Chapter 4: Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape Versus The Sues, Part One
At the top of a Hogwarts staircase, a beautiful girl was standing. She had long, gorgeous blond hair, angelic blue eyes, and a most wonderful figure, with curves in all the right places. She was also evidently rich; she was wearing seas of peculiar looking magical jewellery, and, instead of Hogwarts robes, very trendy Muggle clothes.
She was melancholically contemplating a picture of a beautiful medieval witch, and crystalline tears were welling in her eyes, as she thought of how hard her life was, hated by all the female population, and fancied by every heterosexual male- or, at least, that's what she thought; how else could she explain the stares she attracted and the whispering behind her back? How indeed. As she stood contemplating her awful fate, cursed as she was with such doomy assets of doom, she did not notice the ominous shadow that appeared behind her.
Quick as a flash, Lucius Malfoy jumped out, said "Ah!", and, with one graceful motion, pushed her down the stairs, to rapturous applause from staff and pupils.