Chapter 19 – After the fight

Tonks awoke with a start during the night and felt that Harry beside her was having a bad nightmare. He was twisting, groaning and muttering, 'No. Please. No. I don't want to kill!'

He was bathed in cold sweat and was white as a sheet.

Tears dwelt up in her eyes as she saw his suffering. She gently shook his shoulder.

"Harry! Wake up! It is only a dream!" she called softly to him.

After some more minutes of suffering he opened his eyes and she hugged him gently.

"Harry, it is ok. It was only a dream."

He snuggled against her and she felt, that he was on the verge of tears but didn't want to spill them in front of her.

She stroked him over his back again and again and only held him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked gently.

He shook his head.

"Please, Harry. Talk to me! I want to help you. Do it for me." she pleaded with a soothing voice.

He swallowed hardly and nodded.

After some minutes he started.

"I... I dreamed of all the death I caused. All the men I killed. I... I was in Riddles House again. I saw the eyes of the dieing again and again.. The blood on my hands. It was cruel. Then I was back in his throne room. I saw the victims of the explosion, the torn bodies, pieces of flesh and bones. I saw the burning wizards and heard their screams. I also smelt again all the blood and burning flesh and adding to that the cruel laughter of HIM."

She sobbed sadly about his suffering. He was such a noble and nice man and didn't deserve that.

"Harry, you only did what you had to do. They had killed countless people and would have killed so much more. You did nothing wrong. You saved us."

"I... I know, Love. But they were humans too... living beings that died at my hands. I.. I am nothing better than them."

She pushed him away and locked her eyes with his.

"Never say that again! NEVER! You are so much better then them. Never have I met a more noble man, never. You are a good-hearted and caring person, Harry. You are loving me, truly loving. That is the difference between you and them, the ability to feel and to love. Even, that you think about this so much is a big difference. They would be laughing and joking about that now. But you are sitting here and berate yourself because you had to kill your enemy. You didn't even chose that. You had no choice. It was you or them. NEVER AGAIN think, that you are no better than them. Please, believe me!"

He nodded and hugged her. "You are right. I'll try to get over it."

"I know. I will be there for you."

"I love you."

"I know. Now try to sleep a little bit more. You have to rest."

He kissed her softly and went back to sleep. She stayed awake for a while and watched over his sleep. Only as she saw that he was sleeping peacefully she went back to sleep herself.

They awoke two more times during the night but Tonks managed it to calm him down every time. The last time they needed no words. She hold him for a while and then he kissed her and tanked her before he went back to sleep.

As his friends Ron, Hermione and Ginny have been let in by Rick the next morning the looked uncertainly at Harry and this strange young girl that was sitting in his lap and stroking his back while whispering in his ear. He looked really sad and had dark circles under his eyes too.

They scrutinized the girl. She had long hazel brown hair. And was smaller than Harry and a little smaller than Tonks as well. Harry saw his friends and said something to her. She turned around and now his friends looked in a nice heart shaped face with blue-grey eyes which seemed to slightly shimmer green too. And she looked worried.

Ron looked to his girlfriend and whispered to her: "Who is this girl? I have never seen her before. I thought he was with Tonks."

Hermione shrugged.

Ginny continued to look at the girl until she saw the partly hidden necklace and she yelped: "Tonks?"

The girl frowned but Harry chuckled slightly.

Then her eyes lit up and she laughed.

"Yeah, who else would sit in Harry's lap?"
"TONKS?" Ron yelled surprised.

"Yes, the one and only." Harry said smiling.

"Why are you looking so different?" Ron asked.

"She isn't looking different. She is looking like herself. Like her true self." Harry explained, "Have you ever tried to see the real Tonks? Now you do."

Tonks smiled a little bit sadly now, "Never anyone cared truly about me. They all saw only the shapeshifter. Even my friends at school wanted only have to do something with me, if I would make funny faces and such. With my boyfriends it was even worse. They only cared how her dreamgirl should look like. No one wanted to see 'me' The first and only one is Harry. He isn't interested in any form, face or tits. He wants to see me and he got in love with 'me'. He is the first one who ever truly cared about me, not what I am but who I am."

Harry's friends looked ashamed at themselves. They too had never wanted to see the real Tonks. Granted they came to know her better in the last weeks, but they too had ever thought of her as the 'Metamorphmagus'

They apologized to her for that and she accepted with a honest smile.

"We heard about your victory yesterday and Dumbledore wanted to held a speech at dinner today. We wanted to congratulate you all. But... why are you looking so sad?" Hermione asked.

Harry looked down and Tonks said: "Harry had nightmares for the whole night. He feels guilty about all the people he killed yesterday."

His friends blanched and Harry glared at his girlfriend.

"Wh.. what?" she asked uncertainly, "Have I done something wrong?"

She looked on the verge of tears at his disappointed glare.

"They didn't need to worry too about me." he said quietly.

"I... I am sorry, Harry. I hadn't thought about .... " she seemed really disturbed and looked down.

"We have talked very much in the last weeks as you had disappeared and we became close friends. We have talked about all and nothing and I guess I became used to it. I didn't want to invade your privacy. Please forgive me!" she pleaded.

His friends looked uneasy to no end. They knew how closed up Harry really was about his feelings, especially his bad ones. And Tonks looked really worried, not the least bit like the fun-making girl they knew.

He lifted her chin: "Hey love! Look up!" he said gently.

"While I didn't want to know them about the nightmares, it is nothing to dwell on about, ok? Next time let me deal with such questions about my welfare. But I don't hold that against you. Alright?"

She nodded slightly smiling and relaxed.

He smiled too and then grinned, "They would have pestered me anyway until I would have told them at least a part of what is worrying me. And I am happy that you became good friends. It isn't as if I haven't been there too... only no one knew it but your heart."

She smiled now more happily and hugged him.

"Yeah! For that we will get you!" Ron said now grinning.

"What did Harry mean with no one but your heart, Tonks?" Ginny asked.

"Well... I started to feel something for him... Jared I mean, but I knew, I still loved Harry. It began really to worry me... I felt as if I would betray Harry. I told Jared that after he was tortured in front of my eyes and I thought I would lose him. Then he burned his chains away and came over to me. He said: Your heart didn't betray Harry, but your eyes did and changed into his true self. Slightly older but definitely Harry." she said smiling and hugged Harry.

"That is so romantic... except that part about the torture of course." Hermione said.

"Was.. was it bad?" Ginny asked worried.

"It was even worse, Ginny. Much worse than you can imagine. But I don't want to talk about it and I don't want you to worry about it. It is over and we will live." Harry said honestly and seriously.

"What did you mean with he burned his chains away?" Ron asked eagerly.

"Well, as I am an Unspeakable, that is confidential information." Harry said grinning.

"You are truly an Unspeakable? And a Warlock as I heard?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah... you know already too much. Tonks what are we going to do with them?"

"Well, you could kill them... or obliviate them."

They gasped.

"Or you could show them your now official form." she added mischievously.

He glared at her but this time in a mischievous way, "Just you wait. I will get you for that one!"

"WHAT FORM?" all three yelled.

"My animagus form of course."

"What is that?"

Harry groaned and went to the place with the most free room and changed. He stretched once his magnificent wings and changed back before he went back to his gaping friends and proudly smiling girlfriend.

"Something else?" Hermione demanded.

"Don't even ask!" Tonks groaned.

"Hey, you want me!" Harry replied.

"Yes, I do." she kissed him softly.

"Hey, do you have a name?" Ron asked grinning.

"Yeah, he has. Moony named him Nightwing." Tonks said proudly.

"Nightwing? Why is that?" Hermione asked.

"Sorry, but that I can not tell you." Tonks answered grinning.

A hour before lunch Rick picked them up and said they were to meet Dumbledore now in his office.

They followed him and Harry gasped as he saw his boss, Mr. Onyx.

And that sneaky bastard had nothing better to do as to ask Tonks: "Miss Tonks, when did Harry reveal himself to you?"

"At the day he defeated Vo.. Voldemort."

"That would be the... 15th day. Congratulations, Mr. Potter. You have passed your last test." he said grinning and Harry groaned.

"Hi Mr. Onyx and thanks."

"You may call me Stanley as you are now an Unspeakable first class and our only Warlock too... independent of course."

"Yeah and I don't intend to work for a looong time." Harry said grinning.

"I can imagine. The headmaster had already informed me of his version of the events. Would you report us your version please? Miss Tonks feel free to add to that."

"Sure, Mr. Onyx."

"Please, call me Stanley too. Harry is like a member of our 'special' family and you are his soulmate."
"It would be my pleasure, Stanley, but I have sadly to insist that you use my family name because I hate my first name."

Stanley smiled and nodded, "I know of that. It is mentioned in our files about Mister Potter that he berated the headmaster for that."
Tonks and Harry blushed and Dumbledore chuckled.

Harry then recalled the events meticulously and Tonks had only to add what happened as Harry was out.

"Thank you very much Harry. Your salary for that job will be added to your vault as usual."

"Salary?"

"You didn't think you work for nothing, did you? You were working on a dangerously job and we honor that not only with words but also with an acceptable payment."

"Yeah sure."

"We will also suggest the both of you as well as Mr. Snape and Mr. Weller for the Order of Merlin. You Harry for first class the others second class. As the ministry usually follows our suggestions, you should be prepared for the ceremony next weekend here in Hogwarts."

"Hey, Headmaster!" Harry asked, "Is there any chance, that Tonks can get the next TWO weeks free that we can make a... trip around the world or something?"

All laughed at this except Harry that is.

"I knew that I couldn't get out of this one. Maybe... I am sure Poppy has a bed free for me. I should play a little bit Quidditch before then. Yes that would be a possibility." Harry mused but got a slap over his head from Tonks, "You will do no such thing!"

The others laughed even more and Harry admitted defeat.

"Now that was all. Harry, if you need a counselor feel free to come to us. We know what you are going through at the moment." Stanley added seriously and didn't miss the thankful look. Dumbledore looked ashamed, once more remembered of his errors.

"Thank you. If need be, I will come back to it. But Tonks is already helping me a great deal. I will rely on her for now."
"That is even better. Now, you are free to go."

They got up and said goodbye to Stanley. Rick would stay until the ceremony and then their ways would part. But they would still be friends and visit each other though.

His three closest friends awaited him at the gargoyle and kept him company on the way to lunch.

The three became suddenly quiet as Snape met them at the corridor, also on the way to the Great Hall. But then however they got the shocks of their life.

"Severus! How are you?" Harry asked politely.

"I am fine and you? Did the potion help?"

"Yeah, thanks for that again. I felt still the effects but it became better. Do you have by any chance some dreamless sleep potion?"

"Yes I do, but you should be able to brew it yourself." Snape said smirking.

"I can do that but it would not be as good as yours." Harry said sincerely.

"You never told me what you got in your potions NEWT Harry." Snape now asked curiously.

"Well, it was an E."
"You got an E?" Snape asked surprised, "Who did the test?"

"Mr. Orunar did the test."

"Mr... come again? Mr. Orunar? And you got an E? Even I got only an E with him. What potions did you have to brew?"

"Well a cure for leukemia, then the arditoraxis and the third stage of the wolfsbane."

"The third? But that is the hardest part! You should be able to get it whole. Do you want to try the whole potion some day?"

"Yeah, why not. I have no concrete plans for the next week and Tonks will be here. I only wanted to check my property but that can wait. It would be a pleasure."

"Well, then lets meet tomorrow at lets say 4 pm for the first stage?" Snape asked nicely.

"Sure. I am looking forward to it Severus. Oh... looks like I am to join you at the head table now. Well then."

He turned around to his shocked friends.

"Guys? Something the matter?" he asked.

"Who are you and what did you do to Harry?" Ron asked.
"Well I grew up. And as Severus kept his deal and did treat me fairly in the last days of school, I buried my grudge. And yesterday we fought side by side our way through Riddles Home. He also helped me a great deal with the final battle. So we are now on first name base. And I am proud and happy about that too. Now... I am sorry that I can't sit with you... but if I have the chance, I will sit with Tonks. I hope you understand that."

"Sure Harry." Hermione smiled proudly at him.

"Miss Granger, if you feel up to it, you may join us for the potion." Snape suggested and she nodded beaming.

Then they went to their respective tables and Tonks didn't stop smiling at him.

At the dinner Dumbledore made his speech and as Harry had been asked to attend, he couldn't escape the thundering applause of the whole school.

After that they spent a very nice week at school.

Harry made the potion with Snape successfully and Hermione too. Snape congratulated both of them proudly for this achievement. Over the days, even Ron loosened up a bit against the potions master.