The Dairy

When Yoko woke up he wasn't as tired as had been. He looked down at Caralama and smiled, "Thank you Caralama you made one night a painless night for me," he moved a bit get the stiffness out of his muscles. He looked at Caralama again and he began to stroke some stray hairs away from her face. She stirred a bit and wrapped her arms around his neck. She slowly opened her eyes and smiled when she saw him, "Slept well last night dad?" Caralama snuggled closer to him and he just couldn't help but to smile.

"I slept very well. How about you?" Caralama snuggled closer to Yoko enjoying the feeling of warmth, comfort, and safety.

"I thought about what you said last night. You were right it would be better if we didn't blame our selves but it only makes me feel a bit better. When she was happy you would know that it wasn't forced or tricked or anything like that. Her laugh now though is most of the time forced and hallow. She rarely gives out a good laugh anymore," Yoko did all he could to stop the tears in his eyes from falling and he also did his best to not show that he was fighting them.

When he had gotten some control over his tears he said to Caralama in calm voice, "I bet she would be great full of your understanding Caralama. Now why don't you see Hiei for a second? He was worried about you, you know," Caralama looked up athim and smiled.

"Okay dad," Caralama gave him a quick hug and whispered, "I love you dad," and with that she let go of him and was gone. He watched Caralama run to the door and when she was out of sight he couldn't fight the tears anymore. They feel like a stream down his face as he lowered his eyes. Is this how Hiei felt when Caralama left? It hasn't even been two weeks yet and I can't control this pain. Yoko took a deep breath as he wiped his tears away and opened his eyes. He began to walk around in the forest trying to calm down his nerves a bit. But walking around only made it worse because he remembered when he had followed Nakada while she was angry. He reached behind his back and pulled out the dairy where he had hidden it, tucked into the white sash that was tightly tied around his waist.

He looked at it for a while and then sat on a small hill and hesitantly started to open it up to where the first book mark was. He sighed a bit and started to read the diary. When he read that Caralama was supposed to be Nakada's child he just had to stop reading. That would explain why Caralama is so much like Nakada. He read on to the part when Caralama was born and through her life. Yoko never noticed the time until Squall came up behind him.

"I see your reading the diary," Yoko never noticed that Squall behind him and he gave a startled jump and backed away, "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you like that," Squall said as he looked at him with a worried face, "You weren't there at lunchtime or supper and we started getting worried about you."

"What time is it?" Yoko asked a bit confused and rubbed his eyes from all of the reading.

"It's almost seven o'clock. What ever Nakada wrote in her dairy must be pretty interesting for you to be still reading it and also for you to be that much into it," Squall gave a little smile. Yoko smiled as well and looked at the dairy. He hadn't moved the bookmarks so they was still were Nakada had put it them.

After awhile of the silence Squall sat down on the small hill and motioned Yoko to join him. He sat down on the hill as well and looked at what was in front of him. He didn't notice but the was a huge beautiful lake in front of him with trees bordering it. There also seemed to be a little island in the middle of the lake.

"You know Nakada always came here for some peace and quiet," Yoko looked at Squall with a blank look. Squall looked at him and smiled and then gave a little laugh, "You know I would always scare her as well and she would chase me all around the forest threatening to kill me if she ever caught me. She would catch me eventually but she would tickle me instead of kill me," Squall laughed again until there were tears in his eyes. Yoko just chuckled a bit and looked out in to the lake.

"I don't mean to be a drag but aren't we sounding like Nakada died?" he asked. He felt Squall's eyes go on him for a while and heard a little chuckle.

"Yeah I guess we are. You know when I still didn't know that I was a Sign I didn't want this to happen," he looked at Yoko and saw the confusion on his face.

"You didn't want to be remembered?" he asked.

"What? OH! No its not that its just well," Squall began to scratch the back of his head then he chuckled again and laid on his back with his hands behind his head raising one leg up, "Its just that it sounded so gloomy the way I heard these other people talk about someone they thought was dead that I didn't want anyone to think that way for me," he turned to Yoko and the fox just twitched his ears as if listening to something, "I can twitch my ears too," he looked at Squall with some more confusion on his face. Suddenly Squall began to glow a bright blue.

When the glow was gone Squall sat there his hair done to his shoulder blades and was a thick golden yellow and he had a pair of golden lion ears pooping out the top of his head. Yoko looked at the ground and saw that he had a golden tail moving back and forth. He noticed that Squall wasn't wearing his usual black gloves and saw that he had claws like his. He looked at his face and saw Squall smile a bit showing that he had a neat pair of fangs.

"How did you do that?" Yoko asked looking wide eyed at the new look Squall had on.

Squall chuckled and said, "All Signs can turn into human animals. There are three ways a Sign can turn into an animal. One is the animal form itself two is this form only there is fur all over the place and the Sign can only growl instead of talk and they can almost not control their predator instincts. The third form is this," Squall saw Yoko give a little smile.

"You Signs are so unpredictable and full of surprises," Squall laughed at this and Yoko couldn't help but laugh as well.

After they were done laughing Squall looked at Yoko "Nakada decided to do a white tiger instead of a lion like Talia and I. Oh and here," Squall took out something and gave it to Yoko, "It might not look like much but believe me there is a special kind of spell on it so it can fill you up," Yoko took the little wrapped up package and Squall looked at his watch around his wrist, "Holy is that the time?" Yoko looked at Squall as he tuned back into his human form, "Its nine o'clock now! Well I have to go hope you enjoy the food!" Squall said as he ran off. Yoko looked at the package and placed it on top of the dairy and began to go to his room.

After he had eaten what was in the package Yoko laid down on the bed with his arms at his side. He just stared at the ceiling with a blank mind with his tail hanging over the side of the bed and then he heard a knock at the door, "Come in," he said and he heard the door open. He turned his head when he heard the door close and there was Hiei standing by the door, "Well sit down," Yoko said as he sat up on the bed and his tail gave a little wag.

Hiei took the chair that was at his desk and looked at him. Then he said something that was really surprising, "Did you love her Yoko?"

Yoko was taken aback form this question that he was silent for a few seconds and his tail began to bristle up. When he finally got over the shock of the question he said, "Why do you ask?"

Hiei just looked at him and shrugged, "I guess I'm asking because it seems you cared about her. I mean I wasn't there but I guess you were pretty freaked out when you found out that she had left because Squall had to put you to sleep," Yoko thought this over. He did freak out a little when he had found out that Nakada was gone but that was for a different reason. But when he thought about the other things he had done he wondered.

"Guess I do care about her a little," he said, and then he took out the diary where he had hidden it before. He looked at it and then placed it on the bedside table.

Hiei saw this and thought it over in his mind, He does care for Nakada, and he fully just won't admit it, "Yoko you are getting nowhere with what you are doing to yourself. Your acting just like me when Caralama left,"

"No am not!" Yoko almost yelled as he looked at Hiei with hatred in his voice and his tail began to bristle up even more.

"Yoko you don't sleep and you are starting to not eat that much," Hiei said in a calm voice.

Yoko glared daggers at Hiei, "I was reading Nakada's diary this morning and I lost track of time. She has the Dairy book marked two years before Caralama was born and also when April had Caralama. Nakada has never missed a day in her diary and she makes her entries long. As for sleeping I do sleep but I am always woken up from nightmares of what I went through back to when Caralama and I were still prisoners to the Dark Signs. So I am not like you when Caralama left!" it was all Yoko could do to keep himself from yelling at Hiei and his tail began to thump against the bed in anger.

Hiei couldn't believe what he was hearing, "Nightmares?" Hiei saw Yoko go still so did his tail, "Yoko shouldn't you tell the Signs this? They could probably help you with it," Yoko turned his head and looked away from him, "Yoko how long have you been having these nightmares?" he asked in a worried tone, again Yoko didn't answer.

After a long silence Yoko finally broke the silence, "Hiei I don't want you to tell anyone," he looked at Hiei and saw that he was going to say something but Yoko started to talk again, "Please Hiei not to anyone not even Caralama."

Hiei saw that Yoko wanted to deal with his nightmares on his own so he nodded. There was another silence and Hiei started to go to the door and Yoko didn't stop him. When Hiei was at the door he looked Yoko and saw he had his back to him staring out the window. He sighed a bit and said, "I don't know what you did but Caralama isn't crying anymore. She is actually smiling again," Hiei looked at Yoko and saw that his expression didn't change. He sighed again, opened the door and went out into the hallway.

Yoko heard the door close behind Hiei as he left. He got off of his bed and went to the window and looked out into the sea. It seemed so peaceful to him but he knew that it was busy with fish sharks and other kinds of marine plants and animals. Just then he saw a killer whale swim up to his window out of no where. Surprised he fell off of the window seat when he saw it. Yoko got back up and saw that the whale was still there. The whale made a little sound as Yoko got back onto the window seat. It sounded like it was singing and he closed his eyes as the whale sang. It sounded so sad to him that tears started to fall from his face. When he opened his eyes he looked into the whale's eyes and they looked sad.

Yoko went into the whales mind and asked, "Why are you so sad whale?" the whale blinked and continued to sing. Yoko closed his eyes and leaned against the windowsill and he fell asleep listening to the whale's tell its story.