Disclaimer: don't own these characters, neither the series from where they're from. Period.
Random Ranma
Chapter two: Ranma rocks New Port City
Saotome Ranma was sitting in the roof of his current house, the Tendo dojo. Appreciating the rise of the sun, with a bored look on his face. Since Hapossai took Tendo San and Genma away for a one month training trip, he had no sparring partner to fight in the mornings. "Baka Oyaji, never thought I would miss him…" Grumbled the teen. Suddenly, his thoughts were broken with the explosive enter of Hibiki Ryoga.
"Saotome prepare to die!!!" Cried the lost boy charging with a jump kick.
"Good morning to you too Pchan!" Cheerfully replied Ranma, making a handstand in his attacker's outstretched leg to flip away from the roof and thus avoiding propriety damage. He landed in the back yard and silently motioned for Ryoga to bring it on with his fingers. He was happy; Ryoga was even a better sparring partner than Genma.
"Hmm… Good morning Ranma, guess it's the habit to always scream that… and don't call me Pchan!" Said Ryoga with a grin on his face. Over the time, the lost martial artist has come to an understanding that he and Ranma aren't mortal enemies. Just rivals, and friendly ones at that (Well, kind of). Dropping his backpack, the boy popped his knuckles and jumped right at Ranma with a knee trust. Both started to trade blows bouncing all over the vicinity.
After a while, during a barrier kick, Ranma exclaimed. "You know Ryoga; I'm starting to get bored."
"Are you saying that I'm not good enough to fight you? That you're so superior that it's not worth fighting me anymore? Ranma you jerk, prepare to die!" Yeah, now he was pissed.
"That's not it!" Hastily said the pigtailed boy. "Fighting with you is still very fun! You're the strongest one in this are, that is, after me, of course. Anyway, I was thinking about…"
"You thinking? That's new!" Taunted Ryoga.
"Can it Pchan, I'm serious! As I was saying, nothing new ever happens these days. Where are all the chaos that used to follow me? No new thing has appeared in weeks!"
Blocking a punch-kick combo, the fanged boy suggested. "So why don't you use that mirror you've used last month? Why wait for trouble when you can go and search for it?!"
"GREAT idea Ryoga! Wait here ok?" Said Ranma knocking Ryoga out with an amaguri ken revised: shiatsu onslaught, and so he went inside the house.
"Hey Ranma, you jerk! Don't leave me paralyzed here this way! I'm so going to kick your butt when this wear off!!!"
Ryoga cursed some more until Ranma came back from the house holding the not-so-fixed mirror. With a nerve pinch, he restored Ryoga's motions. "Ok Ryoga… now we need to find a place and some tears… where's Tendo San when we need him?" Wondered Ranma.
Instantly, Tendo Akane, the uncute fiancée, came dashing out of the house with a big mallet swinging it upwards. "Don't talk about my dad this way you jerk!"
She originally intended to launch Ranma in orbit, but due to some miscalculations, the attack hit Ranma on his balls. Ranma stood there, his face a miserable mask of pain, with trembling lips and all. "You… uncute… tomboy… I with I was outta here…" Unnoticed by everyone, a tear escaped his eyes and fell right at the mirror.
"Man that had to hurt." Sympathetically said Ryoga, putting a supporting hand over Ranma's shoulder. Then he noticed a strange, albeit familiar glow coming from the mirror. He tried to pull his hand out of Ranma's shoulder, but it was too late, both teens were outta there.
Akane huffed. "That jerk! Serves him right to vanish in the air. But he had to take Ryoga with him?"
AVAVAVAV
Once Ryoga realized that they were not anymore at the Tendo dojo, he punched Ranma's face. "Ranma you jerk! Because you infuriated Akane we are lost! Prepare to…die?" Confusedly finished him as he saw Ranma falling to the ground. He wondered why that was; his punch wasn't that strong, until he realized that Ranma's fetal position on the ground implied that he was still suffering from Akane's hit. "Oh man…" Lamented him.
After a while Ranma gingerly stood up and also realized that they were not at the Tendo dojo. "Hun Ryoga, where are we?"
"That line is mine Saotome. You're the one that teleported us away…" Strangely, Ryoga was calm.
Ranma gave a sheepish grim. "Err… I don't have a clue. I never thought of any specific location…"
"RANMA!!!" Screamed Ryoga in pure rage before leaping, fists first, at his pigtailed companion. Immediately Ranma seemed to forget his abused groin and fought back with all he had. However, both teens failed to realize that the kind of fight that they posed usually destroys the environment, and in this case, the big city in which they were, was being trashed.
The battling martial artists never noticed several people running away screaming in sheer terror as lampposts, phone booths, cars and all the sort of urban furniture were blown away. Neither had they noticed an approaching tank. They only noticed when said tank fired at them.
BOOM
Ranma couched several times, trying to rid his lungs of all that dust in the air. Looking at himself he groaned as he saw his ruined clothes. Worse yet was the fact that a hydrant nearby also exploded and now he was a busty redhead. "Not again…I really wish that, hun?" He stopped in mid track after looking at what hammered him. A war tank, well, a mini war tank.
"You vandals! Destroying city property is a violation of code #12324324 paragraph nº X and blá, blá, blá…" Rambled a female's voice. After some seconds, the tank's hatch-way opened and a short woman dressed in police clothes pointed a machine gun at Ranma Chan. "Very well tramp, where that dude of yours is?" The officer also could swear that this girl's hair was black before the shot.
Ranma blinked, looking at her right there was Ryoga, or more accurately, Pchan. She pointed to the piglet.
"Nice try Miss. But now we also charge you with disrespecting an official while on duty. Perhaps you'll tell us where he went after an interrogation. You're under arrest. Please resist this Miss." Threatened the police officer, pulling the safety of her weapon. The glint in her eyes told Ranma that she was really going to use that machine gun in case Ranma decided to not cooperate.
However, Ranma knew that the police were the good guys, and surely they had a motive to arrest her. Always wanting to do the right thing, Ranma offered her wrists in a surrender motion. "I'm not resisting." Stated her.
"Good for you." Said the policewoman, chaining the pigtailed girl. As the tank went away, a very angry piglet bweeded. If a human could understand it, it would be something in the lines of. "Damn you Ranma! This is all your fault" Where in hell am I now?!!!"
AVAVAVAV
We see Ranma Chan sat in a chair over a table, and across from her there's a tall, tough looking guy with dark lenses. "Ok Miss, I'll ask you one more time, who are you and for which terrorist group do you work."
Ranma was annoyed. She had answered to that a dozen times that her name was Saotome Ranma and that she didn't work for any terrorists. And that was exactly what she answered again.
"For now I'll call you that, Miss Saotome. But keep in memory that there's no record of anyone with that name, which means that you're giving us a false name. Besides, why would you be blowing up the city if not for terrorism?" Asked the man once more.
Loudly sighing, Ranma said. "I was not doing it on purpose. I got couch up on a fight against a buddy of mine and we accidentally trashed some stuff, 'sorry bout that.!"
"Yeah, sure. Of course you were doing that. There's no way for a person to cause so much damage in a street brawl!" Pressed him.
Ranma had enough. This man didn't believe her. "Ok, let me show you…MOUKO TAKABISHA!" Yelled her while firing a blue ball of confidence Ki that obliterated several walls in a roll.
Several heads popped up in the holes to see what caused them. Blinking in surprise, even though his glasses hided it, Captain Charles Brenten turned back to face Ranma. "See? But at the time, it was accidental! Pchan wasn't supposed to dodge, neither was I to avoid his blows…" Said Ranma as if everything was normal.
The same policewoman that arrested Ranma stormed into the interrogation room, weapon in hands. "Ok you bitch! No one destroys my department! Hands up now!" Even though Ranma complied, the ever stressed Osaki Leona fired an entire volley of stun bullets.
As the bullets neared Ranma, she started to block and dodge the bullets, but after a while, the sheer number of bullets overwhelmed her and she was struck with several dozens of them. "Hey cut it out! This thing stings!" Complied the girl.
Both Leona and Brenten were stunned. Those stun bullets should have put the girl to sleep knocked out, very painfully. But all that they made were a few minor red dots in the girl's skin. "You ain't no human being chick!" Exclaimed Brenten, taking his huge magnum 44. "Let's fry this android! Leona, change to dum dum bullets."
Ranma darted out of there closely followed by a bullet shower. Going trough doors and halls, left and right, she managed to shake off her pursuers. Looking around, Ranma exclaimed. "How convenient, for once my luck helped me, a kitchen!" And so she decided that to avoid more troubles it would be better to change back to otoku Ranma.
However, that posed a problem. As his garments were all trashed during the arrestment, the clothes provided by the police to Ranma were too small since they were intended to his female form. Awkwardly wrapping the trousers given to "her" around his waist to keep some modesty, the pigtailed boy decided to look for better clothes.
After stealthily wandering trough the entire police department, Ranma came to the necrotery. "Ack, this place gives me the creeps…. Hey, look at this!" The pigtailed boy saw a pair of kung fu pants while rummaging trough the disposal; he refused to take the clothes from the dead bodies, even tough one was using a superb red Chinese shirt.
Meanwhile, one of the occupants (the living occupants, that is!) of the necrotery was being awoken with all the commotion. Lazily opening her eyes, Ana Puma curiously glanced at the intruder that awoke her. Nudging her partner until she also awoke, Ana said. "Hey Uni, what do you think that guy is doing?" For emphasis, she pointed to Ranma.
After a observing him a while, Uni finally said. "Seems like he's raiding the disposal, and he's a hunk…" Than both women saw the rider taking off his makeshift underwear in order to put the pants he got. "Wow… really a hunk…a big hunk!"
Ranma sensed movement in the corner of the room. He immediately faced this possible threat, guard up, only to stare at two blond women. Two tall women, over 6 feet and two inches. However, what most called attention was their attire, scantly leather jumpsuits. With their appearance and choice of clothing, Ranma wondered if they were some sort of erotic movie actress. However, the most evident features, for Ranma that is, were the cat like ears that they displayed. Dismissing it as some sort of bad fashion sense, he assumed his trademark pose when cautch in the act, especially by awesome females. He scratched his pigtail. "Err… sorry 'bout this?"
Both women chuckled. "Hey Uni, check this out, he's shy." Said Ana as she looked hungrily at Ranma, and this one visible tensed up. "How cute." Replied her partner. Then they proceeded to snuggle over Ranma. "You know, we could really help you with that shyness of yours." Said Uni.
The tone in which she said that made Ranma flinch. He could swear that she almost purred the words. After a while, one of them, he couldn't tell which one since they were identical, tried to sensually take his pants off. "Err… I don't think this is a good idea." Said Ranma gently putting her hand away. Slightly disappointed with his refuse, Ana involuntary twitched her ears. That wasn't missed by Ranma.
Sweating even more, he nervously asked. "Hun, di… did you ear just… twitched?"
"Yes…" Said her in the same way as before. This time Ranma was dead sure that she purred, and his brain started to process data. Functional cat ears? Check! Real purring? Check!! Snuggle like a cat? Check!!! Conclusion: RUN!!!
"AAAAAHHHH!!!" Screamed the running Ranma, bringing down a wall that stood in his path, simply overrunning it. Ana and Uni Puma blinked as they watched Ranma. "Was it something I said?" Asked Ana in a mix of confusion and wonderment.
AVAVAVAV
"Damn it Saotome, this is all your fault… the trouble I had to find hot water… and now this..." Grumbled Ryoga as he wandered trough the streets of New Port City, not that he knew the name of where he was, however, that was not a concern to him, as he usually didn't know the name of the places where he goes.
After fleeing from two restaurants and some wild city alley animals, He finally found a public bath and restored his original form. Then it was a real quest to find where his clothes were, for some reason he couldn't pull them out of nowhere as he used to do back at home. When he finally found them, several police officers appeared claiming that people called them giving his description as the naked wacko that was harassing the city. Now, he was sitting in one chair in the police department, waiting his time to talk with the officer in charge.
"Hey officer, could you tell me where the bathroom is?" Asked him to a random police officer that was passing. After getting the direction, Ryoga tried to go there but as always, he got lost. Wondering trough the police department he was tackled by a screaming wacko.
"Hey Einstein, look where you're… Ranma? Ok stupid, what's this about?" Demanded Ryoga as he stood up from the ground, barely restraining himself from jumping at the pigtailed jerk.
"CAT WOMEN!" Screamed Ranma as he started to run again, but he stopped as he collided with Ryoga's fist. "I don't care if you go running away like the coward you are Saotome, but don't over run me again!" Said the angry teen, then the meaning of Ranma's words sank in. "Cat women? What are you talking about?"
Ranma, a lot calmer than before, but still nervously looking right and left, answered. "Well, I had to find some clothes and the only place I could get some was in the necrotery."
"Ranma that was gross!" Exclaimed the outraged fanged boy.
"Yeah, I know Pchan. But it is better than walking butt naked all around."
"Are you making fun of me Saotome?" Snarled Ryoga.
Ranma blinked. "What's your problem Ryoga? I mean, even if it's normal of you to think that every thing is my fault, man, this is paranoia!" Sincerely said Ranma.
Ryoga wanted to smack his face; of course Ranma was innocent this time, he was in the police department all the while. "Argh… forget it Saotome. What were you saying about the cat women?'
"Oh yeah! Well, anyway, I didn't take these pants from some corpse; I found them in the disposal. Back to the subject, wile I was dressing them, these two knock out girls came from a random corner of the room. They were dressed in what I could describe only as Happosai's dream outfit. Suddenly they started to cling, glomp and snuggle me."
"Cheating on Akane again Saotome? Prepare to die!" Screamed Ryoga immediately attacking Ranma.
"Damn it Ryoga! You never let me finish anything!" Complained Ranma as he dodged a Shi Shi Hokodan. The depressed Ki attack destroyed another pretty big part of the building.
After some more blows, both teens stopped fighting. "What's this Ryoga?" Asked Ranma.
"How am I supposed to know stupid?!" Angrily retorted the lost boy. They were talking about a slight tremor that was gradually increasing and by now it was more like a small earthquake.
The wall behind them exploded and when the dust cleared, both teens fought back a heart attack to see the same mini tank from when they first fought in this world, standing before them with a set of ruined rooms in its wake. "I'm tired of you destroying my department you rascals!" Ranma recognized the voice of that short, ever over stressed police woman of before, the very same that also arrested him. Hearing the familiar sound of a gun's click, he grabbed Ryoga and jumped trough a window as the tank opened fire where they had stood.
"Come back here and die you terrorist androids!" Yelled Leona as she saw the two martial artists roof hopping away from the police department.
AVAVAVAV
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" Panicked asked Ryoga.
Ranma looked at his somewhat friend. "Well, they interrogated me about the property destruction earlier in our fight in the city. They were accusing us of being terrorists of some sort. I explained things to them and after I showed a Mouko Takabisha, they decided that we were some kind of android and were out to kill us!"
"Ranma you HAD to go and upset Akane! Because of you we are stuck in a psycho world!"
"Hun, yeah, sure…" Replied Ranma. Right now he didn't care if the blame was really his or not. All he wanted was to get away from that wacky place. "Hey Ryoga, since I was inside a closed compartment when they arrested me I couldn't see where I was being led. Do you remember where we were when we arrived here? So we can pick the Nabam mirror and get away from here."
Ryoga gave him a skeptical look. "Oh yeah, I forgot. You couldn't fall from a cliff without getting yourself lost before hitting the ground." Said Ranma. The other boy visibly fumed but made no other motion besides keep roof hoping along with Ranma. "THIS time I'll let you off the hook Saotome. I also desperately want to get away from here!"
They crossed the city two times, and were impressed that the place was bigger than the entire Tokyo. At night fall they finally found the place they arrived. But after a lot of search, neither found the mirror.
"Blast! It's not here! I don't want to spend the rest of my life here!!!" Cried Ryoga as he imaginated what it would be like to live the rest of his life in a mad world like the one he currently was.
Ranma was also very frustrated, he also didn't like the idea of living here nice at all. But the ever cheerful one, he tried to cheer up his friend. "Well Ryoga, with your sense of direction you will lose yourself here and will be back at home in no time!" Of course, words aren't the strongest point of the young Saotome.
"Ranma this is serious! Shi Shi Hokodan!!!" Yelled Ryoga firing another one o his depression manifestations, luckily Ranma redirected it skywards.
"Ryoga you dolt! Want to bring those crazy cops back at us?" Demanded the annoyed pigtailed wonder. Ok, he chooses wrongly his words, but it was not motive to start a brawl and attract the police, was it?
"Hun, yeah… sorry Ranma. Anyway, what are we doing now?"
Putting his right hand over his chin, in a pondering way, Ranma reflected about the problem for a while. "Well, we could find a place to eat! It's too dark to keep looking for the mirror right now. We'd better restart tomorrow, besides, I'm hungry!"
Ryoga looked at his companion in disbelief for a moment, than his own stomach rumbled. "I guess it's not a bad idea after all."
AVAVAVAV
"You owe me Saotome!"
"Chill out Ryoga, I'll find a way to pay you back!" Replied Ranma as he adjusted his blankets. They have found a beggar's shelter in which they were going to spend the night. All the money Ryoga had was spent with Ranma's stomach since Ranma hadn't a single yen on him as his clothes were dust when the police tank shot them. Luckily, Ryoga's pack survived the ordeal and even more luck was the fact that this world accepted their yen. "When we get back home I'll take some money from pops to pay you!"
"Humph, that's good. Now shut up and let's sleep."
After a comfortable night (the standards of those used to sleep in the wilderness are not that high, you know.), both teens helped themselves at the communitarian soup room. Surprisingly, Ranma remembered that the food was not only for him and decided to not fill all his stomach, leaving food for all who was there.
Next step was getting back to the fight site and search the place again, now with the aid of sunlight. However, they still found nothing.
"Man, this sucks." Commented Ranma while perched in a gargoyle statue that adorned the roof of a gaijin like temple. "It's really not that terrible to be trapped in this world, the problem is being trapped here without ways to sufficiently fill our stomachs…"
"For once you're right Saotome… if we could find that blasted mirror…"
"Is this what you're looking for?" Both Ranma and Ryoga turned to see the Puma twins coming from a trap door on the roof. One of then was swinging back and forth the Nabam mirror.
"CAT!!!" Yelled Ranma as he darted out of there. That is, he tried. Ryoga held his pigtail. "Hey Ranma, look! The mirror! Sop being a coward for once in your life and stay here." Then, the fanged boy got a good look at the other pair across from him and Ranma. The first thing he noticed were the cat ears, since those were he obvious source of Ranma's fear. Secondly he started his ultra shy mode as he realized the beauty of the Puma twins; which was way enhanced by their choice of garments.
Ranma regained his senses immediately; no one called him a coward! "I ain't no coward bacon breath! Hun? Ryoga? Great… now he is stuck because of his shyness…Not that I have to, but I'll prove you that I'm more of a man than you Pchan!" Said Ranma as he steeled himself to deal with the gorgeous monsters (well, for him that's what they are!) "Where did you find it?!"
Ana gave a wide grin "Well, as it's our habit, me and Uni here go to the crime sites to take the evidences before the forensic so we could bribe them into giving us some money. The only thing that we came up this time was this mirror. As we heard rumors trough the department…"
"We came to the conclusion that you were the suspects from those explosions. And as we saw you searching the site, we presumed that you wanted it for some reason. Now tell us: How much is this worth to you?" Finished Uni.
"Great, when you don't have a Nabiki, there come two…" Muttered Ranma. Then he remembered some disturbing fact. "Err… look, we would pay whatever you want, but we kind of are really low on cash. Say about, no single yen!" It never passed in his mind that they could be bluffing since the police believed him to be a girl; only these cat women saw him as a boy. However, their reaction since the first look at the mirror was a dead give way.
Both twins gave a very devious smile. "Heh, we weren't thinking of charging money either…" And Uni winked at Ranma.
Ryoga put two and two together and as always came up with three. "Hey… Ranma was already fooling with these girls if I remember right what he said before… and if I manage to make him stay here with these women, then Akane will be mine!" Thought him. Getting out of his paralyses since they apparently didn't want anything with him. That also angered him. "Damn Ranma! Why all the girls flock over him?! Ok, and what do you want?" It was an obvious question, but he had to ask.
Ana gave a sympathetically smile towards Ryoga. "Don't get us wrong boy, you're very cute yourself, but we saw the data from the surveillance cameras at the department and so we saw all his physical abilities. Not to mention his divine appearance. Anyway, all we want is him!" Finished her hungrily staring at Ranma.
Ranma was sweating bullets now; normal women chasing him were unnerving, but cat women chasing him was really fearsome. He was so concentrated in his fear that he never realized Ryoga hitting him in the base of his skull.
The Fanged boy shouldered Ranma and tossed him at the twin's feet. "Here, Ranma in the place of the mirror. Ladies, you've got a deal."
Uni smiled and gave Ryoga the Nabam mirror. "Thanks kid. Perhaps you could come and drop by any other day… we will be at the department's necrotery." She winked at him and licked her lips.
"Hun… I don't think it would be happening!" Said Ryoga getting the mirror and running away from there as fast as he could.
"Well, we have what we came to get. Let's head back home and find a place where the cops won't spoil our fun with Ranma here… Wild horse… I like this name… I wish it means something positive for us…" Said Ana shouldering Ranma and starting to walk away.
AVAVAVAV
Ryoga stared at the mirror. For now it was a good five hours since he handed Ranma to the Puma twins. Soon after that he got lost somewhere and decided to go back home. However, as soon as he glanced at the mirror all his thoughts revolved around Ranma. "Damn you Saotome! Why do I have to feel guilty for what I've done? But it surely wasn't right to do so… even more since Ranma can't stand cats; or anything that resembles cats for that mater…What would Akane say if she discovered that I've trapped Ranma here? More important, how will I survive knowing what I've done to him…?"
A lot more time was spent in that way since Ryoga decided to go and rescue his almost friend. After the decision, he put the mirror in his pack and started to wander around trying to find the police department. For starters, it was already a miracle that he still was in New Port city. And even so, how would he find the place? His train of thoughts was broken when a series of explosions and siren sounds approached him.
Soon, he could discern a big dust cloud and after a moment, said cloud was led by a topless female Ranma, and an entire squad of tanks was chasing her. "Yo Ryoga, run!" Yelled Ranma as she passed beside him.
"What have you done now Saotome?" Asked Ryoga. All his remorse forgotten as it gave place for the anger of Ranma causing more ruckuses. And the fact tat she was well, but that he wouldn't admit!
"Well, SOMEONE handed me to those cccc…feline women and when I woke up I was tied in a bed and they were all over me. After a moment something happened and I don't remember anything! I must have entered the neko ken as the next thing I remember is standing under a spray of water that came out of the pipes of the police department's debris. Since then, all this tanks are chasing me saying that I will pay for finishing destroying the entire building!" Said Ranma glaring at Ryoga. He knew it was Ryoga's fault that he was there this time.
"The voice of Ozaki Leona was once again heard trough the speakers. "Stay where you are you terrorists! For a lot of things besides destroying the P.D. you're under arrest! Besides, you've really pissed me! Come here and die you freaky androids!"
Somewhat behind, from two armored motorcycles, came the voice of Ana and Uni Puma. "Ranma! Come back to us! We can have so much fun with you in that state! Ranma!!!"
"Ok Ryoga, take the mirror right now, we are outta here!" Exclaimed Ranma.
As Ryoga complied and took the mirror out of his pack, Ranma started to repeatedly pinch herself to produce some tears. "I wish we were at home!"
With the familiar light shows, she and Ryoga teleported away. Seeing both teens fading away into nothingness, all the tank police incredulously stared at the now empty place. After some time, Captain Brenten commented. "I won't be the one to fill this realtor…"
AVAVAVAV
Author's notes: Well, I decided to make this fic. a couple of one-shots, and not a single one-shot as it was intended. I hope it was fun…
P.S.: I LOVE Dominion Tank Police!