Abby made a face as she spit the toothpaste into the sink. She would never get used to Susan's choice of brands. Funny how a little thing like toothpaste could make such a difference to your morning. She would have to remember to stop at the store later and buy a tube of Crest. Her own tube was still sitting in her bathroom. And it could stay there forever, as far as she was concerned.
"You're up early." A cheerful voice at the bathroom door.
"Shift starts at seven, like always."
"You're going in?" Susan sounded surprised.
"Why shouldn't I? I feel fine."
"I still think it might be smart to take a few more days off."
"Why? To sit in your living room and watch tv all day?"
"I just don't want you to push yourself."
"My wrist's a little sore yet, but other than that, I feel fine." Abby looked in the mirror for a moment. "Unless you think I'll scare the patients." Her face looked much better, but it was going to take more than 4 days for the bruises and swelling to disappear completely. "I'd rather stay busy," she explained quietly, and Susan nodded.
"Well, if I can grab a quick shower, I'll drive you in. I'm back on days."
Over cornflakes, Abby said, "I think they're moving Luka out of the ICU today."
"That's good. Now maybe us common folk will be able to visit him." Visitation in the SICU was usually very restricted, with non-relatives not usually permitted to visit at all, and visits by relatives pretty limited as well. But, since Luka had no family here, the staff had looked the other way about Abby's visits. She had, in fact, spent most of the previous 4 days, since being discharged herself, camped out at Luka's bedside. He'd been sleeping most of the time, but Abby didn't really mind just watching him sleep. When he was awake, he seemed to like her company as well, though he wasn't yet capable, even then, of much conversation. Still, he was improving steadily.
"Yeah. I'm sure he'll appreciate more visits." Abby got up to put her bowl in the sink. "So, you're back on days," she said casually. "Is Carter?"
"No, not for another week, I think. Makes things tough, hmmm?"
"Yeah," Abby lied.
At work, Abby threw herself into 'staying busy.' There were plenty of patients, so that wasn't hard to do. Most of the patients were even polite enough to not stare at her black eyes.
By around 11, things had slowed down a little. "I'm taking a break," Abby told Lydia. "Keep an eye on the kid in 2, would you?"
"Sure. And say hi to Dr. Kovac for me," Lydia said with a smile.
At the door to the ICU, the nurse said, "Good morning, Abby. Try 3 West."
"They moved him already? I thought he was going to stay until late this afternoon."
"He's doing well and we needed the bed."
3 West. Luka was sitting up in bed, looking at a newspaper. He looked, Abby thought, much better than he had yesterday. Or maybe it was just the change in setting. People just seemed so much sicker in the ICU. Of course, maybe it was because people were so much sicker in the ICU. He smiled when he saw Abby and folded the paper.
"Where have you been?" he asked.
"I told you I was working today. I didn't ge a break until now."
Luka nodded, "Oh yeah. I forgot." But his smile wavered a little, and Abby was sure he hadn't remembered her telling him. He was still pretty foggy from the drugs. "Do you feel up to it?"
"Sure. I feel fine. It's a little awkward with the sore wrist, but I'm managing."
"I miss you."
"I'm flattered."
"Now that I'm actually awake most of the time," Luka explained, "this 'patient' business is proving to be very dull."
"Enjoy it while you can. Vegging in front of the tv, being bathed by beautiful nurses. Life could be worse than that."
"Ha. My nurse this morning has a tattoo."
"So. I have a tattoo."
"On your bicep? The name Dorothy in two inch letters?"
"Oh."
"And he's taller than I am ... goes by the name of Jorge."
"Too bad." Abby smiled back at him. It was good to see Luka so cheerful.
"Don't suppose they could float you up here for a while. I've got some pull around here. Maybe I can arrange something ..." Still smiling, but a little wistful.
"Ha."
"Hey, a guy can dream, can't he?"
"Keep dreaming," Abby said brightly.
Luka's smile suddenly faded, and he shut his eyes. Abby saw his hand clench into a fist. "Are you ok?" she asked quickly.
Luka opened his eyes again and managed a new smile, but it wasn't a very convincing one. "You mean, besides the 10 inch incision in my chest?"
"Hurting?"
"A little. I'm mostly just tired."
"So, maybe you should be resting instead of reading the paper?"
"I wasn't reading it. I was trying, but wasn't having much luck." A bit of a sigh. "But you're right, I should be resting. They tell me I'm getting out of bed this afternoon. I'm not looking forward to it."
"It will be easier than you think," Abby assured him. "But right now you should be resting. I need to get back to work." She kissed him lightly on the forehead. "I'll be back after my shift."
"Yeah." His voice was suddenly a little husky. He was tired, Abby thought. She kicked herself a little. She shouldn't have encouraged him to talk for so long.
The rest of the morning flew by, as Abby flew from room to room. No major traumas, but a steady flow of patients ensured that Abby didn't have time to rest. Didn't have time for lunch. And didn't have time to think about herself.
At around 1, Abby turned from changing a patient's IV bag to see Carter standing in the doorway watching her.
"How are you doing, Abby?" he asked.
"I'm fine. Back at work, as you can see. I thought you weren't on until tonight."
"I'm not. I just thought ... maybe you'd like to get lunch or something."
"I'm awfully, busy, Carter."
"Can't you spare time for a cup of coffee?" Abby shut her eyes, turned away from him. "Come on Abby, please. I've hardly seen you since ... " A hesitation and he corrected himself. "I've hardly seen you in weeks."
Abby looked at her watch. "Ok. I guess I can manage a quick break."
Carter selected a booth in the back corner of Doc Magoo's. Abby ordered coffee.
"You haven't had lunch yet, have you?" Carter asked.
"I thought we were just getting coffee."
"You need to eat lunch."
"I'm not hungry." Abby handed her menu to the waitress. "Just coffee," she confirmed. She was hungry, but somehow the idea of doing what Carter asked of her bothered her more than the slight growling in her stomach.
After the waitress left, there was a long silence.
"So ... how are you doing?" Carter finally asked.
"You already asked me that. I'm doing fine."
"Sleeping ok?"
"Susan's couch is pretty comfortable. It's a pull-out."
"That isn't what I meant."
"I know what you meant." Why was it still so hard to look at him?
"Are you angry with me, Abby?"
"No, I'm not angry."
"So what's wrong?"
"Use your imagination."
"I know that you went through something ... horrible. But I'm here, Abby. I'm here to help you get through it ... if you'll let me."
"You're here?" Abby finally looked at him. "That's fine. But where the hell were you Wednesday night?"
"You didn't want me there." Carter sounded baffled. "Susan said ..."
"You didn't believe me! I told you there was someone there, and you blew me off ... told me I was imagining it!"
"And I'm sorry. I wish I could have done things differently. Do you think I don't feel absolutely terrible about what happened?"
Abby just looked at Carter for a minute. "You feel terrible about it? Well, isn't that just sweet of you, John. I was raped! Luka damn near died, but that's all supposed to be, somehow, ok because you feel terrible about it. Well ... you know something? I feel pretty terrible about it too. And I'm sure that Luka, having just had his chest split open, isn't feeling exactly peachy about it either." Just then the waitress came with their coffees, and Abby fell silent, pressing her lips together, until they were alone again.
"I'm sorry, John, but it's going to take me just a little time to get over this, and until I do, I don't give a rat's ass about how terrible you feel." She shut her eyes for a moment and took a breath. When she opened them, Carter was just looking at her, obviously unable to think of anything more to say. For which Abby was grateful. "Now, if you'll excuse me, Dr. Carter, I have patients to take care of." She pulled two dollars from her pocket and threw them on the table, then walked out.