(Anyone who spots the Oscar Wilde reference may borrow the title and write their own story to it.)
Chapter 8: Lucius Malfoy Eats A Banana
"Fanny!" Mrs Malfoy exclaimed when Lucius Malfoy walked through the door to the green salon.
"Hello, mother," Lucius sighed, sneaking up to a spot near the fire. But it was too late. His mother had already gripped him and was looking up at his face like a farmer who's trying to assess the qualities of a horse he wants to buy.
"You're looking rather pale, Fanny," she observed.
"I always look pale," Lucius said, annoyed.
"Nonsense!" his mother huffed, letting him go. "You probably don't eat enough fruit. You never did, you know." Lucius just rolled his eyes in exasperation.
"But mother...." He started, but was interrupted by his mother calling the house elf.
"Snobby!" She yelled. "Send a crate of bananas over to the young master's house!" The house elf appeared with a tea tray, which it set down, then it nodded, and disappeared again. "Well, Fanny, cake or bread and butter?" Mrs Malfoy asked.
"Bread and butter, please," Lucius said, and sighed darkly as he saw his mother shove the most gigantic slab of cake he'd ever seen onto his plate.
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He came home later that afternoon, to find the hallway blocked with at least a ton of bananas. As he took out his wand, planning to eradicate them, his mother's voice suddenly echoed through the hall: "And I'll know if you don't eat them!" it said.
Well, there was nothing else left to do. He pocketed his wand again, twitching, and took a banana. As he peeled off the skin, he was surprised to see not a banana, but an orange. 'An orange?' he thought, remembering that this was not the way bananas were supposed to be.
To his surprise, the orange slowly raised itself, and said, in a high voice: "Ha! Fooled you!" Then it hopped off his hand, and ran away.