Chapter 4

After putting away a stack of books that they had looked at that morning, Ginny asked, "Harry, could we talk for a while?"

"Sure. Did you have any particular subject in mind?"

"How about growing up on Privet Drive?"

"That's kind of a broad subject. Did you have something specific in mind?"

"Yes. When we were at your house Saturday, I noticed four things: There weren't any pictures of you in the living room. You stared into a cupboard in the kitchen like it had some meaning. You only brought one item from the house that wasn't about school, and you didn't cry."

Had it been another person, Harry would have cut the conversation short and left the room. Ginny was a friend who had asked an insightful question and deserved a complete answer. He walked into the kitchen, picked up four butterbeers and brought them back to the library where Ginny was sitting by the warm fireplace.

"My parents were murdered on Halloween, 1981 at about ten at night. I was one at the time. Hagrid collected me from the ruins of the house. The next night, Dumbledore, McGonagall and Hagrid left me on the steps of the Dursleys. Dumbledore had guessed that the spell that my mother had cast would help protect me as long as I was in the care of my relatives. What he apparently didn't know was that my aunt and my Mum hadn't spoken in years. My aunt blamed witchcraft for everything that was bad in the world and was determined to keep it away from me. They made up lies about my Mum and Dad – eventually they even seemed to believe them. Ginny, I was taken in, but I was never good enough to be considered a real member of their family. I was like their personal badly treated house elf. That cupboard that I took a look in before we left had been my home for the first ten years that I stayed with them. When they went places, they would leave me in the car – either in the back seat or the boot depending on their mood. Occasionally they would leave me with Arabella Figg when they went on holiday, thinking it was a funny joke to leave me with a mad old bat. It turns out that she is a squib who is in the Order. I just knew her as a mad old lady who had too many cats. You were right. There are no family photos of them that include me. That was a statement that they were making, not a co-incidence. The only times that my aunt took me shopping were to carry the shopping bags." Ginny felt so bad for her friend. How could anyone mistreat a little boy so badly?

Harry continued. "I found out that I was a wizard when Hagrid gave me my Hogwarts letter. Hogwarts had been sending me letters for about a week prior to that but my uncle kept taking them from me before I could read them. I suppose that they must have sent a few hundred all together. After the first one was addressed the cupboard under the stairs, they must have gotten nervous and put me in the little bedroom that you saw upstairs. It had been an extra toy room for Dudley before that. When I came back from school, their attitudes vacillated between fear of what I might do to them, to ignoring me, to their using intimidation to keep me silent for the holiday. They told anyone who met me that my parents were drunks and that I attended a school for incurably criminals"

Harry finished his butterbeer. "Last summer, Umbridge set a pair of dementors after me. One night, Dudley and I were attacked. I cast a Patronus charm and scared them off. Dudley's attitude toward me improved a bit after that. A neighbor took the picture that you saw me pick up a few days after the attack. I'm sure that Vernon had left everything to Marge in his Will. There was nothing in that house that meant anything to me."

Harry concluded. "You're right Ginny. I didn't cry. They were my relatives, not my family. Does that make sense?"

There were tears running down Ginny's face. She leaned over and hugged Harry so hard, nuzzling his ear. "I'm sorry that your childhood sucked so badly. You deserved so much more.

Outside the door, Tonks wiped the tears from her own eyes. She felt guilty for listening in, but remained riveted, listening in on what was obviously an enormously private and painful discussion.

"Ginny, I always dreamed of having family like yours. I would have given anything to have had a Mum, Dad, a beautiful sister, and some brothers."

Ginny flashed Harry a well-rehearsed, innocent smile. "You'll just have to hook up with the right young lady and raise a half dozed beautiful little Potters."

Harry smiled back, "And who might the right young lady be?" Both women silently thought, 'me.'

Ginny spoke first. "Maybe your favorite red headed, brown eyed witch."

Harry was delighted, but a bit embarrassed by her words and managed a response no better than, "Oh."

Realizing his embarrassment, and trying to quickly give Harry an out, Ginny said, "OK, fair is fair. You can ask me anything that you like."

There was something that Harry had always wanted to know. Bundling everything together so he could get it out in one breath, Harry asked, "What happened in your first year? How did it get started? How has it affected you?"

It was Ginny's turn to finish her butterbeer. "I found Tom's diary in one of my schoolbooks a few days before school started. Ironically I made Mum go back to the house to get it when I'd accidentally left it at home on the way to platform 9 & 3/4. Tom slowly seduced me. Eighty percent of what he told me turned out to be lies but there was enough of the truth weaved into his words to be convincing. He made me do disgusting things to myself. I never told anyone before. I was so ashamed; I didn't know what to do. I'd never been to school before Hogwarts. I didn't know who to ask for help. I threw his diary away one day. It was like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Then somehow, it came to you. I was sure that Tom would tell you about the sick things that he'd had me do. I stole the book back. Then he made me go down into the Chamber of Secrets. I saw him come out of the diary. That was the last thing that I remember. Then like a real life knight in shining armor, you came and rescued me. You slew that gigantic basilisk and killed Tom. I owe you my very life Harry." There were tears in Gunny's eyes. She wanted Harry to sense her pain and hug her so badly

Harry shifted nervously. "Ginny, I don't know a thing about that whole wizard's debt stuff. You don't owe me anything. I was so relieved that you were alive. I don't know what I would have done." He patted her on the shoulder.

"OK. My turn."

"I know, let me get us another butterbeer."

Tonks scurried out of the entrance, and went upstairs for a moment. 'Merlin, she had heard talk of goings on at the school that year. There had been a wild story that some kid had found a forty-foot basilisk. Who was Tom? She had been a first year Auror student at the time, and was sure that she would have heard of a death at the school.'

Harry brought four more bottles back in the library. Deep inside, he knew what conversation was coming next. "Come in Tonks. You don't have to stand outside." He handed her one of the bottles. Red faced, she sat down beside them.

Ginny was ready. "Harry what happened in Dumbledore's office. Please don't hide anything from me."

Harry took a steadying breath. He knew that he couldn't keep this bottled up much longer, and Ginny wouldn't be judgmental. "I chased Bellatrix into the lobby after she killed Sirius. She laughed at me when I couldn't curse her effectively. A minute later Voldemort came. Somehow he knew that the prophecy had been smashed. He dueled with Dumbledore for a while then briefly possessed me. He tried to get Dumbledore to kill us both."

Harry put the butterbeer down. "Finally he left with Bellatrix and got away. A bunch of people had seen him in the lobby. Dumbledore sent me back to his office. I guess that I was in shock over Sirius' death. Dumbledore picked that time to tell me about a prophecy that had been made. It'd been made more than sixteen years ago. It's a horrible secret Ginny. Are you sure that you want to hear it?"

Ginny's face turned red, and she slapped Harry, surprisingly hard. "How can you say that? Of course I'm sure." She looked at the red handprint on his cheek and felt embarrassed. "Harry, I'm so sorry. Go on."

"OK. It goes like this:

"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches… Born to those who have thrice defied him, Born as the seventh month dies…And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have powers that the Dark Lord knows not… And either must die at the hands of the other for neither can live while the other survives…The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies."

For a minute, there was silence. Tonks spoke first. "Merlin Harry! That explains everything." Ginny hugged Harry.

Harry gently shook her off. He was obviously upset. "Doesn't anyone have a problem with this? I either have to kill a man or he kills me."

Tonks answered. "That part Harry? Not a bit. You can kick his arse and flame it right off, and its fine with us. We just want to know how we can best help you?"

Harry's voice was rising and cracking with stress. "I don't have the faintest clue how to kill Voldemort. Dumbledore left that part out. Riddle has like fifty years more experience than me. I don't stand a chance."

Ginny stood up, matching his voice in volume. "What are you talking about? You kicked his arse when you were eleven. You killed his image when you were twelve. You beat him in a test of wills when you were fourteen."

Tonks said in a calming, soft voice, "Harry, you are one of two wizards who have ever hit Bellatrix with a spell. Ginny's right. You're not exactly helpless. Did Dumbledore say anything about the power that Voldemort knows not?"

"No, but I really didn't give him a chance. I spent most of the time smashing everything in his office."

Surprised, Tonks asked, "You what?"

"After he told me that he had been keeping the prophecy from me all those years, I flipped over his desk, smashed those stupid silver things, broke a table and shouted at him for keeping secrets from me."

"What did he do?" asked Ginny, amazed at what he had just said.

"He apologized about a dozen times and said that I was free to break everything in his office. He said that he had too many possessions anyway. Then he sent me a note a few days ago, apologizing for sending me to the Dursleys."

Tonks shook her head and said, "There's nothing to apologize over, is there? Harry, part of being a leader is making the best decisions that you can with the information that you have on hand, and learning to live with your decisions. They teach us that in Auror training. You can go crazy second-guessing yourself. Don't torture yourself or Dumbledore." Harry nodded.

She continued, "So it seems like you need to acquire a whole bunch of skills training in a short amount of time. After we spend a few more days straightening up this place, we'll start with skills training. I promise you."

Ginny smiled. "OK Tonks. You heard my deepest secrets. You've heard a few from Harry. It's your turn."

"OK – Harry, I am six years older than you. My mother was a witch. My dad is a muggle. He practices financial planning and investing. My childhood was pretty normal. I found my ability when I was in my sixth year at Hogwarts. McGonagall noticed it, thinking that I was trying to become an Animagus. Shortly after, I was contacted by the Auror Academy. Moody was the representative that was sent." She shook her head at the memory. "Talk about bad PR. He scared me starkers. Anyway, McGonagall kept tutoring me during sixth and seventh year, helping me make bigger and bigger changes to my appearance."

She put her butterbeer down. "Word got out about my being a Metamorphmagus, and things got a bit crappy, with the wizards. Ninety-nine percent of them were more interested in having a fantasy date with who knows who, than getting to know me. They all seemed to think that I was only good for some variation of Polyjuice prostitution, so I pretty much gave up dating at the age of seventeen. I like being an Auror, don't hear me wrong, but it is really nice to just get to be me for a summer." There were tears welling up in her eyes.

Harry gave her a warm hug. He felt himself a world expert on being the victim of false impressions. "Most people can't get past mental images of someone and see the real person. Look at Hagrid, Flitwick, Luna, Fleur, or Lupin. You're right Tonks. Most people would look at them and see an oaf, a midget, a fruitcake, a tart, and a monster. We know better. We see a kind man, a very patient genius, a free spirit, a nice lady, and a really good man. As far as being someone else, I think the two of you look quite tidy just like you are. Harry was rewarded for his compliment by two simultaneous kisses on the cheeks and a pat on the bum. He preferred not knowing who's hand he had felt. Fortunately an uncomfortable moment was avoided by Winky popping in and telling them that lunch was ready. Harry went into the kitchen, but Ginny held Tonks back.

"Tonks, can we talk for a bit."

"Sure, what's on your mind?"

She felt embarrassed even asking the question. "What are we doing with Harry?"

"Ginny what do you mean? We're helping him fix his house up."

"We're going to be with him tonight, rubbing up against him, like two of the biggest teases that I could imagine. The funny part is, we're doing this in the name of comforting him. If you woke up tomorrow morning, and his hands were where you would naturally expect a man to put his hands on a woman, are you going to be delighted, or cry foul?"

Tonks considered what the young witch had said, and left unsaid. "I hadn't thought of it that way."

"It just that I'm not ready to…"

Tonks looked at Ginny, remembering that she wasn't yet 15. "I understand Ginny. You don't have to do anything that you don't feel comfortable with."

"Are you going after him, trying to get something started?"

Tonks thought about it for a moment and replied, "I suppose so. He's a nice guy, good looking, kind, brave, and fantastically wealthy. What's not to like? Are you?"

Ginny was disappointed. She didn't have anything like what Tonks could offer Harry. "I suppose so. I would like for him to think of me that way. Is that wrong?"

"No Ginny. That's not wrong. Are you asking me to step back?"

At that moment Harry walked back in. "Who wants a butterbeer? Lunch is ready." He failed to notice the blazing redness in either woman's face.

Tonks said, "Harry we were just hoping that things were moving along at a rate that you are comfortable with."

Harry, assuming that they were talking about the renovation on the third floor replied, "I like it better stripped down, don't you?" Ginny choked on her butterbeer. "I'm sorry. Did I say something wrong? I just think that Dobby did a fantastic job refinishing everything. Don't you?"

"Oh yes. Absolutely," both women replied, making an attempt at a graceful recovery.

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At lunch, they reviewed their progress. Dobby had done well on the open area, and would finish that by the end of the day. Remus was still working in the cellar, bringing up things to be sold, or disposed of. Harry asked Tonks to go through Mrs. Black's things, including the jewelry. After Remus was done in the cellar, he offered to clean out Sirius' room that afternoon. Harry gladly accepted the offer.

There was a knock on the door. Dobby invited Minerva and Poppy, both well dressed in muggle attire into the home. Both women commented that Harry's home was looking much better. Harry invited them to stay for lunch. Winky had made Caesar salad, fresh baked breads, turkey sandwiches, tea, and butterbeer. Minerva told them, "We went to the funerals this morning. There were a number of suspicious people there. Suspicious in that they were not properly attired in muggle clothing, instead dressed rather like the wizards at the world cup. They did not recognize us, but it was probably for the best that you choose to stay here." Minerva took a few playing card sized books out of her bag, and expanded them back to their normal size. "Please take a look at these over the next few weeks, Mr. Potter. I need to get back to the castle now. Thank you for an excellent lunch."

Harry walked her to the door. She gave him a quick hug. "Harry, please do not hesitate to ask for something that you might need."

Harry looked her in the eye. "I promise that I will ask, and thank you for the books." Harry thought of something. "Professor, other than Professor Snape, do you know of anyone that could help me learn Occlumency?"

"I will make several inquiries, and owl you this evening."

"Thank you professor." He noticed that she was still leaning heavily on her walking stick.

"You're very welcome. Enjoy your day, Mr. Potter." She opened the door and vanished. Ginny, Tonks and Remus made themselves scarce. They all guessed that Poppy had private business to discuss with Harry.

Harry invited Poppy upstairs into his study. Fortunately, Tonks had vanished the sleeping bags. In its own right, it was every bit as impressive as Dumbledore's office. The view behind the brownstones overlooked a park. The young mothers congregated there, keeping an eye on their children as they played. Most of them looked to be about Tonk's age.

It had been many years since Poppy was involved in treating a young witch or wizard whose injuries consisted mostly of grief and a profound sense of guilt. Based on the little that Dumbledore had told her, Harry was grieving the loss of his Godfather Sirius Black. Dumbledore had assured her that Sirius was guilty of nothing other than breaking out of Azkaban where he had unjustly been held for twelve years for murders committed by Peter Pettigrew, who was currently at large. He told her that Harry and the other students had left school in an attempt to rescue Black, who Harry had been led to believe was being tortured by Death Eaters. During the rescue, each of the students had been injured, Miss Granger, the worst.

Poppy's training and experience had taught her that the grieving process for a parent, or spouse would typically take six months to a year, based on the person. Unwarranted guilt, she found could either be carried for a lifetime, or shed in an evening. Her late husband had been a submariner in the Second World War. Like many servicemen in wartime, he had come home wondering why it was that one man had lived, and another man standing next to him was fated to die. One certainty that she knew was that men died in battle.

Both sitting in comfortable leather covered armchairs, Poppy broke the silence. "Harry, before we begin, I want to promise you that the things that we talk about will not leave this room. That is Healer-Patient confidentiality, and you have every right to it. As such, I much charge you. She handed him a bill for one Galleon and smiled. "If you are willing, please tell me what happened that day?"

Harry knew that he needed to tell her everything and smiled at her as he handed her the coin. "I was taking my history of magic OWL exam, and I had a vision of Sirius being tortured in the Department of Mysteries. I previously had visions that had turned out to be true, and I had no reason to believe that this one wasn't real."

Poppy nodded as she took occasional notes. Harry had provided himself with an out and had yet to see it for what it was worth. Minerva had told her about Harry seeing a vision of Arthur being attacked. Electing not to dwell on the point yet, she urged him forward. "Then what happened?"

"I went to find Professor McGonagall, but she was gone." Poppy remembered a distraught Harry desperately looking for his head of house and Order member, but she had been transferred to St. Mungo's for additional treatment after receiving six stunners. So Harry had tried to get help from a friendly professor. Dumbledore had been out of the castle for over a month by then, and Harry probably had no knowledge that she was in the Order as well. That left him virtually friendless.

Harry continued. "I had told Hermione what I had seen. She was immediately suspicious and did everything that she could to convince me to confirm the vision. We snuck into Umbridge's office and used the floo to call Grimmauld Place to see if anyone was here. Mrs. Black's house elf told me that Sirius was gone and wouldn't be back." Poppy nodded encouragingly. Harry really had exhausted the resources that he felt were at his disposal. He had no way of knowing that the evil house elf had been instructed to lie in precisely this set of circumstances.

"Unfortunately, Umbridge caught us. She attempted to use the Cruciatus curse on me, but was talked out of it at the last moment. Hermione talked her into bringing us into the forest, where we got away after she attacked the Centaurs. By then, Neville, Luna, Ron, and Ginny had found us. I tried to get them to go back into the castle, but they insisted on going with. We flew to the Ministry on Thestrals. We got into the department of mysteries and found the spot where I had been led to believe that Sirius was being held."

Poppy asked, "Who had planted the vision in your mind, Harry?"

"Voldemort. I think that my scar serves as a sort of link into his mind. I can occasionally see what he is up to. What I didn't know was that he discovered the link after the incident with Mr. Weasley, and was trying to use it against me."

Poppy involuntarily shuddered. Of all of the people to have a mental link with, why did Harry have to be joined to that monster? She didn't want to get too far off topic. "Then what happened?"

"We got to the row of the prophecy recordings. Ron happened to find one with my name on it." Poppy nodded. Dumbledore had mentioned none of this at the Order meeting. "I picked it up to take a look at it. A moment later, Lucius Malfoy, Bellatrix Lestrange, and ten other Death Eaters appeared."

Poppy silently wondered how twelve Death Eaters could have gotten into the building in the first place, how they could move around so easily, and how they could have been notified that Harry had picked up the sphere? She sat in absolute awe that anyone could have escaped twelve Death Eaters. "Then what happened?"

"I made a lame plan to escape and silently tried to communicate it to the others. On cue, we exploded some of the spheres and tipped one of the shelves over onto the Death Eaters and started to run. We beat several of the Death Eaters in the chase that ensued, but I didn't think to pick up, or snap their wands. I'm certain that the other Death Eaters simply revived the ones who had fallen. We managed to elude them for about fifteen minutes, but were sustaining injuries. We got trapped in one of the rooms and then escaped into the Death Chamber."

Poppy shuddered again. She had heard of its use in executing witches and wizards before life sentences in Azkaban had come into acceptance.

Harry put down his butterbeer. "At that point, Malfoy tried to get the Prophecy recording from me, but I managed to toss it to Neville. Then Sirius and the others appeared."

"I know who was there Harry. I'm in the Order too."

Harry looked at her, somewhat surprised. "Oh. I didn't know."

She smiled at him. "Of course you didn't. Go on."

"To make a long story short, the tides had turned. I captured Malfoy. Neville subdued Mulciber, and the others were in various duels. Professor Dumbledore appeared, and proceeded to capture most of the remaining Death Eaters. Sirius was still dueling Bellatrix. He was taunting her and she hit him with a spell. He fell off of the step that he was on and fell through the arch. I tried to go through to look for him, but Remus stopped me. I got away from him and chased Bellatrix up into the lobby. I cursed her, but she got back up and laughed that I hadn't done it properly. Riddle appeared. He and Dumbledore dueled for five minutes. Voldemort vanished, and possessed me, and tried to get Dumbledore to kill us both. I managed to kick him out of my head. He grabbed Bellatrix and escaped."

Poppy was dumfounded on several levels. Harry had held himself against Voldemort again. Dumbledore hadn't gone into anywhere near this level of detail about the events of the evening. She was about to speak, when Harry started up again.

"Fudge came and talked to Dumbledore for a minute. Dumbledore made a portkey and sent me back to his office. There he told me about the prophecy, how it was made, what it said, and how it affected me. He explained how one of the Death Eaters had heard the first few words of it, and how people have been killed as a result. He explained how he had chosen to keep the knowledge of it from me my entire life, and his rationale for sending me to a home where I wasn't wanted."

He continued. "None of it matters. I led my friends into a situation where they were seriously injured. I led myself into a situation where my Godfather felt compelled to sacrifice himself for me. Then Dumbledore placed the weight of the world on my shoulders – He didn't bother to even give me a clue how to do what I need to do. To add insult to injury, I found that Sirius left me several properties, and all of his stuff. That's some reward for getting him killed."

Harry had about run out of steam. Winky popped in with a tray of butterbeers, tea, and pumpkin juice. Harry took a butterbeer, and Poppy took a glass of pumpkin juice. They both thanked the little elf for her kindness. Poppy thought about the points that Harry had made for a moment.

His experience had led him to believe that the vision was real.

His list of resources had been exhausted.

He attempted to verify the information.

His resourcefulness was at least partially responsible for getting the others out alive.

Dumbledore apparently failed to assist Sirius in the duel against a deranged, killer.

Harry had apparently hit her with some type of spell. He was unusually vague at that part of the story.

Harry had somehow thrown off Voldemort.

The prophecy that all of this revolved around directly involved around Harry. He hadn't been specific regarding the contents.

The rumors regarding his mistreatment at the hands of his relatives were almost certainly true, accounting for his lack of grief over their deaths.

Harry is feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders.

She noticed that Harry had stopped the shaking that he had occasionally exhibited while telling the story. Perhaps telling the story had in itself been therapeutic. "Harry, can I ask you a few clarifications and follow on questions?" There were tears in his eyes, but his voice had been steady.

Harry nodded. "Go ahead."

"Harry, how many of these visions regarding he-who-must-not-be-named have you had?"

"A dozen or so in the last two years, and call him Voldemort or Tom Riddle. That's his name."

She shuddered. "Harry if your experience had told you that the visions had been true, and you did what you could within the limits of the resources that you had to verify this one, why do you feel that you failed by having done what you could to save a man who meant so much to you? Specifically what would you have done differently?"

"I would have snapped their wands."

She nodded at the idea. "Harry, I didn't hear you say that you would turn you back on someone that you cared about that you believed needed your help. It was your friends' decision to go and try to help you. It was the members of the Order's individual decisions to try and lend aid where they could. If you had brought the information that you had last winter about Arthur to some debating committee, he would have been dead before a decision could have been reached, and your friend Ginny wouldn't have her father."

She took a sip of her pumpkin juice and continued. "I know this much Harry - We are at war. People die in battle. The wizarding world is in desperate need of leaders. I for one would follow you anywhere. I didn't come here to tell you not to grieve over your loss of your parents, loved ones, or your relatives. I am suggesting that you leave the blame for their deaths on the shoulders of their killers where it belongs. I came here to let you know that I am on your side, that I truly care about you, and that I will always take the time to listen to what you have to say."

Harry looked outside at the late afternoon sky. Madam Pomfrey was right - People make their own choices. Hermione knew that he had a saving people thing, but they had done what they could to verify the vision. Tonks had been right - Leaders lead by making decisions with less than complete information. Bellatrix killed Sirius, just as Peter's betrayal led to the deaths of his own parents. Harry wondered how long Sirius must have blamed himself over that decision.

Harry thanked her for taking the time to talk with him. He spent most of the evening considering what she had told him. Leaders lead, people make their own decisions, and people die in battle. They were at war. The only part that Harry found surprising was that the students and the Order seemed to be the only ones waging it.

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