"We need to talk," I say and he looks suddenly panicked. I stand up and walk into the living room. I flop myself on the broken couch and pat the cushion. Mark sits and tries not to even look at me. It's driving me batshit. Short trip.
I'm not sure how to start... where to start. Do I tell him I know, that I HAVE known that he is gay? That Maureen told me way the hell back when they were dating and she'd been out drinking heavily? Do I tell him I've heard him? What do I say?
He makes a sound like a trapped animal, and I feel a sudden rush of pity. His dad used to sit him down for "talks" that always wound up with an ass kicking. Once, his dad even broke his arm. That's a story he only tells after a long day of drinking very strong liquor and lots of lead up.
"Mark," I say, and he flinches slightly. "Marky," I say more quietly and he turns towards me. There are tears in his eyes and the look on his face breaks my heart. "I should tell you," he starts, and I hold my hand up to him. "Marky, I know," I say quietly and he stares at me for a second before letting the tears fall completely. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asks and I can't answer him. I'm awkward around people who cry and I'm even more awkward around him in this moment. Something's changing, and I'm not sure I can fully understand it myself.
"I'm sorry, Mark," I practically whisper and he turns to me, looking angry. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a secret for years from your best friend?" We stare at each other for a minute before I mutter "smack?" and he half laughs. "Addiction versus the way someone is made, Rog." He has a point, and I tell him so.
He turns to look toward the other side of the room again, and I decide to push it a little further. "Mark?" I say and he grunts a "hmm". "Mark. I should tell you... I've... heard you before." At that, he turns to me with fire in his eyes. And God strike me down, but there went my cock, twitching again. Before I could stop myself I grabbed his face in my hands and kissed him, full on those pouty lips. He immediately kissed back and I felt a spark of... I'm not sure what, but it was definately... something, fly between us.
Yes, I am definately losing my mind. But I'm not sure that's a bad thing.
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We sit and talk for hours. Literal hours. The sun rises and we are still talking. I'm not even sure what all we say, but all of it seems very important. About Mark's sister, Cindy and her husband, Mike. About why he doesn't ever go to family functions since Mike and his father took turns beating the shit out of him when he was 20. About so much pain and anger and sadness. I talk about my parents and about Mimi and about how I never want to see her again, let alone sleep with her. About April and my drug habit and so many things. He talks about watching me detox, about how I screamed in agony some days coming off of the smack. How I shook for weeks afterwards... What it was like for him to walk up the stairs to the apartment each day wondering if I was going to have gone to get more smack to just stop the pain.
About seven in the morning, he leans against me, worn out from all the talking. I'm laying on the couch, pillows propped up behind me. He's between my legs, head on my chest. I like this, this supporting him for once. We keep talking, quieter now, nicer subjects. About how proud he is of me for being with Mimi this long, knowing she's on drugs and not falling back into it. About how proud I am of him for finishing two films last year. By 9 we have moved on to singing silly songs at each other. By 9:30, we have fallen asleep.
We wake up to Mimi slamming back out of the house. I don't even go after her.
She calls later, to ask about her things. I don't know if I should pretend to care that she's leaving. I can't help feeling relieved, actually. She bitches and screetches about going to her mother's house, going to her sister's house, going to find Benny. I finally wish her luck and tell her to come get her stuff. She cries and tries one last ditch effort at being the good wife. She promises to get off the smack, to start a family with me, to do anything I want. "Can you make the last three years disappear, Mimi?" I ask, and when she sounds confused, I simply hang up.
Of course I call Benny at his office to warn him. He simply groans at first, until he remembers that Muffy (as even HE calls her these days) has his cell phone and the car today. "Jesus CHRIST," he yells and hangs up, quickly. I figure he's calling Allison, so I don't bother calling back.
Mark comes in with a plate of spaghetti and a cup of coffee for me. "Warm foooood," he says and laughs a bit. I can tell he's feeling awkward about Mimi finding us asleep on the couch together. He's not sure how to even start talking about it... neither am I.
He comes back from the kitchen a second time, this time with food for himself. He grabs the phone from the couch, but walks across to the chair instead of sitting beside me. He dials a number and asks for Ms. Jefferies before I figure out he's called JoAnne. "Hey, Jo?" he says and launches into the story about how Mimi found us. I can tell JoAnne is laughing by the look he throws me. "She's going to throw you a divorce party," he says after a few minutes, "and she's contacting a friend of hers about said divorce... if you are interested."
I smile. I can't help myself.