waiting around for Luke to make any sort of move had been an anathema to Mara. But several weeks had passed by and nothing had happened. Mara had never been idle in her entire life and she wasn't about to start now. She'd asked Tionne if there were any classes she could take and the pale beauty had only been too pleased to lessen the strain on the timetable. Ix Io had remained behind on Elrood to facilitate things and Kirana Ti was only going to be on Yavin IV for a couple of weeks before heading back to Elrood to supervise the final stages of the treaty. Mara had jumped at the chance, considering it to be a way of making Luke see that she was serious in tying her fate to that of the Jedi and him in particular.
"Are you ready, Mara?" Tionne asked when the redhead had met her in her office after breakfast and the workout with Luke.
"I would prefer to teach something physical rather than philosophical," Mara had said. "The history of the Jedi still leaves me reeling. I'm getting there but I'm not quite confident to face a class of adolescents who probably know far more than me on the subject."
"You know far more than they do just by having been around Palpatine, Vader and of course, Luke. The trick is staying one step ahead. If you don't know the answer to the question you tell them that you don't know but you will find out. Honesty they will respect."
"It sounds easy that way and maybe I will eventually but…" She considered the idea briefly and grinned. "No, not yet. Perhaps once I feel a little more secure."
Tionne tilted her head to one side and surveyed Mara. "If you are sure?"
"I am. I just don't feel as confident with that side of things just yet. I'm still trying to catch up with my reading – if I ever do."
Tionne laughed. "I understand. I still feel that way myself and I know the Master does. He still researches as much as he ever did. I sometimes think that I will never stop learning."
"Luke says that and for once I agree with him."
"I'm sure you agree with him quite often."
Mara exhaled noisily. "Not at the moment."
Tionne gave the red-head a sympathetic smile. "Could you cover some of Kirana Ti's classes as she returns to Elrood tomorrow and then we can reassess what you might be most useful in teaching?"
"If that is acceptable?"
"Believe me, it is," Tionne said laughingly. "Fitness and saber workouts suit you?"
"Perfectly," Mara assured the other woman as she got to her feet.
"Mara…"
"What?"
"Be patient," Tionne said, her face serious. "Luke will come around. You need to keep your focus until he does."
Mara froze, her hand pausing as it reached for the door control. Was she so transparent? Did everyone know how she felt apart from Luke? It was her intention to let the whole galaxy know her feelings for the Jedi Master. Perhaps this was a good way to start. "Do you think so?"
Tionne found it difficult to keep the wonder from her expression. Mara's face had held such naked yearning that the final piece of Tionne's acceptance of her fell into place. "I do. He's been alone for a long time as a man and as a Jedi."
"Is it so obvious how I feel?" Mara said, her voice husky.
"No, but Kam and I know Luke well and we're beginning to get to know you too. Just be patient."
"I'm trying to do so but…" She bowed her head and clenched her fists. "It's so difficult. He's so stubborn."
"He knows," Tionne's pearly grey gaze held wisdom. "Deep inside his heart he knows what you mean to him and he to you. He's just not allowing himself to believe and until he does…"
"I understand," Mara whispered.
"You are also stubborn," the other woman advised. "It can be a strength as well as a weakness. Don't let it become your weakness. Don't let your anger win over your compassion. Luke has been hurt badly many times and is afraid to trust. If it helps, he is closer to you than he ever was to Callista. There are rooms available to you in the main Jedi complex if you want them but I would think carefully. If you consider moving out of Luke's quarters he may see that as abandonment."
"Thank you," Mara said, her bewilderment showing. She hadn't expected such kindness and understanding from the other woman. Luke had urged her many times to give other beings a chance. As usual, he was right, damn him.
Her classes had gone well. Most of the students had seen her about the Academy and recognised her as one of the newest Jedi knights. They had read the gossip in the holo-press back home about her varied and supposedly scandalous life until she had joined the Jedi full time. They also recognised her closeness to the Jedi Master. If the Master accepted her totally then they would do so too. Mara had been pleased with the ease of their unquestioning acceptance of her as a teacher. She was all too aware of what most of the galaxy thought about her.
Buoyed by her day's success with the younger Jedi students, she had headed back to her room with a lighter step until she had moved through the cover of trees to see Luke standing in the small clearing outside their quarters, his gaze trained on the sky.
Mara could see the longing written across his handsome face. He longed to be out there among those stars. She hesitated, unwilling to disturb his solitude. He wasn't unhappy - she could sense that much – just contemplative.
"Mara?" As ever, he sensed her presence and turned to face her.
"Luke," she said gently as realisation set in. "You want to be out there, among those stars, don't you?"
"Oh, Mara…" he whispered. "It's not as easy as that."
"I never said it was easy. All I said was that you want to be out there. You want to fly."
His smile was bittersweet. "Yes and no. I cannot be as I once was. You already know that we cannot unlearn what we already know. I have responsibilities."
"But these responsibilities – the Jedi and the rest of the galaxy - have taken over your life. When do you get to do what you want?"
"Perhaps that's what I'm doing." His face lifted again, his eyes fixed on the sky. "Perhaps this is exactly what I want or what the Force wants for me. Who can say?"
"You would know." Mara raised her chin, ready to argue.
"Would I? Sometimes we don't know what is best for us until another points that out. Sometimes we make a decision that we have to make – even if it's the wrong one. It's not until we do, that we realise where our priorities lie." He glanced at her and looked away quickly, not meeting her gaze. "Regrets? I have them. Of course, I have them. Who doesn't?"
"What kind of regrets?"
"Too many to mention," he said. "But I cannot go back. I cannot unlearn what I now know."
"But can you change?" Mara demanded.
"Change? Certainly. I have to be adaptable in my profession. But I can never again be the naïve boy from Tatooine. No one can go that far back. That task is impossible."
As he turned his head away from her, she felt the simmering anger that had been with her since she'd awoken that morning begin to burn. "Where is it written that a Jedi Master must be alone? Can you show me the exact text?" Her voice was bitter.
Luke blinked. She was angry about something. When he'd first met her she had always been angry. He'd been the source of that anger and he suspected that on this occasion he was at the root of her anger again. Could it have something to do with last night and the kiss he was trying to forget ever took place? "Mara…I…"
"Oh, forget it."
Luke recovered and stepped closer, his eyes peering at her face in the gathering gloom. This was important to her. No, he knew that he was important to her. "Some beings are better off alone. I suspect that I am one of them. It's my choice, Mara."
"Choice!" She laughed but there was no humour in the sound. "You choose to give up on life. On living…on love? You choose the arrogance of deciding that you know how another being will react to your choices. You are condemning any chance for us without even trying."
He tried to close his ears to the familiar litany. First Altra, then Han and Leia, and now, Mara. "No."
"Yes, you do."
"I gave my life to the Jedi. I'm not giving up on anything."
"What quality is there in that?" She shrugged. "You have the satisfaction of doing what Yoda and Kenobi wanted you to. You saved the Jedi but I think you've given up a lot for them. What about a real home with a wife and a family?"
Luke heard her words. 'A wife and a family.' He had given up on that dream when Callista had left him and he couldn't countenance that dream coming back to life again. For when it failed, as it surely would, it would kill him. He cleared his throat roughly. "You are now a fully-trained Jedi, Mara. You know the risks that we undertake, yet I wouldn't have it any other way. Surely you must understand now how richly rewarding such a life can be."
"Of course I do." Her green eyes bored into his. "I never suggested that it wasn't. But I want more and I'm going to get more." She stalked around him. "Are you happy?" she questioned. "Truly happy?"
"I am content."
"I did not ask you if you were content, Skywalker. I asked you if you were happy. There is a difference."
Luke shrugged, his face shadowed. "Can anyone be that way?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Are you happy, Mara?" Luke wanted to know. He stared at her in the fading light, her cheek a pale contrast against the darkness all around them.
"Sometimes," she answered gravely. She was happy when she was with him. Mara moved to where a strand of the dark red jungle roses snaked up the outside wall of their quarters and let her hand drift out to stroke the closed, velvety petals. "Do you feel lonely?" She asked, as she inhaled the scent of the exotic bloom.
"Yes…sometimes." Luke's voice as he echoed her own words was so quiet that Mara had to strain to hear him. "Do you?"
Mara sighed. "Of course, I get lonely but like you, I try to get on with my life. I have good friends and I now have the Jedi. You are my greatest friend…"
"I know and you are mine."
She let go of the flowers, the action releasing a wave of their heady scent in his direction and turned to face him. She decided to increase the pressure on Luke. He wouldn't like the tenor of her questions but she had to start him thinking. She had to make him see that the Force meant them to be together. The name of Skywalker had to survive for generations to come. She froze – where had that come from?
"Mara?" Luke queried, feeling a sudden shift in her emotions.
"Can you still love?" she blurted out awkwardly.
Luke's face paled, his eyes glittering in the fading light. "Love?" he coughed, clearing his throat. He hadn't prepared himself for a cross examination of this nature. Mara Jade was one of the most intelligent women of his acquaintance and could run rings around him. The scent of the flowers surrounded him, reminding him of the bloom Mara had left on his pillow as he'd slept – the flower he had pressed and kept so carefully. "Of course. I love my sister, Han, their family…"
"I know you love your family but that's not exactly what I'm referring to." Mara stepped closer. "Love…" she whispered, her eyes boring into his with a strange intensity. "Love between man and woman. Romantic love…sexual love…and don't give me any of that Jedi Master devoting his life to the order rubbish." She pinned him in place with her gaze. "You are afraid."
Luke found that his limbs were shaking. "What is this all in aid of, Jade?" Vainly, he tried to inject some sternness into his voice. But inside he knew and, yes, he was afraid.
"Mara," she breathed, her hands gripping his arms. "My name is Mara. I'm talking about the thing you know is happening between us that you seem desperate to avoid. I'm talking about the love between two Jedi. Love stronger than anything the galaxy has ever known. A bond so strong that it can call across time and space itself. Love that can will someone on the edge of death to cling to life."
Luke was stunned and it showed. A muscle worked in his cheek but he said nothing as he fought for his control.
Mara anxiously wet her dry lips, her voice fading away to almost nothing. "What I'm talking about is the love between you and me. It's far more than mere friendship that we share. It's more than a love between a sister and brother. It's like nothing I've ever experienced anywhere. This love of ours resonates through the very Force itself. How can you not feel what we could have together? Surely you can feel the power?"
His blue eyes widened and his mouth worked a couple of times. The little shoot of hope unfurled more leaves and began to strengthen its roots. Was she serious? He couldn't imagine Mara not being serious about something of this importance. He stared into her beautiful face, his mind a blank.
Discouraged by his silence, Mara loosened her hands from his arms and stepped back. But she had to finish this, she'd gone this far. She had to tell him the truth. "I love you, Luke," she said, her voice clear and strong. "I have loved you for so long that part of me thinks that I always have." She shrugged, her hands slipping into the pocket of her tunic. "I can't remember when I stopped wanting to kill you and started to love you instead. I'm not Callista. I don't worship the Jedi Master above the man and I won't disappear – not willingly from your life – not even if you tell me to go. I'm not going anywhere without you. On your next dangerous mission, I'm coming with you. But I cannot watch you run yourself into the ground through melancholy and overwork. I cannot see everyone else find happiness with a partner and you remain obdurate and alone when you could have me in your life." She swallowed painfully. "Tionne has offered me quarters in the main building and I'm thinking about taking them. I'm not giving up on us. I'm giving you space to think."
"No, Mara…"
"Yes, Luke. I have to finish what I'm saying. I have to tell you everything. "I think you love me too and I cannot understand why you are subjecting us both to such pain. I never expected to love…never wanted to and then you came along." She made a sound that was half laughing, half sobbing. "How could I resist you? How could I last so long without falling for you? It was inevitable – it is my destiny."
"But Lando…"
"Was nothing…is nothing. You must know by now that he didn't mean anything to me. I told you the truth about it. Why can't you believe me?"
"I do believe you, it's just…"He brought his hands up to his face and rubbed his eyes. "I know you told me that your relationship with Lando wasn't real but Lando was definitely interested in you, in your beauty and your intelligence… He's a good man – intelligent, wealthy, sophisticated…"
"So what? I found him vain and shallow for a good seventy percent of our time together. He was in another woman's bed within days as soon as I indicated that I wasn't attracted to him. Even before he came along, you were the one I was interested in. It was your good opinion that I wanted – yours that mattered. He can be a pleasant companion occasionally but he was never the one for me. I want you. I was wrong not to tell you the truth because I do trust you more than any other being in the galaxy. I was going to tell you that it was an arrangement but you turned away. You started to avoid me and I thought I had lost my dearest friend – one who I'd begun to think of as more than a friend - and I couldn't understand why."
"Jade," Luke murmured, appalled at the hurt he could sense. He never wanted to cause her pain and unknowingly he had. He was still doing so.
Mara put her hands up to her flushed cheeks and found that they came away wet. "I think you avoided me because I was with Lando – you were jealous. Lando was the man I was with and not you. You thought I was kissing him, sharing his bed – you couldn't stomach seeing me with another man." She was crying? "Luke, say something. Anything…please."
Luke opened and shut his mouth a few times, confusion written across his face. He really hadn't expected this. She was right. He had been jealous. If he knew they were to attend some function together, he had stayed away unable to bear the uncomfortable feeling that Mara should have been there with him and not Lando. Altra had said that Mara loved him but he never in a million years thought that was true. Han and Leia had been angry at his intractable refusal to see what was right beside him. He hadn't even considered that Mara might reciprocate his feelings. Yes, they had a bond like no other amongst the Jedi. Yes, they had called to one another across the vast reaches of space and yes, he loved her more than his own life. And now Mara was standing before him pouring out those feelings, tears running down her cheeks. She had never looked so beautiful to him in her vulnerability and he didn't know what to say. "I need to think…" he muttered and could have hit himself. What was there to think about? Where was the reckless, impetuous Luke Skywalker that had left Tatooine on a beat up old starship not knowing where he was going or what he was doing?
He needed to think? She couldn't believe her ears until she looked closely at him. Perplexity and bafflement was written all over his face and in his voice was something Mara couldn't recall ever hearing from Luke Skywalker – it was panic pure and simple. She had to give him time to think even though her first impulse was to persevere with her emotional onslaught on his feelings. She pulled together her own fraying emotions and wove them tightly together. He needed her to be strong and she would be. "You have a meeting," Mara said, glancing down at her wrist chrono, hoping he didn't hear the shake in her voice.
"A meeting! Why would I want to go to a meeting at a time like this?" Luke bit out in frustration running his hand through his hair leaving it standing on end. "You…"
"Because it's Academy business and you are expected to be there?" She moved forward, her face shaded with pain and lifted her hand, smoothing the tangle he had made and brushing a lock of hair away from his face. "Go, you'll be late otherwise."
"But Mara. We need to talk. It doesn't matter about the meeting…"
"Go," she insisted. "I won't do anything until you return."
"Mara…" Luke's face showed his complete indecision.
"Go, or they'll send someone to fetch you." She smiled bravely and turned away, walking as quickly as she could into their quarters, feeling his eyes watching her as she went.
Luke didn't move until the door slid shut behind her leaving him alone. For what seemed like an age, he stood silently, unable to think or even breathe. His mind was whirling and his heart desperately pounding inside his chest. She loved him. He wanted to shout it to the stars. She really loved him. He could feel it. He began to run towards the central complex, his heart full. Suddenly he stopped and just stood staring upwards his face a picture of the incredulity and amazement he was feeling. "She loves me," he said aloud. Mara wouldn't lie to him…couldn't lie to him.
Did it change the way he felt about himself and his life? No, he thought, and wondered at the anguish threatening to consume him. But somewhere inside, the tiny shoot of hope began to speak. He stiffened his shoulders and began to re-examine himself anew. 'Luke. It's time to revolutionize the way you think. This could change everything for good. You wouldn't have to be alone.'
"Everything?" he thought, shaking his head. "Of course, this changes everything. Skywalker you are a fool," he said aloud. "The most beautiful woman in the galaxy tells you that she's in love with you and you go to a meeting."
Luke flicked open his comlink. "Kam? You don't really need me at tonight's meeting, do you?"
"No, Luke. It's just the usual curriculum business…a continuation of the stuff we discussed the other day. I know your views and agree with them."
"Good. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Anything wrong?"
"No…no, nothing's wrong."
Kam wasn't so sure. He had felt some strained emotions rocketing around the Temple complex all day and Tionne had told him about her conversation with Mara. None of the other Jedi had relationships that were so volatile. He would bet his saber that the precarious calm between Skywalker and Jade had all but ended. He only hoped that Luke would see sense and grasp what was so totally obvious to the rest of the Jedi. He knew it would be only a matter of time before the intuitive man saw what he could have in his life. "What about Mara?" he probed carefully.
"She's fine. Why do you ask?" There was suspicion in Luke's voice.
"I can sense something… The Force is strangely vibrant this evening and Mara is important to you. Nothing is wrong - is there?"
"No, nothing is wrong," he denied quickly. Everyone had guessed how he felt about Mara Jade – he surmised that he hadn't been able to hide it from his friends. Kam had almost said straight out that he knew Luke and Mara had…issues with one another. And Mara had guessed too. She had already told him that. He flicked off his com and began walking away from the central complex, skirting the edge of the forest until he reached the hangar where his x-wing was stored. Climbing up the ladder, he popped the canopy open and slid inside. The smell of the leather seat, mixed with engine coolant and fuel, hit his nostrils, comforting and easing his jumbled emotions. He'd once lived only to fly but that was partly to escape the drudgery of his life on Tatooine and he'd long since moved on from that section of his past. Perhaps it was time to move on once more. Did he have the courage to do something he'd sworn he would never do again? He let his head fall back on the headrest and closed his eyes. Could he take that final step?
Mara Jade was in love with him, Luke Skywalker. For her to actually admit it must have taken some courage but then, she was one of the bravest beings he knew. This was no sudden green love. He could feel its depth and richness through their bond in the Force. He could feel her shining presence shimmering at the edge of his own consciousness. All he needed to do was open his own shields and her essence would mingle with his own for all time. He opened his eyes and his hands went to his lightsaber unfastening the casing. Inside, in the newly modified casing, two lightsaber crystals nestled together. His new gem, the darker colour indicating Luke's maturity, experience and growth in the Force, and the first jewel he had constructed, the one he had used to free Mara from her enslavement, sat next to each other. However, he couldn't remember it ever containing the burst of scarlet fire he could now see at its heart.
Yes, Kam was correct. The Force was strangely vibrant this evening. It was as if it was waiting for something to happen, poised on the very edge of an indrawn breath.
His finger traced the crystals gently. All he had to do was stretch out with his feelings and let her completely into his heart. It sounded so simple but it was one of the most difficult things he'd ever had to do. She'd invaded his being without his permission, despite his shields. Perhaps his heart was more aware of what he should have done and he had yet to let his mind totally accept his love for the beautiful Jedi, too. The barriers there were more substantial and far more difficult to get around. Would the price to pay be too high? What would happen if he yielded to her?
'Trust your feelings, Luke.'
As ever when Luke was in a crisis, the words of his first mentor returned to guide him with their wisdom and he'd heard them twice in a matter of a few days even though Obi-Wan was long gone. He'd been trying to ignore those feelings for so long. Yes, she was in his heart and his mind. She had called to him and he had answered her call in the way that only true-mated Jedi would understand.
The breath left Luke's body in a rush and he clenched his fingers tightly. True-mated Jedi? A mating bond… He had read about them and they did exist, or had existed. Still, even at the height of the Jedi's power there had been few. Had he, Luke Skywalker, formed a mating-bond with Mara Jade? This was so rare that there were virtually no writings upon the subject.
His mouth dropped open. He had denied the love that the Force had ordained for him - well, he hadn't actually denied it. But he had refrained from acting upon it. This was the Force's doing. Mara Jade had been meant for Luke Skywalker all along. She was the woman that he knew could match him in all things.
He closed the saber casing, attaching it to its accustomed place on his belt and climbed swiftly from the x-wing cockpit. He had to see her immediately. She wouldn't be expecting him to return yet from the meeting. How could he concentrate on anything so mundane as curriculum and timetables when his head was swirling as if he were coming out of hyperspace in a spin. Had he enough courage to give in?
He brushed down his tunic and stared at his black knee boots to see if they were clean and adjusted the cloak about his shoulders. What did she see in him? She, who could have anyone in the galaxy. Luke walked towards the building housing his quarters and stretched out carefully wondering if Mara was still there or had she already moved to the set of rooms Tionne had been saving for her in the central building complex. He wanted her to stay with him but was he brave enough to accept her love and everything that went with it? Suppose it was a temporary feeling? Suppose… Luke tried to take a grip on his spiralling emotions. If he didn't accept what she was offering would she leave him? If she left his quarters would that be the gradual beginning of a separation between them. Could he stand back and watch her start a relationship with another Lando?
The answer to that one was a definite, resounding 'no'.
Frantically, Mara rummaged through her closet until she found her black leather jumpsuit. It had been quite a while since she'd worn it. If she was going to seduce Skywalker, she had a hunch that this was the outfit that might work the best. It would hopefully lull him into a sense of false security or increase his temperature or both. She tried to dampen her continued feelings of emotional confusion. She had argued with Luke about her need for emotion but Mara knew that she also needed to balance it with some Jedi calm. Perhaps to gain ground with the obstinate Jedi Master, she had to think like him. She placed the outfit on her bed ready to put on, the ordinariness of such an act helping to soothe her anxious mind.
Quickly she showered and changed, leaving her hair loose, rippling down her back to her waist. 'I should really get it cut,' she thought. 'It's rather impractical this long.' But something stopped her every time and it was the sudden glow in Luke's eyes when they rested on her red-gold hair as it curled loose around her shoulders.
Impatiently, she checked the chrono. He would be at least another hour so she could try to relax while she waited for the axe to fall. She wandered through to the kitchen and dug around in the cupboard for the bottle of wine she'd hidden along with Luke's supply of hot chocolate. The desire to polish off the contents to give her courage was tempting but Mara wanted to be certain of what she was doing and would do it better with a clear head. Still, perhaps one glass wouldn't hurt.
Luke paused outside his quarters and stretched out to see if Mara was still there. She seemed preoccupied, so he cloaked his presence and slid the door open.
"Damn!" she muttered as her head connected with the top of the cupboard.
Luke walked to the kitchen door and stared at the curved set of black leather-clad feminine hips sticking out of the bottom of his kitchen cabinet. His temperature immediately skyrocketed. Someone had once unwisely said in Luke's hearing, that Mara Jade's derriere clothed in black leather was one of the wonders of the universe. That same being would never dare voice such an expression again.
"Well, there's something you don't see every day," he said as matter-of-factly as he could, hoping Mara didn't notice the way his voice had cracked the way it had done when he was a callow youth back on Tatooine.
"What!" Mara spun around and just missed connecting with the cupboard door once more. "Luke?"
"See any one else, Jade?" he asked, his voice deepening as she turned around and stood up, the bottle of red wine clutched tightly in her hand.
"A drink," he murmured. "How nice."
She stared at him as he reached out and took the bottle from her suddenly shaky fingers. His face was white, his eyes glittering with a strange fierce expression but other than that he seemed composed.
"Luke…"
"Let's have a drink, Mara. Let us discuss things without our emotions being so heated."
"What!" Mara exclaimed. "You sithspawned…"
"There is no emotion, there is peace, remember?"
"I changed that part." Mara collected her escaping wits. "There is emotion and I'm not discussing anything with you otherwise. I'm not a machine."
"That's quite obvious in that outfit, Jade," Luke said, his voice dropping. "Reminds me of how we first met."
"Long time ago," Mara said, her gaze meeting his bravely. "We've both changed so much."
"Yes, the Jedi and the Emperor's Hand."
He turned and made his way into the lounge area but as he did so, he glanced back over his shoulders and watched as Mara's face seemed to quiver, her whole demeanour appearing lost and a dart of despair launched into his breast. Luke winced as the desolation filled his soul. This was how she was feeling?
Mara's shaking hand picked up two wine glasses from the kitchen work top but for a moment she was unable to follow Luke into the lounge area. She'd opened her heart to him not even an hour ago and he'd just looked at her as if nothing had happened. She'd been so certain of his feelings. Now she wasn't sure what to think.