Linger Brian's POV...sorta
"You know I'm such a fool for you, you got me wrapped around your finger, do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to, do you have to let it linger?"
Sometimes I wonder, what it would have been like if I had the guts to tell her how I really felt, how sometimes when I think of her I feel this pain in my heart like I'm missing something really important. Maybe it doesn't matter that much to me, because when it comes down to it all I just don't care that much about her. Okay I lied, I care way too much for my own good and it haunts me sometimes to see her with Jordan Catalano and then think to myself that will never be me with her. So yeah. I should just concentrate on my work at school and trying to get by over the days "surviving my teenage years" is what my book would be called, if I had one.
I don't even know why I bother with Angela, ever since we started the ninth grade she has been either avoiding me or humiliating me completely, trying to find just one flaw in me that would make her look like a million dollars, so that she wouldn't have to be scared anymore. Maybe none of this makes much sense because the more I think about it all I am doing is repeating myself over and over and will continue to do so until I realize my stupidity. I think I obsess too much and it is possible that maybe that turns her away? Why do I do this to myself? Why do I bother? If it hurts me so to think of her and it hurts me too much to want to hold her why do I do it? Because I love her regardless of all the horrible and mean things she has ever done to me, like when she agreed to do the extra credit project with me and instead I was hosting her royal fake i.d. exchange with Jordan Catalano. Like that didn't make me feel like a complete fool and maybe I had wished that something bad would happen, that she could just know what it feels like to be me right now, or at that moment when I saw Jordan's red car pull up outside my house.
If only I hadn't written that letter for Jordan and though I might have gone on the rest of my life knowing that I could never face her with the truth about my feelings. What is the truth? The truth is that I think about her constantly, her beautiful blue eyes, her well now red hair it's just everything. I don't know why I feel for her, maybe it was the long-term relationship seeing as we grew up together, but maybe it was just her and maybe it was the possibility for more than just a friendship lingering on the horizon, the possibility I would never be able to catch, it would just LINGER there for eternity teasing me and saying what a horrible person I was for ever considering the possibility itself...