Here it is, at last! The critically acclaimed masterwork of How Gendo Does Christmas is finally back in action. Due to a minor system crash, I was unable to post this story earlier, but here it is, all shiny and new! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: yes, I do own Evangelion! (Note: today is opposite day)
Near the Summit of Mt. Asama, 11:43 AM
Gendo slowly approached the entrance to the cabin and reached a shaky hand toward the knob. Before he grabbed it, he turned his head to look at the group. Impatience and murder rested in their eyes. He gulped loudly.
"This won't be so bad…" he turned to the door and grabbed the knob, and, with a loud poof, the door disintegrated. As the dust cleared, Gendo looked down at the rusted knob resting in his white-gloved hand. Then he looked back at the pile of snow covering their bus, then to the knob, then finally to the group. The crackling of bones could be heard as a grin slowly crossed his face for the first time anyone could remember.
He lost it.
"We are going to have a good Christmas… GoOd ChRiStMaS!" He said in a hysteric voice. Moving as one, the group took a giant step backward.
"He's finally cracked…" Kaji whispered to Fuyutsuki, who stood speechless, his lips slightly parted.
"He's right. Gendo's sense of reason doesn't seem to be working full throttle." Ritsuko motioned. They all looked over at Gendo, who had put the doorknob up his nose. Everyone sorta nodded in agreement. After a few minutes of pulling himself together, Gendo gestured for the group to enter. They hesitantly complied. The cabin was… rustic? Yeah, let's go with that. Rustic.
"Well, this isn't so bad…" Kaji remarked optimistically, "Look, this is a solid oak floor!" He stomped twice before falling through to the floor below. "And there's a kick- ass basement down here!"
Once everyone was situated, they took a look at their surroundings. The found themselves in a large room that was two stories tall. The second story overlooked the first from a balcony overhead in front of them. A fireplace stood on the wall to their right, surrounded by a couch, a few armchairs, and a coffee table. To their left was a set of stairs that led to the second story, which held several bedrooms and a full bathroom. Directly in front of them where the separate entrances to what appeared to be a kitchen, a small bathroom, a den, and a large bedroom, respectively. The whole place was rundown, dreary, and smelled of fierce animal love. They all shuddered at once. Don't ask me how Kaji got back up.
"We should probably get unpacked…" Hikari spoke up.
"Agreed. The sub-commander and I will take the master bedroom." Gendo said stoically. Fuyutsuki gulped. Everyone else quivered.
The group carefully made their way up the rotting stairwell to find three small bedrooms, each containing two full-sized beds and a large, dusty dresser.
"What! But, there are twelve of us! How the hell are we gonna sleep here?" Asuka ranted. Misato pondered for a moment, before she decided the best course of action.
"Okay, we'll split up in an orderly, and appropriate fashion" she said. Asuka huffed, knowing this destroyed her chances of being in the same bed as Kaji.
"The six children will take the first room, with the girls in one bed, and the boys in the other." She explained
"You mean I have to sleep in the same bed as her!" Asuka flared, pointing an accusing finger at the impassive Rei.
"I know it'll be cramped, but for the time being, we'll have to make due."
"Unglaublich…" Asuka seethed, "Unbelievable…"
"Ritsuko, Maya and I will take the second bedroom," Misato continued, "but two of us will have to share a bed."
"I will share with Dr. Akagi!" Maya beamed, glancing dreamily at the doctor.
"Okaaayyyy… then that leaves you three guys with the final bedroom" Misato motioned to Kaji, Shigeru, and Makoto, who nodded in acceptance,
"Right, then! Lets get unpacked!"
Downstairs, in the Master Bedroom
Fuyutsuki tried to break the awkward silence with the commander with small talk.
"So, how'd you find this place?" He cautioned, glancing at the doorknob in his nose.
"My father used to take me here as a child. It's the only house to survive Second Impact in the entire Kanto region." Gendo responded, a hint of dreaminess in his voice.
"So that must be why this place is so run down!"
"It is not run down! It's well loved!" He said matter-of-factly.
"Aha…" Fuyutsuki watched as Gendo unpacked his belongings. "…I like your jammies." He was struck with a snotty doorknob.
Upstairs, in the Children's Bedroom
"I cant even BELIEVE this!" Asuka was having a fit as the others unpacked their clothes in silence, trying to tolerate the yelling. "And what was Misato thinking when she put me in a room with you four idiots!" She was referring, of course, to the Three Stooges and Wondergirl. Asuka loved having Hikari around, seeing as they were best friends.
In the Women's Bedroom
"Well, I guess this isn't so bad…" Misato was lucky enough to select the least crappy bedroom.
"Yes, I think the others are just over reacting…" Dr. Akagi mused in response.
As Misato dug feverishly through her belongings, something feathery and puffy suddenly leapt from her duffle bag. "Pen-Pen! You little stowaway! What are you doing in my bag?" Misato rubbed his head.
"Wark wark wark! (Insolent bitch! You placed me in this polyester prison in a feeble attempt to bring me along on this madman's masquerade!)"
"Aw, you should have told me if you wanted to come along!" Misato said picking him up onto her lap.
"Wark Wark! (Unhand me, vile wench! Curse the day you took me from my Antarctic home!)" He flashed back to the day he was taken from the Genetic R&D Department in NERV, but was quickly brought back to reality by the touch of Misato's hand tickling his belly. "Wark! (You sick woman!)"
In the Men's Bedroom
Shigeru and Makoto watched wide-eyed as Kaji unpacked several fresh-picked watermelons from his duffle bag.
"What?" He asked defensively.
Downstairs, in the Living Room, 3:26 PM
"I assume you have all unpacked?" Gendo asked as the group descended the stairs to meet him and the Sub-Commander in the living room. He appeared to have regained some of his stolid, icy demeanor.
"Yes sir, Commander, we all just finished." Misato said as she descended the stairs, leading the group behind her with a pissed Pen-Pen in her arms.
"And were is the Second Child?" Gendo queried.
"Asuka?" Misato looked over to Hikari, expecting her to know.
"I thought she was behind Shinji." She said, looking to the startled boy, along with the rest of the group.
At a loss for words, Shinji stammered "Oh, uh, well, I think she stayed, in, uh, the room, when we left…"
Misato sighed, "Ah, well, let her come out when she's ready"
Upstairs, in the Children's Bedroom
"This it so stupid! I could be at home, taking a nice, warm shower right now, but here I am, stuck, for who knows how long, in an under-heated rotting pile of splinters with no way to get home! It's ludicrous!" Asuka was fuming mad as she plopped down on the bed, laying her head on the ratty pillow. She immediately sat back up, however, and looked back down at the pillow with a puzzled stare. Something wasn't quite right with the way it felt. Not just lumpy, but… warm? She cautiously brought a finger to the surface and poked it. A slight stirring, then silence. 'Peculiar…' she thought. Then, ever so slowly, she hooked a finger into the opening of the pillow case and, lifting it open, peered inside…
Downstairs, in the Living Room
"Our top priority now is to locate a source of food" Gendo stated, his cold attitude back in action. He opened his mouth to speak again, but was cut off by an ear-shattering screech from the children's bedroom.
"Asuka!" Misato cried as she ran back up the stairs, the rest of the group on her heels. She burst through the door to find a flailing Asuka with a brownish, furry object clinging to her face. All the group could do was stare in confusion, no one really sure of what to do. Then, without any warning, an enigmatic Rei Ayanami walked coolly to the screaming child and in one swift motion, brought the furry ball from Asuka's face, and lowered it to the ground, where it scurried off into a fairly large sized hole in the wall.
"A raccoon!" Toji exclaimed.
"It… It was h-humping my eyeballs…" Asuka said, her eyes wide and bloodshot.
Later that Night, in the Living Room, 6:45 PM
"Well, this sucks…" Kensuke said as the group sat on the couches, surveying the freeze-dried food that Gendo had found. It turns out that the commander and his father left it here when he was younger. The only source of light was that of the fire Ritsuko had lit in the fireplace. The wood was so dry, however, that it was burning fast.
"A couple of bags of peanuts, 27 cans of tuna, and about 600 bags of instant ramen." Hikari motioned.
"This sure isn't my idea of a good Christmas…"Shigeru said. Gendo perked is head up suddenly.
"What do you mean 'not your idea of a good Christmas'? This is going to be the best Christmas EVER! We'll start tomorrow by cutting down our own tree, and we'll sing Christmas carols in the snow! This is gonna be great!"
Everyone sighed heavily.
"We should probably get to bed. It's best to get an early night…" Misato spoke up. Everyone nodded and began making their way upstairs.
In the Children's Bedroom
Shinji lay on his bed in the darkened room, between the forms of Toji and Kensuke, looking up at yet another unfamiliar ceiling.
'Sigh. Well, maybe this wont be so bad…' he thought to himself. Suddenly he felt movement from Kensuke, and heard a light slapping sound from beneath the sheets. Shinji groaned. Maybe I thought too soon…
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Well, that's it for this chapter. Hope you liked it! I just know you did… thank you to my German translator MyWay, and thank you to all who have helped me translate the language properly. Also, I know it's a little Americanized, but I think it's funny, so I apologize if it detracts from the story at all. Thank you for reading, and I promise to update more frequently.