ER Snippet 4: Starting Anew

She turned over sleepily, grimacing slightly at the sudden bright light. A gentle hand soothingly caressed her back. She opened her eyes slowly, a smile warming up on her face at the sight of a very handsome, dark haired man who for reasons unknown to her, adored and loved her. "Mmmm", she murmured. "Is it time to get up already?"

Luka grinned at her appearance, her hair wildly mussed and taking on a life of its own. "I'm afraid so."

She shook her head in disbelief at how anyone could be so perky at 8 am on a Saturday morning and then dove back under the covers.

"Now that wasn't very nice," he chided."Alright, you've just caused me to wheel out the big cannons," said Luka in a joking tone of voice.

Abby ducked her head out from the blankets, giggling as she stared up at him. "You know, you're the only one I know who tries to improve upon simple little American phrases.It's 'take out the big guns' you crazy Croatian!"

"Crazy, huh?" Luka asked, raising one eyebrow. He reached for her feet and began tickling her. "No, no you don't!" gasped Abby. "That was so unfair!"

"Up, up you go," he sing-songed, as he grabbed her arms and began tugging her out of bed with little success. "You promised me a real American experience out into the woods, singing dumb songs, eating s'mores"—he stumbled slightly over the word, "and making a real fire with sticks, remember?"

She groaned half-heartedly. "I wish I had never brought up my one and only horrible camping trip. Did you happen to miss the part where I said I was half frozen, I had to pee in the bushes, and there were these huge, scary ass bugs that looked like they were out of a bad horror movie?"

He laughed loudly. "Now c'mon. We have reservations at Starved Rocks State Park and if you don't hurry up and shower, I'll be very disappointed at having missed out on this whole camping thing." He pulled a puppy dog face, his large brown eyes staring soulfully at hers', and she sighed knowing she was just about to cave.

"You only do that because you know it gets to me, right?" she asked. Luka smirked, but wisely chose not to answer. "Okay, okay," she acquiesced grudgingly. "Only, it's not my fault if those mutant-sized bugs carry you off into the night. In fact, I might just let them if you don't treat me nicely," she added. He leaned in and kissed her. "Then again, maybe I'll come with you to make sure you're safe from all of those scary monsters," said Abby. He kissed her again for good measure.

Abby climbed slowly out of bed and headed into the bathroom. As she stepped into the shower, she turned the faucet on and let the water come out in full force. She stood under the water, reflecting back on how wonderful things were between her and Luka. Only a month ago, she would have sworn she had lost her chance, after that last awful argument when she had told him she was the one who approached Kerry and asked her to talk to him. As she had predicted, he had been incredibly angry at first. She knew though he wasn't simply mad at her, it was more like he was disappointed in himself. After avoiding her for some time and trying to work out his issues on his own, Luka realized it must have taken a lot for her to have gone and asked for help, (especially since it was Kerry). He knew that she was only looking out for him and in the end, what brought him back to Abby was herself. During much contemplation, he was gradually becoming conscious of how much she really cared. He thought he had put away those hopes long ago, but as he learned of this new revelation, he felt himself coming back to life again.

His problems were never truly about Sam. Yes, he had cared for her, but not in the same sense in which he had loved Abby. He never gave Sam his whole self, perhaps unconsciously, but then they both had had similar expectations of each other. She had sought solace in his protective, kind manner so utterly alien to her because of her past experiences, and she knew he would always stand by her. What he had wanted in Sam was more of an ideal he conjured up of her. She had needed him, and it had felt so good to be needed. He put himself in the shoes of her protector because it was a role he had been comfortable with. When she left, he was disappointed and angry, thinking he had once again failed in his quest to save someone. He grew bitter in the knowledge that all of his past relationships had ended this way, and he didn't know why they had so willingly turned his help away.

Still, ashe contemplated over the similarities of each failed relationship, he kept replaying what Abby had once said to him: "It's not that I don't want your help. It's that you use this to keep me from letting me be a real part of your life. Your help is good-intentioned, I know it is." She went on passionately, and her voice filled with emotion. "And I know you think that the only reason you're doing this is because you love me. But really, it's a shield you use to hide behind so you don't have to let anybody in, including me. Can't you admit for once that you have weaknesses too, and place enough trust in me to know that I won't walk away because you think that I won't like or be able to handle what I see? You don't have to be perfect all the time. You don't have to pretend like everything is fine when it isn't."

She reached for his hand. "Luka, I know you. I love the person you are, flaws and all. I love the person I am with, the one who has real emotions, the one who gets angry sometimes and regrets what he says, the one who can come to me and cry about his lost family. And I love the person who makes me laugh, the one who sings silly drinking songs in a foreign language when he's drunk." She paused. "I love you, not some version of you that you feel you should be or have to be for other people, just you."

At the time, he hadn't been able to admit to her that she was right, and instead had lashed out in the worst way. Her words came back to haunt him after their fight over Kerry and Sam. It had taken a long time afterwards for him to open up his heart to someone,but he knew he wanted to try it again with Abby. He had finally confessed his true feelings for her. Abby thought fondly back of the day when she had learned he still loved her.

There was a sharp rap on the door, bringing Abby out of her brief reverie. "Your fifteen minutes are up, slowpoke!" Luka called out.

"Alright, alright, I'm done," she said, hurriedly throwing on some clothes as she opened the bathroom door. Her hair was still wet so she quickly grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her hair. He stood in the doorway, and she impulsively threw her arms around him tightly. He looked a little surprised, but happy. "What was that for?" he teased. "Only a minute ago you were threatening to revolt against our trip."

She tipped her face up at him, and cupped his face with her hands. "I love you," Abby responded sincerely. He hugged her in return and she nestled her face in his shoulder briefly before saying reluctantly, "We better get going or you're going to annoy me about this until God knows when."

He chuckled. "Yep, I'd even come back to haunt you about it." She snorted. "It figures."