Snippets
(A/N: First of all, HERE THERE BE SPOILERS. Now, I don't think anybody's reading this who hasn't seen season 4, and if you haven't why are you wasting time on fic when you could be? In any case, this tiny ficbit contains major spoilers for the end of season 4, for obvious reasons. None of them belong to me- more's the pity, as always. Angst alert. A sort of companion piece to Duality, dedicated to my lady Joannie M, who asked for it.)
I'm sorry.
I was a coward. I am a coward. I'm doing this out of fear. I'm doing this out of love. I don't know why I'm doing this.
If this works, when you wake up, you'll want an explanation. It's the kind of person you are- you always need to know why, don't you? Mysteries upset you. And this? I can't explain it. Love is the greatest mystery of all. Call me a romantic, call me a fool, I love you. I don't want you to die.
It's not fair. We had already won. Blind, stupid luck would end it, for you, for us, for everything. You have so much still to live for, so much left to do. Sheridan will need you, now. I'll need you. But I won't be here, will I? That's irony for you, Susan- I'm going to die, for you, because I can't bear the thought of living without you. It scares me too much. Selfish, you'd say? Cowardly? Probably. But I'm thinking of the greater good.
In the grander scheme of things, my love- I can call you that, can I not? In my own mind, in these last moments, as I feel the life draining out of me?- in the grander scheme of things, you simply have a larger part to play. You are a leader of men and women, a supporter of leaders stronger than yourself. You are the Voice of the Resistance. That's a lot, my love. And I am just a simple Ranger, a reluctant one at that, who never led, never wanted more than the simple life. I'd be a waste, really. I'm not looking for pity, or feeling sorry for myself. But there's a reason I love you, Susan- you're someone special. They need you alive far more than they need me. I need you. If I die, knowing that you live, it's enough as a life's work, don't you think? Never say a Ranger isn't stubborn.
You'll never know just how much I loved you. You think you don't deserve love, don't you? You do. I hope you learn it someday. I wish I could stick around and teach you.
Tell Delenn I'm sorry. I am a Ranger. I've lived for the One, but I'm dying for you. I love you. I'm sorry.