To Pieces
Chapter Three
Ryan sat on the couch in the living room, surveying the scene around himself. There were people everywhere, so many it was impossible to move without rubbing someone else's shoulders.
Beside him, Marissa reached out to the table in front of them, grabbing a bottle of Sam's and pouring it in to her orange juice.
"Didn't you already add vodka to that?" Ryan shot her a look.
Marissa shrugged, smiling, "Come on Ryan, relax" she handed him the chilled bottle and took a sip of her drink.
Ryan looked down in his hands.
He shouldn't. It's exactly what he hated about his own mother. Exactly what he hated about Marissa herself.
Ryan studied it for a moment longer, beside him Marissa let out a loud laugh. Another mouthful of her drink.
He bit his lip, bowing his head for a moment.
He would get in trouble if he came home drunk.
Only if they caught him, he reasoned.
Sandy all but turned his back on you, other people like you.
He wants to be the breadwinner, Ryan shook his head.
He doesn't have to be. He should be using his financial security to help people. People in need, not people complaining about botox treatments.
He still cares. About me. About Seth. Kirsten. He still cares about the family.
Really? Because he hasn't been around lately. He'd rather do people at his firm favours than be there for you guys….
Ryan raised his chin, his lips meeting the cold glass bottle. He tilted the bottle upwards, letting the clear liquid burn his throat on the way down.
He didn't cough. Didn't gag. He took another.
Why had Sandy left the PD's office? He had been in a position to help people, to really help them, but now…. Now it was as though it meant nothing. As if Ryan meant nothing.
You should be thankful he took you in before leaving the PD's office, Ryan told himself.
Thankful? What, you really wanted to be invited in to a family to see it fall apart right in front of your eyes? Over a job?
Ryan threw back his head once more, swallowing a mouthful. He could feel the bitter and burning taste begin to diminish. Disappear.
"Do you think you should slow down?" Marissa asked, eyeing him warily.
Like you're one to talk.
"No, I'm fine" Ryan answered instead. She nodded, continuing to tend to her drink and watch those around her.
The family was falling apart in front of his eyes. In front of everyone's eyes. He'd heard Kirsten and Sandy fighting a couple times. He wasn't particularly on great terms with Seth. Or Sandy. Or even Kirsten.
Not even on good terms with yourself.
Sandy had given him everything, and taken it all away again. He'd given him hope… given him a family. To him, that's what Sandy stood for. Hope and family. Love. He was someone who had an unending supply of care and emotion for his family, for his friends… for his clients. And he'd just turned his back on it.
He could still care about his clients.
Yeah, right. You can only care so much for someone filing a lawsuit because one implant is bigger than another. What did that solve, anyways? Nothing. If anything, it supported a rich person's need to have more. More of what they didn't need, money.
Sandy had said it himself, to Ryan. Not everyone working in the system cared a whole lot about who they were dealing with. After numerous years working with troubled kids, Sandy had never stopped caring. Ninety percent of anyone working Sandy's job would have stopped caring.
Ryan took consecutive shots from the Sam's bottle, setting it down on the table in front of him.
Empty.
He grabbed himself a bottle of Seven, some Sprite and two glasses, beginning to make a Seven and Seven. He handed it to Marissa, grinning lopsidedly at her. She smiled back and raised her glass for a silent toast.
Together they drank them back, slamming them on the table and laughing. Ryan's phone began to vibrate, he fumbled for it, glancing at the display.
"Who?" Marissa slurred happily.
"Seth" he replied, putting the phone away.
Seth. He says he wants to know what's wrong, but he wouldn't understand. Seth cared about… well, Seth. He could imagine exactly what Seth would say to him if Ryan confronted him about the situation.
" Why does it matter, Ryan? You have a roof over your head.."
But that was just it. Without Sandy, he wouldn't have a place to sleep… at least not a place he wanted to be….. Sandy had offered him more than a place to stay when Ryan came to Newport. He offered hope. Eventually he offered Ryan a family.
Now it was as though he'd turned his back on it.
"Hey man" someone patted Ryan on the back. Ryan turned, recognizing the guy as someone he'd worked with at the Crab Shack.
"Hey" Ryan said, raising his glass to his lips again.
"You always drink like that?" the guy asked.
"I don't drink" Ryan put on his charming smile.
The guy laughed, "Right" he nodded to Marissa, "This your girl?"
"Hell yeah" he nodded, swinging his arm around Marissa's shoulders.
"You two got plans tomorrow night?" The guy asked, making small talk.
"Nah" Ryan replied, turning to fill another glass.
"There's a party down in the numbered streets everyone's talkin' about. Sposed to be great. I'm recruiting. You want in?"
Ryan shrugged, "Sure man" he said, holding out his knuckles.
The other guy bumped them and started weaving through the crowd again.
"Who's that?"
"Dunno" Ryan replied, grinning. Marissa laughed, then glanced at her purse. It was ringing. She grabbed it and opened it, fumbling around for her cell phone to no avail. She dumped the contents out on to the couch and grabbed the noisy thing.
"'Lo?" she asked.
"Marissa?" a voice asked.
"Hi Seth!" she exclaimed in to the phone. Ryan started waving his hands back and forth, mouth no. "Ryan! It's Seth! Seth, Ryan's here, we're having, like, so much fun!"
"Are you drunk again Cooper?"
"No!" she exclaimed.
"Yeah. Right. Lemme talk to Ryan"
"Okay. Bye" she said, handing the phone off to Ryan.
Ryan sighed, "What do you want Seth?" he asked angrily.
"Well, nice to talk to you too buddy. Did you know it's nearly four in the morning?" he asked.
"Sure"
"And Ryan. Please tell me you're sleepwalking and didn't sneak out, Cause mom and dad are going to have your ass"
"Seth, I can't talk right now" Ryan mumbled as Marissa began kissing his neck.
"Don't hang up!"
"Bye" Ryan said, snapping the phone closed.
"What did he want?"
"For me to go home"
"Party pooper" Marissa grinned slyly, continuing along his collarbone.
"Yea he is" Ryan smiled.
………………………………………
Ryan didn't make it home for another hour. He couldn't particularly remember who had given him a ride. Maybe that kid from the crab shack, Ryan thought, trying to focus on walking.
He groaned, searching his pockets for his keys when the front door opened, the light nearly blinding Ryan.
A haggard looking Kirsten stood there, and angry Sandy behind her, and an interested Seth behind him.
"Hey guys" Ryan smiled, holding up his hand, "S'up?"
"Oh my god, you're drunk!" Kirsten exclaimed.
Ryan snorted, "am not" he said, blinking and walking towards them.
Kirsten perched her hands on her hips, "Sandy!" she turned to her husband. He walked forward, then stopped, staring at his foster son, he shook his head.
"Ryan-" he started.
"Save it!" Ryan snapped, pushing drunkenly past them. Kirsten scrunched her nose, trying to wave away the smell of liquor.
Ryan made it four feet before he toppled over and down the foyer steps, face planting the marble entrance way. He lay there for a moment, the cold feeling good on his flushed cheeks.
"Get up!" Sandy demanded.
"Why?" Ryan asked, not moving.
"Because we have to talk. All of us!" Kirsten raised her voice.
"Talk, or yell?" Ryan commented.
There was silence for a moment, "Get up!" Sandy ordered again.
Ryan clumsily pushed himself to his feet, slowly he turned to face the Cohens. He clenched his jaw, preparing. "Let's talk then, though I don't see why it matters"
"It matters because this" Sandy waved his hand at Ryan, "Is a problem"
"You sure you're not the problem?" Ryan asked him.
"Ryan!" Kirsten and Seth snapped at the same time.
"What?!" he asked, looking around him. "Oh. I get it. Everything is my fault, right? Blame it on the delinquent so we don't have to resume responsibility! It that what I am here? Is that what I've become? The GODDAMNED BUILT IN EXCUSE?" he screamed.
Ryan's breaths were coming in heaves, his shoulders moving violently with the motion.
"Living Room, now!" Sandy ordered, not raising his voice. But his eyes were cold.
"I'm tired of the yelling" Ryan dropped his voice, approaching Sandy and looking him in the eye, he continued.
"It's too late for talking, Mr. Cohen. Because none of us are talking, we're just yelling. Fighting. The family is falling apart – and it's not my fault, it's yours!" he breathed, pushing Sandy's shoulder with his index finger.
They both fumed for a moment, then Ryan pushed past him, back out in to the black night.
"Go after him!" Kirsten told her husband.
"No" Sandy told her. "I'm tired of this. I'm done." He shook his head.
Kirsten swallowed, "Sandy .." she trailed. Sandy turned to look at her, and saw the heart break in his eyes, on his face. She saw the defeat in his shoulders.
Seth stormed past his parents, taking the stairs two at a time. The door slamming echoed through the house.
Kirsten eyes her husband, then her eyes darted back to the doorway where Ryan had disappeared. He husband began to move.
Kirsten sighed, closing the door silently and following her husband.
This isn't happening.
Maybe if she just told herself that a million more times, it would be true.
………………………………..
"Hey, Kid" someone spoke from above Ryan. Ryan cracked his eyes open, groaning as the early beams of sunlight hit them. He closed them again.
"Hey" the person said again, Ryan finally opened his eyes. The figure was now standing directly over him, nudging Ryan with his boot.
Ryan shot suddenly from the ground, then grabbed his head as it pounded his skull. "Ohh" he let out.
"You okay?" The cop studied him.
"Fine, great. Must of fallen asleep" Ryan remarked, managing to crawl to his feet. He looked around him remembering where he was. One of the man life guard stations along the Pacific Coast.
"You don't look okay. What are you doing here?"
Ryan swayed for a moment, then grabbed the worn white railing. "Taking a nap" he remarked dryly.
"here?" the cop asked.
"I was star gazing" Ryan smirked.
The police officer studied him for a moment. He wasn't stupid, he could still smell the rank of alcohol this kid had induced himself in.
"What's your name?" the cop asked.
"Ryan A-" he stopped, "Cohen" he lied, knowing damn well if the guy decided to run it through his system, it would come up he was on probation.
"Cohen, huh?"
"Yeah"
"You know Sandy Cohen?" the guy asked.
Ryan nodded, "He's my lawyer… or.. my foster father.." Ryan blinked, shaking his head slightly.
The cop eyed him for another moment, then nodded. "Get in the cruiser kid, I'll take you home"
Ryan sighed. "If I still have one" he commented under his breath quietly. After last night, he wasn't sure.
"What?"
"Nothing" Ryan shook his head, following the police officer.
………………………………..
"Hey Sandy" the police officer greeted his old friend. "You're not around the office anymore, I hear you sold out"
"Thomas" Sandy greeted his acquaintance warily, "Unfortunately, yeah. Paycheque has a lot more zeros than the PD's office could ever offer" he smiled tentatively.
"I got someone here you may wish to see" Thomas told him, stepping back. Sandy opened the door wider to find a hung over Ryan standing on the steps, covered in sand. He turned back to Thomas.
"Thanks Thomas" he said, stepping back. "Ryan, inside" he nodded his head backwards. Ryan dropped his head and shuffled inside.
"Your kid alright?" Thomas asked once he was out of sight.
Sandy sighed, "We're… having some issues right now.." Sandy admitted.
"That the one you took in?"
Sandy nodded.
"Whole office still talks about it. Women love the story, my wife tells it to all her friends. You'd think she's hoping I'll bring one home"
Sandy let out a short laugh. "He's a… good kid. Most of the time" he nodded.
"You guys fight bad enough for him to sleep at the beach?" Thomas asked.
Sandy appeared startled.
"Sorry. None of my business" Thomas smiled.
Sandy shook his head, "No, it's nothing. Doesn't matter."
"So how's the new job?"
Sandy shrugged.
"What does Kirsten and Seth think of it?"
Sandy held up a hand, tilting it back and forth.
"Ryan's having some problems with it?"
Sandy sighed, nodding. "I just don't understand why"
Thomas studied his, a smile on his lips, "You're kidding, right?"
"No, why?"
"Sandy-" he started, then changed his mind. "Maybe you should ask him"
"Yeah. Yeah, I will. Thanks for bringing him home Thomas" Sandy shook his hand.
"No problem, Sandy." Thomas smiled, turning and starting back to his cruiser. He paused, then turned on his heel, "Sandy?" he asked.
"Yeah?" Sandy asked, opening the door back up.
"Don't yell at him. Try talking to him like an adult… I've dealt with a lot of these kids too…. Sometimes it works"
Sandy nodded, closing the door and leaning against it, staring in to his house. He took a deep breath and headed back in to the war zone.
…………………………………………..
Author's Note: (BTW, there are more chapters to come…)
So there were a few of you who, before this chapter, couldn't seem to understand why Ryan was so upset with Sandy leaving the PD's office. I hope this chapter clarified things a bit, but if they didn't, I beg you, you have to do one thing for me.
Go back to the episode "The Escape" and watch the intro scene. Watch Ryan carefully when he asks, hesitantly, if Sandy will leave the PD's office and Kirsten scoffs.
It's all there folks. In the eyes, the hesitation, the worry, the disappointment. And I realise that "Ryan" is merely a character, but obviously Ben was instructed to do the scene with feeling, and that he did.
I just think it's sad, even though he rocks, Josh never decided to address this issue. So I am.
I think that, by Sandy leaving the PD's office, he in essence would have undermined Ryan's trust in him, (not that Sandy promised he would stay at the PD's office or anything), but everyone knows that's where Sandy belongs, even Sandy!
Anyways guys. My point is, a career change is huge for anyone. It's a defining moment. And personally, if I were in Ryan's position, I would be prettyangry atthe change Sandy made.. and shocked, and diappointed ... even if it's seemingly unjustified.