To Pieces
Chapter Two
Ryan jumped as the sound of the patio door echoed in the early morning. He glanced over to find Sandy standing there, head to toe in surf wear. He turned back to stare out at the ocean, well aware Sandy was still studying him.
"Don't you sleep?" Sandy tried to joke, unable to get a smile he changed his tone.
"Look, Ryan, I'm sorry about having to ground you but… you did break the rules. You're lucky your probation officer doesn't even know about this"
Ryan shrugged, "If you want to tell him, go ahead"
"That would result in you being taken away, you know that" Sandy chastised him.
Ryan shrugged again, "If that's what makes you happy"
Silence for a moment. "It wouldn't. Make me happy I mean. Ryan, believe it or not, we all want you here. We all care about you."
"Great way of showing it" Ryan muttered under his breath.
"What?"
"Nothing" Ryan told him quickly.
"So… do you even sleep any more?" Sandy asked.
Ryan didn't answer. At least not to Sandy.
No, he told himself. I don't sleep. I can't sleep. I try, every night since he'd gotten back to find Kirsten and Sandy in his room, but to no avail.
"This is the fourth morning I've woken to see you sitting here"
"And you decided to have a nice little chat today?" Ryan asked him, half turning his head to study him from the corner of his eye.
Sandy sighed. "Kirsten's worried about you. She thinks you're not eating either."
"I'm not hungry"
Sandy scoffed, "After nearly five days your not hungry?"
"Doesn't mean I haven't eaten" Ryan pointed out.
"Have you?"
"Yes" Ryan answered truthfully. A bit anyways. Mainly things that were plain and not spicy… things that wouldn't taste so awful coming back up again.
Which is what, half the time, they did.
Ryan heard the door slide open again, and turned his head to find Sandy gone. He folded his legs in front of him on the chair, resting his head on his knees and closing his eyes.
………………………………………..
"Ryan!" He heard someone call frantically. But from a distance. Or at least, it seemed like a distance.
The call came again, Ryan ignored it again.
This time it became persistent. Annoying. He snapped his eye lids open, expecting to find himself wrapped up in his blankets on his bed, not the kitchen floor.
He focused slowly on the face bobbing ahead of him, in his line of vision. "Kirsten?" he asked, vaguely.
"Thank god" she gasped, "What happened?" she demanded right away.
Ryan blinked for a moment, trying to get his bearings and remember what happened. "I was making a sandwich" he finally told her.
"On the floor?" she asked, sarcastically.
"I guess I was tired" he shrugged, sitting up and feeling the nausea hit him. He held it back.
"You passed out?" she asked again, resting her hand on his shoulder.
Ryan shrugged, "I guess"
"That's it. I knew it. Sandy said something about you not sleeping properly, and I know damn well you haven't been eating properly –"
"Mom, don't say 'damn' a perky voice chastised.
They both looked up to see Seth enter the kitchen. He frowned, "hey Ry, what are you doing on the floor?"
Ryan stared down at his lap.
"Ryan's not feeling well" Kirsten finally told Seth, "So no bothering him today. I'm going to take him out to the pool house and let him get some rest."
Seth nodded slowly, still trying to peg the situation he'd just wandered in to.
"Can you get up?" Kirsten asked him, worry stretched across her face.
Ryan nodded, taking a deep breath and pushed himself slowly to his feet, his hands clasping the counter tightly.
It was only then he saw the mess.
There were slices of bread strewn across the floor, peanut butter side down. "I'll clean up" Ryan told her.
Kirsten adamantly shook her head, "No, I'll get it later. What would you like to eat?" she asked him.
"Just…a sandwich?" he asked.
Kirsten smiled, "I'll make two and bring them out for you. Seth, help Ryan outside" she ordered.
"Sure" Seth said, cautiously approaching Ryan. They weren't particularly on the best of terms right now. He offered one arm for Ryan to grasp on to, and grasp was what Ryan did.
Shakily he took a few steps, slowly releasing the pressure from Seth's forearm, for which he was wincing.
"Good" Seth encouraged him, "You'll be ready for that treadmill in no time" he glanced over at Ryan, who, for the first time in awhile, had a slight smile tugging at the edges of his lips.
When they finally reached their destination, Kirsten arrived with sandwiches shortly after, and a glass of milk. She sat them down on the table beside Ryan's bed, where he was sitting, and left quietly, shooting Seth a warning glance on her way out.
"So.." Seth countered, watching Ryan lift half the sandwich to his mouth.
Ryan looked at him, appearing apprehensive, and Seth noticed how terrible his friend really looked.
He hadn't paid much attention to Ryan in the past couple days, but now he couldn't take his eyes off him.
The bruising from the fight was starting to go away, but dark circles had emerged under his eyes, making Ryan appear gaunt and sickly.
No wonder his parents were so damned worried about the kid, Seth thought.
"Look, I know you don't like talking about things" Seth began, "But frankly, you look like crap man… what's going on?" he leaned forward.
Ryan hesitated, then took a bite of his sandwich as if using it as a reason not to reply right away. He chewed and swallowed slowly, "I don't… I don't know" he finally shrugged.
"You don't know why you aren't eating or sleeping, or why you're in such a grouch lately?" Seth persisted.
"I do eat" Ryan defended himself.
"But you don't sleep?" Seth asked.
"I can't" Ryan finally told him.
"Why not?"
Ryan shrugged. "I never could when I was stressed.
"Okay. What are you stressed about?" he persisted.
Another shrug.
"School?"
Ryan shook his head, no.
"Help me out here, man"
"I'm not really stressed.. I'm just.. upset… or angry or something"
Seth realised how hard Ryan really was trying when he said this. Ryan Atwood, admit to feeling things?
"What about? Marissa do something? Luke?"
"No.. it's.."
Seth waited.
"Your dad" Ryan finally breathed.
"My dad?" Seth asked, "He's not holding a grudge against you or anything you know Ryan…. He still loves you or what ever"
"No.. it's not that… his job"
"You're upset over his new job?" Seth asked, confused.
"Sort of"
"Why would you be upset about dad's job?"
Ryan looked up, sharply. Seth had hit a nerve. "Because it was stupid of him to change jobs" he shot back. Seth could tell his defences were raising again. He nodded.
"How come?" Seth asked.
Ryan chewed on his sandwich without replying.
Seth had worn out his welcome. He knew from experience when he wasn't wanted.
………………………………………
As soon as Seth neared the back door he could hear voices yelling. His parents, he paused to listen out of sight.
"You should be focused on your family, Sandy, not a damned paycheque!" his mother was yelling.
"I am focused on our family, Kirsten!" his father yelled back.
"Oh yeah? Then how come I'm the one staying home and dealing with Ryan? How come I'm the one who made his sandwiches today when he passed out?!"
"He passed out?" Seth heard Sandy's voice soften.
"Yes" Kirsten let out a sob, "I'm so worried about him Sandy, and I can't do this alone… I just.. I can't!"
"You're not alone, honey"
"Yes I am!" she shot back, voice raising again, "You're off at your new job which you haven't even officially started yet, you're just doing favours!"
"I'm building work relationships, Kirsten. You know I can't take this time off, not without risking this job! We've discussed this!"
"And obviously you didn't get my point!" Kirsten snapped back.
Seth pulled away from the door, not wanting to hear anymore. He may always poke fun at his usually-loving parents, but it made him feel safe inside. Secure. What he'd just born witness to made him feel sick.
Everything was falling to pieces.
…………………………………..
Ryan trotted down the long stone driveway having woken from a decent nap. The sun was no longer out, long since diminished. Instead, the moon shone brightly, reflecting in the dark windows of surrounding houses.
"Hey!" a surprised voice stopped him in his tracks. He glanced over to find Marissa standing at the driver's side door of her car.
Ryan gave her a slight smile, "Hey" he greeted her.
"So.. haven't seen you in awhile" Marissa commented.
"Yeah… I've been-"
"Sick and grounded, I know. I called and Kirsten told me" she smiled, "Grounded, huh?" she arched an eyebrow.
Ryan glanced to the ground, "So what are you doing around here so late?" he questioned back.
"Legitimate reason" Marissa told him, "Picking up some stuff I forgot to pack for my dad's. I fell asleep on my old bed"
Ryan nodded.
"So you're going out?" Marissa asked him, "Sneaking out?"
"I was just gonna go for a walk, I couldn't sleep anymore" he explained.
She nodded her head, "Sure" she teased, "No big parties planned?"
Ryan shook his head.
"I know of one" she smiled secretly.
Ryan raised his eyebrows. A party….
"Lets go" Ryan finally said, he was tired of following the rules.
…………………………………….