One pulled into the parking lot and immediately felt relief. They were glad
this last job was over. Tonight they had delivered an exile to the
Merovingian, one that they had been tracking for weeks. One looked at Two,
but said nothing. There was no need. They could read each other's thoughts.
"We didn't enjoy that assignment." Two thought. "The Merovingian gave us a choice."
"We are formidable, that exile was weak. We're sad that we didn't get to blow anything up, that's all." One shot back.
"Let's get some pancakes" was Two's only answer.
They liked this place because it was clean, new and because the waitress didn't scare easily. The human's name was Betty. Most human's were terrified of them even if they hadn't seen them ghost, this one had seen One in ghost form, connected that it was One and screamed and cursed but still refused to leave her job. It was impressive, for a human.
Plus she left them alone and they returned the favor. That was rare. Human females tended to find them attractive if they didn't find them terrifying. It annoyed One a great deal if the server, male or female, hit on them. Two grinned when he remembered the last place they'd eaten before they found this place. One had thrown his switchblade at a waitress who was giggling and whispering with the cook instead of bringing him his coffee. The girl moved at the last minute or she'd have got it in the back of the neck. Then the cook started screaming, the manager came running; it was a disaster.
Betty treated them like any other customer. They tipped big. It worked out. After three AM the place was usually pretty empty. From four to five, it was deserted. That was their favorite time to come in. The only person they saw regularly was a girl. She sat in the back with a pile of books and seemed to ignore them, so they returned the favor. Then Two caught her smirking as she watched a pair of drunks trying to eat gravy with a fork. She was tricky about watching.
Once she saw something she wanted to watch, she'd hold her book up like she was reading. Then she'd watch out of the corner of her eye between pages. She didn't watch all the time, so One thought it must be her way of taking a break. They tried to catch her watching them, but hadn't ever been certain she was until the night they'd worn tanks to the IHOP. They did it on purpose; they knew from long experience female humans enjoyed the forms the Merovingian gave them. It was one of the few nice things he did for them.
One and Two liked to play jokes, liked to make the humans feel uncomfortable, liked to cause chaos big or small. They were by nature tricksters. The Merovingian made them assassins; it fit in well with their ability to create destruction, but it conflicted with their love of play. Before they were exiles, they were weather programs in charge of storms, tornados, hurricane, typhoons but also in charge of clear skies, spring rain, rainbows and fluffy clouds. They caused death, but they also brought natural beauty and innocent pleasure. The Merovingian had little use for natural beauty and innocent pleasure, but he valued them for their ability to create destruction.
At first the girl couldn't stop glancing at them. To make it obvious they'd caught her looking, One and Two started flexing their muscles like they were in an infomercial for an exercise product. Two swore he'd caught her blushing, but One doubted it. By the time they left she was so deep into her studies she didn't even notice they were leaving. One was a bit irritated at that, not many females would pick books over them. Two felt curious about the girl. She was really not very attractive, as far as they could tell under all those baggy ugly clothes, but something about her interested them.
They were forbidden from having humans as friends. Sex partners, of course, but friends were not allowed. The Merovingian viewed that as the precursor to betrayal. He said that was what caused the Oracle to side with the humans, and Seraph to betray him and serve her. The Merovingian seemed to view humans as weak and insignificant, then in the same breath, forbid his exiles any friendly contact with them. So, of course, when the Twins came to work for the Merovingian, they tried to make friends any chance they got, they were just really bad at it. Most of the time they were too busy to try anymore. Still, it bugged them that they hadn't been able to make a single friend, since nearly all humans had no trouble.
Most humans avoided them, tried to have sex with them, or, occasionally, laughed at them. They tried making friends with women they picked up for sex. This did not work out well. Two remembered well the last time he tried that. He and the woman had wild all night sex and in the morning, when he told her he wanted to be friends, she had slapped his face and stalked out cursing at the top of her lungs. One had memories of similar circumstance.
Maybe they could try with the girl. She could not be interested in sex, the way she dressed. But, she also didn't seem interested in companionship. She was always alone. They would ask Betty about her.
One and Two walked into the IHOP but deliberately ignored the girl who appeared to be deep in her books. It was four-thirty AM, and the girl would leave before the breakfast rush began. They would have a few minutes to ask Betty about her then. Ever since One's stunt, the chances of becoming friends with Betty were nil. She was professional and obviously willing to overlook a lot for money, but even the Twins knew that friendship was more than paid tolerance.
"Stop it Two. She is going to see you and then she will leave." One hissed at Two who kept looking over his shoulder at the girl often enough that Betty had noticed him and raised her eyebrows at them both.
"I am not obvious. I am a trained" Two started to say, then shut up when Betty walked up. Both turned to look at her with expressionless faces.
Betty looked at them for a second, then said "She asked about you guys."
One looked at Two, Two looked at One. Neither said a word.
"Ok, it just looked like your brother here was going to twist his head off trying to get a look." Betty said sarcastically, then indicated Two.
"We had a neck cramp." Two said flatly. "We were trying to loosen it up."
"Uh, right, ok, neck cramp. Sure." Betty smiled and started to walk away.
"What did she ask?" One said quietly before she could leave.
"She asked who you were and what I knew about you." Betty paused, "That's all."
One smirked "And you told her what?"
"The truth of course." Betty now looked irritated and a tiny bit worried.
"Oh, great One. Now the girl knows we are not human. Just great." Two thought to One.
"She won't believe it. They never do." One replied, irritated.
"Why don't you talk to her yourself?" Betty said, "She's friendly but doesn't like to talk much, just like you two. I know she's studying to be a doctor, so she doesn't have much free time. Buy her breakfast. Oh, and take those sunglasses off, she asked if you guys were Albanians or something because you always wore those sunglasses."
"We are not Albanians," One was livid, "and"
"We are ready for our pancakes!" Two interjected.
Betty, looking a little freaked, went to check on the food.
"We are not switching restaurants because we can not control our temper!" Two thought at One furiously.
One sat looking grumpy and annoyed. Neither of them saw the girl get up, check out and leave.
"Where'd she go?" One thought to Two
"Probably scared off by our grumpy face. We are facing her table." Two thought back.
One looked uncomfortable and shifted about a bit. "We are tired of that question about our sunglasses. We are not albinos or Albanians, we just "
"like them." Two finished, then sighed.
"We could take them off in the IHOP, I guess. We are not working. Maybe humans would find us more friendly if we did." One's voice got a little more cheery.
"Betty is honest. We could ask her what she thinks." Two said hopefully. Neither twin trusted anyone to give advice, normally. At the Château everyone was out for themselves only. They didn't have any friends. Who would they ask? The Oracle? She wouldn't help them, they worked for the Merovingian. They had to figure everything out by themselves. Most of the time the contact they had with other people and programs consisted of chasing, screaming, shooting, fighting etc-not the best way to develop social skills.
Betty brought back two steaming plates of pancakes, set them down on the table and turned to leave.
"Betty, do you think we'd seem more, umm, would we, why does it bother people for us to wear sunglasses?" One blurted out.
Betty gave him a long look. "It's not just the sunglasses." She said, then waited to see how One would react. "Why do you care?"
Which was a good question, Two thought, why did they care? He didn't know. Something about this place, Betty, the girl, made them feel sort of welcome. Nobody messed with them. Nobody even wanted to mess with them.
One just kept looking at her, until Betty sighed and pulled up a chair.
"Ok, it's like this. People don't trust people who hide their eyes. You know it's intimidating, that's why you do it, right?"
"Right." One answered. "But why does it intimidate them?"
"It's the whole package, sweetie. How many people do you see dressed like you two always do? Plus you match. Most grown-up twins don't wear matching clothing. The first time I saw you guys, I thought you were pimps." Betty paused. "Then I thought you were pimp ghosts. Now I don't know what the hell you are, but I know it's not like everyone else."
"Pimps?" Two asked incredulously. "You thought we were pimps?"
"Pimps." Betty affirmed.
"Why did you think we were pimps?" Two asked. One was silently struggling with his temper. They'd asked.
"Well, you both looked mean, sexy and over-dressed. You wear matching big flashy rings." One and Two self-consciously covered the ring that signaled them as the Merovingian's henchmen. They hated the big gaudy thing. "You only show up after four AM, usually most hookers are off work by then. I mean, why would anyone else be out at four looking like you guys? Do you see anyone else in here looking like that?"
One and Two sat in stunned silence. Her words actually made sense. They did look like pimps.
"Oh, and sometimes you wear regular clothes, but when you dress up it is always in that same outfit. I knew a pimp once who always wore a purple jacket. Said it made him easier for the girls to spot. I figured that's what you were doing."
"We are not pimps." One said sounding very, very calm and enunciating every word so it sounded more like "We Are Not Pimps."
"Lookit, you asked." Betty said then started to get up.
"We're sorry, please stay." Two said. "We aren't pimps." One looked stunned, Two never apologized.
"Well, I KNOW you're not pimps." Betty said and then looked at One who looked as innocent as possible. "But, yeah, that's what you look like."
"What would we need to do to look more, more" What One wanted to say was human.
"Friendly?" Betty supplied.
"Yes, friendly." One answered.
"You really want to know? You won't get mad?" Betty said nervously.
"Yes. And we promise not to act mad." One said, mainly because Two was giving him A Look.
"Well, first of all, no jokes." Betty paused and looked at One. He gazed at her peacefully, the very picture of innocence.
"You've got to stop wearing matching outfits. It's weird. Take off your sunglasses. Smile."
One smiled at her but it came off looking more like a grimace of pain. They both took off their glasses. Their eyes were a brilliant Coke bottle green. Betty looked at them appraisingly.
"You should wear green, maybe blue, some other color besides gray. If you simply have to wear sunglasses inside, after dark, wear tinted lenses that people can see through. It's hard to trust someone if you can't see their eyes. It looks like they are hiding something. Try not to wear that uniform all the time; it's too fancy for the IHOP. Jeans and T-shirt, something like that."
Betty paused and looked at One to see if he was getting angry. He seemed calm, so she continued.
"You guys sit here silently and never talk. You stare at each other. Umm, I don't know how to say this, but, umm, that's not how most brothers, umm, act." Betty was clearly uncomfortable with this statement, but One and Two had no idea why.
"What do you mean?" One asked. "How do brothers behave?"
Betty leaned back, then forward, a worried look on her face. "Uh, you don't know?"
One and Two shrugged.
"Ok, well, are you guys from another planet? Are you? It's ok if you are, I just gotta know, are you? That would explain a lot. I won't tell, and I'll help you learn how to behave human because right now you guys suck at it." Betty says this all in a rush then stands up like she's getting ready to run.
One looked at Two, thought "What do we say?"
Two paused, then thought back "She's going to give us useful information. We say yes."
"Yes we are." One said solemnly.
Betty's eyes got as big as pancakes. "Ohmigod." She sat down heavily in the chair. "Aliens in the IHOP. Why are you here, what is your purpose?"
"Our ship crashed." Two said. "We are stuck here."
"No one is coming for you?" Betty said sadly.
"No, it is not our way." Two intoned.
"It is not our way?" One snickered mentally to Two. "You sound like an excerpt from Mystery Science Theatre 3000. 'It is not the way of the Pod people of planet Borzon.'"
"Do you think you could help us fit in?" Two asked hopefully.
"Sure thing, guys. Try some of what I suggested, then tell me how it works for you. Hey, I have to get back to work, the breakfast rush is about to start." Betty hurried back to the kitchen, smiling. Aliens, she knew real aliens. Cool.
"We didn't enjoy that assignment." Two thought. "The Merovingian gave us a choice."
"We are formidable, that exile was weak. We're sad that we didn't get to blow anything up, that's all." One shot back.
"Let's get some pancakes" was Two's only answer.
They liked this place because it was clean, new and because the waitress didn't scare easily. The human's name was Betty. Most human's were terrified of them even if they hadn't seen them ghost, this one had seen One in ghost form, connected that it was One and screamed and cursed but still refused to leave her job. It was impressive, for a human.
Plus she left them alone and they returned the favor. That was rare. Human females tended to find them attractive if they didn't find them terrifying. It annoyed One a great deal if the server, male or female, hit on them. Two grinned when he remembered the last place they'd eaten before they found this place. One had thrown his switchblade at a waitress who was giggling and whispering with the cook instead of bringing him his coffee. The girl moved at the last minute or she'd have got it in the back of the neck. Then the cook started screaming, the manager came running; it was a disaster.
Betty treated them like any other customer. They tipped big. It worked out. After three AM the place was usually pretty empty. From four to five, it was deserted. That was their favorite time to come in. The only person they saw regularly was a girl. She sat in the back with a pile of books and seemed to ignore them, so they returned the favor. Then Two caught her smirking as she watched a pair of drunks trying to eat gravy with a fork. She was tricky about watching.
Once she saw something she wanted to watch, she'd hold her book up like she was reading. Then she'd watch out of the corner of her eye between pages. She didn't watch all the time, so One thought it must be her way of taking a break. They tried to catch her watching them, but hadn't ever been certain she was until the night they'd worn tanks to the IHOP. They did it on purpose; they knew from long experience female humans enjoyed the forms the Merovingian gave them. It was one of the few nice things he did for them.
One and Two liked to play jokes, liked to make the humans feel uncomfortable, liked to cause chaos big or small. They were by nature tricksters. The Merovingian made them assassins; it fit in well with their ability to create destruction, but it conflicted with their love of play. Before they were exiles, they were weather programs in charge of storms, tornados, hurricane, typhoons but also in charge of clear skies, spring rain, rainbows and fluffy clouds. They caused death, but they also brought natural beauty and innocent pleasure. The Merovingian had little use for natural beauty and innocent pleasure, but he valued them for their ability to create destruction.
At first the girl couldn't stop glancing at them. To make it obvious they'd caught her looking, One and Two started flexing their muscles like they were in an infomercial for an exercise product. Two swore he'd caught her blushing, but One doubted it. By the time they left she was so deep into her studies she didn't even notice they were leaving. One was a bit irritated at that, not many females would pick books over them. Two felt curious about the girl. She was really not very attractive, as far as they could tell under all those baggy ugly clothes, but something about her interested them.
They were forbidden from having humans as friends. Sex partners, of course, but friends were not allowed. The Merovingian viewed that as the precursor to betrayal. He said that was what caused the Oracle to side with the humans, and Seraph to betray him and serve her. The Merovingian seemed to view humans as weak and insignificant, then in the same breath, forbid his exiles any friendly contact with them. So, of course, when the Twins came to work for the Merovingian, they tried to make friends any chance they got, they were just really bad at it. Most of the time they were too busy to try anymore. Still, it bugged them that they hadn't been able to make a single friend, since nearly all humans had no trouble.
Most humans avoided them, tried to have sex with them, or, occasionally, laughed at them. They tried making friends with women they picked up for sex. This did not work out well. Two remembered well the last time he tried that. He and the woman had wild all night sex and in the morning, when he told her he wanted to be friends, she had slapped his face and stalked out cursing at the top of her lungs. One had memories of similar circumstance.
Maybe they could try with the girl. She could not be interested in sex, the way she dressed. But, she also didn't seem interested in companionship. She was always alone. They would ask Betty about her.
One and Two walked into the IHOP but deliberately ignored the girl who appeared to be deep in her books. It was four-thirty AM, and the girl would leave before the breakfast rush began. They would have a few minutes to ask Betty about her then. Ever since One's stunt, the chances of becoming friends with Betty were nil. She was professional and obviously willing to overlook a lot for money, but even the Twins knew that friendship was more than paid tolerance.
"Stop it Two. She is going to see you and then she will leave." One hissed at Two who kept looking over his shoulder at the girl often enough that Betty had noticed him and raised her eyebrows at them both.
"I am not obvious. I am a trained" Two started to say, then shut up when Betty walked up. Both turned to look at her with expressionless faces.
Betty looked at them for a second, then said "She asked about you guys."
One looked at Two, Two looked at One. Neither said a word.
"Ok, it just looked like your brother here was going to twist his head off trying to get a look." Betty said sarcastically, then indicated Two.
"We had a neck cramp." Two said flatly. "We were trying to loosen it up."
"Uh, right, ok, neck cramp. Sure." Betty smiled and started to walk away.
"What did she ask?" One said quietly before she could leave.
"She asked who you were and what I knew about you." Betty paused, "That's all."
One smirked "And you told her what?"
"The truth of course." Betty now looked irritated and a tiny bit worried.
"Oh, great One. Now the girl knows we are not human. Just great." Two thought to One.
"She won't believe it. They never do." One replied, irritated.
"Why don't you talk to her yourself?" Betty said, "She's friendly but doesn't like to talk much, just like you two. I know she's studying to be a doctor, so she doesn't have much free time. Buy her breakfast. Oh, and take those sunglasses off, she asked if you guys were Albanians or something because you always wore those sunglasses."
"We are not Albanians," One was livid, "and"
"We are ready for our pancakes!" Two interjected.
Betty, looking a little freaked, went to check on the food.
"We are not switching restaurants because we can not control our temper!" Two thought at One furiously.
One sat looking grumpy and annoyed. Neither of them saw the girl get up, check out and leave.
"Where'd she go?" One thought to Two
"Probably scared off by our grumpy face. We are facing her table." Two thought back.
One looked uncomfortable and shifted about a bit. "We are tired of that question about our sunglasses. We are not albinos or Albanians, we just "
"like them." Two finished, then sighed.
"We could take them off in the IHOP, I guess. We are not working. Maybe humans would find us more friendly if we did." One's voice got a little more cheery.
"Betty is honest. We could ask her what she thinks." Two said hopefully. Neither twin trusted anyone to give advice, normally. At the Château everyone was out for themselves only. They didn't have any friends. Who would they ask? The Oracle? She wouldn't help them, they worked for the Merovingian. They had to figure everything out by themselves. Most of the time the contact they had with other people and programs consisted of chasing, screaming, shooting, fighting etc-not the best way to develop social skills.
Betty brought back two steaming plates of pancakes, set them down on the table and turned to leave.
"Betty, do you think we'd seem more, umm, would we, why does it bother people for us to wear sunglasses?" One blurted out.
Betty gave him a long look. "It's not just the sunglasses." She said, then waited to see how One would react. "Why do you care?"
Which was a good question, Two thought, why did they care? He didn't know. Something about this place, Betty, the girl, made them feel sort of welcome. Nobody messed with them. Nobody even wanted to mess with them.
One just kept looking at her, until Betty sighed and pulled up a chair.
"Ok, it's like this. People don't trust people who hide their eyes. You know it's intimidating, that's why you do it, right?"
"Right." One answered. "But why does it intimidate them?"
"It's the whole package, sweetie. How many people do you see dressed like you two always do? Plus you match. Most grown-up twins don't wear matching clothing. The first time I saw you guys, I thought you were pimps." Betty paused. "Then I thought you were pimp ghosts. Now I don't know what the hell you are, but I know it's not like everyone else."
"Pimps?" Two asked incredulously. "You thought we were pimps?"
"Pimps." Betty affirmed.
"Why did you think we were pimps?" Two asked. One was silently struggling with his temper. They'd asked.
"Well, you both looked mean, sexy and over-dressed. You wear matching big flashy rings." One and Two self-consciously covered the ring that signaled them as the Merovingian's henchmen. They hated the big gaudy thing. "You only show up after four AM, usually most hookers are off work by then. I mean, why would anyone else be out at four looking like you guys? Do you see anyone else in here looking like that?"
One and Two sat in stunned silence. Her words actually made sense. They did look like pimps.
"Oh, and sometimes you wear regular clothes, but when you dress up it is always in that same outfit. I knew a pimp once who always wore a purple jacket. Said it made him easier for the girls to spot. I figured that's what you were doing."
"We are not pimps." One said sounding very, very calm and enunciating every word so it sounded more like "We Are Not Pimps."
"Lookit, you asked." Betty said then started to get up.
"We're sorry, please stay." Two said. "We aren't pimps." One looked stunned, Two never apologized.
"Well, I KNOW you're not pimps." Betty said and then looked at One who looked as innocent as possible. "But, yeah, that's what you look like."
"What would we need to do to look more, more" What One wanted to say was human.
"Friendly?" Betty supplied.
"Yes, friendly." One answered.
"You really want to know? You won't get mad?" Betty said nervously.
"Yes. And we promise not to act mad." One said, mainly because Two was giving him A Look.
"Well, first of all, no jokes." Betty paused and looked at One. He gazed at her peacefully, the very picture of innocence.
"You've got to stop wearing matching outfits. It's weird. Take off your sunglasses. Smile."
One smiled at her but it came off looking more like a grimace of pain. They both took off their glasses. Their eyes were a brilliant Coke bottle green. Betty looked at them appraisingly.
"You should wear green, maybe blue, some other color besides gray. If you simply have to wear sunglasses inside, after dark, wear tinted lenses that people can see through. It's hard to trust someone if you can't see their eyes. It looks like they are hiding something. Try not to wear that uniform all the time; it's too fancy for the IHOP. Jeans and T-shirt, something like that."
Betty paused and looked at One to see if he was getting angry. He seemed calm, so she continued.
"You guys sit here silently and never talk. You stare at each other. Umm, I don't know how to say this, but, umm, that's not how most brothers, umm, act." Betty was clearly uncomfortable with this statement, but One and Two had no idea why.
"What do you mean?" One asked. "How do brothers behave?"
Betty leaned back, then forward, a worried look on her face. "Uh, you don't know?"
One and Two shrugged.
"Ok, well, are you guys from another planet? Are you? It's ok if you are, I just gotta know, are you? That would explain a lot. I won't tell, and I'll help you learn how to behave human because right now you guys suck at it." Betty says this all in a rush then stands up like she's getting ready to run.
One looked at Two, thought "What do we say?"
Two paused, then thought back "She's going to give us useful information. We say yes."
"Yes we are." One said solemnly.
Betty's eyes got as big as pancakes. "Ohmigod." She sat down heavily in the chair. "Aliens in the IHOP. Why are you here, what is your purpose?"
"Our ship crashed." Two said. "We are stuck here."
"No one is coming for you?" Betty said sadly.
"No, it is not our way." Two intoned.
"It is not our way?" One snickered mentally to Two. "You sound like an excerpt from Mystery Science Theatre 3000. 'It is not the way of the Pod people of planet Borzon.'"
"Do you think you could help us fit in?" Two asked hopefully.
"Sure thing, guys. Try some of what I suggested, then tell me how it works for you. Hey, I have to get back to work, the breakfast rush is about to start." Betty hurried back to the kitchen, smiling. Aliens, she knew real aliens. Cool.