Disclaimer: waddaya kno...I'm A) a female B) way younger than Eoin C) not the owner of Artemis Fowl...WOW!
Technically you CAN go through vents if your small enough and you have large vents...don't ask how I know this.
Thank you to all of my reviewers!
Whitepaw- Thank you! I read Ur bio...very happy! When I find time in my crazy life I shall read Ur story! (That goes for the rest of my happy reviewers...unless I've already read Ur stories and left one of my hyper reviews)
bored56- Thank you! And what do you know! I updated
neutralgal- Thank you! I can't think of a title! HELP! Please tell me any ideas you have!
Seitsuuno Megami – Thank you! I'm glad you like Dea! Please feel free to tell me what you think about her in later chapters
TeenTypist- THANK YOU!!! I feel so loved! Five reviews!
Hollywood Dreams- Thank you!
If any of you have gotten my hyper reviews I apologize for scaring you...I'm not always that hyper...well, maybe I am...
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"RIDE THE RIVER OF DREAMS! ONLY YOU, KNOW THE WAY...YOU WON'T BE COMING HOME FOR MANY A DAY!"
Artemis woke up to a loud screeching sound that echoed through the manor.
"WHEN THE WAVES AND RAPIDS DO APPEAR...JUST FOLLOW YOUR DREAM AND IT WILL STEAR YOU CLEAR!!!"
He rolled out of bed and grabbed the mike that connected him to speakers all over the house.
"Miss. Nuhad, would you PLEASE stop that infernal noise?"
"RIDE THE RIVER OF DREAMS! PAAANNNCAKES ON THE TABLE, BUT THEY'RE ALL GOING TO BE-FOR-ME! UUUUNNNLESSSSS YOU HAPPEN TO GET DOWN HERE, WIIIIITTTHIN THE NEXT TWO MINUTES!"
Groaning, Artemis headed over to his closet to decide what he was going to wear today, his black suit, or his blue one? He had just come out of the bathroom, adjusting his tie when Dea burst through the door.
"Pancakes, pancakes, eat them while they're hot!"
"I, what?"
"Paaannnccaakkess," said Dea slowly speaking, as if to a stupid person. "Yyoouu eaaaaaat theeem."
"Yes I know what they are and what you do with them, but why did you make them?"
"Because I was dead bored. You sleep soooo dang late. I've been up since God made dirt making these." She thrust a plate and fork at him then plopped down on the floor and began to eat.
"I usually do not involve myself in such barbaric habits as eating in the middle of the bedroom without a table."
"Uhh, great. Sit." Dea reached up and yanked Artemis down. "See? You didn't shrivel up and kick the bucket!"
"No but I-" He was interrupted by Dea reaching over, grabbing his pancake and stuffing it in his mouth. "Less talking, more eating!"
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"Anywhere special?" asked Butler as the group headed out of the Manor; Dea was skipping around the fountain.
"No, just the usual." Artemis turned to make sure Dea hadn't broken the fountain. He was not willing to pay for its repairs. "Actually, yes. We must get Miss. Nuhad a new wardrobe. If she is to be staying at the Manor she must be wearing appropriate clothes."
Butler nodded and opened the door for Artemis and Dea. Once they were out on the main roads, Dea started to talk.
"Where are we going? Can we go visit Charlie? Can we-"
"NO," said Artemis. "We are going to a few stores then to get you some appropriate clothing.
"What's wrong with what I have on?" Dea asked glancing down at her faded jeans and t-shirts.
"I'll tell you what's wrong. You look like street trash. If you are going to be staying at my residence you will dress the way I want you to."
"Zowie! Can you say, 'control freak?'"
"That is not acceptable, and we must do something about your accent,"
"What's wrong with it?"
"It sounds awfully common."
"Oh, and I suppose you'd rather if sounded as dry and stupid as yours?" Asked Dea with a perfect imitation of Artemis.
"That is not funny. I expect you to act civilized at all times."
"Something tells me this is gonna be one long stay."
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After spending long hours in various technology shops, Dea was bored, she could build half of this stuff in her sleep, so when Butler suggested she stay in the car she jumped at the chance. The last shop took them the longest of all so she decided to take a nap. When she awoke, they were pulling up to the Manor.
"Bloody hell, what time is it?"
"It is nearing four, Miss."
"Well that's cheesy. What is for dinner?"
"I believe it will be rack of lamb with a rosemary rub, for the entrée, and Mozzarella di bufala and Heirloom Tomatoes as a starter," answered Artemis.
"WHAT?" Screeched Dea. "You're gonna force me to eat that mumbo gumbo?"
"That is a-"
"Nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, no. I am NOT eating rich people food! No WAY hoseh!"
"I must insist that-"
"NO! YOU CAN'T FORCE ME TO DO ANYTHING!"
'Very well, if you insist on behaving like a child then you shall not eat dinner."
Dea thought about this for a while then nodded, "Okay, I won't eat dinner."
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Dea peered down at Butler through the vent. He picked up the plate and headed out. Perfect. She slid down and landed as gracefully as a cat on the counter. Grabbing a pot of water and a few packages she shimmied her way through the vent system and back to Artemis's room. When Artemis returned he found Dea sitting on his desk eating a plate of spaghetti.
"May I ask what you are doing?"
"No,"
"I beg your pardon?"
"No, you can't ask what I'm doing. Though you being the 'genius' you are should be able to figure it out."
"You are sitting in MY room eating instant pasta. Disgusting."
"Yep! Sure is!"
"Leave now!"
"No-can-do!"
"Do not make me force you!" Artemis took a step towards Dea. She jumped up and backed into the desk in the corner.
"You can't make me!" She stuck out her tongue at him.
"I cannot, but Butler can."
Dea turned around leaped onto the desk and vanished into the vent. Artemis did not notice what she took with her.
--------------------Dea's POV-------------------------
"Okay Mr. Know-it-all. Time to show you who's the boss." I waited in the vent in Artemis's room. He was sleeping as it was past one in the morning. Butler was on the other side of the manor; this was all perfect. I slipped out and landed by his bed. I grabbed his laptop and slid out of the room. Working my way down to the kitchens, I clicked through his files and accounts. Time to give Arty a little scare.
"Lets see," I sat down on the counter by the fridge. "First lets lower this number." She worked quickly, hiding half the money in the account. Unless he contacted the head bank, Artemis would think that the money had just disappeared. Better yet, she made it look as if she had spent it all shopping.
"Now just order fifty empty boxes to be delivered...."
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The next day passed without incident, unless you count Dea attacking Artemis with water balloons. Artemis spent the rest of the day in his room. On Saturday morning, there was a knock at the door. Butler answered it and was met by a deliveryman with a bunch of boxes.
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"Miss. Nuhad. I do not suppose you could tell us the meaning of all these boxes?" asked Artemis as Butler piled them up in her room. She was lying on her bed reading a paper.
"Yeah."
Artemis stared at her for a while. "Well?"
"I took your credit card and went shopping."
"You, did, what?"
"Went shopping. HEY! You wanna help me decorate?"
"No, I want you to show me what you bought with my card."
"Clothes and room décor. I was thinking about electronics but I don't like to buy those over the web."
"Butler, lets go." Artemis walked out, followed by Butler.
Dea smirked. He had fallen for that, hook, line, and sinker.
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"Butler dial up the head bank. I need to check something."
"Yes, sir." Butler handed Artemis the phone.
"Hello? Yes Fowl here. Could you tell me the current amount in my account. Yes. Same as before? But I hid half? Uncover it please. Very well thank you."
"Butler, I believe you may want to inform Miss. Nuhad her plan has failed."
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"Hey, Stone face! Where are your parentals?"
"They are currently in Paris. Why do you ask?"
"Because they just called."
"And you picked up?"
"No, Butler did."
"Thank goodness!" Artemis hurried out to the phone.
"Hello? Arty?"
"Hello, Mother. How is everything?"
"Oh its just fine. We have a surprise for you!"
"May I enquire as to what it is?"
"No! You'll just have to wait until tomorrow evening. Have Butler pick us up at the airport. Toddles!"
"Mother-" It was too late; she had hung up.
"Now how am I supposed to explain you to my parents?" asked Artemis staring at Dea.
"Well, mate. I'm just visiting over the holidays." Dea put on a deep masculine voice and a boyish swagger.
"Come on! It'll be a blast!"
"No! I'm going to have to tell the fairies to just lock you up in one of their cells." Artemis headed towards his room and found his way blocked by Dea.
"You would like to know what the surprise is, wouldn't you? If I help you figure it out, you let me stay, crystal?"
"Very well, but disguised as a boy."
"Of course, now lead the way to your wiz boxes, I'm gonna hook us up to Pack."
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Dea sat at one of the computers pounding away. In less then a minute she had them connected to Pack, which Artemis took to be their communications line.
"Hello, Bottles into base."
"Pack is receiving."
"Hey big man!"
"Pack is the guy who designed this system he runs it 24/7," explained Dea.
"Pack, Its Goddess, I've got a bit for you."
"Fire away Goddess. How's life, Charlie was more angry than a skeet when he came back."
"You mean angr-"
"Yeah? Well shut up grammar boy, no one cares!" said Dea.
"Pack, do we have a cam on the Fowls?"
"Yeah, Charlie had one done up."
"How many tickets did they buy for their flight home?"
"Three, why?"
"How does he know that?" asked Artemis.
"Don't worry, he's not stalking your family. Pack knows everything," chuckled Dea.
"Sure forget about old Bottles, why don't you!"
"Sorry, Bots. Connect you to Charlie?"
"Yeah," There was a loud beep followed by a few curses.
"Anyways, where did the Fowls stop in Paris?"
"Lets see, a bunch of restaurants, two hotels, lots of stores, a boarding school, and a foreign exchange office."
"Right, thanks Pack. Say hi to Charlie for me!"
There was a hissing noise and Dea quickly shut down.
"So, stone face. Does that answer your question?"
"Yes, its does."
"Do you know why?"
"I-"
"Nope, you don't and I'm not gonna tell you!" Dea bounced out of Artemis's room, laughing.
Artemis shook his head. He hoped that the student his parents were bringing was not like Dea. Poor Artemis, he didn't know there could be worse.
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MUAHAHAHAHA!! Just wait until you meet her...LOL! If you have any good name ideas for a teenaged, French girl please share them! Oh, and you might not want to suggest name you like...she is going to be pure evil.