Ladies and Gents, I present to you some now characters that I have abducted!

Sam: Whoop de doo.

Me: I present to you...Tucker, Dash, and Ember! (drags a hogtied Tucker, hogtie Dash, and hogtied Ember onto the set)

Tucker, Dash, and Ember: Why'd ya kidnap us?

Me: Tucker for comic relief, Dash to make fun of, and Ember because I like her music.

Ember: Sweet! Now tell me who you love, girly!

Me: Em-BER, Em-BER! (Ember grows her blue fiery ponytail back)

Ember: Yeah! Now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout!

Sam: What the hell did you do?!

Me: What? I like her with the ponytail. Lookit what's in between the frets of Ember's guitar! (zoom into Ember's guitar's frets that say 'ZAGRH8R doesn't own Danny Phantom')

Ember: You put this on my guitar? (really angry) They...must...DIE!!!

Ernest: (whistling innocently, if a duck can whistle)

(1) A French Poem. Translates into "I love two things, you and the rose. The rose for a day, and you for forever."

(2) Shel Silverstein is a poet. He did write a poem about a pet hotdog, I just can't remember it.

Like Mom and Apple Pie

It was around 4 after school when Sam finally got Danny out of his locker and into the mall. Sam was looking around for a place that sold pretzels that had an unpronounceable name, and Danny was curious about Malorie and her Shadow Shoppe.

"Hey, Sam," Danny began "You remember the other day when my ghost sense went off and trailed into the store?"

"Yeah," Sam answered "You told both Tucker and I about the fight with The Box Ghost, and the store owner giving you a free t-shirt and acting both scary and seductive at the same time. What about it?"

"You said it got built overnight, right Sam?" Danny inquired.

"Yea, why?"

"It just seems suspicious that an entire store could be up and running in just one night, and the lady said that she'd probably see me again."

"She could be crazy."

"And why is the store always so damn cold? You'd think that she'd turn up the thermostat a bit if she was wearing short sleeves. Not to mention the fact that I didn't feel scared or brave when facing Dash, or nervous when Malorie knew who I was."

"Hmmm, I think I see where you're going..."

Danny quickened his pace towards the Shadow Shoppe and Sam followed suit, understanding Danny's suspicions. Besides, she did need some new clothes so she might as well buy them there. As the couple walked into the cold gray store, they heard the blaring of heavy metal music, and saw various shoppers in browsing for t-shirts and such, including the more popular kids that wouldn't be seen dead at a Hot Topic. A door in the back opened up and Malorie stepped out from her room, with a "Jhonny the Homicidal Maniac" comic in hand. As she scanned her domain, her eyes rested on a specific customer...the one with the black hair, blue eyes, and the Happy Noodle Boy shirt.

"Hey, you!" she called "The one with the Happy Noodle Boy Shirt." Nobody really acknowledged her call, until Sam nudged Danny in the stomach and muttered, "YOU'RE wearing a Happy Noodle Boy shirt!" He quickly turned towards Malorie, wondering briefly what Happy Noodle Boy was.

"Where did you get that shirt?" Malorie asked suspiciously. Danny was about to explain, but then he realized that if he admitted that he was Danny Phantom, everybody would think he was a loon, and the media would probably stalk him for an eternity and a half. Malorie noted this silence carefully and asked, "Did you steal it?"

"No!" Danny quickly explained "Someone gave it to me!" Malorie, didn't look satisfied with the answer, especially not when she tackled him and pinned him to the ground.

"Yea," the goth gal sneered "You gave it to yourself after you stole it!"

"I didn't steal it! You have to believe me!!!" Danny said confusedly. Malorie suddenly released her grip and helped Danny to his feet.

"Of course not." She answered slyly. "This is a drill."

"Huh?" most of the patrons answered in response, turning toward the adroit assaulter.

"What you have just seen here," Malorie explained, "Was a shoplifting drill. If somebody actually stole something, then I or one of my employees would have called security." Her suspicious smirk turned immediately into a car salesman grin. "We at 'All About the Shadows' apologize for any inconvenience this drill has caused, and would like to offer a free tube of black cherry flavored lip balm to all of the customers who witnessed the drill as a compensation. Or consolation. Whatever they call it." She started handing the lip balm out to the customers as they left the shop. Some of the people sighed in relief, exhaling a whitish mist, possibly their breath in the cold store. After all of the customers exited, Malorie and her employees closed up shop, and went home. The only person left behind was Malorie herself. She simply went into her room and took out a yo-yo.

"So many people," Malorie snickered to herself "And so many profits in only two days. I knew this would end well. My little sister was a fool to gamble against me."

After going to the Shadow Shop, Sam and Danny met up with Tucker, who looked tired and dry.

"Tucker?" Sam asked "Why do you look so dry?"

"Dehydration contest." Tucker explained, "Hans Johan and I had a bet to see who could last the longest without water. Unfortunately, I won."

"Why did you have a dehydration contest?" Sam asked, taking out her complimentary chap stick.

"The prize was twenty five dollars." Tucker said eying the tube of lip balm enviously.

"If that's the prize, why did you say unfortunately?" Danny asked.

"Mom grounded me for acting stupid." Tucker said in defeat. "Hey, Sam, could I have your chap stick? My lips look as shredded as sharp cheese." Sam just shrugged her shoulders and gave Tucker the black and burgundy tube of lip relief.

"Speaking of grounded, could I have dinner at your place, Danny?" Sam asked.

"What does being grounded have to do with dinner at my house?" Danny asked.

"Absolutely nothing!" Tucker butted in. "She just wants an excuse to be around you, Danny!"

"That's not it!" Sam snapped.

"Then what is it?" Tucker asked. Sam didn't say anything about the matter, mainly because the question intruded into her personal life. Since other parents usually grounded their kids when they did something bad, the Mansons left Sam ungrounded. After all, they had other methods of punishment...

A twelve-year-old Sam walked down the staircase as she headed for dinner. Half of her hair looked the way it did normally, and the other half was cut off except for an inch long tuft of hair. Her exposed ear had two lavender earrings, and she had a black dog collar with a brass bell as a charm. She also wore a hunter green plaid tank top, black baggy pants, a studded black bracelet on her right arm, and her black combat boots. She had stayed out past her curfew past the last ten days for one reason or another.

"Hey mom," Sam said as he walked into the kitchen. "What's for dinner?"

"Cougar intestines with blue sauce and artichokes." Her mother answered happily. Sam resisted the urge to grimace at her mother's choice of cuisine. Not only because Sam was a vegetarian, but also because nobody really eats cougar intestines anyway.

"Don't worry, sweetie." Sam's mother replied, noticing her daughter suppressing the grimace. "Your meal is tofu with blue sauce and artichokes." Satisfied with the logic, Sam ate her meal. He mother had served this meal for over a week, and Sam was starting to get tired of it. Of course, she didn't have any major problems with the food until one Thursday night.

"M'm m'm!" Sam's father extolled "That is some good cougar! Oh, how I wish I had some more!" He looked down at his plate to find that he had eaten all of his cougar intestines, and when he looked at his wife's plate he discovered that she had done the same. He looked back at his plate with disdain, until he saw...salvation! Sam hadn't finished her meal yet! Sam's mother noticed the eager look in her husband's eyes and tried to calm him down.

"Um, dear." Sam's mom jittered, "It really is a shame that all of the cougar intestines have been eaten, right?" She desperately added a wink.

"Say, jujube." Sam's dad began "Could I have some of your food?"

"You mean the tofu or the artichokes?" Sam asked.

"Tofu? I didn't see your mom prepare any tofu." Sam's dad replied.

"Shhhhhhhhhhh!!!" Sam's mom hushed desperately. Sam looked at her plate in some disgust.

"You haven't?" Sam squeaked.

"Nope." Sam's dad answered. "In fact, I haven't seen your mother cook any tofu foods since that time we lectured you when you stayed out past your curfew." Sam's eyes bulged at the factoid, and her left eye began to twitch.

"Does this mean that I've been..."

"...eating cougar intestines for the last week." Sam's mother finished with a look of satisfaction on her face.

"But I'm a vegetarian!" Sam protested in a frightened tone. "How could you?!"

"Sammy, you didn't think you were off the hook just because you weren't grounded." Sam's mother explained. "We just found a different way to punish you." Sam howled a blood-curdling scream as she ran away from the horrid meat.

Jazz was busy typing her thesis on tutoring the untutorable on her newly repaired computer. It worked wonderfully, but since her parents repaired it, the computer was known to shout "Ghost! Ghost! GHOST!!!" on occasion. As she was saving her latest entry, she heard a scraping from outside the door. It sounded squishy with some dry areas. The scraping was replaced by soft knocking, and Jazz opened her door.

"What's with the odd noi—YEAAUGH!!!" Jazz screamed as she saw a ham like disc, covered with burns and holding a bouquet of roses by its side.

"Bon soir, ma cher." It said in a Canadian accent as it pushed the bouquet towards Jazz. She looked down at the meat with confusion.

"Canadian bacon?" Jazz asked skeptically. "What are you doing here?"

"Wah, ah ahm just proclaymeeng ma love for you, ma cher." The Canadian bacon replied as he cleared his throat.

"Ah haf a poe-ehm for you."(1) The bacon proclaimed in a sing-songy voice.

"J'amore duex choses, toi et le rose. Le rose pour un jour et tu pour tourjour." When the bacon finished, he took a bow and tilted towards Jazz expectantly.

"Well," Jazz said, fishing for the words, "That's...really...nice..."

"Jazz! It's time for dinner!" a female voice from downstairs called. Jazz immediately rushed downstairs and prayed that they weren't having pork for dinner. Unfortunately, to her dismay, dinner was the hotdogs from her mother's earlier invention. Some of the hotdogs snarled rapidly, and the others looked like they were sleeping. Danny eyed the wieners suspiciously, Jack had tears welling up in his eyes, and Sam was just folding her arms.

"See? This is one of the reasons I'm a vegetarian." Sam explained. "You never know when the meat will bite you back."

"Jack, I know these hotdogs mean a lot to you," Maddie explained as she cut up some of her string beans. "And I know that you raised them like they were your children, but they have to go, and this is only way."

"But..." Jack sniffed "But...why can't we give them to a kennel, or the ASPCA, or some poor little kid who wants a friendly ghost hunting companion?"

"Jack, nobody wants a hotdog as a pet." Maddie reasoned.

"Really? What about Shel Silverstein?(2)" Jack sneered. One of the more wrinkled hotdogs howled woefully, and Jack picked up the hotdog and stroked it.

"It's okay, Oscar." Jack lulled. "I won't let you or May R. get eaten buy the big bad family."

"What?!" Maddie shouted in insult.

"Aw come on! If they have to die, which they don't, I don't want them to die in fear!" Jack argued.

"I'll take care of the hotdogs." Sam offered.

"Are you sure?" Maddie asked in confusion. "I mean, what would your parents say?"

"They'd probably approve." Sam said.

"That's what I'm afraid of." Maddie replied. The Fentons and Sam started eating their dinner, and in the middle of their meal the phone began to ring. Nobody really noticed because everybody was talking. After five rings, a loud whirring noise was heard with a few clunks, and then the answering machine turned on.

"Hello, you have reached the Fentons' residence." A recording of Jack's voice greeted "If you are a ghost, then the Fenton Answering Machine has probably trapped you inside. If you are a human, we can't reach the phone right now, so leave a message at the beep." The answering machine released a high-pitched beep and Sam said to herself, "That explains why Danny always has someone else call his house before he talks to anyone."

"Sammy?" Sam's mother inquired from the phone. "Are you there? Why haven't you shown up for dinner? Do you want us to replace your vegetables with replicas that are made from meat?" Jack excused himself from the table as his eyes turned lime green with black pupils.

"Hello?" he asked as he answered the phone, "Yes, this is Jack Fenton, Danny's dad, the head of the household, and certainly not Danny pretending to be him over the phone." He paused for a moment as he listened to Sam's mom. "Yes. Mm hmm. Yea. Well, of course not! Whaddaya mean 'maladjusted'?! No, really, I'm not sure what it means. Okay. Okay. Seeya." He walked back to the table and sat down in his seat, eying the living hotdogs oddly.

"What did my mom want?" Sam asked nervously.

"She said she was just concerned about where you were," Jack answered "Mainly because the weather reports said there was going to be a—" All of the lights in the house went out, leaving Sam and the Fentons in total darkness, except for Jack's glowing green eyes.

"—blackout." Jack finished. Sam got up from the table and tired to feel her way through the darkness.

"Sam, where are you going?" Danny asked in concern.

"Just looking for a flashlight." Sam answered as she grabbed a tube-like object. She found a rubber lump on the tube, pressed down on it, and white light poured from the tube.

"Don't you think you should stay here until they get the power back on?" Danny asked, ducking to avoid the beam of light.

"I don't want to worry my parents more than I already have." Sam said as she picked up a box with two hotdogs in it and headed for the door. "By the way, could I borrow this to get home?"

"Sure," Jack said, "Go ahead." As Sam left the room, it was flooded with pitch-blackness. Jack rubbed his eyes and felt around frantically for something. After many minutes of searching, he hollered "My Fenton Flashlight is missing!!!"

Ember: In exchange for thanking the reviewers, ZAGRH8R has agreed to get rid of the carvings in my frets and hurt Ernest since he did it.

Ernest: (shudders)

Khrystiana: You have unusually short reviews. But ZAGRH8R thanks you anyway. You get an iPod with the song "Remember My Name" by me, Ember, on it.

Random Reviewer: Don't feel glum about you constantly saying 'Dude'. I saw 'dipstick' a lot, but whadda I care? Kudos for the kudos, and I always thought that the biggest insult was being called a pussy. ZAGRH8R also thanks you, and wishes you good luck when you say that things are straight. You get a plushie of me, Ember! And for the record, ZAGRH8R's a dude-ette.

Cybertoy 00: ZAGRH8R is sorry to say that she doesn't know what a Dead Juju is, because she never played the game. You get an Ember poster, signed by the one and only.

Ghostly Hamburger: So? Evil's good! You just gotta learn to APPRECIATE IT! You like D/S eh? Maybe I'll play Cupid again...

Danny: Gulp

Sam:...

Danny: You're supposed to gulp!

Ember: Whatever! You get one of my CDs! And Jhonen Vasquez is the creator of Invader ZIM.

BlackJaan: She knows the feeling. She says it feels like an eternity and a half since she last updated. You get an Ember wig.

WormmonABC: Busch Gardens, eh? Didja go on Apollo's Chariot? And you'll be seeing more of Valerie in the future. You get an outfit exactly the same as mine, with make up!

Sakura Scout: She's glad to hear her story's one of your favorites! And what is Vlad planning indeed? And Danny MIGHT get more respect, but ZAGRH8R kinda doesn't know who saw Danny stand up to Dash. Besides, it doesn't mean that much if he doesn't have courage. You get an Ember t-shirt.

Firehedgehog: Your short reviews give Khrystiana a run for her money. You get the old expired tickets to my free concert that would have made me queen of the world. Believe me, if I was, I wouldn't be doing this here. I wouldn't even be here.

Cheerin4danny: She still doesn't see your URL. Maybe you should replace the .'s with (dot)'s. You get my autobiography.

Tucker: It's thin as a wafer.

Ember: SHUT IT DIPSTICK!!!

Aura Spectre: Yeah, she read The Grim Grotto. Says she can't wait for the next book so she can find out more about Kit. Did you read it yet? You get a hug from me, because I'm all out of merchandise.

Me: That's why you shouldn't give away narcissistic gifts. And if you find the special thing in chapter three or this chapter, I'll do a fanart request for you, and will post it on deviantart as soon as my scanner stops being evil and not letting me scan. Read and review!