A/N: I don't own ER or any of it's characters. This story takes place during season 6 during "All in the Family." Yes, this is a Cary fic because, yes, I believe it that episode should've ended up differently. I'm a Carcy lover and if you aren't, that's fine too. Anyhoo, this is my interpretation on what should've happened. (if Kellie Martin didn't leave to complete college.) Also, all of the opening quotes are from the song State of Mind by Merril Bainbridge. Also, thanx for the review!

Sky Spade: thanks, i've only got up to 5 chapters written so i'll make 'em count!

Sharon R: thanx on the dream sequence. i tried to make seem not sappy like, not sure i did though. o, well! sorry about the miss spelled words, my stupid spell check did that. i thought i fixed that problem from your nitpick??? i'll back later on and rewrite it for it to work. thanx for the help!

Chapter 2: News

"Confusion is raising its head
And I can't make a sound
I feel it tearing at my soul."

"All right, let me know when the vibration stops." Benton was testing Carter's legs and back. He had signed on to help Carter through his physical therapy; he didn't trust anybody else to do it. Benton placed a metal rod against Carter's leg and hits it with a small hammer.

"Pancreas?" Carter asked trying no tot sound scared, wincing from the pain a bit.

"Totally intact. He just got the descending colon." He replied referring to Paul Sobriki.

"How long will I have the colostomy for?"

"About a month, then we'll do a take down."

"Now." He said signaling the vibrations stopping.

"Good, sensations intact. You were lucky, Carter."

"I know. Thank you."

"You're welcome. All right, I've gotta test your motor strength. Lift your leg."

"How's Lucy doing?" He finally asked thinking back to his dream.

"Come on man, lift, lift." He said pushing Carter to work completely ignoring the question.

"It hurts." Carter complained as Benton pushed.

"I know." He said with concern for his former Med. Student. "All right now, don't let me push it down, okay. Hold it, hold it. Good, good." He said setting his leg down to write on his chart.

"Aw, my back is killing me." He said tightly shutting his eyes while rubbing his back ever so lightly.

"Yeah, I know." He chuckled and gave a small smile at Carter. Of course your back hurts. You were stabbed, stupid. "Hematoma around the lumbar plex. I'll give you some morphine. I want you up and walking in 12 hours, okay?"

"Lucy's dead, isn't she?" Benton doesn't answer him, just keeps writing down Carter's information on his chart. As Carter realized the truth, tears form in his eyes, and he turns away from Benton. His thoughts drifted to the dream he had and realized they were true when he asked if she was dead. Or rather thought she was, she didn't know.

The two friends sat in silence. In all honesty, Benton did know if Lucy was alive or dead. He wanted to tell Carter but wasn't sure if he was ready to hear the truth. Romano and Elizabeth took her up a while ago; an hour at least. Benton saw Carter's eyes building up tears and thought it best to leave him alone. But as he reached the door, his hand on the knob, he deeply sighed and turned back to Carter. Pulling over a chair, he sat down in front of Carter deciding to tell him the truth.

"I placed a trach in her throat due a Tracheal Laceration to maintain her airway, and brought her to the OR. Romano and Elizabeth had to perform a thoracotomy after she arrested from throwing a clot. Her liver was damaged, but Romano and Elizabeth were able to repair it. However, they did have to remove her spleen. They were with her in Angiography when she woke up. After telling her they were about to start the procedure, she threw another clot." A small tear cascaded down Carters cheek as he sighed softly and turned his head away to face the ceiling. "They started chest compressions but since they wouldn't have time to make it to the OR, they had to reopen her chest since she was PEA. Her right ventricle became dilated and they soon started internal compressions. They had to put 4-0 prolene, a couple amps of epi. 100 of lidocane, an emp of astopine as her pulse ox. went down. Elizabeth had to shock her from 30-65 but she eventually flatlined."

"You could've just said she died." Carter practically hissed at him. Why the hell is he telling me this? I don't want all the gory details.

"She was dead. They called it at 2: 56 and just as they were turning off the monitor and preparing to leave, the flatline started to go up. Her heart was up and running again. They got her into the OR shortly after, just in case. While you were here sleeping she was sent upstairs into recovery."

"She's alive?" He said in shock turning his head back to Benton.

"Yes." He said smiling at Carter who started to laugh. He couldn't believe Lucy made it through. Sure, she wasa fighter but after hearing Benton telling him the procedure he wasn't so sure. He sighed happily as he wiped his eyes of the tears that had fallen during the story.

"Wait, how do you know?" He questioned.

"Mark, Luka, Kerry, Elizabeth, Romano and myself had a meeting after both of you were stable to compile the facts in a case to sue Paul Sobriki on a charge of manslaughter." Carter laughed and chuckled again in pure happiness that Lucy was okay. "There's more, Carter." He said more seriously causing Carter to worry again.

"What is it? You just said she's up in recovery."

"She is up in recovery but she's got a long road ahead of her. She'll have to start physical therapy the moment she wakes up or…" He paused for a moment not sure he should tell Carter. "…Or she could become paralyzed below the waist." Carter looked at Benton blankly.

"What do you mean? Are you saying Lucy is gonna end up in a wheelchair?" He knew full well what paralyzed meant but he couldn't believe that it would happen to Lucy.

"She had several stab wounds: one laceration to her proximal aorta, stab wounds to the left neck and chest and, uh…two more to her stomach--" He started.

"Oh man." Carter said putting his hands to his eyes again trying to force the tears back inside.

"--Right and left upper quadrants." He finished lowering his head. Carter shook his head through his hands. "Carter." He said trying to get him to look at him but Carter wasn't listening. "Carter!" He shouted jumping from his chair and shaking his traumatic friend. Once finally having his attention, he continued. "She's fine, Carter! She's fine!" He said reassuring him a bit. "But when I said that she'll have to start physical therapy as soon as she wakes up, I meant that she's upstairs in the Coma Victim Recovery Unit." Carter looked at Benton blankly again, trying to let it sink in but he didn't want it to. He didn't want the fact that his Med. Student was in a coma and could become paralyzed sink in. He didn't want to accept it.

"No. No! I don't believe it! You said that she's fine! How can you define being in a coma as "fine!"" He shouted pushing Benton away from him.

"If she doesn't wake up with a time limit of three months, then she'll be sent to Boston for futher recovery at a hospital that specializes in these sort of cases." Carter had tuned out Benton a while ago. His thought kept drifting back to the dream he had, now mixing with the information he just recieved it all made sense. "Look, you need to rest if you're gonna start your own physical therapy tomorrow. You'll probably be going through it for about a month. More if you don't take care of yourself. I'm going up there now to check on her. You can go up as soon as possible. I'll let you know when, okay?"

"Yeah." He whispered through tears. "Yeah, whatever." Benton wanted to say more but felt that Carter was cut off at the moment, and he couldn't say or do anything to make him feel better about Lucy's situation. He left and went to the front desk to get another chart. He needed to take his mind off of Carter and Lucy. He still couldn't believe that his former Med students student may not make it through the night, and if she did then there was no telling how long it would take her to wake up.

Chapter 3: Sorry

Preview: Carter asks for forgiveness.