Could've been me

Spoilers through Whatever the Case May Be, though set a few days afterward, when Jack's realized he's been a complete jerk. Could've Been Me belongs to Billy Ray Cyrus. Please be kind, haven't written in ages, but this bloody story wouldn't shut up and so I had to write it so I could get some work done.

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He was watching them. Again. He knew it wasn't a healthy thing to be doing. Hell, every doctor had to take courses in psychology as part of their training, and one of his best friends had ended up in psychiatry. Jack wondered what George would say if he saw him now. "Obsessive behaviour coupled with impaired rational abilities and a tendency towards hallucination." He'd thought that seeing his dead father wandering the island had been the worst of his psychological troubles. He'd been wrong.

Because he'd screwed up. Again. His father had been right. So much for a fresh start.

Turning back towards the objects of his interest ( I "Obsession, Jack, it's called obsession... /I ) he reflected that there had been better ways to have handled that case. Ways that wouldn't have ended up with Kate not speaking to him, and sharing her smiles with Sawyer. Sawyer, who'd had the case in the first place. Sawyer who'd tormented her. Teased her. Forced her to kiss him in an attempt to win from him what he didn't even possess. Sawyer, who had never hidden his desires, or denied that he wanted her.

Sawyer, who had never forced the truth from her. Sawyer, who let her keep her secrets.

Sawyer, who even now had his arm slung casually around her, smiling that obnoxious smirk with the dimples that seemed to render all females under his power. They both had wet hair and Jack could only assume they'd been back to the swimming hole where Kate had told him she'd found the case. ( I Told you after you forced the answer from her /I , he reminded himself.) And she still hadn't told him where it was. Given the state of things now, he doubted she ever would. It would remain something personal, between Kate and Sawyer. Something private, like the joke about his tattoos. Maybe he should have told her where he got them. Maybe it would have made a difference. Maybe not.

As Jack put down the last of the water he'd brought down from the caves for the beach dwellers ( I for her, for an excuse to see her /I ), the strains of an old country song an ex-girlfriend had once played for him whispered through his mind. He shook his head and began the trek back to the caves. It could've been him...

I It could have been me standing there with you
It could have been me and my dreams coming true
But those dreams move on if you wait too long
It took me till now to see it could have been me /I