"Thank you." Susan wasn't sure if Carter was thanking the paramedic on the other end of the radio, or uttering a prayer. He put the mic down and then supported himself for a moment on the edge of the desk. She could see him trembling.
The news was good. Abby was alive. She was conscious and alert, and her vitals were stable. Much more than that, they didn't know. But they were all guessing .. imagining.
"John," Kerry said. "Susan and I will take this one."
"No, I'm fine."
"You couldn't possibly be professional, and there's no reason you should have to force yourself to try. We'll evaluate her, and as soon as possible you can come in and be with her ... as her friend, not her doctor. You go see if Pratt needs help. We'll let you know as soon as we know anything."
Carter sighed, then headed towards Trauma 1, where the 14 year old had just been taken moments before.
Susan knew full well why Kerry didn't want Carter working on Abby. She had not, apparently, been badly hurt. She obviously hadn't been shot. But she had been injured; Brian had done something to her, that was clear. It was very likely then, that he had raped her. And Carter shouldn't have to deal with that. Susan wished that she didn't have to deal with it. But she knew that, as hard as it was going to be for her, it would still be easier for her than for Carter.
She could already hear the sirens as she and Kerry headed towards the bay to wait for the ambulance. Out in the bay with Kerry, she met her eyes for moment. Neither spoke, but Susan could see that Kerry was just as nervous as she was.
A few moments later the ambulance pulled in, and Susan and Kerry hurried to help lift down the gurney. Abby lay on it.
"Alert and oriented times 3," the paramedic was saying. "A little tachy at 110, BP 120 over 80, resps 30."
Susan wasn't really listening though. Of course Abby was tachy and breathing too fast, she thought. She was upset and crying, almost hysterical. Her face was badly cut and bruised, and there was a sharply delineated rectangular patch around her mouth that was raw and red.
As soon as she saw Susan and Kerry, she said, "Please ... you have to get help for Luka. He's hurt ... he could be dead ... I kept trying to tell them ..."
"Abby!" Susan said. "It's ok."
"No ... he was going to kill ..."
"We know. He's already here. We're taking care of him." Susan kept her own voice very calm.
Abby looked from Susan to Kerry, and Kerry said, "Yes, Abby. He's here already."
"He's ok?" Abby was little calmer now too.
"We're taking good care of him," Susan said again gently. "Now, I don't want you to worry about Luka. Let's think about yourself right now."
Abby didn't miss Susan's hedging, and hysteria came back into her voice. "He's dead, isn't he? He's dead and you're not telling me." They had reached the trauma room, and Abby tried to look through the glass into the other room where Carter and Pratt were working. Susan saw Carter look up too, trying to see Abby. "Is he in there?"
"Close the blinds, Haleh," Kerry said softly, then to Abby. "Abby, Luka isn't dead."
"Then, where is he? I want to see him."
"He's up in surgery. You can see him when he comes out."
"Then you don't know that he's alive. He could have died ...."
"When I brought him upstairs," Susan said, "he was conscious and stable. There's no reason to think anything's gone wrong. I'm sure he's doing just fine, and the surgeons are doing their best to help him. And you don't have to worry about Brian either. He won't be hurting you or Luka ... or anyone anymore."
"They caught him already?" Abby asked. There was hope and, for the first time, relief in her voice.
"He's dead." Blunt.
"The police killed him?" Amazement, but not shock or disappointment.
"He thoughtfully did the job himself." Susan was a little amazed herself at the harshness in her own voice and words. She should care that a man was dead ... even a man as despicable as Brian Westlake. But, looking at Abby, and remembering what Luka had looked like, she couldn't really care at all. She was just glad that the world was rid of him. "So, don't fret about Brian or about Luka. Let's just check you over."
"I'm not really hurt," Abby said. "Just bruised. And my wrist ... I think I sprained it when I fell ... when he knocked me down."
"Ok. Well, we still need to evaluate you," Susan said.
"Susan," Kerry said softly. "If you've got this, the board's backing up with minors."
"Sure. Go ahead." Susan nodded, and returned her attention to Abby. Would she be able to maintain her professional detachment? It had been hard enough with Luka, but Luka had never been a particularly close friend, and he'd been unconscious during the worst moments of it. But Abby ... God ... Abby was her friend, and she had just lived through every woman's worst nightmare.
Abby was dressed in a robe, tied loosely and carelessly, but she clutched it around her with both hands. Not so tightly though that Susan couldn't see that she was naked beneath it.
"Abby, we need to take this off. As soon as I've checked your breasts and belly, we'll get you a gown, ok?"
Abby bit her lip, then nodded and let her hands fall, then used one of them to wipe at her eyes. And Susan saw the same raw redness on her wrists and arms ... and noticed more of it on her ankles. As her hands brushed against Abby's wrist, she felt a slight stickiness. Duct-tape, she realized. God ... he'd tied her up and gagged her with duct tape. The sick bastard. Her left wrist was rather swollen, and Abby winced as Susan touched it.
Bruises on her breasts and belly, including one rather deep one around the umbilicus. Susan palpated her abdomen gently. "Let me know if I hurt you," she said. Abby just nodded, a few tears still slipping out. Then she winced again as Susan touched the deep bruise. "That's tender?" Susan asked.
"Yeah. He ... put his knee there."
"Ok. We'll check it with the sonosite. There could be some internal bleeding."
"I don't think so. It's just a bad bruise."
"We need to check anyway."
While Haleh helped Abby into a gown, Susan asked gently, "Were you raped, Abby?"
A silent nod.
"Ok. Haleh, can you get a rape kit?"
"Is that necessary?" Abby asked. "I mean ... we know who did it, and if he's dead ..."
"We still need to, I'm sorry. You know that we have to. I'll be as quick about it as I can."
Susan hated doing rape exams. She'd never met a doctor who didn't hate doing them. But this was probably the worst one she had ever done. It was a struggle to keep her own voice calm, keep her own hands from shaking as she did the necessary things, asked the necessary questions. And Abby quietly answered the questions, her own voice deceptively calm despite the tears running down her face. No, she hadn't had intercourse in the previous 72 hours. Yes, there had been vaginal penetration. No ... yes ... no ... about 3 weeks in ... "
And finally, after a very long five minutes, Susan was able to say, "Ok, Abby. That's all done. There's a small contusion at the introitus, but no other local injuries."
A shaky, humorless laugh from Abby. "Well, I wasn't exactly a virgin."
Susan couldn't think of any response to that, besides a brief half-smile and a sigh. She quickly finished the remainder of the physical exam, then said, "Ok. There don't seem to be any serious injuries. Mostly just contusions and scrapes. The cut on your cheek could use a couple of sutures to minimize the scarring as it heals. Your wrist does just appear to be sprained, but I'd like to get an x-ray to rule out a fracture. And, given the bruises on your head and face, a CT would be wise to check for a head injury. You could have a concussion. Is that ok?"
"Yeah."
"And you'll need antibiotics to cover any possible STDs. Given that you're three weeks into your cycle, pregnancy is unlikely, but not impossible. I'll leave it up to you if you want emergency contraception or not."
"I'm on the pill," Abby said softly.
"Ok then." Susan remembered her promise to Carter. Maybe it was time to let him come in, while they waited for CT to be ready. "It will probably be a few minutes before we can take you up to CT," she started to say.
"Can I see Luka, while I wait?"
"He's not going to be out of surgery for a while. He just went in a few moments before you arrived."
"How ... bad was it?" Susan hesitated. "Please, Susan. Did Brian shoot him?"
"Yes. He was shot twice in the chest, and it's pretty bad. But the bullets missed his heart. We were able to get him stabilized and he should have a very good chance. He was unconscious when he got here, but he woke up while we were working on him." She smiled. "He was very worried about you. I guess Brian told him what he'd done. He was very determined that we knew that you were hurt, so we could get you help."
"He told you?!"
"Yeah. Wouldn't let us take him up to surgery until he had. Which took some time, since he was intubated and unable to talk."
"I thought Carter ... he called me. I couldn't answer the phone, but I heard the machine pick up. I thought he called the police when I didn't answer."
"I guess he did call you. But that was after Luka had told us about you. You know, you can't see Luka right now, but you can see Carter. He's been pretty worried about you too, and I think he'd like to see you. We told him he could come in once we'd finished your exam."
Abby shut her eyes and shook her head quickly. "No. I don't want to see him. Not right now."
"Ok. That's fine." Susan was surprised, but kept her voice calm.
Haleh said, "They're ready for her up in radiology."
"Abby, I'll have Haleh take you up to radiology. While you're there, I'll call up to the OR and see if they know when Luka will be out of surgery. Once he is, you should be able to look in on him for a minute."
"Thanks."
Susan and Haleh together helped Abby into a wheelchair, and Haleh took her upstairs. And Susan leaned against the wall again and took a deep breath. After a minute she headed for the lounge to get herself a cup of coffee. She desperately needed a cup of coffee.
Carter was there drinking his own cup. He jumped to his feet as she came in.
"How's Abby?" he asked anxiously.
"She's going to be fine. Looks like it's just cuts and bruises mostly. She may have a slight concussion and a broken wrist. I just sent her up to CT."
"Was she ... raped?" It was clearly a struggle to get the word out.
"Yeah." Susan poured the coffee.
"Can I see her? You said I could see her as soon as ..."
"She doesn't want to see you. I offered, and she said no."
"She didn't want to see me?" Carter looked stunned. "Why?"
"I didn't ask, and it's none of my business. She doesn't want to see you right now, and that's all that matters."
"She shouldn't have to deal with this alone."
"She's pretty upset. I think she just needs a little time."
"She's upset? You think I'm not upset too? How do you think I feel ...."
Something inside Susan snapped. "I think you need to grow up a little, Carter. I think you need to remember that Abby was the one who was raped here, and her needs are a little more important right now than your feelings."
Susan cut herself off abruptly and took a deep breath, registering the hurt look on Carter's face. "Oh God ... I'm sorry, Carter. I didn't mean that." Carter just looked down at his hands, didn't say anything. "Really, I didn't. This has just been a horrible evening ... for everyone. We're all worried about Luka, and upset about Abby. But Abby is the one who's just been through hell."
"So I'd think she'd want me there ... to help her deal with it."
"Different women deal with this sort of thing differently. Some are going to want support right away from people who care about them. Other women need time to ... process the experience on their own first. I'm sure it's nothing personal, Carter. She just needs some time. Maybe in the morning, or in a couple of days, she'll be ready to talk to you about it, let you comfort her. But right now, she said no. She's my patient, and I'm going to respect that."
"Will you be admitting her?"
"Probably. It will depend on what the CT shows. We'll keep her overnight anyway." Susan finished her coffee. "Now, I need to call up to the OR. I promised Abby I'd let her know how Luka's doing."
The news was good. Abby was alive. She was conscious and alert, and her vitals were stable. Much more than that, they didn't know. But they were all guessing .. imagining.
"John," Kerry said. "Susan and I will take this one."
"No, I'm fine."
"You couldn't possibly be professional, and there's no reason you should have to force yourself to try. We'll evaluate her, and as soon as possible you can come in and be with her ... as her friend, not her doctor. You go see if Pratt needs help. We'll let you know as soon as we know anything."
Carter sighed, then headed towards Trauma 1, where the 14 year old had just been taken moments before.
Susan knew full well why Kerry didn't want Carter working on Abby. She had not, apparently, been badly hurt. She obviously hadn't been shot. But she had been injured; Brian had done something to her, that was clear. It was very likely then, that he had raped her. And Carter shouldn't have to deal with that. Susan wished that she didn't have to deal with it. But she knew that, as hard as it was going to be for her, it would still be easier for her than for Carter.
She could already hear the sirens as she and Kerry headed towards the bay to wait for the ambulance. Out in the bay with Kerry, she met her eyes for moment. Neither spoke, but Susan could see that Kerry was just as nervous as she was.
A few moments later the ambulance pulled in, and Susan and Kerry hurried to help lift down the gurney. Abby lay on it.
"Alert and oriented times 3," the paramedic was saying. "A little tachy at 110, BP 120 over 80, resps 30."
Susan wasn't really listening though. Of course Abby was tachy and breathing too fast, she thought. She was upset and crying, almost hysterical. Her face was badly cut and bruised, and there was a sharply delineated rectangular patch around her mouth that was raw and red.
As soon as she saw Susan and Kerry, she said, "Please ... you have to get help for Luka. He's hurt ... he could be dead ... I kept trying to tell them ..."
"Abby!" Susan said. "It's ok."
"No ... he was going to kill ..."
"We know. He's already here. We're taking care of him." Susan kept her own voice very calm.
Abby looked from Susan to Kerry, and Kerry said, "Yes, Abby. He's here already."
"He's ok?" Abby was little calmer now too.
"We're taking good care of him," Susan said again gently. "Now, I don't want you to worry about Luka. Let's think about yourself right now."
Abby didn't miss Susan's hedging, and hysteria came back into her voice. "He's dead, isn't he? He's dead and you're not telling me." They had reached the trauma room, and Abby tried to look through the glass into the other room where Carter and Pratt were working. Susan saw Carter look up too, trying to see Abby. "Is he in there?"
"Close the blinds, Haleh," Kerry said softly, then to Abby. "Abby, Luka isn't dead."
"Then, where is he? I want to see him."
"He's up in surgery. You can see him when he comes out."
"Then you don't know that he's alive. He could have died ...."
"When I brought him upstairs," Susan said, "he was conscious and stable. There's no reason to think anything's gone wrong. I'm sure he's doing just fine, and the surgeons are doing their best to help him. And you don't have to worry about Brian either. He won't be hurting you or Luka ... or anyone anymore."
"They caught him already?" Abby asked. There was hope and, for the first time, relief in her voice.
"He's dead." Blunt.
"The police killed him?" Amazement, but not shock or disappointment.
"He thoughtfully did the job himself." Susan was a little amazed herself at the harshness in her own voice and words. She should care that a man was dead ... even a man as despicable as Brian Westlake. But, looking at Abby, and remembering what Luka had looked like, she couldn't really care at all. She was just glad that the world was rid of him. "So, don't fret about Brian or about Luka. Let's just check you over."
"I'm not really hurt," Abby said. "Just bruised. And my wrist ... I think I sprained it when I fell ... when he knocked me down."
"Ok. Well, we still need to evaluate you," Susan said.
"Susan," Kerry said softly. "If you've got this, the board's backing up with minors."
"Sure. Go ahead." Susan nodded, and returned her attention to Abby. Would she be able to maintain her professional detachment? It had been hard enough with Luka, but Luka had never been a particularly close friend, and he'd been unconscious during the worst moments of it. But Abby ... God ... Abby was her friend, and she had just lived through every woman's worst nightmare.
Abby was dressed in a robe, tied loosely and carelessly, but she clutched it around her with both hands. Not so tightly though that Susan couldn't see that she was naked beneath it.
"Abby, we need to take this off. As soon as I've checked your breasts and belly, we'll get you a gown, ok?"
Abby bit her lip, then nodded and let her hands fall, then used one of them to wipe at her eyes. And Susan saw the same raw redness on her wrists and arms ... and noticed more of it on her ankles. As her hands brushed against Abby's wrist, she felt a slight stickiness. Duct-tape, she realized. God ... he'd tied her up and gagged her with duct tape. The sick bastard. Her left wrist was rather swollen, and Abby winced as Susan touched it.
Bruises on her breasts and belly, including one rather deep one around the umbilicus. Susan palpated her abdomen gently. "Let me know if I hurt you," she said. Abby just nodded, a few tears still slipping out. Then she winced again as Susan touched the deep bruise. "That's tender?" Susan asked.
"Yeah. He ... put his knee there."
"Ok. We'll check it with the sonosite. There could be some internal bleeding."
"I don't think so. It's just a bad bruise."
"We need to check anyway."
While Haleh helped Abby into a gown, Susan asked gently, "Were you raped, Abby?"
A silent nod.
"Ok. Haleh, can you get a rape kit?"
"Is that necessary?" Abby asked. "I mean ... we know who did it, and if he's dead ..."
"We still need to, I'm sorry. You know that we have to. I'll be as quick about it as I can."
Susan hated doing rape exams. She'd never met a doctor who didn't hate doing them. But this was probably the worst one she had ever done. It was a struggle to keep her own voice calm, keep her own hands from shaking as she did the necessary things, asked the necessary questions. And Abby quietly answered the questions, her own voice deceptively calm despite the tears running down her face. No, she hadn't had intercourse in the previous 72 hours. Yes, there had been vaginal penetration. No ... yes ... no ... about 3 weeks in ... "
And finally, after a very long five minutes, Susan was able to say, "Ok, Abby. That's all done. There's a small contusion at the introitus, but no other local injuries."
A shaky, humorless laugh from Abby. "Well, I wasn't exactly a virgin."
Susan couldn't think of any response to that, besides a brief half-smile and a sigh. She quickly finished the remainder of the physical exam, then said, "Ok. There don't seem to be any serious injuries. Mostly just contusions and scrapes. The cut on your cheek could use a couple of sutures to minimize the scarring as it heals. Your wrist does just appear to be sprained, but I'd like to get an x-ray to rule out a fracture. And, given the bruises on your head and face, a CT would be wise to check for a head injury. You could have a concussion. Is that ok?"
"Yeah."
"And you'll need antibiotics to cover any possible STDs. Given that you're three weeks into your cycle, pregnancy is unlikely, but not impossible. I'll leave it up to you if you want emergency contraception or not."
"I'm on the pill," Abby said softly.
"Ok then." Susan remembered her promise to Carter. Maybe it was time to let him come in, while they waited for CT to be ready. "It will probably be a few minutes before we can take you up to CT," she started to say.
"Can I see Luka, while I wait?"
"He's not going to be out of surgery for a while. He just went in a few moments before you arrived."
"How ... bad was it?" Susan hesitated. "Please, Susan. Did Brian shoot him?"
"Yes. He was shot twice in the chest, and it's pretty bad. But the bullets missed his heart. We were able to get him stabilized and he should have a very good chance. He was unconscious when he got here, but he woke up while we were working on him." She smiled. "He was very worried about you. I guess Brian told him what he'd done. He was very determined that we knew that you were hurt, so we could get you help."
"He told you?!"
"Yeah. Wouldn't let us take him up to surgery until he had. Which took some time, since he was intubated and unable to talk."
"I thought Carter ... he called me. I couldn't answer the phone, but I heard the machine pick up. I thought he called the police when I didn't answer."
"I guess he did call you. But that was after Luka had told us about you. You know, you can't see Luka right now, but you can see Carter. He's been pretty worried about you too, and I think he'd like to see you. We told him he could come in once we'd finished your exam."
Abby shut her eyes and shook her head quickly. "No. I don't want to see him. Not right now."
"Ok. That's fine." Susan was surprised, but kept her voice calm.
Haleh said, "They're ready for her up in radiology."
"Abby, I'll have Haleh take you up to radiology. While you're there, I'll call up to the OR and see if they know when Luka will be out of surgery. Once he is, you should be able to look in on him for a minute."
"Thanks."
Susan and Haleh together helped Abby into a wheelchair, and Haleh took her upstairs. And Susan leaned against the wall again and took a deep breath. After a minute she headed for the lounge to get herself a cup of coffee. She desperately needed a cup of coffee.
Carter was there drinking his own cup. He jumped to his feet as she came in.
"How's Abby?" he asked anxiously.
"She's going to be fine. Looks like it's just cuts and bruises mostly. She may have a slight concussion and a broken wrist. I just sent her up to CT."
"Was she ... raped?" It was clearly a struggle to get the word out.
"Yeah." Susan poured the coffee.
"Can I see her? You said I could see her as soon as ..."
"She doesn't want to see you. I offered, and she said no."
"She didn't want to see me?" Carter looked stunned. "Why?"
"I didn't ask, and it's none of my business. She doesn't want to see you right now, and that's all that matters."
"She shouldn't have to deal with this alone."
"She's pretty upset. I think she just needs a little time."
"She's upset? You think I'm not upset too? How do you think I feel ...."
Something inside Susan snapped. "I think you need to grow up a little, Carter. I think you need to remember that Abby was the one who was raped here, and her needs are a little more important right now than your feelings."
Susan cut herself off abruptly and took a deep breath, registering the hurt look on Carter's face. "Oh God ... I'm sorry, Carter. I didn't mean that." Carter just looked down at his hands, didn't say anything. "Really, I didn't. This has just been a horrible evening ... for everyone. We're all worried about Luka, and upset about Abby. But Abby is the one who's just been through hell."
"So I'd think she'd want me there ... to help her deal with it."
"Different women deal with this sort of thing differently. Some are going to want support right away from people who care about them. Other women need time to ... process the experience on their own first. I'm sure it's nothing personal, Carter. She just needs some time. Maybe in the morning, or in a couple of days, she'll be ready to talk to you about it, let you comfort her. But right now, she said no. She's my patient, and I'm going to respect that."
"Will you be admitting her?"
"Probably. It will depend on what the CT shows. We'll keep her overnight anyway." Susan finished her coffee. "Now, I need to call up to the OR. I promised Abby I'd let her know how Luka's doing."