Don't Say it With Flowers!
By Starhopper
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my sketchbooks and DVDs. Everything else belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and many other respected businessmen who make RK available to the masses.
Ah yes, Sessha and Kaoru-dono . . .
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- Say it With Out the Dono!
Kenshin awoke with a start to find himself leaning against the shoji of his room. Blinking sleep clear of his purple eyes, he felt the weight of his sakabatou against his shoulder, and carefully let it slide from his shoulder and fall to the floor with a soft clatter.
He smiled, lifting his face up to the sunlight slowly creeping in through the open doorway directly ahead of him. It was reassuring to know that no matter how many times he relived dark and stormy nightmares, the world outside of his dreams would welcome him with sun. Every morning. And birds would flit in and out of the rays filtering through the leaves, singing with the joy of just being alive. And he would sit and listen, only listen. He was alive like them, but he couldn't afford to be joyous like them. The innocent feathers had never bled blood that wasn't their own. They had never committed heinous crimes and felt the weight burden their hearts with each light of the breaking day as they awoke from a night of horrifying memories. If only he could let them fly away.
But that was for the night, and it was another morning.
Kenshin rose to his feet and stretched; popping some bones back into place in his spine from sleeping slumped over his knees. With a suffering sigh, he walked to the doorway, eying the barely-brushed folded futon. Maybe one day, once he had accepted the past, he could return to sleeping beneath the sheets once more. But for now, they would lay untouched, unstained.
Like her.
Kaoru was already out in the dojo with a practically snoring Yahiko, watching him with a teacher's critical eye. As he peeked around the corner of the shoji, he watched her shake her head, the brilliant blue eyes narrowing as her student executed a particularly sloppy move. Kenshin tried to turn away, tried to will his eyes to not openly stare at the eighteen year-old. It was completely wrong. Utterly wrong, unforgivably wrong.
Upon successfully turning his eyes, the rurouni set them to the ceiling as he leaned back against the inner wall and started counting off the oh-so- many-reasons why he couldn't possibly impose his affections on her. He had begun the morning with one: unstained. How could he possibly touch her with hands as stained as his? And yet he already had, far too many times for her own good. Holding up his hands, he looked at the right then left, his eyes going wide at the clash of war and affection fighting for control of his memories. He had killed with the very same hands that sheltered her from rain, consoled her on a ship's railing, held her to him with a good- bye lit by fireflies.
And then there was the unforgivability factor. He had abandoned her to face his past, and she had forgiven him without so many words. She should have hated him as much as he hated himself. But she didn't. She forgave when forgiveness was a slowly fading rainbow he had been chasing for the better part of his life. How could he possibly put her into that same position again if the fires of his past decided to consume him? Enter the unbelievable coping mechanism called the Battousai.
He had been forewarned, but like the baka deshi he was, he had ignored the possibility of it ever happening. A split personality to cope with the horrors of being a sweet-natured man who killed by the sword of god. In that frame of mind, he could kill her . . . on accident . . . again.
The night is over. No more talk of the past. It's morning.
Several ideas collided at the same time, drilling up a grating headache pounding at the base of his skull. The decade difference. There would be talk, feelings of resent, an old man with a teenager hanging off his arm. And then there was the fact that she was glorious and joyous, everything that he didn't deserve to be. She was too young, too innocent, to pure for this man to set his eyes on. Much less love.
But he knew he was weak in that respect. Despite how much he argued with himself, he always disobeyed his own advice. He loved her, yes. But that love couldn't be allowed. Throughout the day, he would steal moments to adore her from afar, then drive out any alluring thoughts that dared to cross his mind the next morning with the list. But today would be different, he could already tell. He had woken to her voice, and seen her move. That was enough for today; he simply could not think about her for the next twenty-four hours. Or until the nightmares came with the moon, whichever came first.
Chastened, Kenshin took a cleansing breath and drew his arms up into the long sleeves of his cheery gi. Now he could prepare breakfast without being distracted by her very presence. That had happened so many times before he had adopted this morning ritual of listing everything that stood against them. Her life had been hard enough before he came; the last thing he wanted to do was make it harder. She didn't deserve that. With a wavering shake of his head, Kenshin secured the reverse-blade sword into the tie of his hakama, and opened the door leading to the hallway and happy chorus of giggles at the dining table that lay beyond.
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He heard the simultaneous cheer of "Ken-ni!" before he saw them. Just as they rounded the gate, he reminded himself about watching her, and glanced at Kaoru quickly to acknowledge her presence, then bent to receive the Genzai sisters' welcome.
"Hai, Suzame-chan, Ayame-chan!" Kenshin greeted the youngsters as they broke away from Kaoru's side and ran straight into his arms.
As they chattered about the latest delivery at the clinic, Kenshin put on his best smile and laughed along with them, pretending not to notice the dejected Kamiya Kasshin master shuffle up the stairs behind them. He suspected that she already knew something was wrong. But really, there was nothing wrong with saving her from the pain that his affection would bring. Still, he lifted his left eye-lid a fraction to see her drop the bucket of tofu at the top of the stairs and storm off in the direction of the training hall.
He winced, knowing that her anger was his fault. But truthfully would she want to be annoyed or unhappy because of him? A fleeting annoyance was better.
He had managed to avoid talking to her during breakfast by being unusually engaging in conversation with Yahiko about his improved sword-skills, then turned back to the ever-present gangster to grill him about his latest scandal at the dice game. Even as he had taken interest in how wide Sano's smile had been for over the past five months, Kaoru didn't seem to care. She had just sat idly at his side, placing the food into her mouth one portion at a time. Perhaps she had also realized the futility of it all as he had.
Glancing down to the girls dancing around at his feet, Kenshin gave himself a mental tap on the head. Now was that not thinking about her? No. Last time, promise. "Sessha wa-"
"No Ken-ni!" Ayame grabbed ahold of his left sleeve. "Come!"
"Yeah," her sister took hold of right and started to pull him towards the house. "We have something to show you,"
"Oro?" escaped his lips before they yanked him to the side of the house, coming around to the back where a child-sized banquet was set and waiting on the porch. He felt himself blush as he "Oro!" -ed once again.
"Happy Anniversary Ken-ni!" they crooned, still dragging him towards the food. Until then, the purple eyes of the rurouni had been fixated on the food, he hadn't realized how late it was had gotten while running through the list of chores. But when the pure white tabi socks, blue pants, and brown gi of the Kasshin master came into view, Kenshin forgot to honor his promise of not "cheating," letting his eyes slowly drift up from toe to stunning blue eyes.
The thin line she held her mouth in broke as she joined another round of "Happy Anniversary," but her voice was so soft, he couldn't decide whether she had just mouthed the words. She didn't smile, only looked diffused, like a light had gone out.
Because of him, he was sure of it. Dammit. Just when he thought he was saving her, he had put her into danger once again. And if there were any second-thoughts on his behalf, the redness branching away from the blue of her eyes told him different.
"Kaoru-dono," he hadn't looked away from her since she'd stepped onto the porch and didn't intend to. The happy tidings the sister's brought fell onto his deaf ears. There was only her face and quivering lip that she bravely held still. Even as he disengaged himself from Suzame, then Ayame's grip, he allowed himself to let his eyes fall upon her and finally what she wore.
Assuming he was staring at the out-of-place outfit, Kaoru self-consciously smoothed the creases of fabric around her hips and coughed. "It's what I was wearing,"
"The night we met," he finished for her and a wave of relief washed over her face. How could he be such an idiot? "Nearly a year ago, de gozaru."
Now her smile lit up her face, the tears flowing freely as she nodded, mumbling, "You remembered."
"I do now de gozaru yo." He was still breathless.
Kaoru looked up in surprise. He dipped his head in answer to her unspoken question. Yes, he had heard her. He lifted a hand to touch his scar, his head still bowed in unworthiness. He wasn't worthy of her forgiveness, on any occasion.
Taking a hesitant step towards him, she stooped to look under his bangs and slowly covered her hand over his. He felt her raise his face up to meet her gaze that was indiscernible because she shook her head before burying it into his shoulder. "Kenshin,"
Shock subsiding, he carefully returned her embrace; drawing his arms tighter about her back until he was sure she was suffocating. But she only hugged him harder. "Don't leave me," her whisper blew hot into his ear and all reasoning as to why he couldn't hold her like this every day of his life filed through his head, one at a time.
Unstained: Too late, he was holding her now.
"I thought you might leave,"
Unforgivable: If that's what he was to everyone including himself, she and she alone would always welcome him back. Hopefully she would never have to again.
Her lips brushed against his earlobe as she explained in a semi-delirious tone, "You've seemed so distant lately,"
Battousai: Consider him an ally.
"Like you were before,"
Age: As his master so eloquently said it, he was a baka deshi. Well then, let her teach him about this side of the life he had so stupidly forgotten.
He didn't deserve this. But she did. She deserved to be held . . . comforted . . . loved.
Kenshin let his head roll into her neck, nestle against her slightly moist cheek. She deserved it and that was the point. "Sumanesai,"
She drew back as far as his hold around her waist would allow. "Nani?"
"Sessha,"
Kaoru pressed a finger to his lips, silencing him. "Kenshin no baka," With the other hand, she gently pried his fingers loose from her waist and led him down the steps, eager to start working on their anniversary lunch.
Slowly sinking to the stairs, Kenshin let his eyes drink of her youth and bathe in the sunlight that had the permission to run wild through her hair. And as they started to eat, he couldn't stop smiling as she happily recalled the shopping trip that led to this bountiful feast of two rice balls, painstakingly rolled by Suzame and Ayame, one saucer of sake and cup of tea each, and some ohaki prepared by Kaoru.
Suddenly, the Kamiya master's eyes flitted up to his as she asked, "Can you really believe that you've been with me - er us for nearly a year?"
Kenshin nodded at her, took a long sip of his tea, and upon setting the cup down, looked up to the sky, his thoughts drifting to similar skies but very different times. "It all blurs together de gozaru yo," He looked back at her, "For Sessha at least."
"Aa, after all the time you were wandering, your time here must seem pretty insignificant," Kaoru added with a fearful glint in her eye that threatened for more tears to come if he didn't answer with what she wanted to hear.
"Iie," he replied deeply, feeling his eyes turn darkly violet towards shimmering blue. "Ten years of wandering cannot compare to mere months of living here with you, Kaoru-dono." He covered his left hand over her right from where she rested it on the stair. "Please don't think otherwise," He closed his fingers around hers. "Please, it is Sessha who begs this de gozaru,"
To his surprise, the tears slowly trickled down her cheeks regardless of what he said.
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The weight on his arm was all the same familiar and alien. She rested her head on his shoulder as they walked along the riverbank, both arms wrapped around his left, refusing to let go even as he gestured to the erratic flight of the blossoms riding the wind. Kaoru's eyes followed their paths across the sky, but she refused to move her head from the security his shoulder offered.
Though he couldn't really blame her. He allowed himself a flicker of a grin to grace his features. 'Don't leave me,' the poor thing. She had thought he was going to leave again. And even when he had reassured her with a smile and a soft caress of the hand, she was still in a haze of disbelief. Kenshin hoped that by inviting her for a long walk along the riverbank he could slowly dissipate that thick cloud hanging over her head.
As if acting as an anchor would stop him from wandering.
Smart girl . . . because it would.
He chuckled softly to himself while looking up into the sky, a swirl of blossoms arching over their heads. Kaoru pulled her head up, but her embrace lingered.
"Something funny Kenshin?" she asked drowsily.
"Kaoru-dono," he glanced down at her, not expecting to meet her soft gaze. He coated his surprise over with a typical rurouni smile. "Sessha wishes only for your happiness, de gozaru."
She propped her chin on his shoulder, looking him straight in the eyes. "I am happy because of you Kenshin,"
"And he would never want to hurt you," Kenshin swallowed hard, "again."
The memory of their sorrowful goodbye flashed across her eyes like the dance of a firefly. He too remembered pulling her into his arms, praying to any god that would hear that the world would stop still and they would stay together just like that forever if only to give this unworthy one some sense of peace in his long and tired life. It pained her even now; he could see that clearly in the slight twitch at the corners of her eyes, struggling to hold the tears back.
She jutted her chin against the fabric of his gi in stoic determination. "I know that too, but what are you - "
"Then please," he slowly worked his fingers through her grip, and upon prying them loose, cupped both her shoulders in his palms, turning her towards him and whispered, "forgive him for this,"
Gliding his trembling hands down the backs of her arms, he pulled her close to his chest, knowing full well that his eyes were deepening into thick velvet as he let them wander over her face. He finally closed them as he kissed her lips with only an ember of the fire raging wild within his heart.
Drawing back, he traced her cheekbone with a finger and lifted his eyelids. "Forgive him,"
Kaoru stood frozen, her own eyes closed, her hands pressed in front of her, palm to palm. He wondered if anyone could even come close to looking more angelic than she did now.
"You're forgiven," Kaoru looked at him, gaze soft. "Though you did nothing wrong,"
He imagined his face as it was now, held in white shock. "Sessha doesn't deserve your forgiveness de gozaru," and he didn't. She may deserve to be kissed, but he didn't deserve to enjoy it. And he had.
Her brows knit in frustration, and she unexpectedly lurched forward to cling to the front of his gi. "But I deserve you!"
"Oro?"
After shaking her head in either disbelief or surprise at his signature sign of not understanding the situation, Kaoru looked back into his eyes, which were wide and unblinking. "Kenshin,"
Circles of purple halved as he looked at her, complete and total adoration streaming through every fleck of red and blue. "Kaoru-dono,"
"You're not unworthy Kenshin," She fell against him, wrapping her fists into the fabric of his gi. "You've done nothing that makes you unworthy of, unworthy of," Choking back the tears, she managed to cough out, "I said I didn't care about your past,"
Eyes narrowing, he listened to her. "You welcomed Sessha home, de gozaru yo." Kenshin shot his hands out of his sleeves and brought them around her. "For that, he is eternally grateful to you,"
"So come home with me as Kenshin, not Sessha," She sunk out of his embrace to kneel on the ground and whispered, "You've never been unworthy of loving to me Kenshin,"
Kenshin let his eyes follow her slow descent to the path, then looked up and around at their surroundings. This was where he had said sayonara. Glancing down at Kaoru crying into her hands, he could hear the echoes of her tears calling back to him through the months. Only this time, he was here to pull her up and kiss those tears away.
Her name fell from his mouth, free and independent of any qualifier that set him on a lower rung of existence. "K-Kaoru," he knelt to her level, firmly grabbing her shoulders and pulling her back up to her feet. "Onegai, do not cry,"
"Kao-ru?" she sniffed behind her hand, her eyes glossed by a thin film of salt-water.
"Aa, Kaoru," Kenshin kept his lips in a final, deeply serious line, "You are too good to Sessha, de gozaru."
She leaned in and brushed her lips against his. She smiled as she leaned back. "If you can't be good to yourself, I'm happy to do it,"
Kenshin nodded stupidly, only half-accepting her sentiment as truth. After all, only someone such as she who had never slaughtered women just as sweet looking as her could say such a thing. However, he had to agree that if his conscience could never forgive him for committing such heinous acts, it was comforting to know that someone else would. Even if it was only one person out of a country, it was still enough to keep his feet on the path of redemption.
"So, Kenshin?"
"Kaoru?" He tried to rein the smile pulling at his lips into submission. A weight had fallen from his shoulders to know he wasn't unworthy to this girl. And with every time he spoke her name, an act not unpleasant in itself, the burden of his guilt shifted slightly from shoulder to shoulder, allowing him to walk, not crawl through his atonement.
Covering her hand over his, Kaoru loosed his grip around her shoulder and held his fingers in her palm. "Can we go home now?"
"Iie,"
"Nani?"
He took a step closer and took her chin between his thumb and forefinger. "Happy Anniversary Kaoru," this time as he kissed her, he allowed the fire to leap high into his lips, letting them move over her own then trail back along her jaw bone. Feeling her gasp, he drew back, smiled his usual rurouni smile, and held out his hand.
"Happy Anniversary Kenshin," she breathed as she took it, cautiously glancing up into his softened velvet gaze. "Happy, happy anniversary,"
"It will even be happier next year de gozaru yo," he grinned as they started walking back along the path to the dojo.
"And the year after that," she settled her head against his shoulder, hooking her arm about his. "As long as you don't forget it again," she giggled.
"You liked your present this year didn't you?" Mischief was dancing in his eyes as they stopped on the path. "Didn't you?"
"Well, I might if I really knew what it was,"
His face fell. "Oro?" How could she not know? How could she not understand how hard it was for him to admit that he belittled himself in more ways than one? Unless . . .
She smiled and lightly hit the back of this head with her palm. "Kenshin no baka, of course I know what it was . . . and arigatou," Upon stealing yet another quick kiss, she pulled her arm tighter about his and started walking, dragging Kenshin along in the process.
Not that he minded. The skies were clear, the birds were singing, and for once he could smile out of the sheer joy of living. He would have these memories to combat the nightmares when the darkness came, and she would be there to assure him that after night falls, morning always comes.
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A/N: Boy that was fun, wasn't it? I just love writing sweet scenes. And there's more where that came from - just you wait and see! The anniversary dinner should be an absolute blast with Sano and Meg trying to keep their relationship under wraps, Ken and Kaoru being all cute (like they always are!) and Yahiko and Tsubame acting so shy. Don't ya forget about Buddha Boy and Weasel Girl! We ALL know Misao needs to do something fast, (Though maybe it's something just a wee-tad harder than dropping the suffix on his name. He should feel honored! Lord Aoshi . . . I'd love to be called Lord Starhopper . . . hey, that has a nice ring to it . . . how about in the Japanese: * ahem * Starhopper-sama . . . ooh! Even better.) So, yes, Starhopper-sama would love it if you REVIEWed, that way she knows someone is out there who likes her stuff! Actually any criticism is good - it just shows you care!
By Starhopper
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my sketchbooks and DVDs. Everything else belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and many other respected businessmen who make RK available to the masses.
Ah yes, Sessha and Kaoru-dono . . .
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- Say it With Out the Dono!
Kenshin awoke with a start to find himself leaning against the shoji of his room. Blinking sleep clear of his purple eyes, he felt the weight of his sakabatou against his shoulder, and carefully let it slide from his shoulder and fall to the floor with a soft clatter.
He smiled, lifting his face up to the sunlight slowly creeping in through the open doorway directly ahead of him. It was reassuring to know that no matter how many times he relived dark and stormy nightmares, the world outside of his dreams would welcome him with sun. Every morning. And birds would flit in and out of the rays filtering through the leaves, singing with the joy of just being alive. And he would sit and listen, only listen. He was alive like them, but he couldn't afford to be joyous like them. The innocent feathers had never bled blood that wasn't their own. They had never committed heinous crimes and felt the weight burden their hearts with each light of the breaking day as they awoke from a night of horrifying memories. If only he could let them fly away.
But that was for the night, and it was another morning.
Kenshin rose to his feet and stretched; popping some bones back into place in his spine from sleeping slumped over his knees. With a suffering sigh, he walked to the doorway, eying the barely-brushed folded futon. Maybe one day, once he had accepted the past, he could return to sleeping beneath the sheets once more. But for now, they would lay untouched, unstained.
Like her.
Kaoru was already out in the dojo with a practically snoring Yahiko, watching him with a teacher's critical eye. As he peeked around the corner of the shoji, he watched her shake her head, the brilliant blue eyes narrowing as her student executed a particularly sloppy move. Kenshin tried to turn away, tried to will his eyes to not openly stare at the eighteen year-old. It was completely wrong. Utterly wrong, unforgivably wrong.
Upon successfully turning his eyes, the rurouni set them to the ceiling as he leaned back against the inner wall and started counting off the oh-so- many-reasons why he couldn't possibly impose his affections on her. He had begun the morning with one: unstained. How could he possibly touch her with hands as stained as his? And yet he already had, far too many times for her own good. Holding up his hands, he looked at the right then left, his eyes going wide at the clash of war and affection fighting for control of his memories. He had killed with the very same hands that sheltered her from rain, consoled her on a ship's railing, held her to him with a good- bye lit by fireflies.
And then there was the unforgivability factor. He had abandoned her to face his past, and she had forgiven him without so many words. She should have hated him as much as he hated himself. But she didn't. She forgave when forgiveness was a slowly fading rainbow he had been chasing for the better part of his life. How could he possibly put her into that same position again if the fires of his past decided to consume him? Enter the unbelievable coping mechanism called the Battousai.
He had been forewarned, but like the baka deshi he was, he had ignored the possibility of it ever happening. A split personality to cope with the horrors of being a sweet-natured man who killed by the sword of god. In that frame of mind, he could kill her . . . on accident . . . again.
The night is over. No more talk of the past. It's morning.
Several ideas collided at the same time, drilling up a grating headache pounding at the base of his skull. The decade difference. There would be talk, feelings of resent, an old man with a teenager hanging off his arm. And then there was the fact that she was glorious and joyous, everything that he didn't deserve to be. She was too young, too innocent, to pure for this man to set his eyes on. Much less love.
But he knew he was weak in that respect. Despite how much he argued with himself, he always disobeyed his own advice. He loved her, yes. But that love couldn't be allowed. Throughout the day, he would steal moments to adore her from afar, then drive out any alluring thoughts that dared to cross his mind the next morning with the list. But today would be different, he could already tell. He had woken to her voice, and seen her move. That was enough for today; he simply could not think about her for the next twenty-four hours. Or until the nightmares came with the moon, whichever came first.
Chastened, Kenshin took a cleansing breath and drew his arms up into the long sleeves of his cheery gi. Now he could prepare breakfast without being distracted by her very presence. That had happened so many times before he had adopted this morning ritual of listing everything that stood against them. Her life had been hard enough before he came; the last thing he wanted to do was make it harder. She didn't deserve that. With a wavering shake of his head, Kenshin secured the reverse-blade sword into the tie of his hakama, and opened the door leading to the hallway and happy chorus of giggles at the dining table that lay beyond.
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He heard the simultaneous cheer of "Ken-ni!" before he saw them. Just as they rounded the gate, he reminded himself about watching her, and glanced at Kaoru quickly to acknowledge her presence, then bent to receive the Genzai sisters' welcome.
"Hai, Suzame-chan, Ayame-chan!" Kenshin greeted the youngsters as they broke away from Kaoru's side and ran straight into his arms.
As they chattered about the latest delivery at the clinic, Kenshin put on his best smile and laughed along with them, pretending not to notice the dejected Kamiya Kasshin master shuffle up the stairs behind them. He suspected that she already knew something was wrong. But really, there was nothing wrong with saving her from the pain that his affection would bring. Still, he lifted his left eye-lid a fraction to see her drop the bucket of tofu at the top of the stairs and storm off in the direction of the training hall.
He winced, knowing that her anger was his fault. But truthfully would she want to be annoyed or unhappy because of him? A fleeting annoyance was better.
He had managed to avoid talking to her during breakfast by being unusually engaging in conversation with Yahiko about his improved sword-skills, then turned back to the ever-present gangster to grill him about his latest scandal at the dice game. Even as he had taken interest in how wide Sano's smile had been for over the past five months, Kaoru didn't seem to care. She had just sat idly at his side, placing the food into her mouth one portion at a time. Perhaps she had also realized the futility of it all as he had.
Glancing down to the girls dancing around at his feet, Kenshin gave himself a mental tap on the head. Now was that not thinking about her? No. Last time, promise. "Sessha wa-"
"No Ken-ni!" Ayame grabbed ahold of his left sleeve. "Come!"
"Yeah," her sister took hold of right and started to pull him towards the house. "We have something to show you,"
"Oro?" escaped his lips before they yanked him to the side of the house, coming around to the back where a child-sized banquet was set and waiting on the porch. He felt himself blush as he "Oro!" -ed once again.
"Happy Anniversary Ken-ni!" they crooned, still dragging him towards the food. Until then, the purple eyes of the rurouni had been fixated on the food, he hadn't realized how late it was had gotten while running through the list of chores. But when the pure white tabi socks, blue pants, and brown gi of the Kasshin master came into view, Kenshin forgot to honor his promise of not "cheating," letting his eyes slowly drift up from toe to stunning blue eyes.
The thin line she held her mouth in broke as she joined another round of "Happy Anniversary," but her voice was so soft, he couldn't decide whether she had just mouthed the words. She didn't smile, only looked diffused, like a light had gone out.
Because of him, he was sure of it. Dammit. Just when he thought he was saving her, he had put her into danger once again. And if there were any second-thoughts on his behalf, the redness branching away from the blue of her eyes told him different.
"Kaoru-dono," he hadn't looked away from her since she'd stepped onto the porch and didn't intend to. The happy tidings the sister's brought fell onto his deaf ears. There was only her face and quivering lip that she bravely held still. Even as he disengaged himself from Suzame, then Ayame's grip, he allowed himself to let his eyes fall upon her and finally what she wore.
Assuming he was staring at the out-of-place outfit, Kaoru self-consciously smoothed the creases of fabric around her hips and coughed. "It's what I was wearing,"
"The night we met," he finished for her and a wave of relief washed over her face. How could he be such an idiot? "Nearly a year ago, de gozaru."
Now her smile lit up her face, the tears flowing freely as she nodded, mumbling, "You remembered."
"I do now de gozaru yo." He was still breathless.
Kaoru looked up in surprise. He dipped his head in answer to her unspoken question. Yes, he had heard her. He lifted a hand to touch his scar, his head still bowed in unworthiness. He wasn't worthy of her forgiveness, on any occasion.
Taking a hesitant step towards him, she stooped to look under his bangs and slowly covered her hand over his. He felt her raise his face up to meet her gaze that was indiscernible because she shook her head before burying it into his shoulder. "Kenshin,"
Shock subsiding, he carefully returned her embrace; drawing his arms tighter about her back until he was sure she was suffocating. But she only hugged him harder. "Don't leave me," her whisper blew hot into his ear and all reasoning as to why he couldn't hold her like this every day of his life filed through his head, one at a time.
Unstained: Too late, he was holding her now.
"I thought you might leave,"
Unforgivable: If that's what he was to everyone including himself, she and she alone would always welcome him back. Hopefully she would never have to again.
Her lips brushed against his earlobe as she explained in a semi-delirious tone, "You've seemed so distant lately,"
Battousai: Consider him an ally.
"Like you were before,"
Age: As his master so eloquently said it, he was a baka deshi. Well then, let her teach him about this side of the life he had so stupidly forgotten.
He didn't deserve this. But she did. She deserved to be held . . . comforted . . . loved.
Kenshin let his head roll into her neck, nestle against her slightly moist cheek. She deserved it and that was the point. "Sumanesai,"
She drew back as far as his hold around her waist would allow. "Nani?"
"Sessha,"
Kaoru pressed a finger to his lips, silencing him. "Kenshin no baka," With the other hand, she gently pried his fingers loose from her waist and led him down the steps, eager to start working on their anniversary lunch.
Slowly sinking to the stairs, Kenshin let his eyes drink of her youth and bathe in the sunlight that had the permission to run wild through her hair. And as they started to eat, he couldn't stop smiling as she happily recalled the shopping trip that led to this bountiful feast of two rice balls, painstakingly rolled by Suzame and Ayame, one saucer of sake and cup of tea each, and some ohaki prepared by Kaoru.
Suddenly, the Kamiya master's eyes flitted up to his as she asked, "Can you really believe that you've been with me - er us for nearly a year?"
Kenshin nodded at her, took a long sip of his tea, and upon setting the cup down, looked up to the sky, his thoughts drifting to similar skies but very different times. "It all blurs together de gozaru yo," He looked back at her, "For Sessha at least."
"Aa, after all the time you were wandering, your time here must seem pretty insignificant," Kaoru added with a fearful glint in her eye that threatened for more tears to come if he didn't answer with what she wanted to hear.
"Iie," he replied deeply, feeling his eyes turn darkly violet towards shimmering blue. "Ten years of wandering cannot compare to mere months of living here with you, Kaoru-dono." He covered his left hand over her right from where she rested it on the stair. "Please don't think otherwise," He closed his fingers around hers. "Please, it is Sessha who begs this de gozaru,"
To his surprise, the tears slowly trickled down her cheeks regardless of what he said.
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The weight on his arm was all the same familiar and alien. She rested her head on his shoulder as they walked along the riverbank, both arms wrapped around his left, refusing to let go even as he gestured to the erratic flight of the blossoms riding the wind. Kaoru's eyes followed their paths across the sky, but she refused to move her head from the security his shoulder offered.
Though he couldn't really blame her. He allowed himself a flicker of a grin to grace his features. 'Don't leave me,' the poor thing. She had thought he was going to leave again. And even when he had reassured her with a smile and a soft caress of the hand, she was still in a haze of disbelief. Kenshin hoped that by inviting her for a long walk along the riverbank he could slowly dissipate that thick cloud hanging over her head.
As if acting as an anchor would stop him from wandering.
Smart girl . . . because it would.
He chuckled softly to himself while looking up into the sky, a swirl of blossoms arching over their heads. Kaoru pulled her head up, but her embrace lingered.
"Something funny Kenshin?" she asked drowsily.
"Kaoru-dono," he glanced down at her, not expecting to meet her soft gaze. He coated his surprise over with a typical rurouni smile. "Sessha wishes only for your happiness, de gozaru."
She propped her chin on his shoulder, looking him straight in the eyes. "I am happy because of you Kenshin,"
"And he would never want to hurt you," Kenshin swallowed hard, "again."
The memory of their sorrowful goodbye flashed across her eyes like the dance of a firefly. He too remembered pulling her into his arms, praying to any god that would hear that the world would stop still and they would stay together just like that forever if only to give this unworthy one some sense of peace in his long and tired life. It pained her even now; he could see that clearly in the slight twitch at the corners of her eyes, struggling to hold the tears back.
She jutted her chin against the fabric of his gi in stoic determination. "I know that too, but what are you - "
"Then please," he slowly worked his fingers through her grip, and upon prying them loose, cupped both her shoulders in his palms, turning her towards him and whispered, "forgive him for this,"
Gliding his trembling hands down the backs of her arms, he pulled her close to his chest, knowing full well that his eyes were deepening into thick velvet as he let them wander over her face. He finally closed them as he kissed her lips with only an ember of the fire raging wild within his heart.
Drawing back, he traced her cheekbone with a finger and lifted his eyelids. "Forgive him,"
Kaoru stood frozen, her own eyes closed, her hands pressed in front of her, palm to palm. He wondered if anyone could even come close to looking more angelic than she did now.
"You're forgiven," Kaoru looked at him, gaze soft. "Though you did nothing wrong,"
He imagined his face as it was now, held in white shock. "Sessha doesn't deserve your forgiveness de gozaru," and he didn't. She may deserve to be kissed, but he didn't deserve to enjoy it. And he had.
Her brows knit in frustration, and she unexpectedly lurched forward to cling to the front of his gi. "But I deserve you!"
"Oro?"
After shaking her head in either disbelief or surprise at his signature sign of not understanding the situation, Kaoru looked back into his eyes, which were wide and unblinking. "Kenshin,"
Circles of purple halved as he looked at her, complete and total adoration streaming through every fleck of red and blue. "Kaoru-dono,"
"You're not unworthy Kenshin," She fell against him, wrapping her fists into the fabric of his gi. "You've done nothing that makes you unworthy of, unworthy of," Choking back the tears, she managed to cough out, "I said I didn't care about your past,"
Eyes narrowing, he listened to her. "You welcomed Sessha home, de gozaru yo." Kenshin shot his hands out of his sleeves and brought them around her. "For that, he is eternally grateful to you,"
"So come home with me as Kenshin, not Sessha," She sunk out of his embrace to kneel on the ground and whispered, "You've never been unworthy of loving to me Kenshin,"
Kenshin let his eyes follow her slow descent to the path, then looked up and around at their surroundings. This was where he had said sayonara. Glancing down at Kaoru crying into her hands, he could hear the echoes of her tears calling back to him through the months. Only this time, he was here to pull her up and kiss those tears away.
Her name fell from his mouth, free and independent of any qualifier that set him on a lower rung of existence. "K-Kaoru," he knelt to her level, firmly grabbing her shoulders and pulling her back up to her feet. "Onegai, do not cry,"
"Kao-ru?" she sniffed behind her hand, her eyes glossed by a thin film of salt-water.
"Aa, Kaoru," Kenshin kept his lips in a final, deeply serious line, "You are too good to Sessha, de gozaru."
She leaned in and brushed her lips against his. She smiled as she leaned back. "If you can't be good to yourself, I'm happy to do it,"
Kenshin nodded stupidly, only half-accepting her sentiment as truth. After all, only someone such as she who had never slaughtered women just as sweet looking as her could say such a thing. However, he had to agree that if his conscience could never forgive him for committing such heinous acts, it was comforting to know that someone else would. Even if it was only one person out of a country, it was still enough to keep his feet on the path of redemption.
"So, Kenshin?"
"Kaoru?" He tried to rein the smile pulling at his lips into submission. A weight had fallen from his shoulders to know he wasn't unworthy to this girl. And with every time he spoke her name, an act not unpleasant in itself, the burden of his guilt shifted slightly from shoulder to shoulder, allowing him to walk, not crawl through his atonement.
Covering her hand over his, Kaoru loosed his grip around her shoulder and held his fingers in her palm. "Can we go home now?"
"Iie,"
"Nani?"
He took a step closer and took her chin between his thumb and forefinger. "Happy Anniversary Kaoru," this time as he kissed her, he allowed the fire to leap high into his lips, letting them move over her own then trail back along her jaw bone. Feeling her gasp, he drew back, smiled his usual rurouni smile, and held out his hand.
"Happy Anniversary Kenshin," she breathed as she took it, cautiously glancing up into his softened velvet gaze. "Happy, happy anniversary,"
"It will even be happier next year de gozaru yo," he grinned as they started walking back along the path to the dojo.
"And the year after that," she settled her head against his shoulder, hooking her arm about his. "As long as you don't forget it again," she giggled.
"You liked your present this year didn't you?" Mischief was dancing in his eyes as they stopped on the path. "Didn't you?"
"Well, I might if I really knew what it was,"
His face fell. "Oro?" How could she not know? How could she not understand how hard it was for him to admit that he belittled himself in more ways than one? Unless . . .
She smiled and lightly hit the back of this head with her palm. "Kenshin no baka, of course I know what it was . . . and arigatou," Upon stealing yet another quick kiss, she pulled her arm tighter about his and started walking, dragging Kenshin along in the process.
Not that he minded. The skies were clear, the birds were singing, and for once he could smile out of the sheer joy of living. He would have these memories to combat the nightmares when the darkness came, and she would be there to assure him that after night falls, morning always comes.
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A/N: Boy that was fun, wasn't it? I just love writing sweet scenes. And there's more where that came from - just you wait and see! The anniversary dinner should be an absolute blast with Sano and Meg trying to keep their relationship under wraps, Ken and Kaoru being all cute (like they always are!) and Yahiko and Tsubame acting so shy. Don't ya forget about Buddha Boy and Weasel Girl! We ALL know Misao needs to do something fast, (Though maybe it's something just a wee-tad harder than dropping the suffix on his name. He should feel honored! Lord Aoshi . . . I'd love to be called Lord Starhopper . . . hey, that has a nice ring to it . . . how about in the Japanese: * ahem * Starhopper-sama . . . ooh! Even better.) So, yes, Starhopper-sama would love it if you REVIEWed, that way she knows someone is out there who likes her stuff! Actually any criticism is good - it just shows you care!