Usual disclaimers

With thanks to lexie, Killer K, Chelsey (welcome back!), Mrs. Depp (and friend!), BoricuaSparrow, Tru Spirit, A Depp Girl, Orlando's Hot Chick, Punkdpirate, beatlechicksteph, Miss Sophia and Hilary, for reviewing & editing.

Lexie, I've always imagined Jack as Johnny's age, which will be 42 this year, I believe, and Jenny is 27.

Boricua, I'm glad you liked that bit. :)

Tru Spirit, it all depends on how many dresses the seamstress is already working on. It doesn't have to take that long.

Beatlechicksteph. I have a feeling I know what your predictions are. We'll have to wait and see if we're both right!

Miss Sophia, Jack and Patience love arguing!

…

Chapter Twenty Four: 'Water! Pah! Water's fer washin' in and sailin' on,'

Patience fell with even less grace than usual from her hammock the following morning, eager to get her revenge on Jack.

'Patience?' Shay mumbled, half asleep. 'Where're ye off to darlin'? Patience…?!'

She skidded to a halt and went back to him. 'I've somethin' ter do this morning,' she grinned, standing on tiptoe and kissing him as he leaned out.

'But it's early,' he protested, watching as she hurried along the gun deck and down the steps, shaking his head slowly.

'Later!' she cried, hurrying to the depths of the hold on her errand.

Hefting the piece of timber that she had taken from the carpenter's store, she shuttered the lantern she was carrying and sat in the dark quietly and waited... and waited... until she heard what she was listening for. Years of hunting the alleys of Tortuga for some scant meat had honed her aim. She lashed out with the stave, reassured to hear a panicked squeak. Holding the lantern closer, she grinned, picking up the body of the rat and creeping up the stairs towards Jack's cabin.

Cautiously, Patience knocked on the door, relieved when nobody answered. She tried the handle, relieved to find it unlocked and with a last look around, crept inside. She looked around the cabin, quickly locating Jack's rum store, and placed the body of the rat by a half-empty bottle of rum and shut the cabinet. Quickly, praying nobody had seen her, she slunk from the cabin, heading back towards the galley.

'Patience?' came Jenny's voice from behind her. 'Were you looking for me?'

'Ah... yes Jenny,' she grinned. 'I was wonderin' what time yer wanted ter go ashore? Is there anything else ter arrange?'

'I don't think so. I was thinking maybe this evening, I don't fancy being away from the ship for too long.'

'All right. I'd best be headin' to th'galley then, before John comes lookin' fer me.'

'Do you need a hand?' Jenny offered.

'No, I'll be fine,' Patience assured her as she headed to the galley, chuckling to herself.

…

'I wish I didn't have ter go ashore,' Patience grumbled as she and Shay made their way to Jack's cabin.

'Tradition,' he smiled. 'But afterwards, ye can have me whenever ye want…'

'I already do,' she grinned, recalling illicit meetings in the hold and Shay giving up his rum rations to Olabisi every now and then, in exchange for his cabin. She knocked on the door and waited to be called.

'Come in.' Jack opened the door to his cabin and stood aside, allowing them entrance. 'Have yer last drink of freedom,' he grinned.

'Hello,' smiled Jenny, sitting on the window seat

'Hello yerself,' Patience grinned and went to sit by her, looking out at the water.

'D'ya want a rum, Shay? Patience, what d'ya want?' Jack asked, playing the dutiful host.

'Ah, but I wish ye'd got whiskey,' Shay moaned, pouting theatrically.

'Water'd do me fine,' Patience smiled.

'Water! Pah! Water's fer washin' in and sailin' on,' Jack teased.

'If it must be a drink, then an' ale please, I won't touch nothin' stronger.'

Jack walked towards the cabinet. 'Ale? Aye, I've got some ale.' He opened the cupboard, then remembered the beakers in a chest and went for those first, placing them on top of the cupboard.

Patience felt the corners of her lips quirk and she tried desperately to keep a straight face.

'Wha...? Bleedin' hell!' Jack cursed, backing away from the cabinet, his arms flailing wildly. 'There's a bloody rat in here!' he shuddered, grimacing.

Patience turned and stared out of the window intently, trying to ignore Jenny's quizzical look.

'How th'hell did that get there?' Jack wondered, looking at the cabinet as if it were about to spring to life.

'What's th'fuss over a rat?' Shay asked. 'Th'hold's full of 'em.'

Patience took a deep breath to compose herself and stood, walking over to the drinks cabinet. She picked the rat up by its tail and tossed it out of the nearest open window.

'There, feelin' better now?' she smirked.

'You...?' Jack frowned as realisation dawned on him. 'Ya little...' his lips twitched as he caught her eye, grinning in spite of himself. 'All square, eh?' He held out his hand in conciliation.

'Aye,' she grinned, cautiously holding out her hand in case it was a trick and sighing with relief when he shook it, a huge grin on his face.

'What's that about?' Shay asked, looking around the group with a puzzled frown.

'Nothin'... nothin' at all,' Jack assured him, giving Patience a warning glance.

'Should I have secrets from th'man who'll be me husband in less than a day?' Patience teased.

'You ain't th'one with th'secret,' Jack reminded her.

Jenny looked at Patience, raising her eyebrows. 'You know about...?'

'Aye, as he knows about...' she replied.

'What?!' Shay asked irritably.

'Oh! I can't believe he told you,' Jenny shook her head incredulously. 'I can't believe you told him!'

'Told her what? What th'hell is goin' on?' Shay grumbled.

'P'raps I'll have ter walk th'decks again fer the rest of th'tale,' Patience teased

Jack.

'Aye, an' get me blind drunk,' he retorted, handing her a mug of ale and Jenny and Shay some rum.

'That shouldn't be too hard,' she sniggered.

'Are ya saying I'm a drunk,' Jack asked, a dangerous glint in his eye.

'Nah, I've seen yer sober a few times...'

Jack grinned again and raised his mug in toast. 'To sobriety,' he laughed.

'Ter t'morrow,' she smiled, glancing across at Shay.

'Aye, tomorrow!' They all raised their mugs and drank the toast.

'So… what is th'big secret?' Shay asked Jack as they went to re-fill their beakers.

'Th'minx found out that I don't like rats,' he admitted, a rueful smile on his face. 'An' if ya tell anyone Connelly… well, let's just say tomorrow night will be th'only time ya celebrate yer marriage, savvy?' I doubt he'd admit to that!

'I won't tell a soul,' Shay promised with a grin.

The foursome spent the next hour or so chatting and laughing until Jenny caught Patience's eye and nodded towards the door.

'Now?' Patience moaned, pulling a face.

'I'm afraid so,' Jenny smiled sympathetically.

The young woman sighed. 'Guess I'll go an' get th'dress an' those bleedin' shoes then,' she grumbled.

'Are ya sure ya don't want me ter come an' stay?' Jack offered, knowing that Jenny was still uneasy about being away from him for too long.

'I'll be fine,' she smiled, albeit a little uncertainly, as she reached up to kiss him.

'Right cosy yer'd be between th'two of us,' Patience snorted.

'I was goin' ter sleep in another room, young missy. Me days of threesomes are long over...'

'Well, I didn't like ter comment, old timer,' she teased.

'Go on before I really do throw ya in th'brig fer insubordination, minx,' he growled, good-naturedly.

'Aw, shut up b'fore I tell th'whole crew,' she threatened, her eyes twinkling.

'Ya'd better not...'

'If I see th'wrong side of those bars, then I'll sing it like a songbird,' she grinned.

'Hmpf!' he spluttered, pulling a face at her.

'I'll walk with ye,' Shay offered, leading her from the cabin and leaving Jenny and Jack alone in their cabin.

'Ya sure yer goin' ter be all right?' Jack asked. 'I'll come an' sleep in another room if ya really want.'

'I know you will,' Jenny smiled, hugging him. 'But you can't watch over me all the time, I have to get used to looking after myself again some time. Now is as good a time as any.'

'All right, I'll see ya to th'deck.' He wrapped his arm around her waist and picked up her small trunk, containing her dress and shoes for the wedding and her comb and mirror, then they slowly made their way to the main deck where the young couple were already waiting for them.

'Are you all set?' Jenny asked as they joined them.

'As I'll ever be,' Patience smiled, watching Shay climb down to the boat with her trunk then reach up and catch Jenny's as it is lowered down, before shakily following him, sighing with relief when she made it to the boat without mishap.

'See you tomorrow,' Jenny smiled, giving Jack one last kiss before following her friend down to the boat and settling in it quickly as Shay picked up the oars and started rowing. What crew were on board leaned over the side and waved them off, whistling and cheering their good wishes.

…

'There, that should do you,' Jenny smiled as she finished washing the back of her friend in the enamelled tin tub that the landlord had provided for them, thanks to Jack's generosity.

'Ta.' Patience climbed out and rubbed herself with a large rag, then wrapped it around her long hair to soak up the wet, rubbing vigorously to dry it.

Jenny picked up her own dress and stepped into it, turning so the young Tortugan woman could tie her laces. She picked up the comb and ran it through her shoulder length hair until all the knots were out of it and it shone.

'Ya look gorgeous,' Patience complimented her as she wriggled into her wedding dress then Jenny returned the favour and tied the laces tightly, accentuating the girl's already slim figure.

'D'ya think I'll do?' she asked, giving a little twirl.

'You look lovely,' Jenny smiled, remembering herself in a proper wedding dress when she had married Eddie, being much the same age as Patience. 'It's a beautiful dress.'

Patience turned and sat on a stool. 'Well, ya'd best do yer worst,' she sighed, bracing herself as Jenny set to work, teasing the knots from her hair after the rubbing dry, and pinning it up. Jenny carefully took the delicate veil and fixed it in place, nodding with satisfaction when she had finished. She then gave the hand mirror to her friend who peered at herself in it, not quite recognising the person looking back at her.

She looked up at Jenny. 'D'ya think he'll like it?' she asked uncertainly

'I think he'll fall in love with you all over again,' Jenny assured her, patting her shoulder as she grinned up at her from the stool.

'How much time have we got?'

'A few more minutes I reckon. Besides, a bride is never on time for her wedding,' she grinned evily. 'Makes the man sweat a little and appreciate his new wife all the more…'

'Yer wicked,' Patience laughed. 'Spent too much time in Sparrow's company.' She picked up the cursed shoes. 'I'll put these on outside th'church - deal?' she asked.

'All right,' she sighed. 'But you'll have to hold your dress up, we don't want the hem getting dirty. Before we go, here's mine and Jack's present to you.' She handed Patience a small box.

'Th'dress'll get dirty soon enough once Shay gets his hands on it,' she laughed, frowning as she took the box. 'What's this?' She opened it, gasping as she saw inside a sapphire teardrop pendant and matching ear-rings. 'Bloody 'ell Jenny! Does th'Captain know yer givin away 'is treasure?' she breathed.

'When I said I wanted to give you sapphires, he knew exactly what to look for,' she smiled. 'He has good taste for a man. But being a pirate helps I suppose,' she laughed, fixing the clasp of the pendant as Patience turned around, feeling her friend trembling with the shock of the gift.

Patience removed the simple ear-rings made from shell which she had on and replaced them with the sapphire ones, turning to her friend once more. 'Guess I'm all ready then.' She handed Jenny her mirror and comb, her first gifts from Shay. 'Will yer look after these fer me? See they make it back to th'ship safely.'

'I will,' she promised, tucking them into the trunk along with her own belongings, which one of the crew were collecting later, and following Patience as she opened the door and walked down the stairs of the inn, both of them drawing admiring glances from passers by.

…

Patience was relieved, on reaching the church, to see that Joshamee really had washed and was wearing his best clothes. She leaned against Jenny, struggling to get the cursed shoes on.

'Bloody things,' she muttered. 'Instruments of bleedin' torture.'

'It won't be for long,' Jenny sympathised. 'Good luck.' She kissed her on the cheek and made her way into the church, equally relieved to see all the crew that were attending looking smart.

'Bloody hell, Jen. Ya look gorgeous luv,' Jack muttered as she reached him.

'Don't swear in church,' she chided, kissing him as she sat. 'But thank you all the same. You don't look so bad yourself.'

'I feel like a blo… omin' nonce,' he pouted, running his finger along the collar of the shirt he was wearing.

…

Patience turned to Joshamee. 'Yer ready then?'

'You look like an angel sent from heaven, pet,' he smiled, crooking his arm for her to take and led her into the church.

Shay stood at the alter, trying to calm his nerves. 'Give me a sea battle any day of th'week,' he thought to himself, gulping as he heard murmurs from the back of the church and turned around, his eyes growing wider and wider at the vision coming towards him.

Patience grinned at him beneath the veil, tempted to poke her tongue out, but a glance at the dour minister and Jenny's warnings about language and best behaviour held her back.

'Ye look beautiful,' he whispered as she reached him, his chest swelling with pride.

'Ta,' she replied, blushing, even though he couldn't see.

'Ahem.' They looked around as the minister cleared his throat and Patience placed her hand in Shay's when he gestured for her to do so.

…

'Bloody hell,' Jack muttered trying to stifle a yawn then a yelp as Jenny dug his ribs with her elbow.

'Behave,' she hissed, glaring at him.

'He goes on a bit, doesn't he?' he grumbled, pulling a face.

'He'll go on at your funeral if you're not careful,' she warned.

…

'I will,' Shay smiled, looking tenderly at Patience.

'Do you, Patience, have this man to be thy wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Will you obey him…'

Patience glanced sharply at the priest. No-one had told her anything about obeying.

Jack sniggered. 'I'd like ter see that,' he chuckled, ignoring the filthy look he was getting from Jenny.

'I… will,' she replied.

'I'll bet…'

'Jack Sparrow,' Jenny hissed, thumping his thigh, then turning and glaring the snickering crew behind them into silence.

…

Joshamee stepped forward to formally give Patience away, grinning as proudly as if she really were his daughter then listened with more reverence than his captain as the young couple pledged themselves to each other then turned and indicated at Jack.

'Eh? Oh, the rings!' he grinned, standing and swaggering over to Shay's side, giving him a broad wink as he lay the ring that his friend had chosen at the Isla de Muerta, plus one that had been brought from a jewel merchant in town, onto the bible then hurrying back to sit beside Jenny again.

…

'I pronounce therefore that they be Man and Wife together, in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen,' the priest finally intoned.

Patience stood before Shay, waiting for him to lift her veil so she could at last see properly, smiling at him as he tentatively lifted it then bent down and kissed her tenderly.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, ignoring the jeers from the crew, only breaking away when the priest coughed, none too discreetly.

'Hello Mrs. Connelly,' Shay smiled, grinning down at her, grinning up at him.

Patience sighed with relief when he took her hand and guided her from the building, glad to be away from the dour clergyman and itching to kick the cursed shoes off. She squealed as the crew threw rice over them both, then surrounded them, kissing and hugging her and clapping Shay on the back. She leaned against her new husband and took the shoes off, throwing them towards Billy and smiling blissfully at the feel of the cool grass between her toes.

Jack swayed over to them, a benevolent smile on his face. 'Congratulations,' he grinned, hugging Patience and kissing her cheek then shaking Shay's hand.

'Ya knew yer bastard!' she complained. 'Ya knew what th'vows were an' yer never thought ter tell me!'

'What?' Jack asked innocently, spreading his hands wide as if in puzzlement. 'Oh, ter obey...' he grinned. 'Ya didn't have yer fingers crossed did ya?'

'Ye didn't… did ye?' Shay gasped, looking at her in horror, frowning as she burst out laughing.

'That's fer me ter know an' fer yer ter worry about,' she grinned.

'So much fer a husband an' wife not havin' any secrets,' Shay muttered, casting a sideways glance at her.

'If ya'll excuse me, I have business to attend to,' Jack smiled charmingly as he bowed then left them to the congratulations of the others.

'Bleedin' business, on me weddin' day!' Patience complained, bobbing her tongue out at his retreating figure. 'They weren't crossed,' she whispered. 'But don't tell Sparrow…'

'Ye naughty woman,' Shay grinned. 'Yer me wife, whether ye obey me or not,' he smiled, bending down and kissing her.

They followed the crew through the town to the boats moored at the wharf and Shay helped his wife in as Olabisi and Billy held it steady, then climbed in himself.

'Yer'd better not drink too much,' she warned, remembering the amount of booze that had been brought on board the previous day.

'Don't worry about that, cailin. I intend makin' yer me wife proper tonight,' he whispered, nuzzling her ear, oblivious to the nudges and chuckles from his two crewmates.

Patience glanced at the nearing ship, relieved to see that the men had rigged a chair, as she was unwilling to risk her dress. 'Thank ya,' she smiled up at the crew on board, her bare feet dangling as she was lifted from the boat.

'First time ya been honest in ya life, Connelly!' Ben Watson laughed as Shay appeared over the rail, laughing harder still as his mate bobbed his tongue out then Shay escorted his new wife to a trestle where drinks had been laid out.

She reached for an ale, doubting she'd get away with water on her wedding day.

'To us,' he toasted.

'To us,' she smiled, knocking her beaker against his and taking a sip.

'To Mr. And Mrs. Connelly!' Jack called, raising his mug.

'Mr. And Mrs. Connelly,' the entire ship chorused.

…