Muggle Relations
Summary: Dumbledore has planned an excursion for the seventh years to improve Muggle/Wizard Relations. Results: Multiple Pairings
Warning: this is the result of three hours filled with pizza, coke, Orange Bacardi Breezers (sadly all that was available) and one computer.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: you'd think we own them by the way we *use* them, but alas we do not (much tears are shed), buuut, it doesn't stop us from having fun! (rubs hands together, cackling evilly).
HUGE DRUM ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thankyou so kindly! *Pats mysterious drummer on the back*
ONWARDS TO THE REVIEWS!
Lets see know, what have we here,
Emotional Malfoy – Live by that saying! Once you've read fanfic, you're unaffected by anything! Except for some pairings, some of those are incredibly evil and as such wouldn't be given the time of day!
Circe-Asteria – We have corrupted another . . . our task continues! *Big Evil Laugh!* Yeah, we found out that you have to be careful WHERE you read our stuff . . . at our institutions for one thing, is not smart . . . still we do it!
Mysterious Muggle . . . Person . . . Thingy – Yeah, okay, you do that *Backs away slowly from computer!* But my fish are only tiny! And ESP is fishless. Slash does rock. That doesn't even need to be said!
bluetribalrose – More has come (pun intended!)
Avalon Kennleigh – We could make you wait, but I don't think that we are *that* cruel. (ESP nods head.) Okay so maybe we are, but hey! That's our way of life . . . deal and build a bridge!
I'm having sooooo much fun today! Everybody run away screaming to the calendar!!!! MARK THAT CALENDARS!!! THEN RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!!! HER IMAGINATION IS LOOSE!!!!!!!!!!! RUUUUUUUNNNNNN!!!!
Bad-Azz-Slytherin + Chaos – We are glad you like! You will like this one!!!
Craw/Brad – Ask and you shall receive!
REVIEW and you shall receive!!! HINT HINT PEOPLE!!!
Starr Light1 – Funny is good!
Marauders Magelet – We have corrupted another! Oh we are feeling good today! (Again, run for the hills!) MUCH more is on it's way!!!!!!!
LAUGHS BIG-TIME EVILLY!!!!!!!!!!
Okay people
Chapters down the page!!! Scram and read . . . tis an order!
Chapter 8 – Good Morning Sunshine
It was early Thursday morning when Harry was woken from his sleep time with Draco, YES, surprisingly enough, they slept for PART of the night, and decided to go for a walk. And so it was that Harry was walking down the third floor corridor (AN: whoa! Déjà vu, first yr.) when he remembered that Remus was on this floor, and was usually an early riser. Deciding to go for a visit, Harry made his way to the door and knocked, entering straight afterward.
All was quiet until then. . . Next was a very, VERY loud scream, followed by the LOUD yelling. We're talking kicking the arse of sonic booms LOUD!!! Then came the pounding of Draco's feet flying down the corridor (He took the stairs if you're wondering . . . much faster than waiting for the lift.) to Harry's rescue.
The translation to this was: Harry took two steps into the room before coming to a dead halt upon spying the bed. Seeing what he assumed to be Remus' head, enveloped in an embrace with a dark, greasy set of hair, and a redhead sitting up on the edge of the bed, filing her nails. Hence the screaming.
Of course, upon hearing the screaming, this woke the two gentlemen up. Hence the yelling, and therefore more screaming as Harry discovered the true identity of the owner of the dark, greasy hair.
The last, Draco coming to the rescue of the hero, was of course accompanied by the, "What is it? What is it? What is it? . . . . . . .Holy FUCK!" as he entered the room and finally took in his surroundings, including the naked professors. "OKAY! OKAY! TURNING AROUND NOW AND LEAVING. Come on Harry. Harry? HARRY! NOW!"
Draco ended up dragging Harry away as the supposed Saviour of the Wizarding World was still in shock. (AN: in our professional opinion, we believe Harry was suffering from the initial stages of post traumatic shock syndrome. We do believe yellow pills are for that. Black is still the favourite though.)
The gentlemen and lady in question however never really noticed the boys (apart from the wake up call) or their departure, but were deeply involved in their own form of aggressive negotiations.
"What THE FUCK are YOU doing in MY room SNAPE?" Remus yelled as he desperately tried to disentangle himself from the Potions Master.
"HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I KNOW?" Snape was also trying to push away, and so landed on his arse. "Fuck, OW!"
"GET OUT!" Remus pointed at the door, yelling.
"Yeah, as soon as I find some clothes." Snape tried to get up. ~Oh god that is not good.~ Snape winced as he managed to stand, struggling with the difficulty of getting up due to the slight pain he felt in his arse. Keyword there being 'IN', not 'ON'.
"NO! GET OUT NOW!!!!!!" Remus picked up a pair of evil-looking underwear, that was not his, and threw them at Snape. They landed on his head. Snape rummaged around the numerous piles of mixed clothing items and found all of his clothes, surprisingly enough, and limped out of the room – the pain was not located in, or on, either of his legs.
Remus sat on the edge of the bed head in his hands as he tried to remember what had happened last night. He thought back in time, images swirling passed him in a time warp fashion (ooooooh! Pretty colours!). Then it clicked; what he put his member in was somewhat dry and confusingly tight.
"Holy good fucking lord in hell. I . . . fucked . . . Sn . . . Sna . . . Nope. Can't say it." He was seriously contemplating cutting a rather important piece of male anatomy from his person. He turned to Anna, who just sweetly smiled at him, "Good morning!" she said cheerfully as she continued to file her nails.
He looked back a little further in time, with even more swirling colours! "Tell me! PLEASE! That I didn't have my HAND up Snape's arse!!!!"
"No, that was me. But let me say, that you definitely gave Sev a pummelling. By the sounds of things, you loved every moment of it, and so did he!" She had finished with her nails and was brushing her hair with her fingers.
"ENJOYED IT!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!????????? My fucking arse!"
"No, his."
"Shut up."
"By the way, do you know a kid with untamed black hair? Or a blondie by any chance?"
VERY slowly Remus turned to face her, face quite pale. "Yeeeeeeah, whyyyyyy?"
"He came in this morning, that was the scream that woke you up. Didn't look too happy. Should have seen the blondie's face."
Remus fainted.
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Said couple were sitting in their bed, hiding under the covers, VERY scared. Harry was still in his fit and Draco was getting to that stage, breathing becoming rather erratic.
Knock on door. Harry screamed in fright, trying to bury himself further into the bed, or Draco, either one.
Door opened. Door closed. Draco in a rather girlish squeak, "Who is it?"
"Um . . . Harry?"
Harry: SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Draco clamped a hand over Harry's mouth, though you could still hear him but it was rather muffled.
"Harry, some of us still need our hearing, Haz."
Remus wrinkled his brow in confusion, "Malfoy?"
Draco popped his head out of the covers, "Yes?" girlish voice still intact.
"What are you doing in Harry's *room* let alone in his bed?"
"I could ask the saaaaaame thing about Snape."
Remus: paled immensely. "Oh, that 'blondie' Anna mentioned was you. Still, ANSWER MY QUESTION!!!!"
"Comforting Harry. What he saw when he walked into your room was rather disturbing. I am having trouble accepting the fact that I am still able to talk to you, after just the brief glimpse that I saw. I don't wanna know how much my poor Harry saw."
"YOUR poor Harry?"
"Yeah, that's right, MY poor Harry! He's branded and all! And he comes with a manual!"
Remus guessed what he was on about, "PARDON?!?!?!?!???? Now THAT is too much information!!!!!!!"
Draco considered this, "But then again, it's not really all that necessary . . . I already knew what I was doing, having done so before, to Harry I mean."
Remus stood there shocked! "STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP!!! My good lord! When I meet James again, he's gonna MURDER me, even though I'm already going to be dead. But THAT'S NOT THE POINT!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING SLEEPING WITH HARRY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
"Having sex, what else?"
Remus: Fume!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "HOW DARE YOU TOUCH HIM!!!!!!!"
Harry came out of hiding, "HE LOVE'S ME, FOR ME!!!!!! Whoa, where did that come from?"
Draco was just staring at him, "Ooookaaayy. Go back under the covers, Harry. There's a good boy."
"Don't you go ordering him about."
Harry returned to the surface, "He can do what he likes. Hell, he does anyway." He shrugged.
Remus: Fainted.
Again.
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Well, it's good to see that Dean and Seamus had gotten along quite well with the island called Ibiza!
And welcomed ALL inhabitants, resident or tourist, to what was now affectionately called 'The Hug Club', i.e. their hotel room.
No, they haven't emerged from their room since they had started all their little get-togethers that second afternoon (after they had escaped Hermione's death glare for insulting her, but to the rest of us, they were just telling the truth! For all who have forgotten, go back a few chapters and RE-READ! More swirling colours!).
Their relationship with each other was now WELL opened up. The 'incense' that they had burning in the room didn't help either, well, depending of your definition of help. Therefore, after consulting The Deranged Dictionary For Two Deranged Penguins And Those Who Need To Be Educated, we found that it helped them immensely. So did the alcohol. And caffeine. Bit like us! Don't ask . . . just experience! We are now currently typing this at 2:41am after an engagement party at which we consumed the equivalent of four cups of coffee in two cups in the space of five minutes after we were dismayed to discover that they had ran out of Coke, the Primary Source of Sugar and Caffeine, only to then discover that if you dig further down in the ice, you'd find more. Damn we were NOT HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Down right PISSED! Really shitted off! In other words, in a bad mood! Give us a minute and I'm sure we can come up with more! Thinking, thinking, thinking, OW!! What the FUCK???? Oh right, pissed off readers wanting us to get on with the story. We get it now!! We digress!
We are ashamed. (Go Finding Nemo!! That French Crustacean KICKS ARSE!!!)
Anyway, back to the story, as more sharp objects go flying passed . . . MISSED US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!! OW! Alright, who has good aim??????????? We've already been hit in the heads once tonight! Thankyou VERY much Amanda!
So.............................................................................................................
Soooo........................................................................................................
I'd do more, but I can't be bothered.
We like to piss people off. Shall we stop here, or piss them off some more? I like the way you think E.S.P. I was funnily enough thinking the same thing. PISS EM OFF!!!!!
Seamus and Dean, remember them? Well, they had started up a little room (that the Hotel manager had not found out about! Yet!) known as 'The Hug Club'. Not that any hugging went on in there, NOOOOOO that was far too chaste for 'The Hug Club'!!!!!!
More happened! Much MUCH more!!!!!!! We swear if they weren't boning The Englishman, they were there, boning all, at the same time. No we're not kidding! And no, we're not writing any details, we are being evil (that means normal) and leaving it to the IMAGINATION!!!! TDDFTDPATWNTBE Definition: Kooky thing with interesting images. I.e. seven-some! At least!
**************************************************************************** ********************
Lav and Pav, our favourite gossip-queens were of course, currently indisposed.
They had heard about a RAVE, TOTALLY WIKID new club called 'The Hug Club'.
Nuff said.
**************************************************************************** ********************
Not everyone had attended the new club, seeing as one hotel room can hold only so many, seeing as most of the current population was already held within the room. And so, therefore, Dear Professor Dumbledore had forgone his trip to the new club to allow another youngin' to attend, being the kind old kinky man he was.
In light of this arrangement, he had imbibed (consumed for those of US who have SIMPLE minds!!! Thankyou E.S.P.!!!!) many an alcoholic beverage and was now (So what if I've got a fetish for big words) table dancing (Not all of us are a walking talking breathing and may I say KOOKY thesaurus!) drunkenly (Yeah, well, I have Mr Coleman for an English (Literature for all you Non-English or Australian peeps, if you deserve to be called such 'peeps') Teacher! WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?!?!?!? At least I don't write essays for FUN!) (Yeah, that was weird!) (Watch out all you British folk, he's in your country at this VERY minute.) (Suckers!!!) Anyway, Dumbledore!
He was having a whale of a time, champagne bottle in hand, couple empty ones on the floor, doing a strip-tease for all those empty bottles.
Suffice to say that NO ONE was in the bar.
Except for a VERY VERY VERY VERY drunk, and PISSED OFF, not to mention, still a little sore, Potions Master Bat Like Bastard of an Entity i.e. Professor Severus 'I Got Fucked By Remus Lupin, Yes He Is A Werewolf, And Merlin Was He Good' Snape.
He was drowning, drenching, soaking, swamping, saturating, flooding, submerging, engulfing, inundating, whatevering, his 'sorrows'.
He fell off his bar stool at one point (not that he noticed! Seeing as his current drink was still in hand) and looking under the bar found a tartan garter. He promptly spewed.
Speaking of SPEW, in walks Hermione, looking for something to read, Ron was nowhere to be seen . . . he too had heard of 'The Hug Club'. That was yesterday.
"Bar Tender! Get me a STRONG drink! Of ice tea please."
"Sorry, Miss, but we only sell ALCOHOL here." He pointed to a sign above the menu! Miss Bookworm had actually not seen the sign and memorized it! She had missed reading material. And promptly burst into tears, sadness overcoming her! Oh the horror of horrors!
"CAN IT GRANGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M DROWNING, DRENCHING, SOAKING, SWAMPING, SATURATING, FLOODING, SUBMERGING, ENGULFING, INUNDATING, WHATEVERING MY 'SORROWS'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What have you got to be sad about??????????????????" Yelled Snape.
"I . . . (sniff) missed (sob, cry on his shoulder, scaring Snape for life!) . . . reading material!!!!!!!!!!! What am I going to do!!!!????"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, HAVE A STIFF DRINK AND GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!! BUILD A BRIDGE AND GET THE FUCK OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!"
"Okay, but do you have a manual for building bridges? Any good one's that you can recommend?"
"Didn't I say TO SHUT THE FUCK UP?"
"Yes, but . . ."
"SHUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Yes, Pro . . ."
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She finally SHUT UP!!!!!!!
Dumbledore's blinding yellow boardies landed in front of Hermione, and boy did she scream!!!!!!!!!
Sev grabbed her arm and fled the establishment with all speed, well the best he could in his inebriated state. Oh, fine we'll be honest, Hermione dragged him out!
But so what! It was just a minor detail, so stick it where the sun don't shine!
Hermione took out her wand, hey it wasn't like there was anybody around (The Hug Club) and performed a sober charm on the Professor.
Nope, that didn't work. So she tried again, HEY! An improvement!
Thirteen charms later, he was back to his normal greasy bat-like self.
"Did you have to drag me out of my 'Sorrow', Miss Granger? I was quite happy where I was." He was not very happy with her.
"You were, *happy* with the whole Full Monty Dumbledore?"
"No, not really, but at least when I was drunk, I never saw it! And I would not be stuck with the images for the rest of my life if it weren't for you! I'd have been too drunk to fucking remember! Thankyou from the bottom of my heart!"
"What heart?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"I said 'Did someone fart?' "
Evil Snape Glare! "You did not!!!!!!!! I am no longer drunk and my senses are working PERFECTLY! No thanks to you! And now that you have just insulted a Professor, namely ME! I believe punishment is in order! Follow me to my room!"
She couldn't resist! "Would that be your room, or Professor Lupin's?"
He just kept on walking.
They walked into HIS room, and he pulled out his wand and completely dirtied the bathroom. One word: Ew.
Then he conjured up a toothbrush and handed it to Hermione, "Enjoy!"
She took the brush and looked between it and the bathroom several times before looking at Snape, "You have got to be kidding!"
"Do I look like it?"
She merely scowled at him in return before stomping into the bathroom.
~Eh eh eh! It's good to be me!!!~ thought Snape as Hermione slammed the bathroom door in his face, but it swung back open, hitting his face. "OW!!!"
He heard Hermione laughing and grew Pissed Off again, "YOU HAVE ONE HOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Lucky he couldn't see the multiple gestures that came from our Dearest Goodie-Two-Shoes Miss Hermione Granger!
About half an hour later, and thoroughly BORED, he decides to go and check on his new slave. He waltzed into the bathroom to find Hermione bent over the bath.
(Authors look at the bottom of the screen. HOLY SHIT! 8th Page!! Whoa!!)
Though in her usual conservative attire, he could somewhat make out her hidden body.
"Why do you keep your body hidden, Granger?"
"WHAT???"
"It's a simple question. I'll give you five points if you answer." He cooed.
"Well, I prefer to cover up because . . . "
Half an hour later.
". . . and therefore Professor, it is clear to me that this is the best course of action."
"Have you any idea of the LOAD OF BULLSHIT that you have just given me an essay on?"
Hermione was rather upset about that judgement, "What do you mean 'BULLSHIT!'? That has taken me three hundred books on Women's Rights to think up!!! Not to mention all those biology textbooks! You have to know about the Human Anatomy to understand the concepts of Women's Rights and the reasons that . . ."
"SHUT UP AND FINISH SCRUBBING!!!!" Boomed Snape, clearly ULTRA-BORED with Miss Granger's ramblings, "YOU HAVE TEN MINUTES TO FINISH!!!! Otherwise . . ." Snape paused thinking.
"Yes, Professor?" prompted Hermione.
"I dunno, I'll think something up!!!!" and he stormed out of the bathroom and back into his bedroom, tripping over the edge of the bed in the tiny room. Again he could hear Hermione laughing from the bathroom.
"MAKE THAT FIVE MINUTES!!!!!!!!"
If the wall was not present, and looks could kill, there would be NO Greasy Haired Bat-Like Impersonator Extraordinaire Bastard Of The Millennia Potions Master Of Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft And Wizardry Severus 'I Got Fucked By Remus Lupin, Yes He Is A Werewolf, And Merlin Was He Good' Snape.
Super Snape Glare at Authors! (Authors in VERY sickly sweet voice: Careful Sevie Poo, we control what happens to you!!!) Snape: Pales immensely. (Authors; Enjoys LOOOOOOONG evil laugh!!!).
Precisely five minutes later, Snape barged into the Bathroom to find that Hermione was still bent over the bath, scrubbing away the grime.
"It's been five minutes Granger! And you are NO where near finished!!!!! Now, you should know better that an unfinished task PISSES me OFF quite considerably." Saunters over to Hermione. "This is not acceptable." Stands VERY close to her.
Backed up against the wall as far as she could go without actually going *through* the wall, was our dear Hermione, "And . . . what exactly does that mean?" she asked raggedly.
"You're in trouble."
Snape grabbed the front of her multiple layers of clothes and dragged her in and kissed her hard. She whimpered as he held her against the wall with his body as his hands started to stroke her side and face. Being the goodie goodie two shoes 'virgin' that she was, she 'didn't know what to do'. She awkwardly put her hands on his arms as he continued to ravage her into the wall.
Snape got bored of this rather quickly, and so started to manoeuvre her back into the tiny hotel room. Luck was not with him as again they tripped on the bed, falling onto it. (E.S.P. – seriously, I going to fall asleep any minute now. Caffeine has the opposite affect on me. *yawn*). (S.N.M. – Ooooh No!!! There's NO WAY you're getting out of writing this one!!!) (E.S.P. - evil biatch!!!) (S.N.M. – Sooooo totally!!)
*Yawn again*
Snape moved to straddle her so he didn't completely crush her; finally he broke their kiss. "Way too much clothing." And so he began the enormous task(or quest, mission, adventure of a lifetime.) of removing her clothing. After ten minutes of continual ripping of clothes, he became impatient and reached for his wand and removing the wardrobe of clothes from their persons. "Merlin Granger, are you afraid you'll get cold in the tropics of Ibiza?"
He never gave her the chance to reply/retort because he descended on her mouth again, with just as much force as before. He moaned as she let him into her mouth, conquering all he sought. Taking his time he stroked her breasts, and then down to her stomach and sides.
~Okay, nuff done! Let's get this moving!~ Thought Snape impatiently. With one arm holding himself up, the other moved down between her legs and sought the entrance. In one fairly fluid movement, his finger entered her as she emitted a loud gasp. "Miss Granger, are you a virgin?" he asked curiously.
"YES!" she said a little too quickly.
Pause . . .
Snape looks up at Authors, one eyebrow raised. Yeah Sev, we agree with you about that little white lie!!
Play . . .
Quickly swapping his finger for his member, he looked down at Hermione, "You are not!!"
"Technically not now, anyway." She gasped as he thrust all the way in.
"Oh yeah? Who was it?" Snape smirked down at her.
Hermione cried out suddenly as Snape thrusted into her again, "Oliver Wood!"
"Really, not one of your male counterparts from the Golden Trio?"
"NO!" Hermione smacked him upside the head for that comment. "One: Harry's gay. Two: Ron. . .is Ron."
"Eeeeghhhhhhhh. Stop it. That's turning me off now."
"Shut up and thrust!"
"Demanding, aren't we!"
Hermione glared. Snape moved. Hermione cried out. Snape grunted. Snape moved again. Hermione cried out, again. Snape grunted.
Repeat for ten minutes.
This is a recipe for what Starz n Moonz would like to thoroughly do with Legolas Greenleaf, or Orlando Bloom, either! Couldn't care which! (E.S.P - And of course, don't forget the Macca's Caramel Sundae on top!!! You should have seen her this arvo people!!! Disturbing!!!! I feel sorry for the sundae!!) But I don't!! I'd REALLY enjoy eating that off his body!! DAAAAAAAAMN THAT'S FFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNEEE!!!!!!! ~Goes off in Legolas daydream! (E.S.P – Yes, we are still in LotR mood. After seeing Return of the King for the fourth time at the cinemas. We are already planning the fifth.) I only pay attention to Orli! (yeah, and try to fastforward the rest of it!!!! No offence to Frodo fans, but god he's boring!) Just watch Orli's body move!!! That's me happy!!!!! For a LONG time!!! ~Returns to Legolas/Orli daydream!(returns to story!!!!) Sheepishly: Sowy!!!
"You're taking your time." Hermione commented as Snape kept thrusting into her.
"Its called stamina."
"How long has this been building. Ten? Fifteen years??" She said, bored.
Snape stopped. Snape stared at her. Snape pounded her into the bed.
"Now we're getting somewhere!!!" Hermione gasped out, clutching onto Snape.
"You're insufferable!" Snape panted out.
"And you're a greasy git!" Hermione retorted, out of breath.
"And I'm coming!" Snape groaned as he rode out his orgasm, filling her with his seed.
"Took you bloody long enough. Now finish me!"
"Talk about demanding!" Snape panted, trying to regain his breathing, almost collapsing on top of her.
"Still waiting!!" Hermione said impatiently. Snape changed angles and thrust again. "OH GOD!! Why weren't you doing that before?"
Snape shrugged and kept going. Moments later, Hermione was screaming and he felt her contracting around him, making him groan again. Finally she released her vice-like grip of him, allowing him to slump to the side of her, breathing heavily. "Happy now?" Snape asked sarcastically.
"Meh! It'll do."
"Good. Sleep now."
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Night guys!!! Feel free to BLOODY WELL REVIEW!!!!!!!! Seriously people!!!!! Don't you love us anymore?? We're depressed as it is with being re- institutionalised to the bad places. (School and Tafe. – Shudders uncontrollably!!!!)
Review. Please, just to keep us insane!!!!
REVIEW! *REVIEW*! * R E V I E W ! * We have spoken, that is all . . .
FOR NOW! *Rubs hands together, cackling mysteriously and evilly!*
Summary: Dumbledore has planned an excursion for the seventh years to improve Muggle/Wizard Relations. Results: Multiple Pairings
Warning: this is the result of three hours filled with pizza, coke, Orange Bacardi Breezers (sadly all that was available) and one computer.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: you'd think we own them by the way we *use* them, but alas we do not (much tears are shed), buuut, it doesn't stop us from having fun! (rubs hands together, cackling evilly).
HUGE DRUM ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thankyou so kindly! *Pats mysterious drummer on the back*
ONWARDS TO THE REVIEWS!
Lets see know, what have we here,
Emotional Malfoy – Live by that saying! Once you've read fanfic, you're unaffected by anything! Except for some pairings, some of those are incredibly evil and as such wouldn't be given the time of day!
Circe-Asteria – We have corrupted another . . . our task continues! *Big Evil Laugh!* Yeah, we found out that you have to be careful WHERE you read our stuff . . . at our institutions for one thing, is not smart . . . still we do it!
Mysterious Muggle . . . Person . . . Thingy – Yeah, okay, you do that *Backs away slowly from computer!* But my fish are only tiny! And ESP is fishless. Slash does rock. That doesn't even need to be said!
bluetribalrose – More has come (pun intended!)
Avalon Kennleigh – We could make you wait, but I don't think that we are *that* cruel. (ESP nods head.) Okay so maybe we are, but hey! That's our way of life . . . deal and build a bridge!
I'm having sooooo much fun today! Everybody run away screaming to the calendar!!!! MARK THAT CALENDARS!!! THEN RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!!! HER IMAGINATION IS LOOSE!!!!!!!!!!! RUUUUUUUNNNNNN!!!!
Bad-Azz-Slytherin + Chaos – We are glad you like! You will like this one!!!
Craw/Brad – Ask and you shall receive!
REVIEW and you shall receive!!! HINT HINT PEOPLE!!!
Starr Light1 – Funny is good!
Marauders Magelet – We have corrupted another! Oh we are feeling good today! (Again, run for the hills!) MUCH more is on it's way!!!!!!!
LAUGHS BIG-TIME EVILLY!!!!!!!!!!
Okay people
Chapters down the page!!! Scram and read . . . tis an order!
Chapter 8 – Good Morning Sunshine
It was early Thursday morning when Harry was woken from his sleep time with Draco, YES, surprisingly enough, they slept for PART of the night, and decided to go for a walk. And so it was that Harry was walking down the third floor corridor (AN: whoa! Déjà vu, first yr.) when he remembered that Remus was on this floor, and was usually an early riser. Deciding to go for a visit, Harry made his way to the door and knocked, entering straight afterward.
All was quiet until then. . . Next was a very, VERY loud scream, followed by the LOUD yelling. We're talking kicking the arse of sonic booms LOUD!!! Then came the pounding of Draco's feet flying down the corridor (He took the stairs if you're wondering . . . much faster than waiting for the lift.) to Harry's rescue.
The translation to this was: Harry took two steps into the room before coming to a dead halt upon spying the bed. Seeing what he assumed to be Remus' head, enveloped in an embrace with a dark, greasy set of hair, and a redhead sitting up on the edge of the bed, filing her nails. Hence the screaming.
Of course, upon hearing the screaming, this woke the two gentlemen up. Hence the yelling, and therefore more screaming as Harry discovered the true identity of the owner of the dark, greasy hair.
The last, Draco coming to the rescue of the hero, was of course accompanied by the, "What is it? What is it? What is it? . . . . . . .Holy FUCK!" as he entered the room and finally took in his surroundings, including the naked professors. "OKAY! OKAY! TURNING AROUND NOW AND LEAVING. Come on Harry. Harry? HARRY! NOW!"
Draco ended up dragging Harry away as the supposed Saviour of the Wizarding World was still in shock. (AN: in our professional opinion, we believe Harry was suffering from the initial stages of post traumatic shock syndrome. We do believe yellow pills are for that. Black is still the favourite though.)
The gentlemen and lady in question however never really noticed the boys (apart from the wake up call) or their departure, but were deeply involved in their own form of aggressive negotiations.
"What THE FUCK are YOU doing in MY room SNAPE?" Remus yelled as he desperately tried to disentangle himself from the Potions Master.
"HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I KNOW?" Snape was also trying to push away, and so landed on his arse. "Fuck, OW!"
"GET OUT!" Remus pointed at the door, yelling.
"Yeah, as soon as I find some clothes." Snape tried to get up. ~Oh god that is not good.~ Snape winced as he managed to stand, struggling with the difficulty of getting up due to the slight pain he felt in his arse. Keyword there being 'IN', not 'ON'.
"NO! GET OUT NOW!!!!!!" Remus picked up a pair of evil-looking underwear, that was not his, and threw them at Snape. They landed on his head. Snape rummaged around the numerous piles of mixed clothing items and found all of his clothes, surprisingly enough, and limped out of the room – the pain was not located in, or on, either of his legs.
Remus sat on the edge of the bed head in his hands as he tried to remember what had happened last night. He thought back in time, images swirling passed him in a time warp fashion (ooooooh! Pretty colours!). Then it clicked; what he put his member in was somewhat dry and confusingly tight.
"Holy good fucking lord in hell. I . . . fucked . . . Sn . . . Sna . . . Nope. Can't say it." He was seriously contemplating cutting a rather important piece of male anatomy from his person. He turned to Anna, who just sweetly smiled at him, "Good morning!" she said cheerfully as she continued to file her nails.
He looked back a little further in time, with even more swirling colours! "Tell me! PLEASE! That I didn't have my HAND up Snape's arse!!!!"
"No, that was me. But let me say, that you definitely gave Sev a pummelling. By the sounds of things, you loved every moment of it, and so did he!" She had finished with her nails and was brushing her hair with her fingers.
"ENJOYED IT!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!????????? My fucking arse!"
"No, his."
"Shut up."
"By the way, do you know a kid with untamed black hair? Or a blondie by any chance?"
VERY slowly Remus turned to face her, face quite pale. "Yeeeeeeah, whyyyyyy?"
"He came in this morning, that was the scream that woke you up. Didn't look too happy. Should have seen the blondie's face."
Remus fainted.
**************************************************************************** ***********
Said couple were sitting in their bed, hiding under the covers, VERY scared. Harry was still in his fit and Draco was getting to that stage, breathing becoming rather erratic.
Knock on door. Harry screamed in fright, trying to bury himself further into the bed, or Draco, either one.
Door opened. Door closed. Draco in a rather girlish squeak, "Who is it?"
"Um . . . Harry?"
Harry: SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Draco clamped a hand over Harry's mouth, though you could still hear him but it was rather muffled.
"Harry, some of us still need our hearing, Haz."
Remus wrinkled his brow in confusion, "Malfoy?"
Draco popped his head out of the covers, "Yes?" girlish voice still intact.
"What are you doing in Harry's *room* let alone in his bed?"
"I could ask the saaaaaame thing about Snape."
Remus: paled immensely. "Oh, that 'blondie' Anna mentioned was you. Still, ANSWER MY QUESTION!!!!"
"Comforting Harry. What he saw when he walked into your room was rather disturbing. I am having trouble accepting the fact that I am still able to talk to you, after just the brief glimpse that I saw. I don't wanna know how much my poor Harry saw."
"YOUR poor Harry?"
"Yeah, that's right, MY poor Harry! He's branded and all! And he comes with a manual!"
Remus guessed what he was on about, "PARDON?!?!?!?!???? Now THAT is too much information!!!!!!!"
Draco considered this, "But then again, it's not really all that necessary . . . I already knew what I was doing, having done so before, to Harry I mean."
Remus stood there shocked! "STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP!!! My good lord! When I meet James again, he's gonna MURDER me, even though I'm already going to be dead. But THAT'S NOT THE POINT!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING SLEEPING WITH HARRY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
"Having sex, what else?"
Remus: Fume!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "HOW DARE YOU TOUCH HIM!!!!!!!"
Harry came out of hiding, "HE LOVE'S ME, FOR ME!!!!!! Whoa, where did that come from?"
Draco was just staring at him, "Ooookaaayy. Go back under the covers, Harry. There's a good boy."
"Don't you go ordering him about."
Harry returned to the surface, "He can do what he likes. Hell, he does anyway." He shrugged.
Remus: Fainted.
Again.
**************************************************************************** *******************
Well, it's good to see that Dean and Seamus had gotten along quite well with the island called Ibiza!
And welcomed ALL inhabitants, resident or tourist, to what was now affectionately called 'The Hug Club', i.e. their hotel room.
No, they haven't emerged from their room since they had started all their little get-togethers that second afternoon (after they had escaped Hermione's death glare for insulting her, but to the rest of us, they were just telling the truth! For all who have forgotten, go back a few chapters and RE-READ! More swirling colours!).
Their relationship with each other was now WELL opened up. The 'incense' that they had burning in the room didn't help either, well, depending of your definition of help. Therefore, after consulting The Deranged Dictionary For Two Deranged Penguins And Those Who Need To Be Educated, we found that it helped them immensely. So did the alcohol. And caffeine. Bit like us! Don't ask . . . just experience! We are now currently typing this at 2:41am after an engagement party at which we consumed the equivalent of four cups of coffee in two cups in the space of five minutes after we were dismayed to discover that they had ran out of Coke, the Primary Source of Sugar and Caffeine, only to then discover that if you dig further down in the ice, you'd find more. Damn we were NOT HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Down right PISSED! Really shitted off! In other words, in a bad mood! Give us a minute and I'm sure we can come up with more! Thinking, thinking, thinking, OW!! What the FUCK???? Oh right, pissed off readers wanting us to get on with the story. We get it now!! We digress!
We are ashamed. (Go Finding Nemo!! That French Crustacean KICKS ARSE!!!)
Anyway, back to the story, as more sharp objects go flying passed . . . MISSED US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!! OW! Alright, who has good aim??????????? We've already been hit in the heads once tonight! Thankyou VERY much Amanda!
So.............................................................................................................
Soooo........................................................................................................
I'd do more, but I can't be bothered.
We like to piss people off. Shall we stop here, or piss them off some more? I like the way you think E.S.P. I was funnily enough thinking the same thing. PISS EM OFF!!!!!
Seamus and Dean, remember them? Well, they had started up a little room (that the Hotel manager had not found out about! Yet!) known as 'The Hug Club'. Not that any hugging went on in there, NOOOOOO that was far too chaste for 'The Hug Club'!!!!!!
More happened! Much MUCH more!!!!!!! We swear if they weren't boning The Englishman, they were there, boning all, at the same time. No we're not kidding! And no, we're not writing any details, we are being evil (that means normal) and leaving it to the IMAGINATION!!!! TDDFTDPATWNTBE Definition: Kooky thing with interesting images. I.e. seven-some! At least!
**************************************************************************** ********************
Lav and Pav, our favourite gossip-queens were of course, currently indisposed.
They had heard about a RAVE, TOTALLY WIKID new club called 'The Hug Club'.
Nuff said.
**************************************************************************** ********************
Not everyone had attended the new club, seeing as one hotel room can hold only so many, seeing as most of the current population was already held within the room. And so, therefore, Dear Professor Dumbledore had forgone his trip to the new club to allow another youngin' to attend, being the kind old kinky man he was.
In light of this arrangement, he had imbibed (consumed for those of US who have SIMPLE minds!!! Thankyou E.S.P.!!!!) many an alcoholic beverage and was now (So what if I've got a fetish for big words) table dancing (Not all of us are a walking talking breathing and may I say KOOKY thesaurus!) drunkenly (Yeah, well, I have Mr Coleman for an English (Literature for all you Non-English or Australian peeps, if you deserve to be called such 'peeps') Teacher! WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?!?!?!? At least I don't write essays for FUN!) (Yeah, that was weird!) (Watch out all you British folk, he's in your country at this VERY minute.) (Suckers!!!) Anyway, Dumbledore!
He was having a whale of a time, champagne bottle in hand, couple empty ones on the floor, doing a strip-tease for all those empty bottles.
Suffice to say that NO ONE was in the bar.
Except for a VERY VERY VERY VERY drunk, and PISSED OFF, not to mention, still a little sore, Potions Master Bat Like Bastard of an Entity i.e. Professor Severus 'I Got Fucked By Remus Lupin, Yes He Is A Werewolf, And Merlin Was He Good' Snape.
He was drowning, drenching, soaking, swamping, saturating, flooding, submerging, engulfing, inundating, whatevering, his 'sorrows'.
He fell off his bar stool at one point (not that he noticed! Seeing as his current drink was still in hand) and looking under the bar found a tartan garter. He promptly spewed.
Speaking of SPEW, in walks Hermione, looking for something to read, Ron was nowhere to be seen . . . he too had heard of 'The Hug Club'. That was yesterday.
"Bar Tender! Get me a STRONG drink! Of ice tea please."
"Sorry, Miss, but we only sell ALCOHOL here." He pointed to a sign above the menu! Miss Bookworm had actually not seen the sign and memorized it! She had missed reading material. And promptly burst into tears, sadness overcoming her! Oh the horror of horrors!
"CAN IT GRANGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M DROWNING, DRENCHING, SOAKING, SWAMPING, SATURATING, FLOODING, SUBMERGING, ENGULFING, INUNDATING, WHATEVERING MY 'SORROWS'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What have you got to be sad about??????????????????" Yelled Snape.
"I . . . (sniff) missed (sob, cry on his shoulder, scaring Snape for life!) . . . reading material!!!!!!!!!!! What am I going to do!!!!????"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, HAVE A STIFF DRINK AND GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!! BUILD A BRIDGE AND GET THE FUCK OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!"
"Okay, but do you have a manual for building bridges? Any good one's that you can recommend?"
"Didn't I say TO SHUT THE FUCK UP?"
"Yes, but . . ."
"SHUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Yes, Pro . . ."
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She finally SHUT UP!!!!!!!
Dumbledore's blinding yellow boardies landed in front of Hermione, and boy did she scream!!!!!!!!!
Sev grabbed her arm and fled the establishment with all speed, well the best he could in his inebriated state. Oh, fine we'll be honest, Hermione dragged him out!
But so what! It was just a minor detail, so stick it where the sun don't shine!
Hermione took out her wand, hey it wasn't like there was anybody around (The Hug Club) and performed a sober charm on the Professor.
Nope, that didn't work. So she tried again, HEY! An improvement!
Thirteen charms later, he was back to his normal greasy bat-like self.
"Did you have to drag me out of my 'Sorrow', Miss Granger? I was quite happy where I was." He was not very happy with her.
"You were, *happy* with the whole Full Monty Dumbledore?"
"No, not really, but at least when I was drunk, I never saw it! And I would not be stuck with the images for the rest of my life if it weren't for you! I'd have been too drunk to fucking remember! Thankyou from the bottom of my heart!"
"What heart?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"I said 'Did someone fart?' "
Evil Snape Glare! "You did not!!!!!!!! I am no longer drunk and my senses are working PERFECTLY! No thanks to you! And now that you have just insulted a Professor, namely ME! I believe punishment is in order! Follow me to my room!"
She couldn't resist! "Would that be your room, or Professor Lupin's?"
He just kept on walking.
They walked into HIS room, and he pulled out his wand and completely dirtied the bathroom. One word: Ew.
Then he conjured up a toothbrush and handed it to Hermione, "Enjoy!"
She took the brush and looked between it and the bathroom several times before looking at Snape, "You have got to be kidding!"
"Do I look like it?"
She merely scowled at him in return before stomping into the bathroom.
~Eh eh eh! It's good to be me!!!~ thought Snape as Hermione slammed the bathroom door in his face, but it swung back open, hitting his face. "OW!!!"
He heard Hermione laughing and grew Pissed Off again, "YOU HAVE ONE HOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Lucky he couldn't see the multiple gestures that came from our Dearest Goodie-Two-Shoes Miss Hermione Granger!
About half an hour later, and thoroughly BORED, he decides to go and check on his new slave. He waltzed into the bathroom to find Hermione bent over the bath.
(Authors look at the bottom of the screen. HOLY SHIT! 8th Page!! Whoa!!)
Though in her usual conservative attire, he could somewhat make out her hidden body.
"Why do you keep your body hidden, Granger?"
"WHAT???"
"It's a simple question. I'll give you five points if you answer." He cooed.
"Well, I prefer to cover up because . . . "
Half an hour later.
". . . and therefore Professor, it is clear to me that this is the best course of action."
"Have you any idea of the LOAD OF BULLSHIT that you have just given me an essay on?"
Hermione was rather upset about that judgement, "What do you mean 'BULLSHIT!'? That has taken me three hundred books on Women's Rights to think up!!! Not to mention all those biology textbooks! You have to know about the Human Anatomy to understand the concepts of Women's Rights and the reasons that . . ."
"SHUT UP AND FINISH SCRUBBING!!!!" Boomed Snape, clearly ULTRA-BORED with Miss Granger's ramblings, "YOU HAVE TEN MINUTES TO FINISH!!!! Otherwise . . ." Snape paused thinking.
"Yes, Professor?" prompted Hermione.
"I dunno, I'll think something up!!!!" and he stormed out of the bathroom and back into his bedroom, tripping over the edge of the bed in the tiny room. Again he could hear Hermione laughing from the bathroom.
"MAKE THAT FIVE MINUTES!!!!!!!!"
If the wall was not present, and looks could kill, there would be NO Greasy Haired Bat-Like Impersonator Extraordinaire Bastard Of The Millennia Potions Master Of Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft And Wizardry Severus 'I Got Fucked By Remus Lupin, Yes He Is A Werewolf, And Merlin Was He Good' Snape.
Super Snape Glare at Authors! (Authors in VERY sickly sweet voice: Careful Sevie Poo, we control what happens to you!!!) Snape: Pales immensely. (Authors; Enjoys LOOOOOOONG evil laugh!!!).
Precisely five minutes later, Snape barged into the Bathroom to find that Hermione was still bent over the bath, scrubbing away the grime.
"It's been five minutes Granger! And you are NO where near finished!!!!! Now, you should know better that an unfinished task PISSES me OFF quite considerably." Saunters over to Hermione. "This is not acceptable." Stands VERY close to her.
Backed up against the wall as far as she could go without actually going *through* the wall, was our dear Hermione, "And . . . what exactly does that mean?" she asked raggedly.
"You're in trouble."
Snape grabbed the front of her multiple layers of clothes and dragged her in and kissed her hard. She whimpered as he held her against the wall with his body as his hands started to stroke her side and face. Being the goodie goodie two shoes 'virgin' that she was, she 'didn't know what to do'. She awkwardly put her hands on his arms as he continued to ravage her into the wall.
Snape got bored of this rather quickly, and so started to manoeuvre her back into the tiny hotel room. Luck was not with him as again they tripped on the bed, falling onto it. (E.S.P. – seriously, I going to fall asleep any minute now. Caffeine has the opposite affect on me. *yawn*). (S.N.M. – Ooooh No!!! There's NO WAY you're getting out of writing this one!!!) (E.S.P. - evil biatch!!!) (S.N.M. – Sooooo totally!!)
*Yawn again*
Snape moved to straddle her so he didn't completely crush her; finally he broke their kiss. "Way too much clothing." And so he began the enormous task(or quest, mission, adventure of a lifetime.) of removing her clothing. After ten minutes of continual ripping of clothes, he became impatient and reached for his wand and removing the wardrobe of clothes from their persons. "Merlin Granger, are you afraid you'll get cold in the tropics of Ibiza?"
He never gave her the chance to reply/retort because he descended on her mouth again, with just as much force as before. He moaned as she let him into her mouth, conquering all he sought. Taking his time he stroked her breasts, and then down to her stomach and sides.
~Okay, nuff done! Let's get this moving!~ Thought Snape impatiently. With one arm holding himself up, the other moved down between her legs and sought the entrance. In one fairly fluid movement, his finger entered her as she emitted a loud gasp. "Miss Granger, are you a virgin?" he asked curiously.
"YES!" she said a little too quickly.
Pause . . .
Snape looks up at Authors, one eyebrow raised. Yeah Sev, we agree with you about that little white lie!!
Play . . .
Quickly swapping his finger for his member, he looked down at Hermione, "You are not!!"
"Technically not now, anyway." She gasped as he thrust all the way in.
"Oh yeah? Who was it?" Snape smirked down at her.
Hermione cried out suddenly as Snape thrusted into her again, "Oliver Wood!"
"Really, not one of your male counterparts from the Golden Trio?"
"NO!" Hermione smacked him upside the head for that comment. "One: Harry's gay. Two: Ron. . .is Ron."
"Eeeeghhhhhhhh. Stop it. That's turning me off now."
"Shut up and thrust!"
"Demanding, aren't we!"
Hermione glared. Snape moved. Hermione cried out. Snape grunted. Snape moved again. Hermione cried out, again. Snape grunted.
Repeat for ten minutes.
This is a recipe for what Starz n Moonz would like to thoroughly do with Legolas Greenleaf, or Orlando Bloom, either! Couldn't care which! (E.S.P - And of course, don't forget the Macca's Caramel Sundae on top!!! You should have seen her this arvo people!!! Disturbing!!!! I feel sorry for the sundae!!) But I don't!! I'd REALLY enjoy eating that off his body!! DAAAAAAAAMN THAT'S FFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNEEE!!!!!!! ~Goes off in Legolas daydream! (E.S.P – Yes, we are still in LotR mood. After seeing Return of the King for the fourth time at the cinemas. We are already planning the fifth.) I only pay attention to Orli! (yeah, and try to fastforward the rest of it!!!! No offence to Frodo fans, but god he's boring!) Just watch Orli's body move!!! That's me happy!!!!! For a LONG time!!! ~Returns to Legolas/Orli daydream!(returns to story!!!!) Sheepishly: Sowy!!!
"You're taking your time." Hermione commented as Snape kept thrusting into her.
"Its called stamina."
"How long has this been building. Ten? Fifteen years??" She said, bored.
Snape stopped. Snape stared at her. Snape pounded her into the bed.
"Now we're getting somewhere!!!" Hermione gasped out, clutching onto Snape.
"You're insufferable!" Snape panted out.
"And you're a greasy git!" Hermione retorted, out of breath.
"And I'm coming!" Snape groaned as he rode out his orgasm, filling her with his seed.
"Took you bloody long enough. Now finish me!"
"Talk about demanding!" Snape panted, trying to regain his breathing, almost collapsing on top of her.
"Still waiting!!" Hermione said impatiently. Snape changed angles and thrust again. "OH GOD!! Why weren't you doing that before?"
Snape shrugged and kept going. Moments later, Hermione was screaming and he felt her contracting around him, making him groan again. Finally she released her vice-like grip of him, allowing him to slump to the side of her, breathing heavily. "Happy now?" Snape asked sarcastically.
"Meh! It'll do."
"Good. Sleep now."
***********************
Night guys!!! Feel free to BLOODY WELL REVIEW!!!!!!!! Seriously people!!!!! Don't you love us anymore?? We're depressed as it is with being re- institutionalised to the bad places. (School and Tafe. – Shudders uncontrollably!!!!)
Review. Please, just to keep us insane!!!!
REVIEW! *REVIEW*! * R E V I E W ! * We have spoken, that is all . . .
FOR NOW! *Rubs hands together, cackling mysteriously and evilly!*