And the fact that Barclay was a, thankfully, living and breathing reminder of the connection between them all. Genetics.
And Ryo's way of attending to the injured man.
And JJ's sometimes openly worried looks.
Everyone seemed to be waiting for him to do something, to say something, to accept it all, but the more he tried, the less acceptable he found things.
He had told Bethany he had the least problem acknowledging that he was a paranormal, but ever since Harding, ever since Ryo's forceful intervention, that part of him was demanding more and more attention. What was he really? What made him so special that he had Ryo as a shield? He didn't mind being bonded to his lover; hell, it was a dream come true, but what was it about Shaman Pair's anyway?
There were no answers to be found.
Then Barclay Ryo wanted and needed him to accept that the man was part of their lives. He was their boss, he was an ally, and he was Dee's brother. Sometimes emotions surged, sometimes he felt nothing but furious anger at Harding for injuring him his brother. Sometimes he was confused as to how he felt about Ross Barclay now. He wasn't a real rival anymore; he wasn't a friend; and how did you deal with brothers?
And sisters, too.
Dee was falling more and more into confusion and he was afraid to talk to Ryo about it. His lover had accepted Barclay, even after the older man had once more or less sexually assaulted him. How could Ryo do that so easily while Dee was rallying to keep up with events?
Latener ran a hand through his unruly black hair and sighed. He was craving a cigarette right now, but he had given up on them, and he didn't want to start again. He pushed his confusion back again, hiding it underneath his usual attitude.
He would deal with it later. Much later.
° ° °
It was the first time Dee was at Ross Barclay's home and he curiously looked around. Barclay had an arm slung around is abdomen, protecting his injury, as he walked into the apartment and switched on the lights.
"Just put it somewhere," came the tired request.
'It' was the small suitcase that contained the commissioner's clothes, the few he had worn at the hospital. Dee deposited it next to the coffee table.
"Uh, you want me to make coffee or something?"
"No coffee. Doctor's orders."
"Oh, right..."
He was at a loss and looked at Ryo, who had jogged up the stairs after them since he had had to park the car. Barclay turned to the two men, visibly dead on his feet.
"Thank you for getting me home. I can take it from here."
Ryo frowned. "Sir..."
"I'll be fine," came the dismissive reply.
Dee didn't like the lines of pain forming on the older man's face, nor the pallor. Barclay had just been released after having surgery after a shot wound. Six days in the hospital, three of them in intensive care.
"If you need help..." Ryo tried again.
"I'll be fine," Barclay repeated, trying to straighten, but it was the wrong move.
He paled even more, bending over, and Dee was across the room and helping Barclay onto the couch before he could even think the thought.
"Shit," the blond breathed through clenched teeth.
"As you said," Dee told him softly, "you've never been shot like that before. You aren't exactly on top of the world."
"I can manage," came the tense reply.
"You can't."
Ice blue eyes burned into his, irritation bright in them. "I don't need a nurse maid!"
Sore spot. Barclay wasn't used to being helpless and the time at the hospital had been bad and frustrating enough for the independent man.
"How about friendly assistance then?" Ryo offered, sounding worried.
"You have your own lives and a job to return to, detectives."
Another sore spot. He would be out of commission for a while and Barclay was good at what he did as a commissioner. Dee had grudgingly given him that, even before knowing who he was. The man had really turned the precinct around.
"Don't be such an ass, Barclay," Dee growled. "It won't kill us and it surely won't kill you to accept some help!"
Barclay straightened a little, fighting against the pain.
"We'll share the time," Ryo added quickly, his voice calming and soothing, dropping a little. "Dee and I will stay with you for a while. You won't be able to do everything alone, Sir, and having you fall over and open the wound is unacceptable."
The blue eyes turned to look at the younger man, the challenge clear, but Ryo held the gaze and finally Barclay relented. He sank back against the cushions, nodding without saying anything, and Dee automatically stepped back. There was no feeling of triumph, just relief.
Things were changing.
° ° °
Barclay had slept through the first day, too plain exhausted to be much company or trouble. Both Dee and Ryo had hung around a little, but when it was clear that their superior wouldn't need two men sitting in his home, Ryo had told Dee to go home.
When Barclay woke hours later, Ryo had already made himself at home. He had passed the time cooking and putting generous amounts of food into the freezer, which was an empty, yawning abyss of frozen ice. The supplies stocked in the kitchen had been put there by Bethany before and it looked like Barclay rarely cooked himself, or heated things here. The kitchen was almost too new for that.
"I thought I smelled something good," came a tired voice and Ryo turned, smiling at the blond leaning against the door frame.
Barclay looked better than before, but sleepy, and was dressed.
"You want some tea? Feel up for something to eat?"
Blue eyes regarded the concoction of rice and vegetables, then he shrugged. "I could try."
That was a beginning. Ryo pulled out two plates, shut down the oven, and heaped a generous amount of food onto them. Barclay had settled on the couch again, the only place he apparently felt best sitting with his injury, and Ryo handed him a fork and his food.
"Thanks," was the quiet reply.
They ate in silence and Barclay set down the plate after about half of the light food had been eaten.
"No offense," he sighed. "It's good, but I can't eat more."
"That's fine. I put small portions into the freezer, so you can microwave whatever you need."
The older man had no reply for that.
Ryo cleaned up and left Barclay on the couch for a while, watching TV. He came back into the living room with a pot of tea and two mugs. Coffee was out of the question for the injured man.
"Dee and I decided to come by after work, alternating the days," he finally broke the silence. "Unless you'd want the others to help, too."
"No!" was the immediate reply, forceful and decisive.
Ryo smiled. "We thought as much."
Barclay took off his glasses, closed his eyes, and massaged them gently. "Sorry, I... I'm just not very much at ease with the situation."
"I wouldn't be either. I mean, it's stressful to have strangers around, trying to help. We'll limit our time, Sir. You have our phone numbers just in case something happens..."
The intense eyes opened and without the glasses, Ryo found their expression even more compelling than before.
"You're not a stranger, Ryo. Neither is Dee. I just don't want the whole, goddamn precinct here. I doubt they'd give a damn anyway."
Barclay slipped on the glasses again and looked away.
"That's where you're wrong. Everyone's been asking about how you are."
The blue eyes narrowed in a frown.
"You can believe it. Ted, Drake, JJ... they all wanted to visit, but visitors had been limited to family."
Because Barclay had asked to see no one else. It had been his own fault. He lowered his eyes.
"Sir?" Ryo asked after a while.
"Ryo, stop calling me 'sir'," Barclay sighed, sounding a bit exasperated.
The younger man looked caught. "I..."
"I know its awkward, but I don't want to be just the commissioner. I thought I had told you that before. In a way, you're family now..."
Ryo felt a small curl in his stomach. He skidded around calling Barclay anything but a respectful name and he knew that the moment he consented to a much more private and friendly approach, things would be inevitably changed. Things had changed already, he reminded himself. He had been the driving force behind them sometimes, but this was something like a last barrier.
He finally decided to ignore the comment and change the topic.
"I haven't said it before, so... thank you for saving my life."
Barclay smiled a little. "I've said it before, though. There's no thanks necessary."
Because he had reacted out of instinct when he had thrown himself in front of the younger man, taking a bullet meant for Ryo, almost dying.
McLane sighed a little. "I have a hard time coping with... you being so... protective."
"I guess we all have. Dee's probably the worst off." Barclay's words sounded light, but there was an old pain there that had nothing to do with the wound.
Ryo sighed a little. "Can I ask you a question?"
Sandy eyebrows rose. "You did already, so shoot."
Ryo met the inquisitive, slightly careful gaze. "Back when... when you were approaching me when you tried to kiss me in the office... what would you have done if I had responded?"
tbc...