Alrigthy-o! I'm writing another fanfic! And it's the second day of the school year too! Well, my school year anyway. I have been looking forward to writing this fic in quite a while, and hopefully I can put out chapter just as fast as I did for "Mistakes are a Part of Learning". Maybe I'll draw some scenes from that fic, and from this one as well. Maybe I'll actually write "Frayed Timeline" as well. Maybe "Shades of Gray" will come on next week. Oh, well. That's the fun of the school year, expecting the unexpected. Usually the expected unexpected actually isn't the unexpected you get, and the unexpected you get is actually unexpected by you. I expect that you were confused by this tangent, so I'll just continue on to the fic now. Bonne voyage!
Like Mom and Apple Pie
It was another normal day at the Fenton household. Well, it wasn't normal anywhere else, but this would be your definition of normal if you happened to live there. It was around 6 A.M., the time when Jazz Fenton normally woke up. She walked downstairs taking in the delicious smell of ham being cooked. Now, if you didn't live here, you would expect the ham smell to be breakfast, but you don't, and if you did, you'd know it might not be breakfast anyway.
The smell of ham cooking? Jazz thought to herself. It's either another exploding invention or some deformed version of breakfast. She noticed her mom was frying up some ham in a skillet, so Jazz went for the latter.
"Morning, mom." Jazz said in a friendly tone. "Is that ham for breakfast?"
"Actually, it's Canadian bacon." Maddie said "Literally."
"What do you mean by that?" Jazz asked, actually confused and not raving for once in her perfectionist life.
"Bonjour, Mademoiselle Fenton!" said the ham-like object in a French-Canadian accent. "You ahr lookeeng qwat lovely today, oui?"
"Ah, I should have known," Jazz said in mild disgust "How could I forget 'Education While You Eat'?"
"Hey, I happen to think that's a good idea." Maddie said in an annoyed tone.
"And I couldn't agree with you more." Said a male voice, sneaking up from behind Maddie.
"Oh, Jack." Maddie said in mild surprise. "I didn't hear you come in." Jack just smirked mysteriously, as his eyes turned from their usual navy blue to a frightening ruby red.
"Okay," Jazz squeaked "Somebody please tell me I wasn't the only one who saw that."
"Nope," said another voice from behind Jazz.
"DANNY?" Jazz yelped "But I didn't see you come in! Why is everybody sneaking up on people?"
"Maybe dad was on to something with that ninja DNA theory." Danny mused.
"Um, Jack," Maddie said nervously "I'd...um...better get back to the bacon..." At this comment, Jack's ruby colored eyes resumed their original navy blue hue.
"Bacon?" Jack said excitedly "I love bacon! Is it the crispy kind or the stuff that looks like ham?"
"Je ne suis pas cet inférieur vous joue comme un pied parle de!" the Canadian bacon snapped "Ah ahm naht these eenfeerior ham you speek ohf!"
"Well," Jack concluded as he looked nervously at the talking ham-like object "That answered my question."
"Oh, by the way kids," Maddie added "I tried to make the cereal speak different languages too, but it didn't really work and now the Rice Krispies are babbling in mock Japanese."
"Well...um..." Jazz stuttered fishing around for the right words "At least they make noise!" Jazz giggled nervously.
"Of course they did!" Jack exclaimed astounded "What LESS would you expect from an inventor of Maddie's caliber?" He finished looking at Jazz with an expression on his face that clearly expressed that Jazz had to be mentally challenged not to expect that from her mom. (A/N Whoo! Run on sentence!) Maddie looked at her husband as if he either came from another planet, or had suddenly given up ghost hunting.
"Well, I've never seen you like this before Jack." Maddie admitted awkwardly.
"I've never realized I've been in the presence of a goddess before." Jack replied, his eyes returning to their afore mentioned ruby luster.
"I'd better leave before this gets intimate." Danny said nervously as he backed away from the scene.
"At least eat something before leaving." Maddie said. "Like the Rice Krispies that babble in mock-Japanese."
"It's okay, I'll eat something on the way to school." Danny answered, running out the door. Jazz looked at her brother dashing away from his apparently love-addled father, and looked back towards the said father.
"Well, that was--" she stopped abruptly when she saw her parents dipping into a passionate kiss. "What brought on that?" Jazz thought to herself as she saw her parents enjoying their kiss. In the background, the Canadian bacon was burning up. A strong burning smell came from the breakfast meat, black started creeping around the edges and toward the center, and it was shouting French expletives. "SACRE BLEU! ZUT ALORS! SOMEWAHN HALP MEEEE!!!"
"MOM! The bacon's burning and shouting French expletives!" Jazz cried, but her cries went unheard since her parents were still kissing. Jazz moaned heavily and got a fire extinguisher from the lab. After she quelled the flames devouring the Canadian bacon, it looked up at her and broke out into a wide grin.
"Merci beaucoup, mah darleenk!" The Canadian bacon cried. "Merci beaucoooooooop!" Jazz just stared at the burnt bacon and decided that she wouldn't eat pork again for a very long time.
Danny was munching on a Froot Loops breakfast bar as he walked to school with Sam and Tucker. Sam looked a little sad and deep in thought. Curious about what was happening to his friend, he asked her what was wrong.
"Eh, it's nothing." Sam said reassuringly "Just another argument with my parents."
"You have these arguments a lot, huh?" Danny asked.
"Not that often." Sam admitted "Besides, they're really not that important anyway."
"What do you argue about anyway?" Tucker asked curiously.
"Like I said, it's not important." Sam argued.
"Well, I think it's important!" Danny said. "So what're they about."
"Danny, please." Sam said "I don't want you intruding in my family life!"
"But--"
"No buts! If you want to meddle, meddle with Tucker." Sam said angrily as she stormed of ahead of her friends. Danny and Tucker stood there with their mouths gaping open.
"That thing about meddling sounded really sick." Tucker said.
Jazz was glad to be out of her fourth period Language Arts class. Her original teacher, Ms. Mackey, was in a coma so a substitute teacher, Mr. Remora, had to fill in for the time being. Jazz had never been in a more pointless class in her life! Mr. Remora was absolutely boring, and equally pointless. All he did was eat bananas all day, and he would tell tiresome and arbitrary short stories. Some examples of his stories were "One day I went to the store to purchase a carton of milk. When I got home, I poured the milk into a glass and drank it. Then I watched television. The end." Or "One afternoon a man named Edward got into a green truck and drove to a farm. The farm had geese and cows. The end." Jazz was utterly glad to be out of Mr. Remora's class, and so was everyone else in his class.
"How did we get a teacher as boring as Mr. Remora to teach our class?" Jazz moaned to her friend Cybil.
"They say he taught at a well known prep school." Jazz's other friend, Daisy, but in.
"Really?" Jazz asked in astonishment "What school is it?"
"Prufrock Prep." Cybil replied.
"Never heard of it." Jazz said.
"They also say the school's motto is 'Remember You Will Die'." Daisy offered.
"Really?" Jazz asked incredulously.
"Actually, it's 'Memento Mori'." Cybil explained "But it's Latin for 'Remember You Will Die'."
"Wow, sounds promising." Jazz replied sarcastically.
"Yeah, sign me up." Daisy joked.
"Oh, joy." Cybil added. All three girls giggled and they headed their separate ways.
"Seeya girls later!" Jazz said waving to them while heading to her math class. She noticed a nerd getting tormented by members of Dash's posse, and she noticed Danny was walking right towards her.
Suddenly, Danny stopped in the middle of the hall with his mouth hanging open. Jazz was mildly curious as to why he stopped, but just when she was about to dismiss the awkward stop, Danny started shivering. As if that wasn't enough Danny started moaning and gagging as if he were about to puke, and his face was turning green. In fact, his whole body was emanating an eerie green light, and Danny's body was twisting in horrible positions, while clamping his eyes and fighting back the tears.
Jazz was petrified, she couldn't believe what was happening to Danny. She was about to rush to his aid when suddenly, it all ceased. The green glow vanished, and Danny wasn't going into those strange convulsions anymore. He stood upright and opened his dark gray eyes. He looked around him and saw the nerd and Dash's goons.
"Bullies." He whispered angrily as he walked into the men's room. He came out as Danny Phantom, turned invisible, and walked over to the jocks. He then yanked them by their boxers, turned the jocks and himself intangible and flew out of the school where he dropped them in the fountain outside. His noble job finished, he flew back into the school and turned visible again. The nerd looked at him as if he was Jesus coming back for the apocalypse.
"Wha...Who...How...?" The poor, frightened nerd stuttered.
"I," Danny began as if he were Superman "Am Danny Phantom."
"Okay...but—"
"And," Danny continued, assuming a heroic stance "Wherever there is a single nerd, geek, freak, or loser in—" Suddenly, Danny blinked and looked around with glowing green eyes. He had a confused look on his face, which turned into a frightened one as he noticed that he was in ghost mode.
"Eauuugh!" Danny squealed "How long was I in ghost mode?! What's happening?!" He was about to keep babbling when he noticed the nerd whimpering by his feet. The nerd looked up at him with a haunted look and tears in his eyes.
"P-p-please d-d-don't huh-hurt m-meee m-m-Mr. f-f-Phantom." The nerd whimpered.
"Why would I hurt you?" Danny asked sincerely.
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING!!!" The nerd wailed. He got up and ran down the halls, sobbing with his hands in his eyes. Danny looked at the pathetic and easily frightened nerd as he headed back to the bathroom. Jazz could just hear him mutter, "That makes two of us."
"'The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.'" Jazz said as she prepared for another day of tutoring. "Unfortunately, Dash has yet to actually take the first step. I'm beginning to think that my thesis is a bust." As she finished, Dash Baxter walked into the room, reeking of too much cologne and a hint of perfume.
"Hey there, sweet cheeks." Dash greeted while trying to grin seductively, and not succeeding. "You're favorite student has arrived."
"Why do you think that you're my favorite student?" Jazz asked as she noticed the perfume "And why are you wearing perfume?"
"Well, it was a long practice and it got really hot, so I got really sweaty and stinky, and perfume was the quickest thing I thought of to cover up the smell, then I remembered that I had tutoring today, so I bought some cologne and used it to cover up the perfume." Dash explained.
"And that run-on sentence brings us to today's lesson, the rules of grammar." Jazz explained, as she walked over to the table. Fifteen minutes of fruitless attempts of tutoring passed before Jazz excused herself to the bathroom, perhaps to scream in agony. When she came out of there, she noticed that Dash's eyes glowed a weird green color.
"Danny?" Jazz thought to herself "But why would Danny be possessing Dash when I'm tutoring him?" She sat back down and shuffled her papers. "Okay Dash, when we left off, we were covering predicate nominatives and predicate adjectives. What is the predicate nominative/adjective in this sentence: Disney World was one of the first theme parks ever built."
"The predicate nominative's "one" right?" Dash answered.
"No, it's not." Jazz said "Disney World isn't one."
"But it's "one of the first theme parks", right?" Dash asked.
"Yes, but "one of the first" is describing the theme park." Jazz explained.
"So, that means "theme park" is the predicate nominative?"
"Let's check," Jazz said "Disney World is an theme park, and a theme park is Disney World. So, you're right." Jazz broke out into a huge grin. "You're right. YOUR'E RIGHT! YOU'RE RIGHT!" She was so happy, she could have broken into a jig right there in the room. Instead, she whipped out a tape recorder and pressed the record button.
"October 8th, 2004." She began "At five-fifteen this day, Dash actually got one of the questions right! My thesis is correct! THEY CAN BE TAUGHT!" She was going to continue acting giddy, when she realized something. "Dash's eyes were glowing green when I asked him about predicate nominatives/adjectives. But why would Danny take over Dash to make him look smart?" Jazz pondered this for a moment "Maybe he noticed how stressed I was getting, and maybe he wanted me to feel better." It didn't seem likely thought, and it seemed even less likely when Danny walked in the room, while Dash's eyes were still glowing green.
"Hey Jazz," Danny greeted "Hey, Dash" he squeaked trying to sound as friendly and non-intimidating as possible.
"Hey Danny." Dash said as he turned around to greet the black haired teenager. Danny wasn't expecting this.
"He called me DANNY?" Danny thought to himself "And his eyes are glowing green! He looks like he's possessed, but I don't sense any ghosts." Obeying the ever-constant laws of irony, blue mist poured out of Danny's mouth. Blue mist also came out of Dash's mouth, but nobody really noticed at the time. From the kitchen cabinet, a smoggy cloud of green gas snaked out and transformed into a forty year old, squat, blue-skinned man wearing what seemed like a postal worker's outfit.
"I AM the BOX GHOST!" the postal worker hollered "King of cardboard containers! Sultan of squareness! Overlord of oblong objects! Ruler of--"
"Could you shut up?" Jazz said "I'm trying to tutor someone."
"Oh, is that so?" The Box Ghost asked "Well it looks like you're studying will come to an abrupt end," He levitated some cereal boxes in the air "When you are CRUSHED by...uh..." He looked at one of the boxes and read the description. "Uh...oh yeah! CRUSHED by Kellog's Rice Krispies cereal!" He tossed the box at Jazz, and missed horribly. Still, it was frightening and Jazz yelped as she ducked out of the way. The box of cereal crashed into a wall, and a bunch of Rice Krispies spilled out, shouting fake Japanese expletives. The Box Ghost looked at the sight in sheer horror.
"Oh no..." He moaned in fear "They are OVULAR!"
"Oh chi kee na ka soo way!" a cereal piece shouted.
"Zoo noo oh tie!" another one hollered.
"I cannot STAND rounded objects!" The Box Ghost cried "They are so UN-BOX-LIKE in every WAY." He turned intangible and flew out of the room, crying in agony. Fortunately, Danny didn't need to go ghost, since the battle was so easily won, so his secret identity was safe. At that moment, Dash shook his head wildly and his eyes returned to their original periwinkle sheen.
"Hey!" Dash shouted "What's twinkie doing in here! You're ruining my alone time with Jazz!"
"Okay, okay!" Danny said nervously, "I'll get out." As Danny left the room, Jazz sat back down to resume the lesson.
"Now, Dash," Jazz continued "What's the predicate nominative/adjective in this sentence: This filet mignon I was eating from Applebee's tastes too bitter for human consumption."
"Ya know," Dash interrupted, donning a love-struck expression "I think you're gorgeous when you say pred...predi...perdi...words I can't pronounce." Jazz sighed heavily and took out her tape recorder, and pushed the record button again.
"Easy come," she said in a defeated tone "Easy go." To everyone's surprise, The Box Ghost popped back into the room to leave a parting message.
"Uh...Beware!" he shouted as he left the room.
Oh, by the way, the part about Prufrock Prep and Mr. Remora was a reference to a Series of Unfortunate Events. It's a really good series, but my parents didn't like it because they don't like the idea of what's happening to those children. However, since I am not a parent, I can handle it. Besides the bad stuff and all, its really funny! I'm a bit obsessed by it now. So much that I drew a pic of the DP characters as AsoUE characters. I think it's pretty good. Anyway, I look forward to writing the rest of the fic, and if I ever get to "Frayed Timeline" I will have fun with Danny Masters. BTW, here's an excerpt from what I have written so far.
"Are you INSANE?!" Technus shouted "Oh wait, yes you are. But WHAT are you THINKING?"
"It's just a time machine." Vlad said "Making one should be child's play for a scientist of your caliber."
"It's not really a matter of whether I can build it or not," Technus started "It's a matter of changing time itself! Altering the timeline has serious consequences!"
"I'm only changing one event. I don't think that would do too much damage." Vlad stated.
"What're you changing?" Technus asked suspiciously.
"That fateful day when I became half-ghost." The billionaire answered.
"I was right. You ARE insane!" Technus shouted flabbergasted. "Why would you give up your halfa-ness? Ever since that accident, you've had astounding amounts of power, billions of dollars, and a relative amount of fame in the Ghost Zone! Why would you give all of that up?"
"For love..." Vlad answered dreamily.
"I swear, you halfas are so confusing sometimes." Technus mumbled to himself. "But hey, it's your money that's funding this, so I'm not complaining." He paced around the room for a bit. "Speaking of complaints, I just realized that I couldn't POSSIBLY build this own my own."
"WHAT?!" Vlad cried in astonishment.
"Yeah, I lied about the whole it's not a 'it's not a matter of whether I could build it or not' bit. It's near impossible to make a time altering device on my own."
"But...but..." Vlad sputtered.
"I'm gonna need Skulker's help on this one." Technus concluded.
"You mean you got me worked up for NOTHING?!" Vlad howled.
"Yep. I did."
I hope you liked it. Seeya next chapter!